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Attracting Women Lifestyle Mental Performance Relationships

Why You Date “Crazy” People

Why you date crazy peoplePart of connecting with new people and creating long-term relationships is getting to know them on an internal level. Meaning we get the opportunity to see the true self or authentic personality of the person we are getting to know. With that comes the opportunity to gain insight into another’s self-esteem and the battles they face or what they haven’t been able to move past. When we embark into new relationships we share these hidden gems which than exposes them with complete vulnerability and open to ridicule. This vulnerability is what makes creating new relationships so scary. We allow someone close enough for them to see our flaws and to possibly pass judgement or leave disinterested.

“My ex was crazy…”

We’ve all heard this before. Whether you were the one saying it or your friend constantly complains about their constant issue with dating the same douche bag or crazy needy girl every time they get into a relationship. At some point we all need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “Why do I attract these qualities of a person into my life? Why do I seem to date needy girls with no self-esteem? Why do I date selfish assholes who won’t give me their time?”

We are all flawed, even Gisele Bundchen has the crazy gene. You are delusional if you think you are the exception. It’s like the Dr Seuss quote, “We’re all a little weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love.” We are all weird, we all have our demons, and we tend to date people who have the same issues that we harbor. They may be crazy… but you’re just as insane.

Breaking The Crazy Cycle

First you need to take inventory of all the relationships you have had. What is the common denominator? Start off simple: Do you date people who are athletic? Smart? Artistic? What do all of your past relationships have in common? Personally the common denominator of my past relationships was two qualities: I dated highly ambitious guys who had no drive and they were also very insecure.

The most common problem in a lot of relationships is co-dependency. Someone who is co-dependent relies on their partner for their happiness, social life, hobbies, etc. They are insecure and crave your affections and attention. They are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled in what they are doing so they will usually latch onto their partners looking for support or even take on their partners life as their own. These people vanish into who they are dating and lose all sense of self. I have been in multiple co-dependent relationships: myself being the co-dependent partner and dating someone who was co-dependent on me.

be the type of person you want to meet

Whether you want to accept it or not… part of their problem lies within you as well. We attract both our most positive qualities and negative qualities. If you are charismatic you tend to attract others who are charismatic because that is a strong quality in you that you like, so you desire it in others. Have you ever noticed that if you wrote out a list of what you wanted in someone it’s generally all your best qualities you find in yourself? The same goes for the negative qualities. I attracted insecure men because I was also insecure. I didn’t realize I was attracted to men who were insecure I just naturally fell into those relationships without the awareness of doing so. I dated highly ambitious men who didn’t have integrity because I myself am very ambitious with no integrity to my projects or dreams. This is all connected to self-esteem and the only self-esteem you can really repair is your own.

So knowing this, how do we move forward?

Be The Best You

It starts with building the best relationship with YOU. If you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself than you will not be able to give fully to someone else. You will be filling the void within yourself through the person you are dating and inevitably drain them thus making them run away and resent you.

People who aren’t whole will cling onto their partners- the only source of their happiness. These people act like drug addicts because love and affection is truly addictive to an individual who is deeply unhappy. Everyone gets this lovely chemical called dopamine injected into their brain every time you embrace someone, sending you into a high of happiness and bliss. Once you take away the love and affection -dopamine – someone who is unhappy will react like most drug addicts: lash out and act insane in order to get back what they once had. Once someone has to face the unhappiness that lies deep down inside they realize how dependant they are on other people for their well being. This is a terrifying and long process.

A healthy relationship consists of two wholes not two halves, so you need to be whole before you can truly attract another person who is whole as well. Two healthy people can actively work together to build a strong relationship. Two healthy people have a strong foundation and thus can build a strong frame to house the relationship in. Without a strong foundation you will not have a house that will withstand the test of time. It’s exactly the same with relationships.

happy couple

You can’t change other people; you can only change yourself and work to be a better you. Make yourself whole first. To be whole you need to appreciate who you are and have a life that you love.

What are you passionate about? What brings you the most value? What are components of your life you enjoy? What are things that don’t bring value in your life and how can you actively take steps to eradicate them? You need to take active steps in your life to bring change, to grow, and it starts by having the awareness of where you need to grow and knowing the things that don’t serve you towards your higher purpose.

