The Secret to Living Drama Free

by Cam

no dramaAnybody else sick of fucking drama?

I know I am.

It’s like living life in peace is no longer the default. That’s fucked up.

We all know life comes down to the choices you make. And if you didn’t welcome to a new reality.

Since 2008 I have made the choice to cut ALL drama out of my life. Straight up.

And believe me, having drama in your life is absolutely a choice.

I made the choice to live drama-free after I lost five of my best friends to some silly drama. What I found the most ridiculous about that situation was that the problem was only between one friend and myself. Nobody else had to get involved, but naturally, certain types of people will join in the battle, instead of staying off to the side like they could. This made me realize something I still believe today:

Certain people want drama. They chase it.

Why? Because it makes them feel alive. It makes them feel like they matter. (They don’t.)

Need more proof?

How many people do you know that follow celebrity news? How many millions of dollars are made in the gossip magazine industry? Or TV shows like “Entertainment Tonight”? How many people have jobs as paparazzi – their only job to invade peoples privacy for a journalist to use as “evidence” to sell some bullshit story, and with it, more magazines.

I think the point is proven.

So what do we do with these types of people?

There’s only one choice: you have to cut them out of your life entirely. Set the boundary. Make it black or white. No gray area. No debate. This cannot be open for discussion. (More on setting boundaries in a video blog I did, which you can view by clicking here or scrolling down.)

Think about it like this: if you are the average of your five closest friends (as Brian talks about him his book – you can download it for free here), and one of them causes drama, that brings your stock down. Let’s push it further: Just like you are the average of your five closest friends, the concept also applies to your friends. So if they have a friend who causes drama, it brings their stock down, and with it, yours.

Institute a NO DRAMA policy.

No ifs, ands or buts. If someone causes drama, be a man (or woman) and let them know that it is not accepted and will not be tolerated. You value them as a friend which is why you are giving them the heads up. If it happens again, adios!

The friends I eventually cut out were given the heads up, and when drama happened again, I didn’t even contact them. The relationship was ended. I didn’t need to notify them. They called, I didn’t call back. They texted, I didn’t text back. I deleted them off Facebook if I needed to. Of course you could say some of these are drastic measures… but I don’t give a fuck. It’s my life and with a zero tolerance policy for drama, drastic measures need to be taken. Otherwise you end up having to deal with bullshit problems time and time again.

I value my time and my life more than that.

One more thing before I go: Being the middleman still counts. If there is drama between two friends, you can stay out of it. OR you can let them both know that this is affecting your relationships, which means it’s affecting you, and they need to figure out a solution that works, because you have no tolerance for drama in any way in your life! Be assertive; let them know what’s up.

Apply this principle today and enjoy living your life with as little drama as possible. It will never go away fully, but you can have a serious impact on the amount you have to deal with, and every time unavoidable drama comes up, dealing with it is a piece of cake.

Good luck, and hit me up in the comments section below! Let’s talk about this more. If you enjoyed the post, please share it with your friends! Let’s get more people involved in improving their lives!

Here’s a video blog I did on the topic of setting boundaries:

About Cam
Cam Adair is a Motivational Speaker who dares you to live a life you're proud of. Watch his TEDx talks on Escaping Video Game Addiction and The Surprising Truth About Rejection. Follow him on Instagram. He is the Founder of Game Quitters, a support community for those who struggle with a gaming problem.

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{ 62 comments… read them below or add one }

Sanjar August 18, 2011 at 2:11 am

I enjoyed reading the article, but one thing I couldn’t fully understand is what drama stands for. Maybe because I am not a native English speaker I don’t get it. I always thought the word “drama” is mostly related to problems that happen in a relationship between men and women.

Brian August 18, 2011 at 5:21 pm

“Drama” is anything that causes you to waste your most valuable currency; mental energy. If there’s anything in your life that you’re thinking about that you don’t like, any friendships that cause negative emotions over positives.. or any environment which you exist in that effects your emotional state in a negative way:

DRAAAMAAA!

