304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
I was searching for topic ideas to discuss for Kingpin Social when a friend of mine came up with a great question that I think hits home with a lot of girls- and even guys. This is what she asked me: “Why do guys always want you once your almost completely out of the relationship?”
Let me paint the scenario. You have been interested in this guy, you guys have a great connection and you love spending time with him. You message him everyday, you ask him to hang out, and you start to create a more physical connection. Bow chica bow wow! You’re falling for this guy, and its apparent with how much you talk about him to your friends, to your family, and even to him! “You’re so great” you gush as you hold his hand and picture the perfect scenery of the two of you falling in love. Then- you feel him pull away, he starts to become more busy- he just cant seem to make the time for you to see each other! What a jerk! “Doesn’t he like me? What did I do wrong?”
This is when you want something/someone so much that you end up squeezing the life out of it. The guy (or girl) that you like is like a cute little puppy and if you squeeze it too much you will suffocate him and he will run away. You will often hear me say “Don’t squeeze the puppy!” whenever I hear of guys and girls putting too much into the relationship and the other person is no where to be seen or doesn’t really even seem to care. This is a sure sign that you are investing too much, the thrill of the chase is gone and the dude already knows he could play you like a fiddle. Now that’s sexy.
Guys this goes for the same for girls! Yeah we love to be chased but we don’t want you to be drooling all over us and putting us on a pedestal. In my last relationship with a really good guy, he did just that! He was a lot more invested in dating me than I was to him and he made me feel like the end all, be all. It was flattering, but uninteresting and incredibly overwhelming! I really liked him but he came on really strong with his mushy gushy lyrical texts, grabbing my hand, singing me love songs with his guitar or affectionately pushing my hair out of my face. So what did I do? I ran! I told him he needed to see other people, and I was going to do the same. He was crushed- but that’s because he went in with 110% and I was at around 50%.
You need to calibrate yourself to the relationship and really be aware of where that person is at and know how to move the relationship forward when the timing is right. It sounds really complicated, but it’s not! It’s learning awareness of body language, tonality, and to have a grasp on what they are interested in having from the get-go. If you end up seeing someone who just got out of a relationship, chances are they don’t want to rush into another one. So anything that gives off the ‘relationship’ vibe I would avoid until they are ready again. If they want a relationship and you just want to have fun, then you need to communicate that in a specific way that they won’t give all the have in to that relationship and you end up looking like an asshole for not being honest from the beginning. Communication and constant awareness is crucial.
Keep in mind that you are part of that relationship as much as they are and don’t settle for something you don’t want to be apart of. If you want a serious boyfriend then you should be finding someone who is interested in getting into another relationship rather than hooking up with the dude who parties every weekend and cringes every time you go to hold his hand. Know your worth, and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make you feel good and doesn’t give back as much as they receive. A relationship is never truly equal, its always a system of giving and receiving, but know when a guy or girl is giving you the run around and wasting your time.
Moving forward, calibrate your relationships and have total awareness. Don’t squeeze the puppy by overwhelming the object of your affection and not living your own life. Make sure you are staying just as busy and don’t give up any hobbies or interests of your own just to be with a guy or a girl. That is a huge red flag and he or she will know that they are slowly becoming the centre of your world, and sure enough they will run away. Remember that the thrill of the chase is a lot more fun than you just lying on the ground and being like “Hey, if you want me, take me!” Know your self-worth, communicate effectively, and be with someone who knows how awesome you are and wants the same things.
This question pops up in my head: How do you see a guy / gal communicating through everything you mentioned, on one on one talk, straight forward, no B.S just a REAL straight forward talk about things that could be settled for the better?
Communication is a key to success in every way of life.
I would say: Listen I know I’ve been to my hockey, rugby games, practices and my day to day work and etc. I know I am busy, though that DOESN’T mean I don’t have time for you. Please lets talk about this and see where we can make solution on how it will work.
Now question: How would a (any) girl respond to this question, since girls are VERY emotional about a touchy subject or VERY emotional about anything that goes on.
PS. I know there are tons of different personalities.
Hey Max! Thanks for commenting 🙂
Everybody wants solid communication whether they be male or female. Remember that girls aren’t fragile. Yes, women are emotional but that doesn’t mean you should fear them and think that they are emotionally unstable hahah. Most women are receptive and would be level-headed enough to realize that you are really involved in recreational sports and the right girl would be supportive. A woman who is insecure and needy would have a hard time with you having any hobbies since they would want all your time. I have dated a guy like this before, and its your responsibility to stay in the things you love and to never let a relationship take precedent over the things that make up who you are 🙂
So to answer your question, I think most girls would respond just fine, its nothing unreasonable.
Hope this helps!
One thing I do see about how people date where I live. People become to “attached” with each other in daily life. Men are raised into thinking that all women are worthless and the women thing they’re not good men anymore. But, both are insecure. So, they “squeeze the puppies” out of each other so to speak.
Hope I didn’t go to far off subject.
Totally agree Anwar. 🙂