And lastly when you take recognition of the negative qualities of your past relationships that also make up who you are, how are you actively working towards to reversing it? In order for me to be more driven and follow through with my dreams, I have been working towards my integrity. I have been working towards this with the help of the Kingpin Crew who push me every day to accomplish my goals. When I accomplish something I naturally feel more successful and positive about what I am doing thus building up positive vibes making me into a happier individual. The happier I am the more whole I feel, the more whole I am, the more I can share that with someone else and build positive relationships that foster love and growth.

If you want to date someone who isn’t “crazy” then you need to start with yourself and be the person YOU would want to date, and naturally you will attract those who share the same positive qualities. Build a strong foundation with yourself; be the best you.

J

Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle Relationships

4 Things To Look For In A Man/Woman

4 things to look for in a man or womanAloha! I am currently on a family vacation for the holidays on the beautiful island of Maui, Hawaii. I hope everyone enjoyed their time off with friends and family. This trip has given me a lot of insight in so many ways… but the biggest thing I’ve taken away thus far was from a connection I made with one of the locals.

On Monday evening I went to Kihei’s friendly neighbourhood Starbucks (yes there’s only one,) it’s heavily AC’d and severely lacking work tables. I managed to get a table using the powers of Social Dynamics, and made a new friend in the process. I offered this gentleman my chair so we could both be close to the adapter; he took this moment to compliment me on my hat and asked where I was from. Little did I know this simple gesture would launch us into a two hour conversation where I would end up leaving with a new friend and some great life advice.

I learnt a lot of great advice in multiple facets that make up our lives. My friend has lived an incredible life all over the world and I took his time very seriously as he was gracious enough to open up and share with me about his life. I think people show up in your life to teach you something, including the people you see on the bus every day, your cashier; everyone has value to give you if you allow them the opportunity to do so by creating that initial conversation. I think that Oscar, the Italiano Mexican entrepreneur, had came into my life to share his story so that I could share it with others. Let me paint you a picture of my friend Oscar. He is in his 50’s but still very handsome and has a unique style. He wore a dark fedora hat with feathers, a colorful scarf around his neck, deep black v tee shirt with suspenders and shorts. I thought he was French but learnt that he is in fact from Barcelona and is half Mexican and half Italian. His exuberant style matched his incredibly infectious disposition. Friendly and incredibly sincere he shared with me how he grew up and showed me pictures of his two beautiful daughters and grandchild before delving into his advice about dating and marriage.

Strangers MeetingStrangers are friends you haven’t met yet

Social Dynamics is about creating lasting connections. His advice on the “4 things you need to look for in a man or woman” seems most ideal to share here. I have to say I was definitely intrigued when he asked me the 4 things that I looked for in a man. I respectively said “He needs to be ambitious but driven enough to complete the things he wants to accomplish. He also needs to value a healthy diet and active lifestyle as I am really active and really hard to eat with.” Oscar looks at me while mixing together his three languages of Italian, Spanish and English…”You’re 100% wrong.” Wrong? I was slightly offended. How can I be wrong about the things I want?

“I will tell you the 4 things you need in a man or woman if you want to have a healthy long-lasting relationship. These are important factors that you need in a husband or wife. Write this down.” Here is what he told me.