Rid yourself, and spend your mental energy on something productive and positive.

Cam August 18, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Hey Sanjar.

Brian nailed it. Does that make sense? Let me know if you need any further clarification 🙂

Sanjar August 19, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Thank you Brian. You made it so clear and understandable!
Cam, it seems like you rarely use your email (wrote you a message once) :). Would you recommend using facebook to contact you?

Cam August 19, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Hey Sanjar. Don’t think I received the e-mail in question. Facebook is definitely a safe bet. 🙂

The Youth Life Coach October 16, 2011 at 11:58 am

Great article, and a topic which so many teens find themselves trapped within. Cyber bullying, cyber gangs and of course the physical forms they encounter every day. Keep up the good work!

Cam October 17, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Hey YLC.

Thanks for coming by and commenting. I completely agree that this needs to be addressed for more the younger generation! 🙂

Hope to see you comment again.

Myke Macapinlac October 18, 2011 at 5:15 am

Haha Penguins hat! LOL Great article and love the video!

Cam October 18, 2011 at 1:03 pm

You’re just jealous you don’t have one!

Logan April 2, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Hey Cam great article!! This totally represents some problems I am having with my current social group. You make the solution sound simple. Things are spelling themselves out for me. Do you want a headache or not?

Misty April 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I know I don’t need drama in my life. Sometimes life can be hard enough without it.

For the past 3 years, I’ve been trying to convince myself I don’t need any more new female friends because drama…. I don’t like. But with the 5 males I’ve been associating with in the recent past, they’ve all caused drama for me at some point or another.

Having male friends and having female friends is the same!

Sometimes males cause drama and sometimes females cause drama. So who do you turn to? Jesus?!?!!?

Where are all the good, nice, normal and NON DRAMATIC people these days?

Cam April 15, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Hey Misty, thanks for dropping by and commenting. I definitely agree that both sexes can be dramatic in their own right. One thing I like to do to find out if people are dramatic is to talk a lot about how I don’t like dramatic people. If they agree, usually that’s a good sign.

Tim June 6, 2012 at 9:18 am

Hi Cam
Great informative site you have here. I do agree with you on “Certain people want drama. They chase it.”. I also believe it can be a disease like alcoholism they just can’t stop.The Dramanic as I call them can’t stop causing the drama. If you lock them in a room by them self they would even cause drama with themselves.While not all Dramanic’s I knew were that bad. There was some that were very bad and would go far enough to actually hurt others for their own pleasure of “DRAMA” and needed that fix like it was a drug.I truly believe that for some Dramanic’s it makes them feel like GOD when they manipulate peoples lives.

Cam June 6, 2012 at 9:45 am

Hey Tim! Thanks for dropping by and leaving your feedback. I agree, there are many similarities. It’s a symptom of low-self-esteem… they need that drama as feedback that they are actually alive, it’s a pretty crazy dynamic to pay attention to and analyze.

Julianne February 23, 2013 at 3:15 pm

great video Cam. some of my boundaries are:

stay clear of people that pull me down with them
stay clear of people with habitually negative attitudes
no gossip

when my friends breech these boundaries i’m going to speak up!

Cam February 24, 2013 at 5:03 pm

I’m glad you enjoyed the post Julianne 🙂

Layla April 11, 2013 at 7:08 am

Hi guys,
I am an adult and based on my experience, life cannot be lived without drama. It cannot be eliminated out of one’s life. If I were to eliminate all the friends I have who are full of this crap (namely “drama”) I would eliminate all my friends including my husband. Almost everybody tend to create drama… unfortunately. I hate dram to but in the same time I cannot live alone without no friends at all so I have to accept all their drama.

Cam April 11, 2013 at 5:05 pm

Hey Layla,

Thanks for commenting. It’s not always about getting rid of your friends but also about calibrating their affect on you. Also, instead of getting rid of all your friends so you don’t have any left, try to make new friends who have healthier lifestyles and slowly move away from the friends who cause a lot of unnecessary drama. Of course, drama is a part of life, but there’s a lot of drama that doesn’t HAVE to be put up with.

