Anybody else sick of fucking drama?
I know I am.
It’s like living life in peace is no longer the default. That’s fucked up.
We all know life comes down to the choices you make. And if you didn’t welcome to a new reality.
Since 2008 I have made the choice to cut ALL drama out of my life. Straight up.
And believe me, having drama in your life is absolutely a choice.
I made the choice to live drama-free after I lost five of my best friends to some silly drama. What I found the most ridiculous about that situation was that the problem was only between one friend and myself. Nobody else had to get involved, but naturally, certain types of people will join in the battle, instead of staying off to the side like they could. This made me realize something I still believe today:
Certain people want drama. They chase it.
Why? Because it makes them feel alive. It makes them feel like they matter. (They don’t.)
Need more proof?
How many people do you know that follow celebrity news? How many millions of dollars are made in the gossip magazine industry? Or TV shows like “Entertainment Tonight”? How many people have jobs as paparazzi – their only job to invade peoples privacy for a journalist to use as “evidence” to sell some bullshit story, and with it, more magazines.
I think the point is proven.
So what do we do with these types of people?
There’s only one choice: you have to cut them out of your life entirely. Set the boundary. Make it black or white. No gray area. No debate. This cannot be open for discussion. (More on setting boundaries in a video blog I did, which you can view by clicking here or scrolling down.)
Think about it like this: if you are the average of your five closest friends (as Brian talks about him his book – you can download it for free here), and one of them causes drama, that brings your stock down. Let’s push it further: Just like you are the average of your five closest friends, the concept also applies to your friends. So if they have a friend who causes drama, it brings their stock down, and with it, yours.
Institute a NO DRAMA policy.
No ifs, ands or buts. If someone causes drama, be a man (or woman) and let them know that it is not accepted and will not be tolerated. You value them as a friend which is why you are giving them the heads up. If it happens again, adios!
The friends I eventually cut out were given the heads up, and when drama happened again, I didn’t even contact them. The relationship was ended. I didn’t need to notify them. They called, I didn’t call back. They texted, I didn’t text back. I deleted them off Facebook if I needed to. Of course you could say some of these are drastic measures… but I don’t give a fuck. It’s my life and with a zero tolerance policy for drama, drastic measures need to be taken. Otherwise you end up having to deal with bullshit problems time and time again.
I value my time and my life more than that.
One more thing before I go: Being the middleman still counts. If there is drama between two friends, you can stay out of it. OR you can let them both know that this is affecting your relationships, which means it’s affecting you, and they need to figure out a solution that works, because you have no tolerance for drama in any way in your life! Be assertive; let them know what’s up.
Apply this principle today and enjoy living your life with as little drama as possible. It will never go away fully, but you can have a serious impact on the amount you have to deal with, and every time unavoidable drama comes up, dealing with it is a piece of cake.
Good luck, and hit me up in the comments section below! Let’s talk about this more. If you enjoyed the post, please share it with your friends! Let’s get more people involved in improving their lives!
Here’s a video blog I did on the topic of setting boundaries:
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
I enjoyed reading the article, but one thing I couldn’t fully understand is what drama stands for. Maybe because I am not a native English speaker I don’t get it. I always thought the word “drama” is mostly related to problems that happen in a relationship between men and women.
“Drama” is anything that causes you to waste your most valuable currency; mental energy. If there’s anything in your life that you’re thinking about that you don’t like, any friendships that cause negative emotions over positives.. or any environment which you exist in that effects your emotional state in a negative way:
DRAAAMAAA!
Rid yourself, and spend your mental energy on something productive and positive.
Hey Sanjar.
Brian nailed it. Does that make sense? Let me know if you need any further clarification
Thank you Brian. You made it so clear and understandable!
. Would you recommend using facebook to contact you?
Cam, it seems like you rarely use your email (wrote you a message once)
Hey Sanjar. Don’t think I received the e-mail in question. Facebook is definitely a safe bet.
Great article, and a topic which so many teens find themselves trapped within. Cyber bullying, cyber gangs and of course the physical forms they encounter every day. Keep up the good work!
Hey YLC.
Thanks for coming by and commenting. I completely agree that this needs to be addressed for more the younger generation!
Hope to see you comment again.
Haha Penguins hat! LOL Great article and love the video!
You’re just jealous you don’t have one!
Hey Cam great article!! This totally represents some problems I am having with my current social group. You make the solution sound simple. Things are spelling themselves out for me. Do you want a headache or not?