  1. What they say, they do.
    INTEGRITY is paramount. It is linked to self worth within that individual and it builds trust. Someone who isn’t integral is more likely to be dishonest or to never follow through on their commitments. Integrity and HONESTY are huge key factors in building a lasting relationship. So look for a partner that follows through with what they say.
  2. Smart.
    This could range from someone who has an excellent education or is smart in other ways of life. Ultimately it comes down to being with someone who challenges you and pushes you to be better. Someone who keeps you on your toes, and keeps things fresh and exciting.
  3. EngagementLove.
    Of course! A strong emotional connection is an important factor in building a sustainable relationship. You must be able to connect with your partner on an internal level for it to with-stand time. This is why they say best friends tend to make great partnerships as they have a strong foundation on an emotional level. Love can be defined in so many ways and only you can really determine what it feels like or looks like in a partnership.
  4. Physical Connection.
    Aside from having a strong emotional connection it is also paramount that you have a strong physical attraction. This is then broken down into two conditions. The external image isn’t everything but being physically attracted to your partner is very important long-term.
    (i)  Good Physical Condition: Not only for sex appeal or “eye candy” but because someone who is in physically good condition can perform better sexually. In general someone who is in good physical shape has better stamina and hygiene.
    (ii) “Make Good Sex”: What he means here is learn what the other needs sexually in order for them to have maximum satisfaction. If your partner isn’t getting what they need sexually then they will likely look outside of the relationship in order to find it. This comes to teaching each other what you need, or asking, and taking time to educate yourself in different facets of sexual health. This is also why it’s important to be secure with yourself.
The main bullets is what I wrote down and we collectively broke them down as some of his lingo was a bit different than my own. I can’t say I disagree with any of his points and I am really excited to share with you the rest of his advice. Like I said, I think people come in to our lives for a reason. Take the time to really connect with the people that walk in to your life on a daily basis. You will be astounded by how incredible the world can be with setting you up to meet people who can change your perspective on things or remind you that we are here to connect with others. Oscar reminded me that even when I am away from home that taking the time to make those connections is important and to never lose sight of that. I am really grateful, and this experience has fed the flame of that desire that I have with connecting with people. Take the time to listen and be present in your surroundings. Make someone’s day. Oscar made mine, and look how he affected my life and now yours. You can do that as well for other people and for yourself, you just got to do it! Pay it forward. 😉

J

Categories
Entrepreneurship

Is Your Mentality Helping You Always Win?

“Put some heart in it!” My coach yelled at me from the sidelines. I didn’t know what he was talking about. It’s 21 – 44 for the Colts, the Broncos are down by 23 points. I played the left side corner, and was partially responsible for the last touchdown. I watched as the running back turned around the corner that I was supposed to contain. That didn’t feel good.

I left my Grade 10 season with the Broncos with a vengeance. I know we deserved better, I was determined to walk into my next season a better player. I was missing the “heart” element of the game. Playing sports wasn’t something that came easy to me. I picked up my first sport at 15 years old; football.

My competitive nature has always been there. I was the oldest of 5 brothers and sisters, and was raised without a consistent male role model. I always saw myself as the man of the house. I competed against my younger siblings for household dominance at all of the games we played. My independent nature fueled me to be the best, because when I was the best I felt… free.

What is Heart?

I believe that humanity naturally falls into two separate categories. Competitive and cooperative. I believe that a person’s core values are derived from their childhood experiences. A person with a cooperative nature is likely to have grown up in an environment where cooperation and love was the driving force of the environment. A person with a competitive nature is likely to have grown up in an environment where freedom was the motivation.

My belief is that cooperation and competition are equally as important. I believe the only competition that should happen is competition with the self. Cooperation is a universal trait that should happen with everyone at all times, no exceptions.

The Competitive Nature

I believe we are all competitive in nature. There are two separate categories of competitive people. There are the people who compete with themselves, and there are the people who compete with the environment.

“I’m better than you are…”

Competition with the environment in the short term seems like the best option. This mentality drives our capitalist society. Every man for himself, may the best man survive. There’s one thing that competition with the environment forgets; compassion for the fellow man. I believe human nature to have both cooperation and competition in their hearts. Competition with the environment forgets one element of human nature that makes us who we are.

Compassion.

The Heart of Gold

Why do “nice guys finish last”? A cooperative nature without a competitive nature seems like the best one to have. Cooperation with  the fellow man means the world turns into a better place, instead of this “every man for himself” mentality.

Cooperation with the fellow man at all times has one flaw, though. There are those who are competitive in nature that can sense an individual cooperative in nature. The ones who consistently look to cooperate get taken advantage of. Their ability to look at people and only see the good in them leaves them ignorant to the competitive side of our human nature.

Nice guys finish last because they forget that there are competitors who naturally take advantage of cooperation.

Life is Balance

Competition and cooperation are equally as important.

I believe we have a naturally tendency to be either more compassionate, or more competitive. I’ll use myself as an example; I’m extremely competitive. In every scenario I find myself, my brain is figuring out a way for me to end up on top. My competitive nature is extremely good for a lot of areas of my life. When it comes to business I do extremely well, achieving my goals isn’t an issue, meeting anyone that I want to comes with ease.

Human nature is about balance. My competitive nature serves me well in many areas of life, but my lack of cooperation hurts me as much as my competitive nature serves me. My competitive nature finds itself leaking into my friendships where I try to outdo my friends, laughing in triumph as my ego walks and talks through the room. My competitive nature leaks into my relationships, where I won’t allow myself to get hurt and I always find a way to leave first.

