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Lifestyle Social Relationships

Social Dynamics: No Girls Allowed!

Woman Haters Club

A Guys Girl

I have always got along with BOYS. My first best friend was my neighbour in Summerland, BC. His name was Alex, a cute blonde boy with a grin as large as mine; we would run around and play in the dirt all day around his family farm. Just up the road were three other boys who lived on an orchard; we would run around the rows of peach trees with water guns, sling shots, and climb into the tree fort to plan attacks against the rival brothers. I didn’t feel very different from them… we liked the same games, same sports, and I didn’t have any concept of gender separation. I knew I was a girl, and they were boys, but I didn’t create a line between the two of us. We were one in the same.

I grew up with a brother who is 5 years older than I whom I always looked up to. He was older, got to do cooler things than I did, got his first car before I did, first cell phone, always the first experiences of being the older child. I desperately wanted to do things that the older kids always got to do, especially with him. I wanted to be part of everything he was doing, I wanted to keep up and not be left behind. When I was 7 he taught me my first karate moves to ward off any boys or bullies, we would play floor hockey in the garage, and throw around a baseball in the back-yard.

It only makes sense that now as I find myself completely surrounded by men in a company that I admire and love being a part of. It’s not always easy being the only woman because I don’t make it easy on myself. I have higher expectations that I have set on my own, I have this desire to keep up and prove that I have a place among “the boys.” These guys are constantly pushing themselves to grow, which pushes me to level up that much quicker. The growth is exponential, the environment is contagious, and it’s hard not to say that these guys who I have known for only 5 months have quickly become some of my closest friends. We call each other on our excuses, the BS, and we carry each other’s struggles and build each other up when another falls. We are more like a family than a business. You can only imagine the questions I get! I get asked all the time- “Why do you work for Kingpin Social?” “How do you explain to women what Kingpin Social is? or my favorite- “You work for Pick-up Artists!?” 

“Queen”pin Social

Connection

Well- these are all great questions, and I understand the struggle when trying to explain to women what Social Dynamics is- especially if you don’t quite have the grasp on what it is, yourself. Maybe you think you know and you just don’t know how to frame it, or maybe you’re a girl and you are having a hard time understanding how all of this relates to you. Maybe you are holding on to the notion that this is “pick-up” with a different name and that infuriates you (which I can understand, but you’re completely off.) I don’t know where you are at, but I can definitely help lift the fog on what Social Dynamics is and how it’s not a boy’s club- it’s for women too! Hello Queenpin Social! 😉

For all my ladies out there, I’m a self-respecting girl and some-what of a feminist. I wouldn’t take part or advertise a company that is involved with pick-up theories. I understand the benefits of pickup but I also understand its downfalls and where PUA’s (pick-up artists) are missing out when it comes to building long-lasting relationships. Neil Strauss in “The Game” even states at the end of the book that being a PUA didn’t equip him with how to create lasting relationships and found it difficult to hold on to a girlfriend. From my experience I see two things with pickup artists and it all depends on their intention.

Intention #1: They are using it to learn how to get girls to build up their self-esteem. They come from a place where they need external validation, but it doesn’t tackle the internal problems of filling that shallow void. Something is missing and they are looking in the wrong place: trying to find it in other people.

Intention #2: They just want help to become more social. These books are great with helping people who are usually more introverted and need some guidelines or “pick-up lines” in order to generate conversation. So in retrospect that is a very good thing! The basis that it’s strictly for getting girls to sleep with a guy is only one way to look at it and yes, some guys use it strictly for that. But not all.

I’m not saying pick-up artistry is good, but it comes down to the intention of the individual. Kingpin Social doesn’t work with clients that share the same intention that most PUA’s do: getting girls. We aren’t about helping dudes sleep with as many girls possible, we are about creating connections with everyone to better our personal relationships, our careers, and our social circles. We want everyone to live the most optimal, happy, and healthy life. This starts with having a healthy relationship with yourself as well with others.

Boys! Ugh!

