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Relationships

Codependency & The Road To Self-Love

depressed girl

THAT Girl

You’re sitting home alone on a Friday night, extremely irritated, checking your phone every two minutes with your hair and make up all done with no where to go. No plans except the one you thought you had.“Why hasn’t he called?”, “Why hasn’t he texted?”, “Doesn’t he want to see me?”, “We always hang out.” – You all know that girl, or you are THAT girl. And believe it or not, I was that girl too.

The typical ‘nice girl’ who will bend over-backwards, the one who is constantly available,  and always waiting around for him. She has a life of her own but she doesn’t live it and it slowly deteriorates along side her social life and ambition. She loses her sense of self and starts to mold herself into him and his life. His house, his family, his friends, and all on his time… all of the time.

Hello Codependency

So this all started when a girlfriend of mine and I went for coffee not too long ago and we got on the topic of how we used to be pretty co-dependant on the men in our past relationships and how we love being single because of how much time we get to focus on ourselves. We see who we want, whenever we want. We also get to be selfish, and become more productive and happy than when we were in a relationship. This made me think: “Why was there such a disconnect?” We should still be able to focus on ourselves while finding a healthy balance in our relationships. We came to the conclusion that it was because we were always focused on the other person in the relationship, and not on ourselves. It came from a lack of knowing who we were so we became the permeable membrane and moulded ourselves into the shape our partners to feel safe and secure. It was also a great way to escape our own problems and the things we needed to work on internally. Which kind of gives me the image of those little fishies that swim on the underbelly of a large shark or whale, you know, just going along for the ride. Little did we know then that we were getting further and further away from really figuring out who we were and ending up depleted and depressed.
cuddling

I can only speak for myself and say that I was insecure, impressionable, and lacked self-esteem. I wasn’t self-approved or really understood why loving myself first was the only way to bring anything to a relationship or to live a great life. I was always focused on being the “best girlfriend” and not being the “best me” and therefore constantly lost myself in the other person.

Being self-approved

We all want love, and we are all capable of giving it. But it first needs to start with loving yourself. It was a hard pill to swallow when I realized that I actually didn’t love who I was because I didn’t really know who that person was all along. It wasn’t until I started doing different things and was constantly faced with challenges that I grew to understand what I was passionate about and what made up the components of my personality. If you don’t have a hobby, I really suggest you get one!

Let me paint you a picture of what a self-approved girl looks like: A girl who is self-approved doesn’t lose herself in her partner or in people in general (some people lose themselves in friends or family members as well.) She does what she loves to do every day and doesn’t clear her schedule for a guy just because he wants to hang out. She schedules everything on HER time and makes sure she doesn’t lose balance. She doesn’t wait around for a phone call or a text because she is out living her life with friends, family and the things she loves to do. She makes plans and actively participates in her life and takes responsibility in her relationships by making coffee dates, girls nights, etc. She doesn’t tolerate disrespect from anyone and walks away from all unhealthy situations. She sets boundaries and sticks to them. She does all of this because she loves herself and she knows her worth. She is her number one, and rightfully so.

Being Self-Approved Improves Your Relationships

I learned this the hard way. No one wants to be with someone who is codependent. If you are always available and always doing everything your guy wants to do he will lose interest very quickly. What mystery is left in a woman who doesn’t know who she is or a woman who is always there. Yes you love him, but you should love yourself more. If you don’t love who you are, how do you expect him to fall in love with you? Relationships work when two people know who they are, love who they are, and have a lot to bring to the table. They can give freely without feeling drained and don’t lose themselves in the relationship because they can hold their own end. When both partners are living their own lives, they are always growing, and are always bringing value to each other through their experiences.

Being self-approved improves your life exponentially and not just in your partnership. With it comes the feeling of being balanced, fulfilled, and whole. You become confident in who you are and you grow so much more every day. Self-empowerment improves your well-being and makes you a more successful and happy person. It will drastically change all of your relationships, your career, and your health.

you sometimes think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found

Making The Transition

Every persons transition will look different and I only know of my own. I started with a list of all the qualities that I admired about myself and built up my self-esteem slowly. I became physically active to help get some seratonin in my blood stream to boost my mood and with that it altered my view on my body (bonus!) Then I did goal-coaching, mirror work and daily mantras/affirmations. Goal-coaching for me started with reading materials like Brian Tracy and writing down all the things I want to accomplish. I started to write out daily, weekly, and monthly goals and it introduced me to new people through different social activities and hobbies that I had as goals. Socializing is a big part of building up self-esteem and confidence plus it keeps you busy and your schedule full! I would also talk to myself in the mirror (sounds goofy but seriously effective) and sometimes I would write with chalk markers on my mirror a mantra that would motivate me. The mantras would remind me how awesome I really am AND it was an amazing way to start my day.

An example of mirror work: “I really like my eyes.”

An example of a mantra or affirmation: “Joy and beauty abounds in my relationships.”

I also used creative outlets like writing. These are all things that worked for me: find what works for you! My girlfriend kept herself busy with volunteering and getting involved with her school since it was her last year before graduating. She met tons of people and found herself in the work she was doing. So find what works for you. Don’t be afraid to experiment or think outside the box.

I would love to hear any similar stories about codependency and finding self-love. Please comment or message me! 🙂

In light and love,

J

Categories
Mental Performance Social Relationships

How to Be Great Now & Not Later

tea steepingWhile sitting in the lobby of my favourite downtown Calgary Yoga Studio, I was waiting for my tea to steep as I flipped through a few magazines that were spread out on the bench beside me. I came across this interesting quote in one of the articles: “We often judge our insides which we know intimately, by other people’s outsides, because that is all we can see.” This was an excerpt from The Mindful Way Through Anxiety by Susan M. Orsillo, PhD and Lizabeth Roemer, PhD. I was instantly thrown into an ‘ah-ha’ moment. Someone finally said everything I was thinking!

We are our worst critics and often say the most negative and downright rude things on a subconscious and conscious level. Some of the things we wouldn’t even consider saying to other people yet we are comfortable tossing them around on our own sensitive psyche. We know the very core of our character, the most intimate and lovely attributes that we possess. Yet we disregard the attractive qualities and allow criticism to define who we are as an individual. We are full of love, warmth and compassion yet we call ourselves out like a criminal jerk as if we are a stranger to our own mind and body. We feed ourselves endless toxic self-hate and worse we actually talk ourselves into believing every word of it. This idea of “I want to be better” becomes the daily mantra when it should be “I am great.”