This weekend I saw the perfect balance of compassion and competition in my two best friends. This article is inspired by the balance they’ve achieved, which is inspiring me to achieve my own. Mikey B is an individual who has a heart of gold, but he lacked the competitive nature in himself to set boundaries that people would not cross. The balance that he’s striving to achieve allows his heart of gold to shine through with confidence, because he knows that he can bring out the best in people without them walking all over him.

Daniel Fexa is a man who looks to be better than he was yesterday every day. The competitive nature  he keeps with himself keeps from consistently looking to out – do the environment, and allows him to prosper in the skill sets he develops. Daniel Fexa recorded his first Youtube video yesterday; be watching for it.

Social Dynamics says that you are a result of your environment. I cannot express how thankful I am for the environment I have right now. The Kingpin Social crew always pushes me to become better than I was yesterday, every day, in every present moment.

Competition is important. Especially in the world that we’ve been raised in today, it seems everyone’s trying to outdo their fellow man. Competition alone ultimately sets you up for failure; for two reasons. Competition forgets about the second element of human nature that makes us who we are, cooperation, and competition only allows you to be better than the next man.

You can only be the best if you’re only looking to outdo your fellow man. You will never be your best. I believe that in this life the only person you should ever be competing with is yourself, and you should be compassionate to everyone else that walks this earth. I believe that you need to have an element of life where you compete with yourself, developing any skill set with the intent of being better than you were yesterday.

I believe if this competition with the self isn’t satisfied, our competitive nature will leak into our environment and we will neglect to show compassion. Are you better than you were yesterday?

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

The Key to Unlocking Passion

networking“One thing I love about Kingpin Is that everybody is serious about leveling up.” Mikey B said, as he looked forward at the Shell Gas Station sign. It’s 1:30pm, with time leaking away on my busy schedule. Somehow, with everything in my life that needs to get done today, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, than sitting here at this gas station talking about how the relationships with others has caused massive amounts of emotional growth in my life.

It is said that those that cannot do, teach. Those that cannot teach, do. Social Dynamics has changed my life, because what I’ve realized is that in Social Dynamics there are no students, and no teachers. There are only students. When a client takes a course with Kingpin Social I am not teaching him how to socialize, I am showing him how to become a student of life. The best part about creating more students out of life, is that we’re all learning different lessons, based on our experiences and perspectives. Social Dynamics says that we grow together, because my experiences can help you grow and your experiences can do the same for me.

Every day is an experience to be had, every experience is a lesson to be learned . You are a result of your relationships, meaning that the relationships that you have in your life shape who you become. The relationship that you have with yourself, the relationship that you have with tools, and the relationship that you have with others are the fundamental building blocks to finding yourself.

I’ve found that lately I’ve been focused on building a solid relationship with myself. Taking myself seriously doesn’t just mean going to the gym and approaching girls; taking myself seriously means facing my fears and organizing all the cluttered areas of my life. Taking myself seriously means that I’m cleaning my house, that I’m developing my passion, that I’m facing the fears that hold me back from the success that I want to achieve. Over the course of the past week I’ve found that the emotion of fear never goes away. The difference between success and failure, though, is being able to face the emotion that you fear.

Relationships are based off of an exchange of value. Value is based on emotion, because emotion is the core of communication. That means the relationship that you build with yourself is based on emotion. Having a healthy relationship with yourself means that you have a positive emotion with your physical body, your current environment, and the types of options that you have (social circle, business, personal). We have a natural tendency to feel our emotion, and embrace our emotion. If we feel sad, we’ll sit at home moping. If we feel angry, we embrace the anger and lash out. If we feel love, we’ll embrace the feeling of the chemicals running through the body.

FEEL EMOTION >> EMBRACE EMOTION

That means if we feel negative, we embrace negative. If we feel positive, we embrace positive.