Connecting the female perspective dots

How do I explain to women what Social Dynamics is? Exactly the same way I explain it to men! Social Dynamics solves the question of “Why can’t we all just get along?” Life = Relationships and Social Dynamics teaches you how to build long lasting relationships with anyone and everyone. This isn’t just about dating but dating is important for everyone as we all desire love. We love companionship, so of course we all want to learn how to create better relationships with the opposite sex, it only makes sense. Men are terrified of women, and a lot of women are afraid of men- we are all afraid of each other. Through Social Dynamics you can learn how to create a great relationship with anyone, and allow it to benefit you as well as the other person. We always want to create a win-win situation for everyone involved.

“But you are going out to bars and talking to girls?” This is only half true. Of course we want guys to talk to girls, but we also want them to make connections with other guys, bartenders, the bouncers, the manager, etc. If a guy can talk to a girl he finds attractive than it will be easier for him to talk to the less daunting people like the management, or another guy at the bar grabbing drinks. If you do the thing you are most uncomfortable with, you will grow and be more comfortable in that situation. You need to learn how to communicate effectively with everyone and come from an authentic place. If men and women can generate momentum in one area of life such as dating that gives them an anchor to build off to generate more momentum in other areas of your life too, like your career. This is what we do at Kingpin Social. We don’t arm you with pick-ups lines to take a girl home; we give you the tools that allow you to talk to anyone so you can become the social butterfly you have always wanted to be and live a life you love with dope people to boot.

Is Social Dynamics for men only? Of course not! I wouldn’t be writing this article if that was the case. Social Dynamics is for everyone under the sun. If you want to explain to the women in your life what Social Dynamics is without coming off the wrong way, then send them this article. It’s sometimes better coming from another woman, as it can be hard to get over the stigma that this all started from a company that derived originally from men wanting to meet and date more women. If you have any questions or would like to sit down with me then email me. I would be more than happy to help or ask any probing questions. ALSO! I will be launching a womans program in the new year and would love to hear your suggestions or feedback. What kind of program would you be interested in?

Making Connections

Social Dynamics is NOT Pick-up

The founders, Cam and Kevin, started out with the same intention of wanting to meet more people. They weren’t in it to meet and sleep with girls. The only methods out there at the time were within the methodology of pick-up, so at first they attempted to use those concepts to meet new people – men and women – but after time they both realized it was a flawed method. It was taking value from the people they were interacting with as well within themselves. It’s hard to hold up a long lasting relationship when you’re not being your authentic self- thus spawned a real pursuit to find the fundamentals of healthy relationships across all social relationships; Social Dynamics!

Social Dynamics isn’t about being someone you aren’t, it’s about building a relationship with yourself so you can ultimately “be yourself” and learning how to make a connection with anyone you want. That could be your neighborhood barista, your mom, your neighbour, the cute guy/girl who lives two floors above you, the chess community, or your boss. If you want to connect with someone for personal reasons or for business opportunities- Social Dynamics can help you. This is why I am part of the Kingpin Social team, because I know that it works for everyone and it has worked for me.

Lastly I need to say that I hate the fact that there is even a parallel between Pick-up and Social Dynamics. It doesn’t give justice to the incredible tools that Kingpin Social has to offer everyone in building a bad ass life. It shouldn’t even be part of the equation or even discussed in my mind, as they are two completely different ideologies and have different intentions overall. From woman to woman- I stand behind Social Dynamics because of choice and was welcomed with open arms into the team because I asked to be there. I wouldn’t be part of something that works against my morals or values, and I sure wouldn’t be writing this article unless I wanted this view to be shifted. Social Dynamics isn’t Pick-Up, so don’t even try to correlate the two. I would love to extend an invitation to any women who wants to be part of the movement of Social Dynamics to message me or any of the team members to get involved and see what this company is all about. It will blow your mind.

In light and love,

J

If you liked this post- please pass it on! “Like” it on facebook and comment! I love reading your  responses and feedback.

Categories
Attracting Women Night Game

Easiest Way to Create Momentum at the Club

Whassup, pimps! Ever walk through the club and tell yourself that you’re there to approach, that you want to talk to some girls tonight… only to shit your pants once you’re actually inside the venue? What’s the first thing that you do when you walk through the doors of any venue.

The first thing that happened when you walk through the doors of the club dictates your night. There are usually three different things that happen to the average guy, so pay attention and be aware of these different things.