Layla April 12, 2013 at 1:49 pm

Thank you for the kind answer. Some day when you are 38 y.o. like I am you will see how difficult it is to make friends, particularly drama free friends. This is an age group for which drama is generated by envy, by constantly comparing the achievements/less of achievements and by some sort of a remorse and frustration accumulated through years. Instead of acting wiser, people tend to reverse to the teenage years behavior as they grow older.
You are doing a great job here but I think you should also try to advice people on how to handle the drama prone friends. Sometimes, as I said in my previous comment, we cannot avoid them or eliminate them for good because if we do, we have no choice but left alone, because … unfortunately… almost everybody around tends to be drama prone.

Cam April 12, 2013 at 3:09 pm

@ Layla – I definitely think there’s an opportunity for us to write about how to handle dramatic friends. Thank you for the suggestion.

Amanda May 8, 2013 at 5:15 pm

Hi Cam.
I have lost a few friends because of an issue with one friend. The friends that I managed to keep find the situation odd, causing our friendship to be strained. Especially since they are no longer friends with the others either. There was a clear divide and this is because I set boundaries for myself. Breaking a group of friends up because you set boundaries is complex. Losing friends can affect your self esteem too. I think setting boundaries are good indicators to take a breather from people and if those people are high maintenance and always want attention… You will likely not remain friends for long naturally. Drama sucks but I think the best thing is avoidance, remaining neutral and not feeding into it. Afterall, how can people affect you if your not around or involved in anything of the sort. People will always have an opinion of you no matter if you have set boundaries and you cant change that. Drama will always follow you. Its how you let it affect you that counts. If your in an environment of any sort that affects you in an extreme way (i.e. abuse, criminal behaviour etc) MOVE ON or call the police. It’s a crazy world so life it to the fullest and do what makes you happy!!!

Cam May 10, 2013 at 4:59 pm

@ Amanda – Thanks for commenting! You nailed it! I totally agree that it’s important to set boundaries, and so many of us (including myself!) have a really hard time setting them. It’s a big step. Yes you will definitely lose some friends but you have to view this from an abundance mentality, instead of feeling scarcity. If you find you’ve lost more friends than you would like, it’s up to you to go make new ones that align better with your values. Good luck!

mallorie September 26, 2013 at 1:30 pm

this is so true thats what i had to do it was hard but i have only a few friends and i barley talk to anyone and thats fine for me lol im drama free and have been since this year!!!!!

Cam September 26, 2013 at 2:57 pm

@ Mallorie – Thanks for commenting! I’m super stoked to hear it worked out for you! You rock 🙂

Scotty October 26, 2013 at 11:08 am

Hey Cam,

Great read!
What if you have a family member that is full on drama driven? How do you eliminate them? In my case, I can’t. Not an option. Does it now turn into a situation of coping?

Thanks,

Cam October 28, 2013 at 9:48 am

@ Scotty – Thanks for commenting! This is definitely a type of situation you have to approach differently.

When it comes to people you CAN remove from your life I recommend you do, but when it comes to family member’s I believe it comes down to doing the best you can and focusing instead on your own happiness by being less reactive to their drama – so yes, coping does become part of the equation.

Although you cannot eliminate them, I would encourage creating distance if possible, and don’t be afraid of being creative in this. I’ve also found a lot of power in leading by example, regardless of how long it takes. This approach has worked well for me in the past.

Best of luck and keep me posted on how it goes! If you want to go into more specifics feel free to email me.

Bitter roommate November 5, 2013 at 7:35 pm

So I came here because I got to thinking about why I tend to get in fights with a certain type of person and why they always play out the same way. I came to the conclusion that I have a very low tolerance for bullshit, which is what I googled and you came up.