Now I understand if there’s some confusion…

Don’t we always want to improve? In fact doesn’t everyone preach “If you aren’t growing, you’re dying?” Of course, but we shouldn’t get stuck in this negative mindset that we always need to be something more that what we already are. When we do this we allow this idea that we are incomplete, and if we live each day with this idea of being imperfect we become unhappy, ungrateful, depressed, bitter, and out of touch with the present. We look to the future on what we want to be instead of focusing on what we can do in the present moment to improve ourselves to be happy and fulfilled.

It’s about understanding the areas you know you need to improve in your life without disregarding how truly amazing you already are. It’s a balancing act. You’re great right now! You can not be anything greater nor lesser at this present moment, right now is definitive and true. The future isn’t real as it hasn’t come to pass, and the past isn’t your truth anymore as it has already passed. You are who you are right now detached from past and future limitations. You can change your circumstances for the future by acting now, not by fantasizing about being someone you’re not with things you may wish to have or not to have. That is true pain. When we struggle in the present moment over things we can not have right now. Struggle is trying to be more than what you are. This idea of “I want to become better” means you aren’t already whole. You are already whole, perfect and beautiful in every possible way right now. This however doesn’t allow you to not make goals for yourself and to not push yourself and grow past your comfort zones.

judging yourselfIn Social Dynamics we talk about giving value to others freely, it’s important to realize that you are part of that equation too – the relationship with yourself. If you value feedback on your work then ask for feedback from others. Sure, people take value from us in certain circumstances but we are some of our worst offenders. We take away our own happiness and instead insert doubt and misery.

When walking down the street we might look at passerby’s or at billboards with envy. We want the things that others have – be it a physical attribute, a characteristic, or material possessions. We see the new iPhone, the lean physique, the jacket that they paid on credit or the car keys they have twirling around their fingers that we desire to have for ourself. We have no actual idea of who they are on an intimate level like we have of ourselves. So why do we put other people in the spotlight and ourselves in the mud? We build up other people and smack ourselves down in the process. Is this why we are so afraid of connecting with others? Why do we start to shake and go into cold sweats at the idea of walking up to a complete stranger (especially the ones we find desirable) to start a conversation?

Your own self-doubt and judgment is than mirrored and you instantly throw yourself into a panic over what they will think of you. Your inner-demon utters words into your ear only assuming what they are thinking of you to insert fear to hold you back and withdraw.

Who’s to Blame?

We can blame society, social media, the internet, video games, your parents for the impulse of being critical on ourselves but let’s take a minute and point the finger at the real offender: yourself. We create these illusions of other individuals based on the interpretation of their exterior and your own critical self-judgements. They haven’t said anything about you, but you let your mind wander with the assumption they will pick you apart like you do to yourself.

We are completely backwards. We have become so critical on ourselves and other people instead of realizing the simple beauty that we are equal in these positions, that we are all critical of ourselves and fearful of others perceptions and judgments. There’s so much relief in this understanding: I can walk by a stranger and know that they are as equally scared of me as I am of them, and they are fighting their own internal demons as well. With that knowledge – wouldn’t you feel more compelled to open up to someone and share your story? Your passions? Your interests? Are you more apt to tell them that you admire them and in return tell yourself you admire who you are as well? What we project on others is how we view ourselves.

Be kind to yourself and realize your internal battles are similar to those around you. Do not judge as you will be judged, either equally or even in a harsher manner. Meet each person with no expectations or assumptions of their character and hush the voices that say you aren’t good enough or that your less admirable qualities will be seen. Give value freely: to yourself and to everyone around you. If you can celebrate your own successes, you can celebrate in others. This simple, yet not easy, internal regimen will help you grow into a happier individual who has more value to give. If you are full of light and love, you will be able to give that to others. It all starts within. Be gracious, gentle, and understanding with yourself, and that will project into your exterior relationships thus improving your life, the relationship you have with yourself and the people around you.

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Categories
Lifestyle Relationships Social Dynamics

How To Tell Your Girlfriend You’re Doing A Bootcamp

How To Tell Your Girlfriend You Are Doing A Bootcamp

So you already met a great girl, but you want to learn how to communicate more effectively to help strengthen your networking skills and expand your social circle. Or maybe you want to learn how to bring more value to the relationships you already have in your life: ie: have a super stellar relationship with your girlfriend, your mom, or your boss. You are in the right place! Learning Social Dynamics will help you learn the necessary tools to help make your relationships stronger and teach you to not only maintain those relationships but to also forge new ties to help you grow in all facets of your life.

There’s only one thing: you’re not sure how she will react when you tell her that you will be doing a Bootcamp all weekend where you go out and socialize with strangers (or friends you haven’t met yet) all over the city. Don’t fret! I’m here to break it down for you so you can effectively communicate it to your girl so she feels comfortable and excited for you during this process.

The 3 Key Ingredients

Be Authentic: Girls are insanely intuitive. We can pretty much mind-read, we are magical creatures who have the gift to see right through bullshit, so be authentic with your conversation. If you are real with her and let her know why you are doing the Bootcamp she will most likely be encouraging; if you are coming from a place of growth and networking. Of course your girlfriend won’t be psyched if you say, “I want to learn how to talk to girls.”

Insecurity

Education:Tell her what Social Dynamics is and give her the low-down on what your weekend will look like. It’s not one program for all, it’s specifically designed around you. So if you are a guy in a relationship who wants to network more than the program will be specifically designed for that purpose. Explain to her the benefits of learning how to properly build long-lasting relationships and the value it will bring to the relationship you already have. Ultimately, educate her on Social Dynamics so that she can better understand what it is and why you want to participate in a program.

You can also encourage her to read my article “Social Dynamics: No Girls Allowed!” so she can get the low-down from a female perspective. This will also give her the opportunity to get involved with Social Dynamics, thus encouraging her to build a better relationship with herself, you and every one else in her life. We are a product of our environment and if your girlfriend is practicing Social Dynamics this is one more person (one who is obviously involved in your daily life) who will keep you accountable to your goals and encourage you to step out of your comfort zone.

Open Communication: The Kingpin Social Crew is super open and considerate with your questions and concerns and that also goes for your spouse or girlfriends concerns. So let her know that she can sit down with any one of us to address those questions or to learn more about Kingpin Social and the people behind it. It’s a great opportunity for her to feel it out and ask questions in person (or Skype if you don’t live here locally). As I said, women are intuitive and are guided by emotion. If she meets with the Team and leaves feeling good than she is more likely to give that support you need and it also may change her life in a positive way as well. It’s a win-win situation!