BE AWARE OF THESE 3 BAD HABITS

The bathroom guy. One of the pitfalls of the average guy, he decides as soon as he walks through the doors he needs to go pee. He pays no attention to the surroundings around him, no attention to the girls on the way to the bathroom and saunters his way towards the urinals. This guy is likely to kill his momentum unless he knows what he’s doing when it comes to approaching women, and he comes out of the bathroom on a roll.

The drink guy. The moment the front door girl is paid her cover, the second pitfall of the average man is to walk directly to the bar and start drinking. This sets the tone for the evening, and on the most likely cases the guys will be drinking for the rest of the night, money that they will never get back and money that they essentially waste to remove the caution that exists within the sober man. Women can sense when you’re drunk, and it’s a turn off. Drinking is no good for creating more options fellas.

The third thing the average guy usually does is walk around the venue with his circle of friends and scope out the girls. It’s 11pm, and there’s 150 people in the venue. “It’s dead,” one random dude says to his random friend. There’s 150 people in the venue, that means there’s 75 girls. When the average guy walks around with his group of friends to scope girls, and doesn’t talk to any, it tells all of those 75 girls what the average guy is doing. He’s looking for girls, but doesn’t have the balls to talk to any of the 75 in the room.

THE TRUTH ABOUT MOMENTUM

The momentum you create the second that you walk through the door is the momentum that will carry you through the night, whether that be good or bad. If you walk through the door and go straight to the bathroom, it’s likely that you won’t have the awareness to kick start that momentum as soon as you get out of the washroom. If the first thing that you’re doing is buying a drink, that means that you’ll probably be drinking the rest of the night. Drinking limits the thought process, so it is less likely that you will feel the anxiety of approaching. This prevents you from growing though, and limits your ability to be your best self. If you’re walking through the door and not talking to any girls on your trek around the venue it is likely that you will be stuck in your “girl hunting” mode for the rest of the night, unable to turn that “seeing” into “talking.”

WHAT’S THE SOLUTION

Create the momentum in line to go into the venue. Start feeling good about being at the club, start feeling good that you’re here to grow. Talk to strangers in line, make conversation with the doorman and ask him how his night’s going. Talk to the Front Door girl, ask her how it is inside. The second that you walk through the door, and you see a girl, ANY girl, walk up to her and open with any of your conversation starters that you’ve planned out before coming to the club.

What does this do? This starts the ball of momentum. Keep in mind that the momentum you carry when you walk through the door is most likely the momentum that will stick with you for the rest of the night. That in mind, be aware of what the first thing you do once you walk through the doors of the club is. It’s important to get that ball rolling right away, because essentially what you’re doing is “warming yourself up socially”. When you are socially fit, and then you see the girl that you are attracted to, walking up to her and approaching her will be less of a daunting task.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

–          Be aware of the pitfalls of the average man walking through the club doors. The Drink Guy, the Bathroom Guy and the Creepy Girl – Hunters. Avoid these three things like the plague, and instead be the Social Guy.

–          The momentum you create at the start of the night is the momentum that carries you through the night. Use momentum as a tool, as soon as you walk through the doors walk up to a group of strangers, put yourself on the line to see what you’re made of and start a conversation.

–          Getting momentum from the second you walk through the door is ensuring that you are “socially fit”. If you are “socially fit,” approaching the women you are attracted to will be easier.

In the end, the initial approaches will always be the hardest. That’s why it’s important to do them as soon as you walk through the door. Whether or not you find the first group of people physically attractive is irrelevant, because you are brightening THEIR night by talking to them, and warming yourself up for the physically attractive women that you want to meet tonight. The women that you are attracted to will appreciate that you’ve got your social swag on, because you’ve warmed up. Do yourself a favor, do them a favor and abolish those comfort zones as soon as you walk through the front doors of the club. The rest of the night will feel 10x easier.

 

HOPE THIS HELPS! Comment and SUBSCRIIIIBE <3

Categories
Mental Performance

Why Not Giving a Fuck is Stupid as Fuck

Yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

In the pick-up community, one of the very first mindsets you are taught is to “not give a fuck”. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t work to some degree. Unfortunately I find this one mindset is used as massive justification to behave like a complete moron. It’s used as justification to run up to girls and “express yourself”.

