3 Simple Rules to Escape the “Friend Zone”

by Brian

Man, that girl’s cute. Her body seems to be speaking to you when it walks, there’s something about the way she looks at you that makes you weak at the knees. “Alright man, you’ve gotta approach,” you tell yourself.

You walk up to the vixen and begin a conversation like the smooth guy that you are. Everything seems to be falling into place, the conversation is natural and the way her eyes glance down to your lips gives away that she’s into you. The way she tilts her head when she talks to you, the laughter that escapes her mouth at your every joke proves her guilty. “I’m the man!” You think to yourself.

The two of you hang out for a couple hours and connect. You don’t kiss her on the first time you spend together, you figure you’ll wait for the right moment.

The next day you call her to hang out, and she’s interested. Yess! She must like you. You go on a fun “date” to the movies, connecting and talking the whole time. In your mind, now, you think it’s a date. You begin to act a little weird, almost searching for that perfect moment go in and kiss her. You DEFINITELY don’t want to get stuck in the friend zone, you like this girl. When she talks you’re not really listening, you’re figuring out the quickest way to make your move.

You go into the movie and sit next to each other. You picked a movie that stirs laughter, the inability to find the perfect moment seems to bug you. The energy in the room is one of giggles, not of romance. The entire movie rolls by and in your head, you’re now thinking of ways you can get this kiss. “I know, when I drop her off I’ll kiss her. She’s been laughing this entire movie, I bet she’s into me.”

The final block seems to crawl by in your drive to her house. Your heart beats through your chest at 1,000 miles a minute, you can’t seem to slow it down. Your breath quickens, you feel a bead of sweat slow on its way down the left side of your forehead, as the car rolls to a stop. The beautiful woman undoes her seatbelt, thanks you for an awesome night and before you let her get out of the car you open your mouth to speak.

“Wait…”

You lean in for a kiss, but to your surprise she pulls back.

“You’re a great guy… but I’m not looking for anything right now. Let’s just be friends.”

This situation sounds all too familiar…

This article is going to outline how YOU can avoid this tragic tale. Fact of the matter is, most of societies men get stuck in this role; unless fate unravels its cards in their favor, most men lack the knowledge and initiative to make that move towards what they really want.

What I’m going to do is break down the story completely so YOU can understand the principle of making the first move. Before I do that, I’m going to outline one universal fact that holds true to success with women, whatever your definition of success may be. If you want to go on dates, if you want to sleep with more women, if you want a meaningful relationship… society’s rules state that men must make the first move.

Chivalry is dead (or is it???), however initiative lives eternally. As a man, it is on you to make the first move. Both words in that phrase are important. “First” implies that not only are YOU going to be making the move, but you’re going to make your intent known fast. “Move” yep, it is going to be a move; sometimes it’s not going to be smooth. Often times the first move is rocky, however it must be done in order to dictate your own reality and set yourself apart from the “Lets Just Be Friends” category. As a man, you control your circumstance. Making the first move allows you to do so.

Keeping in mind that making the first move may necessarily not always be smooth, there are ways you can set yourself up for the best possible first move. Let’s get to the knowledge you need to set yourself into the “Potential Lover” category, instead of the “Let’s Just Be Friends”.

Rule #1: The difference between friends and lovers is a physical connection.

That seems pretty obvious, right? Lovers have sex, friends don’t. It goes a lot deeper than that though, and it starts from the second you meet a woman.

From the second you meet you should make as much physical contact as possible. When I first began to apply this principle, I was the overly touchy guy. I did this to get a feel for when it was right and when it was wrong. When I say physical contact, I’m not saying “Hey guys, grab her boobs.” I’m saying touch her when you talk to her. Sit next to her and touch her arm when you emphasize a point, make sure your legs are touching under the table. Any kind OF physical connection is a physical connection. Now, don’t get me wrong, Friends can have a physical connection, however lovers begin the physical connection from the moment they meet. They shake hands, walk arm in arm, give each other massages, jump on each other’s backs. Watch a romance movie keeping this rule in mind. (Not to say Romance Movies are the template for “lovers and friends”, but the concept of a physical connection exists)

In the story above, when you went on a date with your vixen, there was no physical contact in the movie theatre. In waiting for the right time for the kiss, you forgot about the steps leading towards it. When you go to the gym, you don’t pick up the heaviest weights as soon as you get in there and hope to pump a full set, you warm up first to give yourself a chance at the heaviest weights. This leads me to my second point:

Rule #2: Going for the kiss without physically escalating is stupid.