Insecurity vs. Bad Communication

There are only two outcomes to this conversation; either she supports you or she doesn’t. It’s easy enough to blame her for not being supportive or confused as to why you want to do a program when you haven’t effectively communicated what it is you are doing. So make sure that when you go in the conversation you have fully understood that you are half responsible for the outcome. You will need to fully be prepared that you may be the reason that she isn’t getting it and that it’s not her. If she doesn’t get it; don’t get angry or defensive. You need to ask specific questions to find where the holes are in order to understand what may have been miscommunicated or not fully understood.

However, there is the possibility that your partner won’t support you due to a low sense of self-esteem or insecurities. If you have been dating long enough you would already have a sense of whether or not she is fully secure with herself and if she gets threatened easily. If you are not sure here are a few ‘symptoms’ of low-self esteem:

  • Doesn’t accept compliments well
  • Walks with her head down
  • Apologizes and feels guilty often
  • Gets frustrated, impatient, and angry often
  • Uses negative or hopeless language
  • Takes things very personally
  • Jealousy

How To Tell Your Girlfriend You Are Doing A Bootcamp

Unfortunately when it comes to low-self esteem there isn’t much you can do to help her. This is something she needs to work on herself and it’s up to you whether or not you want to be there to help her through it. You can’t be the crutch but you can be there to encourage her to do more things on her own to help build her sense of power, passion, and self. Girls who are very insecure will often spend a lot of time with their partners to avoid their own life since they are unhappy with it. Once you start living your own life and start to change in a positive way, this can either be very threatening and hard for a girl who is insecure as she depends on you and your life or it can be very encouraging for her to do the same. It all depends on the girl and whether or not she wants to change or grow.

Remember that you are the product of your environment. Act accordingly and remember that no one is worth sacrificing your happiness and growth for. It’s your life and you deserve to live it passionately and to go after the things you want in life regardless of your marital status. After all relationships are about sharing experiences, it’s not about having ONE life and doing everything together. It’s about having your own lives, passions, and coming together to share it with one another. Love does not take away, it is not possessive or fearful, it only encourages, sets you free and full of love.

Lastly, give her the benefit of the doubt. You won’t know the outcome of the conversation until you have had it. So don’t make any assumptions or create a story behind what you think her reaction will be. Don’t procrastinate it or keep it from her; that’s just shady and will make her feel uncomfortable since you were hiding it from her. Have all the information you need so you can properly educate her on Social Dynamics and about your super stellar weekend that will change your life in a positive way. Follow these steps and you will do great! 🙂

In light and love,

Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle Mental Performance Relationships

An Exercise: How To Attract THE One

RelationshipsWe date people for companionship, to find THE ONE. Whether or not you like to admit it, we are all searching for that one person who makes the madness more bearable, someone whom we can share our triumphs and downfalls with as we walk through this beautiful thing called life. We want to share our journey, discuss ideas and beliefs, learn new things, and well… not be alone.

We don’t date for the sake of dating; we date because we want to get closer to that one particular person who makes everything that much more exciting and fulfilling. Hence the title of this article. Today I’m here to talk to you about attracting THE girl or THE guy. If you are starting to get sweaty palms and heart palpitations don’t fret- this isn’t as scary as it may seem to be.

We tend to attract people who mirror our personality whether they be desirable qualities or not. We attract people who have the same emotional insecurities or attract people who have similar backgrounds in heartbreak or success. This is why we tend to be friends with people who have similar beliefs, habits, or like the same things as we do, we are attracted to people who are like us. We admire our own positive qualities that others have. Have you ever taken inventory on the kind of men or women you attract in to your life and why? Are you attracting the right people? Are you meeting girls or guys that you are legitimately interested in and would want to build a deeper connection with? I’ve talked more about the why behind this in my last article, “Why You Date Crazy People,” but today I want to focus more on taking a proactive approach in attracting the person you desire.

I have a series of questions or exercises to get you started on discovering what you truly want in a partner and from there I can lead you in the direction of learning how to attract them. Now, before I get started you need to know this: I can ask the questions but you have to do the hard work. You have to be the one to put in the effort of digging deep within yourself and being honest with each question (and actually doing the damn exercise!)

Grab a notebook, pen and get started. What have you got to lose? 😉

What you ARE is what you ATTRACT

First we need to start with YOU, after all we are looking for what you want and the kind of person that would add to your life in a positive way. Who are you? This way we can grasp a better idea of the man or woman that would fit into your life.

Question #1: What are your CORE VALUES?

  • What is important to you?
  • What are the major components that make up who you are and who you want to be?
  • What do you appreciate?
  • What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
  • Are you family oriented? Independent? Artistic? Passionate? Driven? Quiet? Do you value Education? Politics? The Environment? Balance? Growth? Health? Stability? Conversation? Traveling? Religion? Spirituality? Etc.

I like to think of it as your mission statement. If you were a business and you wanted to explain to a prospective client who you are and what you represent, you would have a list of core values or a manifesto. Make a list in point form of your core values and the things you are passionate about. Write down your hobbies and the things you want to learn or experience before moving on to Question #2.

Question #2: What is your ideal partners CORE VALUES?
(Ie: The Perfect Man or Woman for you)

Be The Person You Would Want To Meet

I want you to paint a little picture for yourself. I want to know the core roots of this woman, not her looks or her cup size. That goes for you too ladies… no chiseled abs or a brawny back that makes the hulk look like a little boy. What does she/he do? What are her/his values? What kind of lifestyle does she/he have? What does she/he like to do in her/his spare time? Does she/he like sports? Is she a girly girl? Is he a guys guy? Does she like fast cars and video games? If you don’t know what kind of woman or man you are looking for, you will never be able to find her/him because you yourself don’t know what you are looking for. How do you look for something you don’t even know you want?

I want you to literally write out a list of qualities you are seeking in a partner. I have a small checklist in a notebook that helps me choose whether or not someone is going to be a match for me or not. Let me clarify: there is a big difference between a list of 10 core values that you would like to have in a partner than a list of 20 things you want your future boyfriend/girlfriend to have. Ie: A six pack, nice hair, he has to be a firefighter, etc. None of that useless crap, we want to know WHO they are. So write out the REAL juicy stuff: What are their core values: Family? Growth? Health/Fitness? Fine Luxuries? Travel? Education? Etc.

Does she/he make up where you lack? Do you have similar strengths and weaknesses or are you opposites?