I feel like I often end up in friendships with people who are very self centered and this causes drama- over the years, I’ve learned it’s best to cut those people off, as you said, but then there’s the situation of roommates.

I am moving out of my apartment and am really fed up with what a rotten and self absorbed person my roommate is. We recently got into a fight because I asked her for her rent after she was 4 days late, and she had a huge attitude about it. I called her on her bullshit and of course, it turned into a war of words.

I found myself questioning whether I was the one chasing the drama, for calling her out (although I did it very diplomatically at first, I should have realized she wouldn’t be able to respond in a mature way), and yet I feel that sometimes when people repeatedly treat you like shit and act a certain way, maybe it’s because no one has ever stood up to them. I hate people who won’t just say what they mean, straight up, and I try to live by that. But in some situations, maybe I should stay quiet to avoid the drama.

I guess my question is, at what point does avoiding drama become passive aggression? At what point does keeping the peace turn into being a doormat? The situation becomes sticky when it is with someone you are bound to, for one reason or another. I can’t grapple with the decision over whether or not to tolerate bullshit after a certain point. I’m curious to get an outside perspective on this matter.

Cam November 6, 2013 at 5:32 am

@ Bitter Roommate – Thanks for commenting. If you find this is a repeating pattern in your life, I definitely encourage you to do some introspection into why you tend to attract these types of people into your life. The world tends to be our mirror, and the flaws we see in others are the flaws we see in ourselves, so if you are bringing these types of people into your life regularly, there’s something about yourself that you should consider adjusting. I know recently one of my friends mentioned that I seemed to have a lot of dramatic girls in my life, and when I dove deeper into why that was I realized it was because when I was able to give them advice and listen, it made me feel more worthy. Since realizing this I’ve set firmer boundaries.

To answer your question, I think it’s important to note that everybody has a different perception of value, and when you’re communicating to someone, it’s not about communicating the way YOU like, but the way THEY like. This is how you have effective communication.

So although you like communication to be very direct, if that doesn’t vibe well with the other person it’s actually not going to do yourself any favors in achieving what you’re trying to achieve – being on the same page with the other person.

Now, when she is communicating to you, it would be best for her to be direct, since that’s what you like.

This isn’t to say you can’t be direct, but there are many different ways you can be direct without being “direct”. By this I mean, you can focus on the type of tone you use, or even the fact that you are assertive in approaching the situation (this is a form of being direct), etc. Being direct isn’t simply about calling her out on her bullshit and escalating things into a war of words.

You may not be intentionally chasing drama, but one angle to consider is that by being overly direct and having it blow up on her end, you are VALIDATING this idea in your head that people who treat others like shit do it because nobody’s ever stood up to them. Don’t take this as a means of NOT standing up to people, because I completely have your back on that, I just mean it’s another way of looking at the situation and what’s causing it – potentially.

I’m certainly not an advocate of being passive aggressive. I guess it comes down to having boundaries in your life. If someone is not serving a purposeful experience in your life, there’s no shame in cutting them out. That’s not passive aggressive, that’s having boundaries and having values.

Most importantly, I would focus your attention on surrounding yourself by like minded people, and although this can be difficult to see sometimes (early on at least), I would work on how you can identify the type of person you want to be around sooner than later. For much of my life I have been blind to red flags that were showing up early on in my relationships because I wanted to hope the best for people. Now I try and see things as they are instead of the way I want to see them.

Best of luck, hope the situation resolves itself. Thanks for the question.

CJ December 21, 2013 at 1:43 pm

Cam,
Thank you so much for your NO DRAMA POLICY. I’m implementing it right now…
it’s freedom! It is my choice which people I let through the “gate” into my life. No more contact with people who weave gossip & slander into a conversation and leave you with the negative aftermath. Or the married business colleague who hits on you and thinks it is ok… I like that silence speaks the “loudest” in these situations…no return emails or phone calls. Responding to these people is what they want…more drama. I’m listening to my gut instinct & watching those red flags carefully.
Thanks again,
CJ

Cam December 21, 2013 at 6:31 pm

@ CJ – Thanks for commenting, I’m glad you enjoyed the article. Everything you said was great, I encourage you to stand firm on all of it!