Now don’t get me wrong… I completely agree that people in general care wayyyyy too much about what people think about them, so developing a mindset of “not giving a fuck” what people think about you can help a lot.

Unfortunately it has major flaws, some of which I only realized recently.

This epiphany came to light the other day when I was out for sushi with a few friends of mine. While waiting for others to get there, two of my closer friends began to “play drums” with their chopsticks. Using their chopsticks as drumsticks, they began to bang the table and their glasses to make beats. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this, except we were in a public place and in that environment I believe it’s inappropriate.

Within minutes I was getting irritated, eventually to the point of asking them to stop. The response I got was shocking, and caused this epiphany to happen.

The Response:

Friend: “Cam… just don’t give a fuck what other people think about you.”

Immediately I knew this was completely wrong. Giving a fuck about what people think about me had absolutely no relevance in why I was getting irritated. It was actually the complete opposite.

It had nothing to do with caring what other people thought, but actually giving a fuck what people thought.

The reason you shouldn’t give a fuck what people think about you is because you need to be internally validated. You need to draw your self-worth from within. This much is obvious and you’ve heard this for years no doubt.

It’s not a matter of other people’s opinions affecting your view of yourself, but your view of yourself affecting yourself.

Make sense?

If you are internally validated, and you aren’t maintaining personal integrity, than your self-worth will hurt because of it. (I actually did a video blog on this topic, find the link below.) This is why when my friends were annoying other people at the sushi restaurant – and in doing so disrespecting my core values of respect, being courteous, etc – I took it personally.

I feel fortunate to have been raised by parents who were able to teach me these basic lessons of courtesy and respect for others. There are too many people out there less fortunate. I don’t hold it against them, but I do my best to help bridge that gap.

Ultimately this all comes down to one question: Are you bringing value or taking value? The world really does come down to that question. You can never go wrong by bringing value at all times. By being obnoxious in a public place, you are making the experience of others worse, thus taking value.

It’s about knowing when to give a fuck and when not to give a fuck. Someone’s view of yourself should have no barring on your self-worth, because you should be internally validated. But everyone’s opinion is feedback, and when it’s negative you should take it seriously. How do other people perceive your behavior? Are you expressing yourself or just being an idiot? Is this an environment where I can get a bit wild and not be taking value from others around me?

The “not giving a fuck” attitude is one of the stupidest concepts the pick-up community teaches you. START giving a fuck. Become internally validated and use people’s opinions as feedback: are you moving in the right or wrong direction? Are you maintaining your personal integrity? Do you have core morals and values to set your personal integrity standard? Are you expressing these core values and being congruent to them? Are you able to be assertive when outside forces are affecting this?

All of this ties into your boundaries, which I’ve talked about here.

What is one area you can be more assertive in maintaining personal integrity? Share it with me by commenting below. I’d love to hear your side of the story. Also share this post with your friends, because doing so makes you a G.

PS. Jamie from A Devoted Shift said she would bake cookies for anybody that shares this post on Facebook. E-mail her for free cookies: adevotedshift@live.ca

PEEACE.

Categories
Attracting Women Mental Performance

HUGE NEWS: Baby on the Way!!!

Good morning!

How has your week been so far?

Mine has been pretty fccukkkin awesome.

On Saturday I got news from a student I taught in Spring 2010 that him and his long-term girlfriend are expecting! This will be the first of my students to take that step.

To say I’m ecstatic about this news would be an understatement.

When a student improves and experiences success, it reaffirms that you, as a teacher, are doing your job. It re-assures that what you are doing is right, what you are doing is working. This feeeels goooooood.

I always tell people that the only reason I teach is because my students actually improve. If what I am teaching was not working, I would stop and go do something else. Kevin and I take our roles as teachers very seriously.

Our core teaching philosophy is this:

“There is no such thing as an inflexible student, only an inflexible teacher.”

It is your job as a teacher to TEACH your students. In my opinion this is a major failure in our current educational system. Teachers aren’t actually teaching each individual, they are just lecturing a curriculum to their audience, and even though the curriculum may be good (that is also up for debate), it doesn’t matter what the quality of a curriculum is if people aren’t actually learning it.

Everybody learns differently. So a teacher has to be flexible. It’s not your job as a student to learn. It’s my job as a teacher to teach you.

