Categories
Lifestyle

How to Create Good Habits – Part 1

habitsI was going to start off this article by captivating your attention with the amazing power of creating habits. Then I remembered that the biggest source of motivation to create habits was to just start doing them. Starting small, building, and keeping the momentum rolling will give you more motivation than anything I could say here. The process feeds the fire.

Today’s post is the first in a series on forming powerful habits using the easiest way I know. I want to help you build a foundation to effectively create new habits on your own. You do not need a 300 page book before you effectively establish a life-changing habit. It comes from within you.

Let’s Get Started

Humans are creatures of habit. That sounds cliché but it is 100% the truth. We look for patterns in order to understand the world around us, and we also act through patterns. These behavioural patterns are called habits. We usually develop habits without any conscious awareness of them, which results in both positive and negative habits. These habits are created when we consistently react to the same situations with the same responses. Overtime, these consistent responses program us to respond the same way in the future.

Why are we programmed to create habits? They are a huge advantage to us because they free our mental capacity to focus on higher-order problems. If we had to think about proper grammar every time we tried to communicate something, then it would take hours to read or write anything. If you have ever learned a second language, you can appreciate how much easier it is to express ideas in your native language. Speaking your native language is a subconscious habit. It just happens.

We sometimes learn habits that feel right in the moment, but have negative long term effects. This is seen with people who drink alcohol to relieve stress, or gamble because of the thrill. Eventually, these also become habits and are hard to break.

Habits are difficult to break because following them makes us feel good, and not following them makes us feel bad. There is resistance when we try to go against our habits. It just doesn’t feel right. However, humans have an amazing ability; we can consciously decide to overcome this resistance and establish a routine that brings us closer to our goals on auto-pilot.

Successful people consciously decide to build positive habits, taking over initial control until their new actions happen unconsciously. When someone starts going to the gym, it isn’t easy, but after going for a month straight, it becomes easier to go to the gym than it is to stay at home. Any new adventure is a challenge at first, but eventually our innate human abilities take over and we just do it.

Are you ready to create habits and free up your mind for more important things? Do you want to stop procrastinating? Do you want to start working out consistently 5 times per week? Whatever habit you want to initiate, it’s time to identify it – and I am going to do this with you.

Exercise #1:
I want you to create a habit list. Separate your habit list into three columns. In the first column, write any negative habits you want to get rid of. In the second column, write out the positive habits you’ve already established that fuel your success. The third column is the fun part. Here, I want you to brainstorm a minimum of five habits that you are going to change with the help of this article series.
Reflect on column 3 and start to feel what your life would be like if these were already your habits. Don’t think about whether or not you’ll be successful (because you will be). I just want you to imagine your life with these habits firmly established. What would it feel like?

Here is my list of 5:

  1. Spend 1 hour each morning, Monday to Friday, improving my writing
  2. Only socialize on facebook for 5 minutes per day, after I’ve already completed my night-time routine
  3. Run a 600m race every day around my block. (I want to compete in in-door track and field next year)
  4. Quit television, except for playoff sports of my favourite teams. (I’m still leaving room for the most important television I watch)
  5. Spend two hours each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, writing a new blog post for impossiblewin.com.

I have heard from many people that the easiest way to create habits is to do it every single day. I agree, however it doesn’t make or break a habit if you choose specific days to do it. Sometimes, scheduling constraints will only allow you to start a new habit once per week – and that’s perfectly fine.

In the next article on habits, we are going prepare ourselves to succeed by making one of your habits easy to stick with long term. This part will reduce any friction while you’re implementing the new habit and streamline your success when you’re ready to implement it. I’m ready to create a new habit, are you?

Categories
Health Lifestyle

How to Beat Procrastination Once and For All

GeorgePHA bold personality brings their insight to Kingpin Lifestyle to talk about procrastination. George P.H. is a man who went from “mediocre” to inspirational in a 6 year self-development journey, and now he wants to share his story. George’s blog is a successful avenue that provides free insight to men looking to take their life to the next level.

Enter George P.H.

Procrastination: putting off something we should be doing now until later.

This is, by definition, self-destructive. You win nothing by postponing the things you’re supposed to be doing. Not only is procrastination a waste of time – it’s a breeding ground for stress, guilt and anxiety.

So why do most people do it (even though they know better), and how can you do better?

As with most things, battling procrastination with willpower will only get you so far. You can’t force yourself to do things on time forever; eventually, you’ll cave in and go back to slacking off more often than not. The better, easier solution to ending procrastination is understanding its underlying causes and stopping the self-destructive habit at its source. That’s exactly what I’ll be helping you do in this post.