Nadia June 26, 2014 at 5:30 pm

I am so glad I found this article. I just went through something today where an aquaintance of mine texted me and wanted me to fix a problem she was having with another friend of mine. It put me on the spot and made me feel really uncomfortable, especially when it was out of the blue and I had nothing to do with the situation. It truly drained my energy.

Thank you for writing this article. 🙂 I shall bookmark this page.

Cam July 2, 2014 at 3:18 pm

@ Nadia – Thanks for commenting! I’m glad you were able to find value in it. Wish you all the best!

kat July 14, 2014 at 5:42 am

Being on the receiving end of two separate incidents in the last 24 hours led me to wonder how drama finds me when I’m private, low key, anti-hype (I even changed profession when I felt the media industry became too toxic) and fairly zen. That’s how I found your article.

I take responsibility for my actions and decisions, and I’m happy to reform and fix what’s broken or not react to those seeking reaction. Sometimes it’s hard to ignore when it comes to the doorstep.

One thing I want to mention is some drama resurrects and boomerangs after months/years of silence or cutting the players from my life. Is this residual? Is it karma? How much do we control?

Thanks heaps 🙂

Cam July 14, 2014 at 11:28 am

@ Kat – Thanks for commenting! Drama isn’t impossible to avoid. Although we can set ourselves up for success and organize our lives in a way that lowers the amount of drama we experience, it will still appear out of nowhere.

This is important to understand because this is an element we have NO control over. BUT we do have control over how we respond in these circumstances.

So, it’s your choice how you respond when it does come up. My suggestion is: focus on having it “stress” you out as little as possible because it’s all too easy to get caught up in the drama of it all instead of just dealing with what needs to be dealt with and moving on with your life. For people who do continue to bring drama into your life, cut them out. 🙂

Jenna Portelance July 25, 2014 at 11:19 pm

Hello Cam,
Thank you for your input.
I recently decided to cut out a very drama filled friend. It was too much.

I believe I may have not let her off the hook the right way, she’s surrounded by friends and I thought she wouldn’t notice one who wasn’t returning calls.

Now she’s semi hounding me for reasons why…. any tips for telling her without sending her off her rocker?

Cam July 27, 2014 at 10:55 am

@ Jenna – Thanks for the update! I’m really happy to hear that. This is totally up to you. In some cases you can just let her know you’re taking some space to focus on other things. The unfortunate part is that the type of personality dramatic people have means the “break-up” can be more dramatic than you’d like, but it’s really more important for you to just distance yourself from any of it. If you don’t feed back into it it will subside sooner than later.

Niinoo July 28, 2014 at 8:44 pm

I did the same thing as you. I cut down five friends of my life in 2012, and I started over, because life is just one.
And I was free of drama, and right now I met someone the last year, and right now made me a drama of nowhere..
I’m waiting if I throw that person out or no, this was because of something that happend with someone else and had nothing to do with that person.
It’s like you say, it’s like they need that attention.
I don’t want drama anymore, I’ve been sober of that thing 2 years.

Cam July 29, 2014 at 6:12 pm

@ Ninnoo – Thanks for commenting! It’s important to maintain that boundary, but, you don’t always have to react impulsively. You can be patient and make a decision when the emotions have subsided.

Dani October 5, 2014 at 10:53 pm

Hey just wanted to say great article and video as well.

I agree 100% that if someone is a good friend you should be able to talk with them about boundaries. I’ve had friends totally cut me out of their lives when I had no idea I was doing anything wrong. One of my personal boundaries with friends is I cannot tolerate passive-aggressiveness. If someone has an issue with me, they need to say “hey this isnt cool, etc etc”. I have SO MUCH RESPECT for people who are able to confront me. Its an opportunity not only for me to apologize, but it also helps me understand my friends better which only strengthens the relationship. Acting nice to peoples faces when you secretly hate them and just gossip behind their back with no intention of solving the problem is… immature at best.