This past week what we’ve realized at Kingpin is that if you do not like the emotion that you feel, you can change it. You cannot change the emotion that you feel by running from it though, because if you run from a negative emotion, even if you run fast, eventually it’ll catch up. If you do not like the emotion that you feel, you must face your emotion. You must face the element in your life that makes you feel that emotion, and open up; allowing the other person to understand why it is that you feel that emotion.

potential growthFACE EMOTION >> FEEL EMOTION >> EMBRACE EMOTION

Habitually we design comfort zones for ourselves to keep us safe, and secure. I believe that at the core of our humanity, we all desire to be understood. Conversation continues on with head nods, words of agreement to create a real, positive connection. Even conversations where disagreements exist, time and energy is invested into the conversation to get the other person to try to understand your point of view.

When two people don’t understand each other, they cannot have a relationship. In order to understand someone, you must first allow them to understand you. That means when you feel an emotion, positive or negative, you cannot bottle it up. You must feel it. Once you feel it, if this is the emotion that you want to feel, you must embrace it.

If you do not like the emotion that you feel, though, you must face your emotion.

At the core of our being, we all desire to be understood. The stand up comedian desires to be understood, connecting with his audience before going into his routine. The movie script with a storyline everyone can follow desires to be understood by the audience it plays for, the lover desires to be understood by his significant other, the friend desires understanding from his friends.

connectionsThis is why we create comfort zones for ourselves. It’s scary, knowing that you might go out there and meet someone who may not understand you. If someone does not understand you, they will be unable to build a connection with you. If you don’t know how to face your emotions and be genuine while approaching your fears, people will be unable to understand your routines, your approach, your greeting.

The way you do something is the way you do everything. By destroying our biggest comfort zones that we create for ourselves, our social circles, that ability to face our fears trickles into every other area of life. Following your passion has always been scary, but if you face the fear that you feel, you’ll be able to feel the love of passion and embrace it. Unless you face your fears though, you’ll be stuck feeling that fear and embracing it.

What are you afraid of? Face your fears and invest into Social Dynamics, and start figuring out how to develop relationships in your life. The biggest problem that I’ve come to in my life is thinking that I’m “good enough” already. Truth is, everyone needs to grow. Some choose to be limited by their ego; validating through language that they’re already good enough, and most choose to make the decision to grow. You are a result of your relationships. If you want to grow, you must build relationships with people that are dedicated to growth. If this is something that interests you, shoot us a message here.

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Lifestyle

A Life of Emotion

emotionI believe emotion to be the core of communication between everything with a beating heart. I was thinking about the ideas of body language, and tonality, even your choice of words. Tonality, body language, your choice of words all communicate one thing: your internal emotional state. If your body language is closed off, reserved, it communicates that you feel fear / insecurity. If your tonality is breaking rapport, it communicates that you feel angry. If your eye contact breaks, it communicates nervousness. Your external actions are a direct result of your internal emotional state.

This is something that people pick up on, but aren’t aware that they’re observing your emotion. Happy people are always good to be around, being around sad people usually brings you down, being around someone feeling angry often affects your emotional state negatively. When two individuals are speaking their words, body language and tonality are all communicating one thing: their emotional state. Happy people love being around happy people, angry people love being around each other to gossip and point out insecurities in others.

There’s two different types of ways that you can attack this situation. This is a cause and effect, you feel sad so your body language closes off and you reserve your tonality and choice of words. You feel insecure so you seek rapport with your tonality, break eye contact and communicate neediness through your body language. The emotion is the cause of the effect, the effect being your tonality, body language and choice of words.

Over the last 11 months until stumbling upon this realization, I spent my energy fixing my tonality, body language, and choice of words. I’m beginning to find that fixing these things is essential at the start of your self – development journey, because fixing the cause of the effect is a much longer process than fixing the effect. Making you internally happy is a lot more difficult than showing you the actions of an internally happy man. How does one develop their core emotion, from the inside out, fixing the cause and effect of the core of communication?

In my opinion, happiness comes in two forms. Long term and short term. Short term happiness comes from the ability to shift your perspective, and act upon it. Start looking for the opportunity in every difficulty, instead of the difficulty in every opportunity. Everybody has the choice to become an optimist; they simply have to shift their perspective. However this is short term, and a perspective can shift to negative just as easily as it can shift to positive. Long term happiness, in my opinion, stems from having a healthy sense of self – worth.

self esteemI believe we all have an ego, and that ego attaches itself to an identity. If you want to develop a long – lasting sense of self worth, in my opinion, you must validate your identity by process, instead of validating it by language. If you think you’re a photographer, don’t talk about photography, what you have done, what you are going to do… start taking photos. A long – lasting sense of self worth comes from believing that you should be somebody, and then working on the process of becoming that somebody that you think that you should be. Validation by language is the reason for big egos, identity crisis, and an unhealthy sense of self – worth from the core. The individual that works towards his ideal self, choosing to grow and become better every day, has no reason to feel insecure for he knows that each day he gets closer and closer to achieving his goals.