Procrastination, Cause 1: Reluctance to Invest.

Procrastination isn’t rational: on a logical level, you understand you’re only delaying the inevitable. As a university student, I knew that writing my essays hours before deadlines was counterproductive… but did it anyway (every single time.)

Let’s look at which activities we put off for later, and which we prefer to do now. Here are some things you may procrastinate about:

– Homework
– Going to the gym
– Confronting someone
Personal development
– Hobbies that require consistent practice
– Reading
– Chores

All these activities are investments. They’re not necessarily fun but they lead to results down the line and that’s why it’s so tempting to choose instant gratification instead.

If you ditched the gym on Saturday, it probably wasn’t to do your homework. More likely, you watched T.V. or ate 2 extra-large pizzas. In other words, you were reluctant to invest and instead, chose to have fun now. Sometimes, this is fine. Personally, I start going insane if I don’t blow off a commitment here and there. We’re all human. The real problems start when instant gratification is picked over long-term investment all the time.

Not only will this stop growth in all aspects of your life, but it also creates guilt, stress and other negative emotions. As your unfinished tasks pile up, it becomes more and more tempting to procrastinate further; not a cycle you want to get stuck in.

Procrastination, Cause 2: Fear

The second cause of procrastination, and the reason having fun now is picked over investment: fear.

GoalsIt’s scary to do things that aren’t fun. It’s scary to avoid doing what’s warm and comfortable. It’s scary to do stuff that requires effort, mindfulness and discipline when you could be checking your Facebook instead.

The key to destroying procrastination is letting go of your attachment to comfort.

Nothing worth having comes easy. The hardest thing I’ve ever done was work on my social skills (mainly with girls). The journey consisted of hundreds of rejections, doing something nobody else understood, loss of friendships and of course: heartache. It wasn’t always easy. But here’s a little secret: it was nowhere near as hard as I thought it’d be. Once you align your actions with your goals, you’ll find that you enjoy the things you were scared to start doing. This is a concept called validation by process.

In my case, feeling my skills improve gave me the resolve to keep going. The first step is always the hardest. Being able to lett go of your fear for long enough to get started is key. No matter what your goals are, you can stay in your comfort zone forever and be a nobody… or you can let go of your fears, take action and be anything you want to be. It’s not that hard: all you need to do is make the first step.

Easy, Practical Tips to Stop Procrastinating

You now know that fear and a reluctance to invest cause procrastination, so start here. As Jamie Hyatt likes to say: “Approach fear with curiosity.”

To help you along, here are some practical, powerful tips to getting stuff done on time. Add them to your life and you’ll forget you ever procrastinated.

  1. Set the Right Goals.

    Goals are super-important. Knowing what to do and when to do makes it that much easier to do everything on time. There’s a great post about goal-setting here at Kingpin Lifestyle. Here are some of the highlights:

    Be Specific – when you know exactly what you have to do, it’s easier to do it.
    Have Deadlines – otherwise, it’s too easy to put things off indefinitely.
    Be Accountable – share your goals with other people so they can kick your ass if you’re screwing up.

  2. One Step at a Time

    It’s daunting to think about everything you need to do. This fear makes procrastination tempting, especially if chores have been piling up for a while. So don’t focus on the whole journey ahead of you; take 1 step at a time. If you try to do everything at once, you’ll burn out quickly. Focus on doing a little bit every day. Talk to 1 new person; get to the gym, even if your workout ends up being short; sit down and play the piano for 10 minutes daily. It all adds up, and you’ll often do much more than the bare minimum once you get into the right state.

  3. Just Do It

    It’s cliché by now, but sometimes you really do need to just do it. Without taking action, you will never hit your goals. Get off your couch; make the first step; do what it takes. Stop thinking and just do it. Living with the stress and fear that procrastinators experience is far harder than taking action.

Final Words

Fear and the reluctance to invest make people procrastinate. But when you understand how illogical and counterproductive putting things off for later is, getting motivated to make a change is natural. Start changing your life with the tips in this post today and you’ll see your life improve dramatically in weeks.

If you enjoyed the article – or have some feedback/questions – please leave a comment and tell us what you thought. See you in the comment section!

Categories
Mental Performance Social Dynamics Social Relationships

Here’s How to Take Control of Your Life… NOW.

TalkingAre you sick of things happening to you? It’s time for you to start making things happen.

You’ve probably got pretty good social skills. In fact you’ve probably never thought about it until now. You seem to live a life you don’t mind. You make good money at your job. Your friends are pretty cool. School is alright. You do live a good life, and up to this point you’ve learned everything all on your own. But I have a question…

How FAST are you growing?