Be The Person You Want To Meet

Question #3: Are you the person your ideal mate would want to meet?

Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about: I am a huge animal lover, so dating a guy who doesn’t appreciate animals wouldn’t work. The guy I end up with needs to love animals since I value the companionship of a dog or cat. I need a guy who sees the value in animals just as much as I do otherwise it would take away from the life I want to live. Another example is that I’m very active and like to maintain a healthy lifestyle so dating a couch potato who spends 5 hours playing video games every day will just aggravate me. We all want to find someone whom we can share our experiences with. What I’m really asking is: Do your core values match? Does your ideal partner see you as a match to their core values? Would they be actively seeking you out as much as you are of them? This is a very important question and it gives you the opportunity to see if you are able to attract the person you want to attract in to your life.

Attracting the oneFinding the perfect partner means having similar core values. It doesn’t mean that everything has to be perfectly matched but it means that the important things, the ones that you aren’t willing to compromise on, are also important to your partner. I’m not talking simply about passions and hobbies as we can have different passions and hobbies and still have similar core values. If you value growth than you would want someone who is also growth orientated and ambitious. If you value religion than you would probably want someone who has similar values in the religion you practice. If you value affection than you would want someone who is affectionate and emotionally mature to show their affections.

So would your ideal partner be interested in you? Would they want to meet you and get to know you? Would they see you as someone they could potentially be with long-term? I like to break up a page into two separate sections and compare notes of my core values and my ideal partners values to see where I either need to grow or where I need to be more authentic with myself. Sometimes we create an image of the person we want to be with in order to be a certain person, to be seen a certain way or be accepted. Does something need to change on your end or do the expectations or standards you are holding others have to? Be real.

Once you have compared both sides start to brainstorm on where you would meet these type of people? If they are artistic- try an art gallery opening, museum, or pottery painting class. If they are athletic maybe try meeting new people in the rock climbing centre or at a co-ed kick-boxing class. If they love comic books than maybe at a convention or a creative writing workshop. You’re not going there to meet the ONE. You are going there to meet new people with the potential of meeting a desirable partner and who knows maybe one of your new friends has a single friend who may be “perfect for you.”

Stay true to yourself, follow your intuition and be the best YOU that you can be with this exercise and with life in general. The rest will follow if you live an authentic life. If you have any questions feel free to shoot me an email!

In light and love,

J

Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle Mental Performance Relationships

Why You Date “Crazy” People

Why you date crazy peoplePart of connecting with new people and creating long-term relationships is getting to know them on an internal level. Meaning we get the opportunity to see the true self or authentic personality of the person we are getting to know. With that comes the opportunity to gain insight into another’s self-esteem and the battles they face or what they haven’t been able to move past. When we embark into new relationships we share these hidden gems which than exposes them with complete vulnerability and open to ridicule. This vulnerability is what makes creating new relationships so scary. We allow someone close enough for them to see our flaws and to possibly pass judgement or leave disinterested.

“My ex was crazy…”

We’ve all heard this before. Whether you were the one saying it or your friend constantly complains about their constant issue with dating the same douche bag or crazy needy girl every time they get into a relationship. At some point we all need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “Why do I attract these qualities of a person into my life? Why do I seem to date needy girls with no self-esteem? Why do I date selfish assholes who won’t give me their time?”

We are all flawed, even Gisele Bundchen has the crazy gene. You are delusional if you think you are the exception. It’s like the Dr Seuss quote, “We’re all a little weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love.” We are all weird, we all have our demons, and we tend to date people who have the same issues that we harbor. They may be crazy… but you’re just as insane.

Breaking The Crazy Cycle

First you need to take inventory of all the relationships you have had. What is the common denominator? Start off simple: Do you date people who are athletic? Smart? Artistic? What do all of your past relationships have in common? Personally the common denominator of my past relationships was two qualities: I dated highly ambitious guys who had no drive and they were also very insecure.

The most common problem in a lot of relationships is co-dependency. Someone who is co-dependent relies on their partner for their happiness, social life, hobbies, etc. They are insecure and crave your affections and attention. They are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled in what they are doing so they will usually latch onto their partners looking for support or even take on their partners life as their own. These people vanish into who they are dating and lose all sense of self. I have been in multiple co-dependent relationships: myself being the co-dependent partner and dating someone who was co-dependent on me.

be the type of person you want to meet

Whether you want to accept it or not… part of their problem lies within you as well. We attract both our most positive qualities and negative qualities. If you are charismatic you tend to attract others who are charismatic because that is a strong quality in you that you like, so you desire it in others. Have you ever noticed that if you wrote out a list of what you wanted in someone it’s generally all your best qualities you find in yourself? The same goes for the negative qualities. I attracted insecure men because I was also insecure. I didn’t realize I was attracted to men who were insecure I just naturally fell into those relationships without the awareness of doing so. I dated highly ambitious men who didn’t have integrity because I myself am very ambitious with no integrity to my projects or dreams. This is all connected to self-esteem and the only self-esteem you can really repair is your own.

So knowing this, how do we move forward?

Be The Best You

It starts with building the best relationship with YOU. If you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself than you will not be able to give fully to someone else. You will be filling the void within yourself through the person you are dating and inevitably drain them thus making them run away and resent you.

People who aren’t whole will cling onto their partners- the only source of their happiness. These people act like drug addicts because love and affection is truly addictive to an individual who is deeply unhappy. Everyone gets this lovely chemical called dopamine injected into their brain every time you embrace someone, sending you into a high of happiness and bliss. Once you take away the love and affection -dopamine – someone who is unhappy will react like most drug addicts: lash out and act insane in order to get back what they once had. Once someone has to face the unhappiness that lies deep down inside they realize how dependant they are on other people for their well being. This is a terrifying and long process.

A healthy relationship consists of two wholes not two halves, so you need to be whole before you can truly attract another person who is whole as well. Two healthy people can actively work together to build a strong relationship. Two healthy people have a strong foundation and thus can build a strong frame to house the relationship in. Without a strong foundation you will not have a house that will withstand the test of time. It’s exactly the same with relationships.

happy couple

You can’t change other people; you can only change yourself and work to be a better you. Make yourself whole first. To be whole you need to appreciate who you are and have a life that you love.

What are you passionate about? What brings you the most value? What are components of your life you enjoy? What are things that don’t bring value in your life and how can you actively take steps to eradicate them? You need to take active steps in your life to bring change, to grow, and it starts by having the awareness of where you need to grow and knowing the things that don’t serve you towards your higher purpose.