There is no metaphorical reference to explain this one, because it’s just stupid. Seduction, broken down, is escalation. As a lover, you must seduce. If you want to be a friend and let your relationships play to chance, that’s fine. If you want to dictate your own reality and get the women you desire, you must escalate.

Escalation starts from the second that you shake each others hands. I could write an entire article on physical escalation, but if you’re interested in the proper way get in contact with me via email and I’ll send you a message with some tips.

friend zoneGoing for the kiss at the end of the date has a possibility of working; if the proper escalation and connection is present. However oftentimes it is predictable and this gives her rational mind time to work out the positives and negatives of letting you kiss her when you drop her off. However, as a dictator of your own reality, if you kiss her whenever you feel like it, her rational mind has no time to work it out and it just happens. … And that, is how it’s supposed to happen. It isn’t supposed to be meticulous, it’s supposed to just happen. So make it happen! Middle of the date, near the end of the date, whenever you feel like you’ve escalated to that point.

Rule# 3: It’s not the Quantity of touch, but the Quality.

When I say physical connection, I don’t mean you should be grabbing her shoulder when you talk to her. In creating a physical connection, one must make sure that the quality of the touch is soft and smooth. Lightly touching her shoulder when you emphasize a point, and when releasing, letting your fingers slowly slide down the back of her arm has a much more powerful effect than grabbing her shoulder and letting go. Remember Quality over Quantity. Women want to be seduced, not manhandled. (In most cases. :P)

Let’s Recap!

  1. The difference between lovers and friends is a physical connection. You can get along with her, that’s great. If there is no physical connection, there is no sexual tension and thus, no need to release the sexual tension. Connection without physical contact = let’s just be friends.
  2. Going for the kiss without escalating is stupid. Never, never, never just decide to go for the kiss to see what happens. Set yourself up. Stretch, warm up and then pump the heavy weights. Going for the kiss isn’t always smooth, but give yourself the best chance of success by escalating towards it.
  3. It’s not the quantity of touch, but the quality. Touching her softly and slowly twice is a lot more effective than being abrupt and rash ten times with your touch. Make touch sensual, make her enjoy it. Don’t take this to the extreme and pet them like a creep, staring at their arm while you softly caress it, but the point exists.

Don’t be scared, fellas. The next time you’re on a date: escalate. I promise you, she will not say “hey, don’t touch my arm.” The best part about escalation is that she won’t know it’s happening once you make it natural and congruent to your style. My recommendation, especially if you’re just trying this out, touch too much. It’s like throwing a football; when I first learned to throw a football I would aim to overthrow and I would hit my target almost every time. The same lies with physical touch; when you aim to over touch, as a guy who doesn’t touch at all, often times you will land right on the mark. If not, your gut instinct will tell you if you’ve gone over the line. (“Hey! Get your hands off my ass.”)

Remember, there are no negatives to escalating. The worst she can do is say no. She’ll appreciate you more for being a man and going for what you want and her saying no, then you not having the sack to do anything at all. Men make moves regardless of circumstance, mice sit back and let the chips fall into place and hope for the best.

Hope this helps! Comment and SUBSCRIIIIIIIBE!

About Brian
Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Brian June 21, 2011 at 3:16 am

i like it, thanks for the response!

Mike Shark September 1, 2011 at 7:52 am

Really really liked #3, I have no doubt this will amp up my game!

reason September 12, 2016 at 1:19 am

yeah it works…

reason September 12, 2016 at 1:20 am

i like it

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