How to Love Anyone

by Brian

The pursuit of short term connections can leave one unfulfilled. One can only pursue an external option for so long before they realize that having the ability to transition strangers to lovers is useless, without the fundamental connection. This transition from “Strangers to Lovers” is an external, short term connection. It might feel good for the moment bro, but you’re going to wake up the next day craving more of that short term validation, missing your long term fulfillment.

Pick Up (or short term relationships) leaves one unfulfilled because Pick Up is developing one level of relationship. This is the level of Strangers to Acquaintances. If you get good enough at Pick Up you can work within that level of relationship to manufacture a high exchange of physical value, sex, however when you first meet someone you are simply making the transition from strangers to acquaintances.

The 4 Levels of Relationships

Time + Honest, Effective Communication = Growth

There are 4 levels of relationships that exist as a fundamental base. Within these levels exist room for development, these are the four fundamentals.

The first rule with the 4 levels of relationships is that these relationships are being developed based on positivity. If the relationship isn’t positive, these transitions will not happen. Of course no relationship is perfect, but when analyzing whether the relationships in your life are positive or negative, think of the time you spend enjoying the relationship, and the time you spend resenting it.

Relationships develop over time. There are some who choose to fall in “love” with another right away, being labeled as needy. This is co – dependency, and they are needy because they haven’t developed an internal sense of self worth. If you want to fall in love, be patient. Focus on each individual step of the 4 levels of relationships, and learn how to transition between the different levels.

Be aware of which level you are currently at, and the most effective way to move to the next level.

Level Up, Son!

The first, most important transition of building relationships is the transition from Strangers to Acquaintances. This happens anytime two people don’t know each other, and they begin talking. This can happen at a bar, when you approach. This can happen in the daytime, with the bombshell that you approach. This can also happen online, when you send someone a message and they respond. Anytime there is an exchange of conversation that is positive, the transition is made from Strangers to Acquaintances.

bed lady “But what about when you sleep with the girl? You can’t sleep with an acquaintance”

Think about a hooker, you stop the car, pick her up and she gets in with a quick conversation. There is no internal connection, yet an exchange of physical value exists.

Now the girls that you sleep with from the club aren’t “hookers”, this illustration was put into play to let you know that acquaintances do sleep with each other. As a generality, the reason that sleeping with the girl on the first night is only the first level of relationship, is because most of the time “One Night Stand” is the element that is attached to it.

This, however, is not the only option. You have the option to pursue the one night stand, and develop the next level of relationship.

The next transition that is made is Acquaintances to Friends.

You go to the club, you get the number, and the next day you decide to call the number and talk to her for half an hour. The two of you were acquaintances, but now you’ve developed the connection to a point where friendship exists. If you call her (offer her value) and she answers (receives your value) and there is a conversation (exchange of value), this is friendship.

There can be sexual tension within the friendship, but a certain level of comfort must exist for a friendship to be present. The difference between “friend zone” and “potential lover” is the amount of physical touch that exists in the friendship, so be aware of this, and make sure your actions are in line with your intentions.

Friendships are developed when one goes outside of the avenue that the first level of relationships was developed on; and transitions to a different place.

An example of this would be meeting a girl in the bar, and taking her on a date. Maybe you messaged someone on E Harmony, and the two of you agreed to meet up at “XYX.” You may even have a friend on Facebook that you think is cool, but you haven’t taken the time to develop that relationship. You message him and arrange a meet up outside of the avenue of which you met.

This arrangement of a meet – up is essential in developing the next level of relationship, which is the transition from Friend to Best Friend. This transition happens when a friendship is established, and the relationship develops in a positive direction by increased communication. This communication could be through Facebook, over the phone, or consistent meet ups. Your best friend right now, the reason he / she is your best friend, is because the two of you spent enough time together and exchanged enough value, where you see him / her as an irreplaceable part of your life.

One only becomes irreplaceable by spending time communicating, and exchanging internal value. You’re replaceable if the communication doesn’t exist within the relationship, because if you’re not communicating, on an internal, non – physical level with “X” individual, somebody else will be.

umbrella lady

A healthy connection and a best – friendship later, the next transition that happens is the transition from Best Friend to Love. This could happen when you love your best friend so much, that you consider him your family. This also happens when a happy couple spends so much time together that they become the best friend to their partner, which in exchange turns into love. We fall in love with the things that bring us the MOST value, based on our perception of value. It is only when we are communicating with one another honestly and effectively that we understand the other persons perception of value.

This means that before you can love someone, on a long – lasting, internal level… you must be their best friend.

There’s a difference between “loving someone” and being “in love” with someone…

There you have it! These are the 4 Levels of Positive Relationships. Most choose to spend their time developing the first level, and try to skip to the 4th level without the necessary middle steps. The middle steps are the most important if you’re looking for love, so understand how to communicate on those middle steps.

If you don’t know how to communicate, or make any of the transitions between the four levels of relationships… get in contact with Cam or I. Anyone that messages us and posts a Facebook status with our link gets a free consultation from yours truly at Kingpin Lifestyle <3

About Brian
Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Max September 26, 2011 at 10:13 pm

All You Need Is Love! 😉

Jamie September 28, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Brian! Outstanding post! Really enjoyed reading this one, and I can relate on so many levels. I truly believe to have a successful and long-term relationship you need to build a solid friendship based on positivity and growth. You need to go through every phase of the 4 levels of relationship and build accordingly. You are really developing in your writing skills- killin’ ittttt.

J

Anwar September 28, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Good post Brian!

The only thing I don’t agree with is the way Pickup is portrayed here. For the most part I do agree that pick up is short term, but you have to see the person’s goals for joining. Mine, were to make more friends and build a network. I’m still friends with the same people and women I met 3yrs ago. As for the sleeping with women I do agree on that being short term lol.

Cam September 28, 2011 at 7:50 pm

I agree with you Anwar that people get into “pickup” with different goals in mind and that will have a major impact on whether “pickup” is a major negative or not.

I still think pickup is flawed because it’s based on taking value instead of giving it, but I definitely understand where you are coming from.

Thanks for commenting broski. Appreciate all your support. 🙂

Max September 28, 2011 at 8:14 pm

I agree with all comments above 😉

Brian September 28, 2011 at 9:37 pm

thanks for all the comments guys! i wish you all shalom.

Cam September 29, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Max: A guy that knows whats up!

Mikey B October 4, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Good stuff B!

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