I know I don’t need drama in my life. Sometimes life can be hard enough without it.
For the past 3 years, I’ve been trying to convince myself I don’t need any more new female friends because drama…. I don’t like. But with the 5 males I’ve been associating with in the recent past, they’ve all caused drama for me at some point or another.
Having male friends and having female friends is the same!
Sometimes males cause drama and sometimes females cause drama. So who do you turn to? Jesus?!?!!?
Where are all the good, nice, normal and NON DRAMATIC people these days?
Hey Misty, thanks for dropping by and commenting. I definitely agree that both sexes can be dramatic in their own right. One thing I like to do to find out if people are dramatic is to talk a lot about how I don’t like dramatic people. If they agree, usually that’s a good sign.
Hi Cam
Great informative site you have here. I do agree with you on “Certain people want drama. They chase it.”. I also believe it can be a disease like alcoholism they just can’t stop.The Dramanic as I call them can’t stop causing the drama. If you lock them in a room by them self they would even cause drama with themselves.While not all Dramanic’s I knew were that bad. There was some that were very bad and would go far enough to actually hurt others for their own pleasure of “DRAMA” and needed that fix like it was a drug.I truly believe that for some Dramanic’s it makes them feel like GOD when they manipulate peoples lives.
Hey Tim! Thanks for dropping by and leaving your feedback. I agree, there are many similarities. It’s a symptom of low-self-esteem… they need that drama as feedback that they are actually alive, it’s a pretty crazy dynamic to pay attention to and analyze.
great video Cam. some of my boundaries are:
stay clear of people that pull me down with them
stay clear of people with habitually negative attitudes
no gossip
when my friends breech these boundaries i’m going to speak up!
I’m glad you enjoyed the post Julianne
Hi guys,
I am an adult and based on my experience, life cannot be lived without drama. It cannot be eliminated out of one’s life. If I were to eliminate all the friends I have who are full of this crap (namely “drama”) I would eliminate all my friends including my husband. Almost everybody tend to create drama… unfortunately. I hate dram to but in the same time I cannot live alone without no friends at all so I have to accept all their drama.
Hey Layla,
Thanks for commenting. It’s not always about getting rid of your friends but also about calibrating their affect on you. Also, instead of getting rid of all your friends so you don’t have any left, try to make new friends who have healthier lifestyles and slowly move away from the friends who cause a lot of unnecessary drama. Of course, drama is a part of life, but there’s a lot of drama that doesn’t HAVE to be put up with.
Thank you for the kind answer. Some day when you are 38 y.o. like I am you will see how difficult it is to make friends, particularly drama free friends. This is an age group for which drama is generated by envy, by constantly comparing the achievements/less of achievements and by some sort of a remorse and frustration accumulated through years. Instead of acting wiser, people tend to reverse to the teenage years behavior as they grow older.
You are doing a great job here but I think you should also try to advice people on how to handle the drama prone friends. Sometimes, as I said in my previous comment, we cannot avoid them or eliminate them for good because if we do, we have no choice but left alone, because … unfortunately… almost everybody around tends to be drama prone.
@ Layla – I definitely think there’s an opportunity for us to write about how to handle dramatic friends. Thank you for the suggestion.
Hi Cam.
I have lost a few friends because of an issue with one friend. The friends that I managed to keep find the situation odd, causing our friendship to be strained. Especially since they are no longer friends with the others either. There was a clear divide and this is because I set boundaries for myself. Breaking a group of friends up because you set boundaries is complex. Losing friends can affect your self esteem too. I think setting boundaries are good indicators to take a breather from people and if those people are high maintenance and always want attention… You will likely not remain friends for long naturally. Drama sucks but I think the best thing is avoidance, remaining neutral and not feeding into it. Afterall, how can people affect you if your not around or involved in anything of the sort. People will always have an opinion of you no matter if you have set boundaries and you cant change that. Drama will always follow you. Its how you let it affect you that counts. If your in an environment of any sort that affects you in an extreme way (i.e. abuse, criminal behaviour etc) MOVE ON or call the police. It’s a crazy world so life it to the fullest and do what makes you happy!!!
@ Amanda – Thanks for commenting! You nailed it! I totally agree that it’s important to set boundaries, and so many of us (including myself!) have a really hard time setting them. It’s a big step. Yes you will definitely lose some friends but you have to view this from an abundance mentality, instead of feeling scarcity. If you find you’ve lost more friends than you would like, it’s up to you to go make new ones that align better with your values. Good luck!
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