As a student all I need from you is to show up and put in a solid effort. I will do the rest. I will figure out how to make sure you leave with an in-depth understanding of the material we discussed. I will figure out what motivates you and how we can create a system that works for you* to be able to implement my teachings into your life.

Not the other way around.

Since one of my core values is to only teach material that works, I go through a constant internal analysis on whether I should continue to teach or not. For the last 4 years that answer has been that absolutely I should continue to teach, so I have.

And as my students continue to see success, the validation I need to continue grows stronger.

But one piece of the puzzle was always missing, and this legitimately stressed me out: I never had the validation I needed on the ultimate goal.

What is the Ultimate Goal?

The ultimate goal with everything I teach is “to live the life you want to live.”

For 99% of people (including yours truly), marriage will be a big part of that.

But since I’m not married, I couldn’t know if what I taught actually worked to get you to that point. On paper it definitely looked like it would, but everybody knows how something looks on paper isn’t the be-all end-all.

It was hard to shake that seed of doubt in my head: Does this ACTUALLY work?

This was until a few months ago when one of my old “wingmen” got engaged to a beautiful girl who I think is coolasfuck. They are definitely extremely happy and meant to be together.

This helped push that seed of doubt out of my head. The process worked for him, so it clearly does work. There was only one problem: I never officially worked with this guy. He was just a friend who was also involved in learning pickup and social dynamics back in the day. We would talk on the phone and go on double dates together, but he learned a lot on his own.

So on Saturday when I heard that one of my actual students was having a baby with his long-term girlfriend, that seed of doubt was gone.

Someone who actually took the Kingpin Social Bootcamp is now on the path to starting a family. He has reached the ultimate goal, and with it I receive the ultimate validation as a teacher of social dynamics. What I teach actually works, 110 mutha fuckin’ percent.**

What You Need To Know

Pickup is just a platform. Everything you learn through your involvement in pickup can be learned in other ways. There is no doubt about that.

Pickup is just a very good platform to learn things like: confidence, self-esteem, networking, body language, vocal tonality, vocal projection, being internally validated, screening, learning how to depend on yourself only and nobody else, pushing your comfort zone, facing your fears, becoming positive, destroying anxiety and stress in your life, basic & advanced social skills, etc etc.

Think About This:

If you woke up one day and realized you weren’t as confident as you wanted to be, how would you go about fixing that? Most people would have no fackin’ clue. Or maybe they want better social skills. But how do you improve those? It’s tough!

So they start googling around and eventually stumble upon the pickup community. And as they get more and more involved, they learn – they improve.

Now, as I’ve talked about before, the pickup platform is flawed, so you should choose to study social dynamics instead.

Other than being a platform that focuses on giving value instead of taking it, social dynamics also cultivates one mindset that I believe truly separates you from the average person:

As a student of social dynamics you cultivate the mindset that everything is an opportunity to learn, everything is an opportunity to grow.

“It’s not failure it’s feedback.”

This mindset helps you develop that infectious enthusiasm for positivity. When you no longer look at anything as a negative (failure) and instead look at everything as an opportunity to learn and grow, you can’t help but have an intense amount of positivity. And then want to share that with the world.

“Every day in every way I keep getting better and better” or as my boy Myke has tattooed across his chest “Better than yesterday.”

It’s time for you to get involved in social dynamics. It’s time for you to take the leap. It’s time to start taking action. This platform does actually work; my friends and students getting married is proof of that. I bet if you asked them whether or not their involvement in social dynamics played a crucial part in them getting to where they are today, they would say yes. It makes that much of a difference.

So hit me up. Comment on this post, add me to Facebook, follow me on twitter, whatever medium floats your boat. There are no strings attached, we are just here to help.

Get Involved. It Just Makes Sense.

PS. Share this with your friends, maybe it helps them get involved too!

PPS. If you haven’t grabbed your FREE copy of Brian’s Book yet, get on it! Click here.

Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle

Warning: Are You Fundamentally Flawed?

Being back in the frozen land for the last week and a half has been a blast. Even though my 5-week tour across the USA changed my life, life back home has never been better.

During my travels, people would constantly ask me how my trip was going and different thoughts on travelling. Prior to my trip, I definitely had a different perspective.