Unhealthy esteem causes you to point out the insecurities in others with gossip, drama, and is the cause of negative perspective. An individual with a low sense of self worth will always find the difficulty in every situation, justifying their logic with “realistic” or “truthful”. Healthy self – esteem looks for the opportunity in every situation, choosing only to talk about the solution to problems instead of focusing on the problem itself. Healthy self – esteem stems into long – term happiness, which is the element that fixes the core element of communication. The words that you say, the body language that you possess and the tonality that escapes your mouth all communicate one thing: your internal emotional state.

We live in a world of emotion. Love, hate, despair, happiness, all of these emotions are in the world for the taking. The emotions that you feel are the emotions that you choose to feel, because the emotions that you feel, over the long term, are a direct result of your internal sense of self worth. Fix the internal sense of self worth, your identity, by beginning to validate your identity by process, and work towards becoming that person that you always wanted to be. Stop talking about your goals and start accomplishing them; and the powerful emotion of presence and happiness will gravitate those options that you’ve always been looking for, into your life.

Emotion is contagious, positive or negative. The ego is designed to mask the internal emotional state, telling stories to validate it’s identity when it feels insecure. People are aware of the unhealthy ego, and people are aware of the emotional state that the ego communicates, even if it is to deny the emotional state through it’s choice of words. Body language, tonality and choice of words always create one thing together: your vibe, which gives off your internal emotional state. Become a positive individual from the core, and this emotion will infect everyone that you interact with, with positivity and happiness.

“Become the source of good emotion.”

Categories
Lifestyle

Self Integrity = Happiness

I know at times it’s tough, waking up when your alarm first goes off. Scheduling time in your calendar, to make sure everything gets done that needs to get done. Making a list of priorities, so you know the most effective way to spend your free time. Slacking off and watching TV seems like the only option, it’s definitely the easiest one. Holding yourself accountable to the things you know need to get done is never easy.

I can tell you this, friend. It is worth every second of it.

I think the meaning of life is to be happy. We all want meaning, we all desire purpose with our life. What is life without a purpose? Meaningless, essentially. Living to exist, to pay the bills and line someone elses pocket with money. To exist to live means that you’re doing the things that you want to do with your life.

What About Existing to Live?

However with the system that we’ve been given, the 9 – 5 work schedule passed onto us by our past generations, the idea that we’ve got to go to school, get a good job and support our family hammered into us by our mentors… it’s very hard to do what you love with life. In fact, it’s a step by step process to turning your life around.

The problem with most people is that they expect an instant turn around. As if once they’ve been enlightened that there’s more opportunities waiting for them in the world, that tomorrow, their life will be completely different. One cannot wake up today and decide to be a guitar player, and be singing a song on guitar tomorrow. This life is a process, and either way you’re going to be on the process. It would make sense to dedicate yourself to getting better at guitar every single day, if this is your vision.

Ahh, this is the tough part. Back to the self – accountability. Knowing that you cannot simply close your eyes and dream of guitar skills means that you have to learn it yourself. You cannot learn it over night though. All you can do is close your eyes, wake up tomorrow morning and pick up the guitar for the first time. Maybe you learn a note, maybe you just learn how to properly hold the guitar. You become a bit better than you were yesterday, and move forward in the right direction to becoming a better player.

People lose sight of their vision at the first sign of success though. They’ll learn a few chords and be happy with their skill level, refusing to take it to a level where they’re getting massive amounts of value from the skill set. It’s not that they don’t want to learn, it’s that they don’t know the best way to keep themselves accountable to their word. It’s all about telling people about their vision, instead of working on the process of obtaining it.

“Better than Yesterday..”

What is the best way to keep yourself accountable to your word?

I have a step by step process. It is this. For any skill set that I learn, I have an unlimited vision. The reason the vision is unlimited, is because in my lifetime I must figure out a way that I will never stop advancing towards my unlimited vision. If I want to be a guitar player, my unlimited vision would be to be the best guitar player that I could possibly be.