And lastly when you take recognition of the negative qualities of your past relationships that also make up who you are, how are you actively working towards to reversing it? In order for me to be more driven and follow through with my dreams, I have been working towards my integrity. I have been working towards this with the help of the Kingpin Crew who push me every day to accomplish my goals. When I accomplish something I naturally feel more successful and positive about what I am doing thus building up positive vibes making me into a happier individual. The happier I am the more whole I feel, the more whole I am, the more I can share that with someone else and build positive relationships that foster love and growth.

If you want to date someone who isn’t “crazy” then you need to start with yourself and be the person YOU would want to date, and naturally you will attract those who share the same positive qualities. Build a strong foundation with yourself; be the best you.

J

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

How Jealousy Destroys You & Your Relationship

This past week I received an e-mail from a reader regarding their unhappiness. Their story really hit home with me as I had actually experienced a similar situation when I was younger. I realized that through this particular persons experience as well as my own we could help others who may be facing it silently. Here is my reply back to the reader on why it’s important to focus on yourself and be aware of how jealousy really affects you and your relationship.

jealousyBy the extent and depth of your e-mail it really sounds like you are serious about making a change in your life and you are aware of the things that are making you are unhappy. By the flow of the e-mail it also seems like you may have discovered a lot by writing it. Typically when we write we allow our true inner self shine by letting what comes to mind flow on the paper or screen. I have a lot of revelations with writing myself and I encourage you to keep writing.

I understand that you’re scared because you probably already have an idea of what needs to change and change is never easy. Understand that you are reaching out because some part of you does have the drive and motivation to make a change. It’s my job as a coach to be as direct as possible based on my own personal experience as well as my clients experience. My information is very direct and I will try to explain this the best way I can. It may be a lot of tough love but this is the advice I wish I had heard when I was in the same position. I had to learn all of this the long-hard-emotional way and I honestly wish someone had given me the insight I have now.

Assertiveness & Awareness 

Firstly- Awareness is key into making changes but you also need to be Assertive. You have probably seen these two concepts come up in a lot of our articles on the blog. You need to be assertive moving forward in order to make the changes necessary to make yourself happy. You’re happiness comes first above all other things, including your significant other. If you are unhappy in some way than you are unable to give 100% to all of your relationships and it will greatly impact those around you. If you are unhappy it will surely affect your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend. So your happiness needs to be on your highest priority in order to have those healthy relationships and to live a life that feels whole.

The missing puzzle piece is very obvious as you stated it with clarity- you really want a a larger Social Circle. But as I understand you are fearful of losing your partner. You wanting to be more social and going out with your friends shouldn’t be an issue and that boils down to your partners insecurities and trust issues. A healthy relationship doesn’t constrict you in any way. Someone who is secure and wants you to have the best life possible will be supportive in you wanting to be with your friends and yes… even going out. He/She shouldn’t be upset that you are going out, they should be happy for you that you are going out to have fun and spend time with your friends and vice versa.

jealousyHeres an excerpt on love and jealousy/possessiveness for more insight:

“Don’t be possessive, because whenever you are possessive you simply show that you are a beggar. Whenever you try to possess, you simply show that you don’t possess it; otherwise there is no effort. You are the master. There is no need to try for it.
For example, if you love a person: if you try to possess the person, then you don’t love him. You are also not certain about his love. That’s why you create all safety measures, surround him by every trick, by cunningness, by cleverness, so that he cannot leave you. But you are killing love. Love is freedom, love gives freedom, love lives in freedom. Love is, in its intrinsic core, freedom. You will destroy the whole thing.

If you really love, there is no need to possess.  – Osho 


Take Full Responsibility For Your Unhappiness 

In Social Dynamics we talk about taking full responsibility for our actions and outcomes in relationships. So you must take full responsibility in the fact that your partner being jealous is equally your fault as theirs. This might be a little confusing. His/Hers insecurities is their own fault but for you to allow those insecurities to dictact your life and affect your other relationships is your own. You have complete control over your life and you allowed him/her to make you feel guilty and you allowed to let yourself feel guilty. Wanting to have friends and to go out isn’t wrong at all. We are social creatures and we want to create those connections. You feel excluded cause you excluded yourself. It’s not your friends responsibility to keep you involved if you aren’t giving back to those relationships or making a conscious effort. As I said I was in a similar circumstance and it took me a long time to realize that the reasons why my friendships kind of came and went was because I didn’t put in the necessary time it took to create long lasting relationships. I spent so much time with my boyfriend and his friends that I totally neglected my own. If you want to rekindle your old relationships then it starts with you.

Be assertive- call them up and schedule a time that you can meet and catch up. Then after that meeting make sure you follow up with them and set another time to hang out. Take full control of your life and your happiness… No one else will do it for you. I know you’re smart and you want the right things so go after them. People who are in relationships tend to lose their friends because when you really care about someone you really want to spend a lot of time with them. But those moments apart are really important as well. You still need to live separate lives and have separate friends. You may have that awareness of that but being assertive means you will follow through with your beliefs and values.

Your partner has a huge impact on your happiness when he/she is being jealous and jealousy comes from one place- Insecurity. I was here before, and I can definitely say there is a way around that obstacle but unfortunately you can’t change your partner. You can only change yourself, and if he/she doesn’t follow lead then you need to recognize that people who aren’t actively trying to get better will only drag you behind. Jealousy can be flattering but ultimately it is a characteristic that will hurt your relationship in the long run if it isn’t dealt with. You can’t ignore your happiness, and your partner can’t ignore the things you need in order to be happy. Your happiness comes first and foremost, and you are 100% deserving of that happiness.

Where to start

friendsCALL your old friends and re-build the friendship you have already started: set up a time to meet and catch up, I would also apologize and tell them how much you care about them.

Schedule Time For Friends: after you catch up, make sure you follow through on your commitments with them and make time for them. Literally schedule it in to your calendar as soon as possible and stay integral. Use Google Calendar. Seriously one of the best thing I have done for myself. Here’s a blog post by Cam on how to use Google Calendar to take your lifestyle to the next level.