Until a few months ago, deep down the appeal I had to travel was to escape. My life wasn’t that sweet back home so travelling would be an instant fix. Unless you are seriously just that lame and/or socially uncalibrated, travelling is an incredibly easy way to have a lot of fun, to have new experiences and have many many exciting stories to share with your friends when you get back.

But this trip wasn’t like that for me. Of course I had a ton of fun, experienced many new things, and came home with new stories to share with everyone, but the biggest realization I had was that travelling is a lot different when you aren’t doing it as an escape. The only way I believe this to be possible is if your life back home is fucking awesome…

… like mine is right now. (/end brag)

Anyways… since I’ve been back shit has really been poppin’ off. I feel like my social circle is getting stronger and stronger by the day. I wake up energized, excited for the challenges I face each day. The sun is shining, and business – never been better.

Yesterday I was hanging out with Kevin, and a few other friends in my living room. As normal the conversation revolved around Social Dynamics and the pickup community. At one point Kevin explained how pickup is fundamentally flawed, which I thought was a great topic for todays post.

What do you mean, Pickup is Fundamentally Flawed?

Pickup is fundamentally flawed because it is based on taking value. When you are operating from a mindset of “taking value”, you never win. One person is getting something, while the other is not. It’s only a matter of time before this blows up in your face.

Here’s an example:

The main goal of a “pick-up artist” is to meet a girl and then sleep with her. Of course I don’t think there is anything wrong with this, sex is a huge part of your life. Where pick-up goes wrong is with the mindset behind it.

When two people hookup, I believe it’s an equal exchange of value, however the majority of the time one person’s intentions are going to be different then the others. It’s pretty common that one person believes something more is going to come after it, which I would say is more common from a female perspective. By sleeping with her when you know nothing else is going to happen after, you are taking value. This is the approach of the pick-up artist.

One-way to avoid this is by being upfront about your intentions, something “pick-up artists” aren’t taught. They are taught to use different tactics and techniques to break through resistance, getting to the goal of sleeping with her. It’s very outcome oriented.

The pick-up community isn’t only negative though. There is plenty you can learn from it if you have the right mindset. One cool concept the community talks about is to “leave the girl better than you found her”. I think Neil Strauss said this, and I agree with it.

However if you sleep with a girl knowing things aren’t going to progress anywhere, it doesn’t matter how good you leave her, the fact that you left her is taking value.

And taking value is fundamentally flawed.

So now what the fuck do you do?

You study Social Dynamics instead.

Social Dynamics is about giving value, and giving value freely. It’s the complete opposite approach.

Just think about it…

Who doesn’t want to help that guy who gives and gives, expecting nothing in return? Through Social Dynamics you become that guy.

The power of Social Dynamics is in the little things: Like your car breaking down, but you know someone who could fix it, and since you’ve helped them freely… they will help you. You might even know this guy only because you took the time to connect with him at the club instead of only focusing on picking up girls all night. Or maybe every morning at Starbucks you put in a bit of extra effort to brighten a baristas day, and she ends up hooking you up with a free coffee. Social dynamics is always a win-win.

And it still involves meeting girls. It still involves the dating process. It just comes from a place of giving value instead of taking. You leave the girl better off than when you found her because you bring value to her life. The level of intimacy you have with each girl you meet is subjective to the connection you two have: physically or emotionally.

In a nutshell…

Social Dynamics is your ability to influence your situation to live the life you want to live. (You do this by giving value freely)

Social Dynamics is NOT your ability to influence your situation to get people to do what you want them to do. (This is taking value, a pick-up artist approach)

With Social Dynamics you are not limited. How could you stay in pick-up when you have a girlfriend? It’s pretty difficult, especially when your motivation fades quickly. I’ve seen this a million times. This is not the case with Social Dynamics. Married, single, or in a relationship, you can learn a great deal by studying Social Dynamics. Male or Female, you can learn a great deal by studying Social Dynamics.

You can continue to grow each and every day. You can continue to optimize your life to be the one you want it to be: a life full of passion, purpose, great friends and intimacy, a life that you do not have to be ashamed of in any way whatsoever. A life of social influence.

And you can start today.

I hope you do.