Then I must set a long term goal. Although unlimited vision is important, as human beings if we are to dedicate ourselves to a process, we need a measurable tangent to fall upon. The long term goal is our long – term measurable tangent. Dedicating yourself to a process can be tough, if you don’t know how much you’re leveling up. My long – term goals are usually 4 – 6 weeks long, but you can lengthen or shorten yours based on your goal – setting skill levels. If you don’t know much about goal setting, send us an email. Goals are the key to success.

The long – term goal is your level up. If I wanted to learn the skill of guitar, I would set a long term goal to play and sing my favorite song.

The long term goal is long term, so how will we feel that monumental feeling of reaching a goal? One must set a short term goal to feel the monumental validation of achieved process. I set my short term goals for the week, and I make sure that I have a daily process for each goal. If I wanted to learn guitar, this week’s goal would be to learn a note on each one of the strings. (I don’t actually know guitar, bear with me.) Then I would have a daily process for the goal. Monday’s daily process would be to learn a note on String 1.

In order to work on the daily process of anything, one must understand the importance of the present moment. If one isn’t living in the present moment, one is missing out on the opportunities to advance inside of it. The present moment is detrimental to success.

Monday’s daily process is in a Microsoft Word document, or written on Monday’s “To Do” list. Once I finish Monday’s daily process, I cross it out on the “To Do” list, and write about the accomplishment of my goal, to relish in my process.

Present Moment >>Daily Process >> Short Term Goals >> Long Term Goals >> Unlimited Vision

Achieving your goals isn’t always easy, but the struggle is always worth the pay off. Long term validation, internal happiness comes from building self – integrity, and sticking to the most important oath: the one you make to yourself. Dedicate yourself to getting better, then follow the process of goal setting.

*** Up to This Point, my second book, is going to be released on Friday, October 7th! Subscribe to the blog and you’ll receive your FREE copy upon release. If you haven’t subscribed yet, DO IT! Or send us a message here with any questions ***

Categories
Lifestyle

Building Integrity… and Freeing Time!

***RING****

You answer your I-Phone to be greeted by the voice of your best friend. He sounds stoked, and after a quick hello he gets to the point of the phone call.

“Bro! There’s a sick DJ show coming to town on Friday!”

Friday! Sounds sick, you’re in. Hanging up the phone you feel weird though, you feel like there’s something going on Friday. Only a passing thought, you move on with your day looking forward to the DJ show. Marcus Schultz?! Fuck yeah.

Friday rolls around as the day seems to fly by. The drive home from work passes by in minutes. You make your way through the front door of your house, throw down your work bag and run to the shower. Singing Brittany Spears and dancing to “Toxic”, you stop brushing your teeth as you notice your phone buzz on the counter. You look down to see a text from your Mom.

Mom: Hey honey! I’m excited that you’re coming over for dinner tonight.

Mama’s gonna be a – REAL mad!

Life get’s busy, for real. Sometimes it can feel like you have no free time to do anything. Especially planning in advance, I know I never used to plan more than two days in advance. Agreeing to plans a week ahead is easy, sticking to those plans isn’t always as simple.

Think about the way you spend your time right now, and the people you spend your time with. We tend to get immersed in the moment, going with the flow wherever we go without thinking about the time being spent. That’s good, living in the moment is very important, however we also find ourselves limited in the people we have time to spend with, and also the time that we have to ourselves.

I found that applying the simple idea in this article for me was a lot easier in theory than in application. In fact, I hated the idea of mapping out my life. I figured, I wanted to live my life the way I wanted to live it, in the moment, as it came.

However, I found that once I organized my calendar, I was able to do everything that I wanted to do with my time… and more. Being immersed in the moment is good, but sometimes I find that I get carried away, and slack off in the moment. I’m never slacking off if I know how much time I have to get a project done.

The best part about a calendar is that you’re putting things in your calendar that you want to do. I used to not want to be limited by my calendar, but I never put anything in my calendar that I don’t want to do. The only things that go in my calendar are the things that I love to do. It’s 10x more efficient too, because with my calendar organized it allows me to do everything that I want to do, not just some of the things.

Stick to Your Word!

