How to Develop Social Intelligence

by Brian

You’re on the first date with the girl you met last Friday. She’s a cool chick man, you really want to make sure you have a good time with her. The date is set: Dinner at Earls than you’re going to go watch Planet of the Apes. SUCH A SICK MOVIE!!

The date seems to be going well. You think that dinner is a great idea, and Planet of the Apes is so badass that if she doesn’t like it, she must be stupid. Who gives a fuck? Earls seems to creep by, as the conversation kind of lulled for a bit but that doesn’t matter. Once plan Apes is in action, you can begin the physical touch. The old Yawn and Pull? Awwwwww yeah.

The Yawn and Pull doesn’t work as well as you thought it would, but that’s alright. Once you drop her off at her house and walk her to the door it’s gonna be pounce time, and you’re ready tiger.

“You’re a great guy, but I just don’t see this going anywhere.”

VALUE IS RELATIVE TO THE INDIVIDUAL

I think we all want to give value on some level. In some way, shape or form we want to give value. But what is value in our eyes may not be value in another person’s eyes. Knaa mean?

That was  a super fly chick, and you really wanted to show her a good time. You paid for her dinner, you made sure you bought the movie tickets. You were trying to give value, right? The date wasn’t very good though, you could have made it better. The flaw in that system was that you didn’t understand her perception of value. Do you really think that girl values a date that she’s probably been on 30 different times? Your perception of what “value” is, is flawed, because you didn’t take into account what her perception of value may be.

Let’s say that you’re out at the club, and you want to talk to a smoking hot girl. You walk up to her with a sure swagger, and you say ..

“Hey, I think you’re hot. I want to say hi!”

From an outsider looking in, that might be seen as giving her value. Look at it from her eyes though. How many dudes do you think come up to her with that same bullshit line? Instead of her perceiving the value that you’re trying to offer as value, she actually resents you for not understanding her perception of value. Her perception of value is probably a real conversation that doesn’t involve the way that she looks.

Let’s say that you’re trying to teach someone something. You have a piece of knowledge that could help someone out. Let’s say that you’re an English major, and you know how to effectively communicate with other individuals. Your friend is telling a story and, in the story you notice a flaw in the way that they’re telling it. “Yeah that was friggin funny man!” You, being an English major, realize that “Friggin” isn’t a word. You comment on it. “Friggin isn’t a word. You could say ‘really funny’ and that would be a valid sentence.” The on – looking English major would see this interaction, and go “hmm, that makes sense.” Every other individual with an ounce of common sense would see that this English major, trying to give value, is actually not aware of what the storyteller’s perception of value is (an active listener, who will laugh at the story).

Why is this important?

If you don’t understand what people perceive as valuable, but you’re trying to give them value, you’re going to be giving value in the wrong ways. Let’s say that you’ve been reading our posts, and you want to start practicing Social Dynamics. You want to be more involved with your Dad, but he’s always working. While he’s working, you go up to him and try to offer him value in the form of conversation. In doing so, though, you’re interrupting his work. Your attempt to give value was actually flawed, and this is why it’s important to understand his perception of value. If you look at life through your Dad’s eyes an understand that he’s a busy guy, and needs to get a lot done… and he values relaxing and going for walks on his free time than you could give him value by going for walks with him. Or, even better, try to arrange a walk with him.

The exchange of value goes wrong when people don’t understand different perceptions of value. We all understand that value needs to be given to get what you want out of life, and there are universal forms of value that one can offer (like positivity, or genuine intent) but there are times and places where this value is applicable. Developing an understanding for what people perceive as valuable, and finding the most effective way to communicate that value to them is a fundamental key to success.

In the end, there are two ways that most people work. They either work smart (the one who cheats on tests in school by sitting next to the smartest kid), or they work hard (the one that studies their balls off for the test). The smartest people use a combination of both. They decide they’re going to work smart (by finding out the smartest people at the subject) AND work hard (study with that smart individual). Social Dynamics allows you to do the smart work.

IN SUMMARY

Develop an understanding for what people perceive as valuable. Look at your close friends, and see what they love to do. Think about what they love to do, and try to give value in a way that they would be thankful for. There are different times and places, and different kinds of value you can offer people and these are all relative to situations. If you want to develop an understanding on how to give value in all different situations and aspects of your life, get in contact with us on ANY situation and we can help. For real. Our shit is legit, and applies to all areas of your life.

Hope this helps! Comment and subscribbeeeeee <3

About Brian
Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Bor August 19, 2011 at 5:28 pm

I think that pinpoints THE major issue around “giving value,” which is a very fuzzy concept to describe. I don’t get that sometimes either so this is definitely pointing people in the right direction

Cam August 19, 2011 at 8:15 pm

I have another post coming out on Tuesday about this same topic. Over the next few weeks I’m going to continue breaking these concepts down, and help people connect with them properly.

Luis October 24, 2014 at 10:09 pm

So then what my ex value when we just broke up … Because there are something that you just cannot be or do .. Or do I have to be more creative ?

Cam October 28, 2014 at 2:48 pm

@ Luis – Thanks for commenting! If you and your ex broke up it’s because she has needs that are being unfulfilled (not necessarily your fault) and she values something different now. This is OK and it’s not always a bad thing. What’s important to look into is how you need to grow and how this can empower you moving forward.

Kelson September 15, 2015 at 11:30 pm

Right ont-ihs helped me sort things right out.

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