Stay In Contact Weekly: Phones calls, text messages, facebook, etc.Work On Self-Love: Work on yourself and your insecurities. You stated that you haven’t really been single, you are always in a relationship (I did the same thing) and that usually stems from a fear of being alone among other things. This will help you with the jealousy and allow for you to grow in to a stronger confident woman. Here’s a blog post I wrote on self love that covers this topic on a more broad scale.

http://devotedshift.com/blog/how-i-use-to-be-that-girl-the-road-to-self-love/

Allow Yourself To Be Happy: Do the things you want in order to be happy, go out with your friends with out guilt and zero apologies cause you deserve to have fun – you’re young! You’re a good person and you care about your boyfriend/girlfriend and he/she worrying about you going out stems from being too insecure. You can’t hold his/her hand to make him/her feel better- he/she needs to work on that himself/herself and build his/her self esteem as well. Just do you and your partner will follow lead if he/she is a quality guy/girl.

Don’t Make The Mistake Twice: Don’t allow yourself to lose contact with your friends again, take responsibility and be assertive. This shows that you care about them and you’re taking yourself seriously in your happiness.Friends and wanting to go out is a part of life and you should never guilt yourself in to thinking you are doing something wrong. You’re young, enjoy it :)Please feel free to email me back with any questions. I am also free to meet up for coffee. I’m here if you need anything so don’t hesitate to message me at any time. Your happiness is important to me and I want to see you grow and be happy. It all starts with you!

In love and light,

Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle Relationships

4 Things To Look For In A Man/Woman

4 things to look for in a man or womanAloha! I am currently on a family vacation for the holidays on the beautiful island of Maui, Hawaii. I hope everyone enjoyed their time off with friends and family. This trip has given me a lot of insight in so many ways… but the biggest thing I’ve taken away thus far was from a connection I made with one of the locals.

On Monday evening I went to Kihei’s friendly neighbourhood Starbucks (yes there’s only one,) it’s heavily AC’d and severely lacking work tables. I managed to get a table using the powers of Social Dynamics, and made a new friend in the process. I offered this gentleman my chair so we could both be close to the adapter; he took this moment to compliment me on my hat and asked where I was from. Little did I know this simple gesture would launch us into a two hour conversation where I would end up leaving with a new friend and some great life advice.

I learnt a lot of great advice in multiple facets that make up our lives. My friend has lived an incredible life all over the world and I took his time very seriously as he was gracious enough to open up and share with me about his life. I think people show up in your life to teach you something, including the people you see on the bus every day, your cashier; everyone has value to give you if you allow them the opportunity to do so by creating that initial conversation. I think that Oscar, the Italiano Mexican entrepreneur, had came into my life to share his story so that I could share it with others. Let me paint you a picture of my friend Oscar. He is in his 50’s but still very handsome and has a unique style. He wore a dark fedora hat with feathers, a colorful scarf around his neck, deep black v tee shirt with suspenders and shorts. I thought he was French but learnt that he is in fact from Barcelona and is half Mexican and half Italian. His exuberant style matched his incredibly infectious disposition. Friendly and incredibly sincere he shared with me how he grew up and showed me pictures of his two beautiful daughters and grandchild before delving into his advice about dating and marriage.

Strangers MeetingStrangers are friends you haven’t met yet

Social Dynamics is about creating lasting connections. His advice on the “4 things you need to look for in a man or woman” seems most ideal to share here. I have to say I was definitely intrigued when he asked me the 4 things that I looked for in a man. I respectively said “He needs to be ambitious but driven enough to complete the things he wants to accomplish. He also needs to value a healthy diet and active lifestyle as I am really active and really hard to eat with.” Oscar looks at me while mixing together his three languages of Italian, Spanish and English…”You’re 100% wrong.” Wrong? I was slightly offended. How can I be wrong about the things I want?

“I will tell you the 4 things you need in a man or woman if you want to have a healthy long-lasting relationship. These are important factors that you need in a husband or wife. Write this down.” Here is what he told me.

  1. What they say, they do.
    INTEGRITY is paramount. It is linked to self worth within that individual and it builds trust. Someone who isn’t integral is more likely to be dishonest or to never follow through on their commitments. Integrity and HONESTY are huge key factors in building a lasting relationship. So look for a partner that follows through with what they say.
  2. Smart.
    This could range from someone who has an excellent education or is smart in other ways of life. Ultimately it comes down to being with someone who challenges you and pushes you to be better. Someone who keeps you on your toes, and keeps things fresh and exciting.
  3. EngagementLove.
    Of course! A strong emotional connection is an important factor in building a sustainable relationship. You must be able to connect with your partner on an internal level for it to with-stand time. This is why they say best friends tend to make great partnerships as they have a strong foundation on an emotional level. Love can be defined in so many ways and only you can really determine what it feels like or looks like in a partnership.
  4. Physical Connection.
    Aside from having a strong emotional connection it is also paramount that you have a strong physical attraction. This is then broken down into two conditions. The external image isn’t everything but being physically attracted to your partner is very important long-term.
    (i)  Good Physical Condition: Not only for sex appeal or “eye candy” but because someone who is in physically good condition can perform better sexually. In general someone who is in good physical shape has better stamina and hygiene.
    (ii) “Make Good Sex”: What he means here is learn what the other needs sexually in order for them to have maximum satisfaction. If your partner isn’t getting what they need sexually then they will likely look outside of the relationship in order to find it. This comes to teaching each other what you need, or asking, and taking time to educate yourself in different facets of sexual health. This is also why it’s important to be secure with yourself.
The main bullets is what I wrote down and we collectively broke them down as some of his lingo was a bit different than my own. I can’t say I disagree with any of his points and I am really excited to share with you the rest of his advice. Like I said, I think people come in to our lives for a reason. Take the time to really connect with the people that walk in to your life on a daily basis. You will be astounded by how incredible the world can be with setting you up to meet people who can change your perspective on things or remind you that we are here to connect with others. Oscar reminded me that even when I am away from home that taking the time to make those connections is important and to never lose sight of that. I am really grateful, and this experience has fed the flame of that desire that I have with connecting with people. Take the time to listen and be present in your surroundings. Make someone’s day. Oscar made mine, and look how he affected my life and now yours. You can do that as well for other people and for yourself, you just got to do it! Pay it forward. 😉

J

Categories
Lifestyle Social Relationships

Social Dynamics: No Girls Allowed!

Woman Haters Club

A Guys Girl

I have always got along with BOYS. My first best friend was my neighbour in Summerland, BC. His name was Alex, a cute blonde boy with a grin as large as mine; we would run around and play in the dirt all day around his family farm. Just up the road were three other boys who lived on an orchard; we would run around the rows of peach trees with water guns, sling shots, and climb into the tree fort to plan attacks against the rival brothers. I didn’t feel very different from them… we liked the same games, same sports, and I didn’t have any concept of gender separation. I knew I was a girl, and they were boys, but I didn’t create a line between the two of us. We were one in the same.