Which leads me to my second boundary – I’m not really into gossip.
Its perfectly acceptable to talk about things you don’t like, or hate it when people do hurtful things…whatever. “Talking shit” is okay in some contexts.

But if the main thing you ever talk about sounds something like…
You start shaming some girl you don’t really know because your ex is talking to her at a party and in this light she looks kind of fat in those pants, and now that you think about it, she must be a whore like O M G? — Not only is this type of conversation boring, but it just shows insight to how insecure you must be. Even if the chick did look awful in those pants and was a whore…who the fuck actually cares? If you are *really* so much better than this person, shouldn’t you be having fun? (Oh I forgot, talking shit about others is supposed to be fun…ZZzzz Zzzzzz zzzzz)

Other boundaries include: Theft. Even if its stealing some coins off my nightstand, you are done. Coins may come first…and then what? My laptop? Noooo thankyou. Theft is something I will cut you with no explanation over. When people steal from you, they don’t respect you no matter how nice they are otherwise.

I once was on a second date and the guy straight up admitted that he was a sociopath sometimes. NEVER CALLING YOU BACK TO HANG OUT AGAIN, EVER. If you are proud of being some kind of psycho like its supposed to be cool, why should I call you? Oh yeah, nothing is more sexy than the possibility of you one day murdering me, okay there bud…

My rant was much longer than I thought haha, didn’t think I was so passionate about boundaries but its a good thing to think about for sure!

Cam October 6, 2014 at 2:19 pm

@ Dani – thanks for commenting! I really appreciate your feedback and that you enjoyed the article. One of my favorite quotes that I think you’ll resonate with is by Eleanor Roosevelt: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

Hope you’re having a great day!

teresa December 20, 2014 at 8:17 pm

I’m just curious…with your zero drama tolerance policy, how many friends do you have?

Cam December 21, 2014 at 11:38 am

@ Teresa – Hi! Thanks for commenting. My social life has never been better. The relationships I have with my friends are deeper, more meaningful and more fulfilling for everyone involved. 🙂 Feel free to confirm on my FB page: http://facebook.com/elekt 🙂

Nani April 18, 2015 at 7:03 am

The first warning sign on this page is indeed a drama. Not to mention the entire article 😉

Cam April 18, 2015 at 2:54 pm

@ Nani – I’m not sure what you mean but thanks for commenting 🙂

Nani April 18, 2015 at 3:25 pm

What i was trying to say, whether it is a drama or not is based on one’s perception of a situation. Just celebrate the difference and colors. Its good to stick on positive vibes as much as possible while dealing with different mindset n attitude. But at the end of the day, put your right hand on your left chest. When it comes to matter of the heart aka true love, with drama or without, you will endure. Just be yourself. Cheers 🙂

Agnes June 24, 2015 at 9:49 pm

I loved that article.I am currently working on this problem coz I am one bigtime drama babe….Its really helpful

Cam June 24, 2015 at 10:20 pm

@ Agnes – Thanks for the comment. Happy it helped you out 🙂

David Graeme Smith October 20, 2015 at 3:30 pm

Hello, Cam.

I just wanted to thank you very much for your article and video. It struck a chord with me. About five years ago, I found myself hanging out with a group of people that seemed to thrive on drama. As a result, I was constantly being pulled into their respective soap operas. I decided that I was sick and tired of dealing with all of their nonsense, and ended up cutting off all contact with them cold turkey. It made all the difference in my life. I am very happy and content with the positive people that I surround myself with now, and I would never go back to the way things used to be. Keep up the good work, my friend. You are helping a lot of people.

Cam October 20, 2015 at 3:32 pm

@ David – Thanks for reading, happy it helped out. 🙂

Chris February 5, 2016 at 12:25 pm

Hi Cam,

I might need some help, lol. I’ve finally realized that the only common denominator in the drama in my life is…ME. From needy friends to studying nursing. Can you help? I’ve had enough. I am finally ready to be free of this.

