Don’t be Her Therapist, Bro.

by Cam

Every time I travel, I continue to realize one thing: Generally… people are good people. Because of this, some people like to take advantage of it. A common example is the friend who only calls you when they are going through something and need advice. Have you ever had a friend like this? I know I have. Growing up I was naturally very perceptive; I could see through problems and give solid advice. (big surprise hey?)

But what if you actually like the girl? What if you want a better relationship than one where she only calls you to talk about her problems… even if that means you are only looking for a friendship and not necessarily something romantic. This post is for you.

The other night while having sushi with a good friend of mine, he asked me my opinion on this exact situation. He’s interested in a girl but the only time they talk it involves her asking for advice from him. He isn’t even stuck in the friend zone, he’s stuck being her fucking therapist. The lowest of the low if you ask me.

therapist

So my friend asked me how I thought he should approach the situation if he’s looking to hang out with her and not talk about her problems all day. The problem is this: she doesn’t understand what he perceives as valuable… or…. she doesn’t value the relationship.

The solution is simple.

First you need to identify whether or not she is interested in having a real friendship. You do this simply by letting her know you’re interested in hanging out with her outside of a phone call, as friends. You can also let her know you think she’s great and you know she is a lot more fun than what you’ve seen so far. Let her know you want to see that side of her.

Once this is established, you need to take responsibility for the situation and do your part in bringing awareness to her on what you perceive as valuable. If she doesn’t understand what you perceive as value, how can she bring you value? It’s up to you.

Now that she understands what you perceive as value, the value exchange can begin. If you’ve talked to her properly, you can approach this situation just like you would with any friend. Bring value freely and they will as well. If not, let them know what’s up, but remember it’s up to you to take responsibility. There is no sense in putting the blame on anybody else. Do your part.

personal boundariesAlso understand that you need to set your boundaries. You aren’t there to be someone’s therapist; you are there to be a friend. That line can be blurry sometimes. Drama and negativity wastes a ton of mental energy, so don’t forget to live drama free by setting proper boundaries.

At the end of the day, you have to be able to assert your influence and form the type of relationship you want, but it takes two to tango. If she’s just looking for a shoulder to cry on and isn’t going to be a willing participant in a healthy friendship, then have the strength to cut your losses and move on. There are 7 billion people in the world; you don’t have to settle for anybody. You have an unlimited amount of options if you go out there and take advantage of it. You could easily meet a new friend by saying hi to someone new at your local Starbucks, or inviting the cute girl you sit next to in university to grab coffee after class.

At the end of the day, the only thing worse than being in the friend zone is being her therapist… so don’t be her therapist bro.

Hope that helps everybody out. If it did, please share it with your friends. Life is all about the actions that you take. One you can take right now, that will make a serious difference in your life is to subscribe below. We aren’t here to spam you or waste your time. We’re here to help you live the baddest mother fucking life you can, and if you allow yourself to put some faith into what we teach, that will happen for you. Seriously. I only know this because it’s happened for me, and for other people I’ve taught.

About Cam
Cam Adair is a Motivational Speaker who dares you to live a life you're proud of. Watch his TEDx talks on Escaping Video Game Addiction and The Surprising Truth About Rejection. Follow him on Instagram. He is the Founder of Game Quitters, a support community for those who struggle with a gaming problem.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Bor September 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm

very nice, I like
I especially like how it talks about women outside of romantic context, you don’t have to want to get in her pants to want to have an exchange of value.

Cam September 7, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Thanks Bor.

The exchange of value happens within every relationship, romantic or otherwise. It’s all about who you know right? 🙂

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