I grew up with a brother who is 5 years older than I whom I always looked up to. He was older, got to do cooler things than I did, got his first car before I did, first cell phone, always the first experiences of being the older child. I desperately wanted to do things that the older kids always got to do, especially with him. I wanted to be part of everything he was doing, I wanted to keep up and not be left behind. When I was 7 he taught me my first karate moves to ward off any boys or bullies, we would play floor hockey in the garage, and throw around a baseball in the back-yard.

It only makes sense that now as I find myself completely surrounded by men in a company that I admire and love being a part of. It’s not always easy being the only woman because I don’t make it easy on myself. I have higher expectations that I have set on my own, I have this desire to keep up and prove that I have a place among “the boys.” These guys are constantly pushing themselves to grow, which pushes me to level up that much quicker. The growth is exponential, the environment is contagious, and it’s hard not to say that these guys who I have known for only 5 months have quickly become some of my closest friends. We call each other on our excuses, the BS, and we carry each other’s struggles and build each other up when another falls. We are more like a family than a business. You can only imagine the questions I get! I get asked all the time- “Why do you work for Kingpin Social?” “How do you explain to women what Kingpin Social is? or my favorite- “You work for Pick-up Artists!?” 

“Queen”pin Social

Connection

Well- these are all great questions, and I understand the struggle when trying to explain to women what Social Dynamics is- especially if you don’t quite have the grasp on what it is, yourself. Maybe you think you know and you just don’t know how to frame it, or maybe you’re a girl and you are having a hard time understanding how all of this relates to you. Maybe you are holding on to the notion that this is “pick-up” with a different name and that infuriates you (which I can understand, but you’re completely off.) I don’t know where you are at, but I can definitely help lift the fog on what Social Dynamics is and how it’s not a boy’s club- it’s for women too! Hello Queenpin Social! 😉

For all my ladies out there, I’m a self-respecting girl and some-what of a feminist. I wouldn’t take part or advertise a company that is involved with pick-up theories. I understand the benefits of pickup but I also understand its downfalls and where PUA’s (pick-up artists) are missing out when it comes to building long-lasting relationships. Neil Strauss in “The Game” even states at the end of the book that being a PUA didn’t equip him with how to create lasting relationships and found it difficult to hold on to a girlfriend. From my experience I see two things with pickup artists and it all depends on their intention.

Intention #1: They are using it to learn how to get girls to build up their self-esteem. They come from a place where they need external validation, but it doesn’t tackle the internal problems of filling that shallow void. Something is missing and they are looking in the wrong place: trying to find it in other people.

Intention #2: They just want help to become more social. These books are great with helping people who are usually more introverted and need some guidelines or “pick-up lines” in order to generate conversation. So in retrospect that is a very good thing! The basis that it’s strictly for getting girls to sleep with a guy is only one way to look at it and yes, some guys use it strictly for that. But not all.

I’m not saying pick-up artistry is good, but it comes down to the intention of the individual. Kingpin Social doesn’t work with clients that share the same intention that most PUA’s do: getting girls. We aren’t about helping dudes sleep with as many girls possible, we are about creating connections with everyone to better our personal relationships, our careers, and our social circles. We want everyone to live the most optimal, happy, and healthy life. This starts with having a healthy relationship with yourself as well with others.

Boys! Ugh!

Connecting the female perspective dots

How do I explain to women what Social Dynamics is? Exactly the same way I explain it to men! Social Dynamics solves the question of “Why can’t we all just get along?” Life = Relationships and Social Dynamics teaches you how to build long lasting relationships with anyone and everyone. This isn’t just about dating but dating is important for everyone as we all desire love. We love companionship, so of course we all want to learn how to create better relationships with the opposite sex, it only makes sense. Men are terrified of women, and a lot of women are afraid of men- we are all afraid of each other. Through Social Dynamics you can learn how to create a great relationship with anyone, and allow it to benefit you as well as the other person. We always want to create a win-win situation for everyone involved.

“But you are going out to bars and talking to girls?” This is only half true. Of course we want guys to talk to girls, but we also want them to make connections with other guys, bartenders, the bouncers, the manager, etc. If a guy can talk to a girl he finds attractive than it will be easier for him to talk to the less daunting people like the management, or another guy at the bar grabbing drinks. If you do the thing you are most uncomfortable with, you will grow and be more comfortable in that situation. You need to learn how to communicate effectively with everyone and come from an authentic place. If men and women can generate momentum in one area of life such as dating that gives them an anchor to build off to generate more momentum in other areas of your life too, like your career. This is what we do at Kingpin Social. We don’t arm you with pick-ups lines to take a girl home; we give you the tools that allow you to talk to anyone so you can become the social butterfly you have always wanted to be and live a life you love with dope people to boot.

Is Social Dynamics for men only? Of course not! I wouldn’t be writing this article if that was the case. Social Dynamics is for everyone under the sun. If you want to explain to the women in your life what Social Dynamics is without coming off the wrong way, then send them this article. It’s sometimes better coming from another woman, as it can be hard to get over the stigma that this all started from a company that derived originally from men wanting to meet and date more women. If you have any questions or would like to sit down with me then email me. I would be more than happy to help or ask any probing questions. ALSO! I will be launching a womans program in the new year and would love to hear your suggestions or feedback. What kind of program would you be interested in?

Making Connections

Social Dynamics is NOT Pick-up

The founders, Cam and Kevin, started out with the same intention of wanting to meet more people. They weren’t in it to meet and sleep with girls. The only methods out there at the time were within the methodology of pick-up, so at first they attempted to use those concepts to meet new people – men and women – but after time they both realized it was a flawed method. It was taking value from the people they were interacting with as well within themselves. It’s hard to hold up a long lasting relationship when you’re not being your authentic self- thus spawned a real pursuit to find the fundamentals of healthy relationships across all social relationships; Social Dynamics!

Social Dynamics isn’t about being someone you aren’t, it’s about building a relationship with yourself so you can ultimately “be yourself” and learning how to make a connection with anyone you want. That could be your neighborhood barista, your mom, your neighbour, the cute guy/girl who lives two floors above you, the chess community, or your boss. If you want to connect with someone for personal reasons or for business opportunities- Social Dynamics can help you. This is why I am part of the Kingpin Social team, because I know that it works for everyone and it has worked for me.