Cam February 6, 2016 at 11:53 am

@ Chris – That’s an important realization to have. I remember when I had it myself and how much of a gamechanger it was.

What questions do you have?

Jennifer Detlef May 9, 2016 at 11:14 am

Hi well i was told i was drama but i beleive that im not because i feel like im a drama magnet. My son said i was drama and other people in my life. Well i dont fit the whole criteria . I have alots issues and low self esteem a d i hate other people drama but apartly sinse i been around all my life i have developed the drama life. So i want to vhange and improve but i dont want to cause problems or be a hypocryte to my friends that i used to hang around because its like they r family. If i do yhat i eill have nobody in my life . I dont set boundries at all im emotional and angry person. Sk any help would be great. I do want new friend that can show positive outlook of life

Cam May 9, 2016 at 11:38 am

@ Jennifer – Thanks for sharing. I’d recommend reading Untame Yourself by Elizabeth Dialto. Great book that will help you a lot.

CAS May 31, 2016 at 6:20 am

Hi Cam. Thanks for your article. I’ve been on the no-drama road for some time. I’ve seen so many friends come and go I can hardly keep up. But I do have some very close friends (both male and female) so I must not be one of those people who can’t have friends. I’m a pretty laid back person, but after spending most of my life being pushed around by people and not standing up for myself, I guess I got to a point where I just didn’t want to put up with crap anymore. Anyway, I’ve learned to stand up for myself and tell people what I want and what I don’t want in a relationship, but somehow it seems the people you have to tell that to are the ones who will never, ever hear you, and so I find myself having to become more and more aggressive. This past week I told a guy that (who I’d just met two weeks ago) that I didn’t want to date him anymore. I thought, I just won’t answer my phone because if I do, I’ll have to tell him the same thing I told him twenty times before, and have yet another argument. But somehow, the plan backfired because he then started showing up at my door if I didn’t answer my phone! Another friend I had in the past few months was a major drama queen and I confronted her about it. I even told her she needed to stop because it’s affecting other people and she’s going to lose all her friends. But guess what? She’s still friends with all those people and I’m the one who lost all the friends! I’m happier because she’s out of my life, but I still have to see these people on a regular basis and it kind of hurts because she’s always there with them. I truly liked those other people, and it’s because of her that they can’t be friends with me now because they are in a very tight circle. I’m praying she will just go away forever, move to another country and disappear out of my life for good. But for now, I just don’t know what to do. It’s easy to dump “friends” if you never have to see them again, but this is getting almost too much for me to bear. As a non-drama lover, I still feel the drama every time I see her. I find myself getting angry and looking at websites trying to find a solution to it. Maybe there’s something I need to do, but I don’t know what it is. I keep myself busy with my life, not dwelling on her, but today was a major slap in the face when I ran into one of the friends and was chatting for a minute, and who comes along but miss drama queen. The other friend didn’t even say goodbye to me as I awkwardly tried to nonchalantly walk away while the two began their own conversation. “What’s wrong, honey?” she said, as she saw the sulking face of the drama queen, who, once again, took center stage with some new “problem”. I’m starting to think maybe it’s me that has issues, but then I look at the people who made me feel like this and think, no, it’s definitely them. ha ha! I live in China and almost all my friends have been expats like me, and at times it feels like I’m going to shrivel up and die of loneliness until the next friend comes along, so believe me, I appreciate all the friends I can get. But no amount of friendship in the world is worth that kind of drama – the kind where you are being lied to, manipulated, bought off, used, dragged into things you don’t want to be involved in, having to listen to someone brag about every aspect of their life, who has to one-up everything you say and thinks they’re the princess of the world who can walk all over people to get what they want because, by God, don’t they deserve it because they’re so damn spoiled rotten by their parents who treated them like a little princess and everyone else can just step aside because the queen is coming through. (Wow, I guess I needed to get that off my chest. haha!) So, thanks for letting me vent on your forum and if you have any suggestions, please feel free to let me know.