I know, when I first heard the idea of a calendar I was at the same place you are. “Fuck that!” But as a man with a changed opinion, I can tell you that my calendar has organized my life to fit everything that I love to do in it. I find that I’m MORE BUSY but getting LESS DONE when my time isn’t organized properly with my calendar. Especially when you decide to take yourself seriously on the path to self – development. There’s a lot that needs to get done in a day, and if you don’t have it all organized sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed.

My recommendation to you is this: As I did, sign up for a G – Mail. Smartest thing you will ever do. The calendar option that you get with your account will allow you to fit everything that you love to do in your life. Update it nightly! It takes 5 minutes, and the benefits of organization are enormous. I felt an instant relief, seeing my schedule for the week mapped out in front of me. I find that I’m able to be a man of integrity, and be the places that I say I’m going to be, when I make plans with people. It’s easy to avoid double – booking and ditching on the plans that seem the ‘least fun’ for the moment if you have your week organized.

Get on it, son! It may be the smartest thing that you could do with 10 minutes of your day, next to eating a bowl of Fruit Loops.

Categories
Mental Performance

Why Not Giving a Fuck is Stupid as Fuck

Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

In the pick-up community, one of the very first mindsets you are taught is to “not give a fuck”. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t work to some degree. Unfortunately I find this one mindset is used as massive justification to behave like a complete moron. It’s used as justification to run up to girls and “express yourself”.

Now don’t get me wrong… I completely agree that people in general care wayyyyy too much about what people think about them, so developing a mindset of “not giving a fuck” what people think about you can help a lot.

Unfortunately it has major flaws, some of which I only realized recently.

This epiphany came to light the other day when I was out for sushi with a few friends of mine. While waiting for others to get there, two of my closer friends began to “play drums” with their chopsticks. Using their chopsticks as drumsticks, they began to bang the table and their glasses to make beats. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this, except we were in a public place and in that environment I believe it’s inappropriate.

Within minutes I was getting irritated, eventually to the point of asking them to stop. The response I got was shocking, and caused this epiphany to happen.

The Response:

Friend: “Cam… just don’t give a fuck what other people think about you.”

Immediately I knew this was completely wrong. Giving a fuck about what people think about me had absolutely no relevance in why I was getting irritated. It was actually the complete opposite.

It had nothing to do with caring what other people thought, but actually giving a fuck what people thought.

The reason you shouldn’t give a fuck what people think about you is because you need to be internally validated. You need to draw your self-worth from within. This much is obvious and you’ve heard this for years no doubt.

It’s not a matter of other people’s opinions affecting your view of yourself, but your view of yourself affecting yourself.

Make sense?

If you are internally validated, and you aren’t maintaining personal integrity, than your self-worth will hurt because of it. (I actually did a video blog on this topic, find the link below.) This is why when my friends were annoying other people at the sushi restaurant – and in doing so disrespecting my core values of respect, being courteous, etc – I took it personally.

I feel fortunate to have been raised by parents who were able to teach me these basic lessons of courtesy and respect for others. There are too many people out there less fortunate. I don’t hold it against them, but I do my best to help bridge that gap.

Ultimately this all comes down to one question: Are you bringing value or taking value? The world really does come down to that question. You can never go wrong by bringing value at all times. By being obnoxious in a public place, you are making the experience of others worse, thus taking value.

It’s about knowing when to give a fuck and when not to give a fuck. Someone’s view of yourself should have no barring on your self-worth, because you should be internally validated. But everyone’s opinion is feedback, and when it’s negative you should take it seriously. How do other people perceive your behavior? Are you expressing yourself or just being an idiot? Is this an environment where I can get a bit wild and not be taking value from others around me?

The “not giving a fuck” attitude is one of the stupidest concepts the pick-up community teaches you. START giving a fuck. Become internally validated and use people’s opinions as feedback: are you moving in the right or wrong direction? Are you maintaining your personal integrity? Do you have core morals and values to set your personal integrity standard? Are you expressing these core values and being congruent to them? Are you able to be assertive when outside forces are affecting this?

All of this ties into your boundaries, which I’ve talked about here.

What is one area you can be more assertive in maintaining personal integrity? Share it with me by commenting below. I’d love to hear your side of the story. Also share this post with your friends, because doing so makes you a G.

PS. Jamie from A Devoted Shift said she would bake cookies for anybody that shares this post on Facebook. E-mail her for free cookies: adevotedshift@live.ca

PEEACE.