Lastly I need to say that I hate the fact that there is even a parallel between Pick-up and Social Dynamics. It doesn’t give justice to the incredible tools that Kingpin Social has to offer everyone in building a bad ass life. It shouldn’t even be part of the equation or even discussed in my mind, as they are two completely different ideologies and have different intentions overall. From woman to woman- I stand behind Social Dynamics because of choice and was welcomed with open arms into the team because I asked to be there. I wouldn’t be part of something that works against my morals or values, and I sure wouldn’t be writing this article unless I wanted this view to be shifted. Social Dynamics isn’t Pick-Up, so don’t even try to correlate the two. I would love to extend an invitation to any women who wants to be part of the movement of Social Dynamics to message me or any of the team members to get involved and see what this company is all about. It will blow your mind.

In light and love,

J

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Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

Should Emotion Define You or Your Circumstance?

Emotions

Life is full of ups and downs. Even worse, these are inevitable. When the going gets rough and we go off course, we often lose our emotional barrings or even worse… spiral into a life crise or mental break down. These things happen! And I am not here to tell you that they are wrong. In fact- I believe expressing your emotions is important, however, I also believe that having control over your emotions is important and key to being successful.

Things won’t always go according to plan, and when things crash and burn…what is your autopilot reaction? Freak out! Cry, hit something (hopefully not someone), lock yourself in the bathroom, sob in the shower, hole yourself in your house for days or hide in bed. We all do it- yes that includes you dudes. I have met my fair share of men who embrace their emotions- which is great!

Both men and women can relate on their respective experiences with coping with life’s setbacks and accomplishments. However I have noticed two characteristics in both men and women that result either in over-coming said speed-bump OR starting from scratch and giving up on yourself all together.

1. The Emotional Downturn:
Letting your emotions rule your life and losing control.

2. Fueling the Fire:
Letting your emotions fuel your desire to take control and motivate.

I can honestly say that up until a week ago I would have categorized myself in the first group, and in the past I would say I lingered between both of them. From my perspective, it takes hard work and an incredible amount of self-assurance and confidence to be in the second group. So how did I get there?

Learnt It The Hard Way

I woke up last Monday morning to be notified by a reader (and friend) that my blog, my personal space that I identify myself with (my blood, sweat, and tears) had stopped working or (the better guess) it was shut down. I had only been awake for a few minutes before the large crack that was in my wall of self-employment and independence had soon spread so large that the bricks came tumbling down into rubble. “Time to start all over again.” I squeezed myself into a ball hoping it was all a dream. I hoped that I would wake up from the nightmare by squeezing my eyes really tight and letting the tears run down my face. I know it all sounds dramatic- but the wall of strength that I was building within myself came crumbling down and I couldn’t hold on to it much longer.

What are you willing to struggle for

What was I going to do? I felt like I was in a demolition zone as all my hard work had been piling up around me and due to my inability to focus, was bulldozing everything I worked so hard for. When I get into these moods I tend to push away the closest people around me- out of frustration with myself. I didn’t want more feedback- I couldn’t handle more ‘areas of growth’ as I knew that I was fucking everything else up. I just wanted to scream “I KNOW I’M SUCKING RIGHT NOW, PLEASE FEEL SORRY FOR ME AND LET ME HIDE FROM THIS HARSH WORLD.”  I was hugely disappointed in myself, and having a major pity-party.

During a discussion with one of my guy friends, he was frustrated with me of course since he knows my potential, and under his own stress he finally snapped and told me that just because I was a girl it didn’t mean I could allow my emotions to rule my life and send everything I worked for in a downward spiral. What next would be considered typical for an emotional girl such as myself. I cried a lot and told myself how much I suck. Well- I’m definitely a sensitive soul but I am also very smart, intelligent, and capable. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be able to hold my own being the only woman in a male dominated industry/company. I instantly frustrated the people around me as they saw me crumble underneath the pressure instead of rising up to the occasion to really test my strengths. I understand that frustration as I get frustrated when I see strong people fall by the way side at the height of stress or when things don’t go particularly to plan. The weight of the prior weeks had finally took its toll and I sat in my closet to sulk, but mostly to distract my mind from spewing negativity and bringing me down to a worse level than I was starting with.

At first- I was pissed off. Who wouldn’t be? Who would want to hear the truth, and who wants to be called out like that!? I sure didn’t. My ego was flared up, red hot, and ready to bulldoze anyone and everyone who got in my path to self-destruct. Then, something miraculous happened. After taking time to digest what he was saying and the space to cool off, I found level-headed Jamie again, and realized that he was right. He was right. “You were right OK!” Yeeesh.

Never Give Up

Choose to ACT, Choose NOT to Break-Down

In my defence being emotional and crying helped to some degree. It helped me to express my pent up frustration with myself and it allowed me to zero-in on what was causing me to fail and be unhappy. The first step to finding control over your emotions is to take responsibility for your own failure. That is the first step in taking control over your emotional state and turning it into a tool to help you succeed.

Learning how to step outside of yourself to analyze the situation helps you take a logical and level-headed approach to finding a solution for the circumstance. I honestly think we all have a part of ourselves that always knows the answer to our problems. Have you noticed that you are great at giving your friends advice but not yourself? It’s because of your perspective. If you look at your situation as if it was someone else you can find an encouraging way to help yourself. I do this all the time by talking to myself on paper. Sounds ridiculous but it honestly works wonders!

You will fail, and you will fall down. The strength it takes to get up and fight for your dreams and the things you love is learning how to not sabotage yourself. Ultimately when you fall down and you choose to stay down, you are choosing to not believe in yourself which comes from a low level of self-worth and confidence. Am I saying my level of self-worth is AMAZING, that anyone’s is? Of course not, in fact it’s something that everyone needs to constantly work at.

If you can’t find your own solution, ask the people who are encouraging and want to see you grow in the direction of your dreams. Don’t go looking for help from people who are going to discourage you and tell you to do something different. The people who won’t allow you to give up on yourself will be happy to help you find creative solutions to your circumstance.

Do I believe in giving up? Never. The most successful people I know pressed onward no matter how many times they faced life’s hardships and setbacks. They approached their failures as feedback for what not to do. When you narrow the things you shouldn’t do it allows you to see the things you should. Then: Execute!

Life is full of setbacks. Success is determined how you handle setbacks.”

Choose to take ACTION over INACTION. Life is a continuous progression, so you need to always move forward… otherwise you will get caught in the tidal wave, crash, and eat sand. Keep swimming, keep pressing onward, keep fighting. Don’t give up before the miracle.

J