Cam May 31, 2016 at 12:44 pm

@ Cas – Thanks for commenting. I have a friend who has a really good book I think you’d get a lot out of. It’s called Untame Yourself. Her website is here: http://wildsoulmovement.com

Anna July 21, 2016 at 6:36 pm

In so far drama can be interpreted as really intolerable stuff… people who suck up huge portions of your would-be recreational time not because they had some emergency and really need help, but simply so they can live more comfortably… or, stuff even worse than that… it speaks to me.

But, the word drama means something different to everyone. For some it means the opposite… “people who refuse to comply with my demands and put me first before themselves” or some such. They say things like “I don’t do drama” when what they really mean is “I don’t tolerate people who don’t cave to my wishes all the time.”

I don’t know. It’s still a good article, so far as people with sensible definitions of the word go… and as far as people without sensible definitions, well, they’d actually be doing the rest of us a favor by following the advice to cut ties.

Shanna August 5, 2016 at 1:48 am

I have that sign in my car…I cut everyone off..I only feel slightly lonely…at night when it gets quiet…I dnt miss the BS that went with trying to have a group of friends…ive moved on im bk in college bought a home vehicle…I find crafts n bible study I play games n create with my daughter…honestly my life is better

V August 11, 2016 at 10:46 am

hi, love your outlook – been drama free for so long I don’t even know how to tell people how to get away from it (if they even want to) other than to tell them just to walk away from it even if they are going to be alone – I did, my ex-husband and best girlfriend of 40 years – I divorced them both over drama they created together against me and I have always hated it but put up with it so there – now they are sorry but I give no more lol and I’m so very much happier all that crap is out of my life … thanks!

Cool August 26, 2016 at 7:27 am

I like how you put it, simple but also very helpful. However, I am aware that I am bad at setting boundaries because sometimes I’m too emotional and can’t think straight. Hope to read more about setting boundaries!

Michelle September 14, 2016 at 11:53 am

Hi…my comment on drama is that you can definitely live without it, especially when the drama causes arrest…fist fights, anxiety,divorce, hospitalizations, death…etc. I am also an adult, in my 50’s now…I, even at a young age strayed away from drama…knew a lot of people that were addicted to drama, many of them are still addicted to drama today. I have a husband and we live a totally drama free life…I mean we have small up and downs between us but we have a lot of respect for one another so we are able to talk through our problems…he is my Blessing. As a result we don’t have many friends…when we socialize with others that’s exactly what they are (associates) for whatever the occasion may be. I have a friend of 50 years whom I Love dearly, until very recently we have not lived in the same state but have always kept in touch and seen each other from time to time…however I am very aware of the chaos and drama filled life that she has been living, I did let her know that I will not do drama not for a sec. I am noticing little things in the drama category. If I continue to notice them I will let the friendship go, I feel that I gave her fair warning but I agree as someone stated earlier, drama is addictive for some and they cannot live without it…however I don’t have to choose to live that way. I Love my peace and my life I refuse to allow anyone to mess up what I have built. It is not worth it. If that means no friends that is fine…I will keep my associates and socialize when I can…that’s fine by me. At my age I have seen many people that I knew lose their lives…because of drama…due to strokes and heart attacks…stress…I refuse to let that be me. Life is too short and you have to enjoy it…live it positively in order to live it best…drama is a lot of negative energy and by the way I Love you column, very well put.

Greg S October 6, 2016 at 1:58 pm

Unfortunately while this advice works with friends it is much more difficult with family, especially your children when they cause issues and need help. They may be over 18 but that doesn’t mean they are grown up even if they have children of their own they can impact your life through no fault of your own. Grrrrr. Bad week.

Jennifer Beer January 4, 2017 at 12:39 am

My family an his roommate are causing drama in my relationship with roommate boyfriend how can i stop this drama from breaking us up

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