Perspective is the most valuable asset we possess. My thoughts being typed onto a keyboard has the power to influence you to change your life. My thoughts being typed on a keyboard also has the power to influence you to look away from your computer screen and click another link.

The truth is that my thoughts have power. My thoughts more powerful with the perspective that they gain. If my thoughts have power that means that YOUR thoughts have power. You have the exact same power in your thoughts that I do mine. By having control over your thoughts, you have control over your life.

A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.

– Mahatma Gandhi

I’ve come to realize that my perspective is limited based on my personal experience. The way that my brain thinks is a result of the experiences I’ve had up to this point. Experiences caused me to remember certain things and feel certain ways about certain scenarios.

By becoming aware of the experiences that have happened to me up to this point, and being aware of WHY I feel the way that I feel I can CHOOSE my thoughts and feelings. The thing is that there were things that were blocked out from my perspective. I couldn’t see negative behaviours because I had lived with myself for so long. It was only when I allowed people who understood relationships to help me grow beyond my negative habits that I came into the power that I have.

If I did it, so can you.

I was always good with people. I didn’t have all the girls that I wanted when I was younger but I was always good with people. My perspective in the past year has grown so strong. I realize now that it’s not because of the things that I was thinking about that changed my life. People I surrounded myself with gave me THEIR perspective that changed the way that I thought, which changed my life.

My perspective is limited based on my life experience. Once I found people that had more experience than me, they made me aware of things I thought about that made me feel negative about myself, life, even my worthiness. Any moment that I spend feeling a negative emotion is a moment in time that I will NEVER get back.

Live is about learning to love everything.

You want perspective? Instead of my perspective how about this… ask yourself. Ask yourself what you think about in your daily life. Do you like your job? Do you have healthy family relationships all around? How about the friends that you have. Do you enjoy spending time with them? Do you have all of the financial abundance, personal growth, business mindsets, hobbies you enjoy and options you love? … if not… why not? By learning how to gain control over the thoughts that you have you will take control over your life.

Random ThoughtsThe perspective that will help you grow will be perspective that has more experience than you. Experience is necessary for understanding. The constant variable in every area of life is relationships. Experience with relationships — with yourself, with others and with your environment — gives you control over the life you want to live. Perspective grows with experience, and experience grows with perspective.

Every day that we open our eyes we begin interacting with ourselves. Our thoughts begin to roll and the self – dialogue we create influences the events in our day. Negative thoughts? Negative day. Positive thoughts? Positive day. Full of hatred? Become more aware of things that piss you off. Full of love? Become more aware of things that make you feel good.

You are interacting with yourself every day you live. You are also interacting with other people every day that you live. The relationship that you have with yourself and the relationship that you have with other people has the power to give you anything and everything that you could ever have in life.

But wait…

The relationship with yourself and with other people also has the power to take away everything that you could ever want in life. The truth is this:

You Have Power.

You have the power to choose whether you live an extraordinary, fulfilling life or the opposite. A life of negativity is a life of your choosing. You must first understand why you think the way that you think. You cannot do it on your own though; otherwise it would have already been fixed.

Albert Einstien
“A man cannot solve a problem in the same state of mind he created it.”
Albert Einstein

I did it on my own for a long time. I grew by myself. I THOUGHT I was growing a lot more than I actually was. I inflated my self – virtue to cover up the fact that I was hurting on the inside. I spoke louder and more obnoxiously, I smoked more marijuana and I drank more liquor.

There came a day when I woke up and realized that I wasn’t happy with where I was at. It was comfortable, and it was fun… but inside I KNEW I wasn’t living up to my full potential. I invite you now to ask yourself the same question. Are you living up to your potential?

Money comes, money goes. Time is a price that can never be repaid. Time is a debt that only grows larger no matter how much you try to get it back. Don’t waste your time. My thoughts in this present moment have the power to change your life. Are you willing to accept my perspective?

Categories
Lifestyle

Learn How to Stop Speculating and Start Acting with One Easy Tip

Weight of the WorldMy whole life I grew up with a low self – esteem. Raised in a family without a father left me asking questions and getting no answers. I spent my elementary life taking out my anger on fellow students as a big bully; I spent my Junior High year overweight and in a negative emotional state. High School brought a bit of joy to my life as I found a passion… but after injury took that passion away from me I returned to my docile emotional state. I spent a year wallowing in my sorrow; smoking weed to get high and numb my negative perspective.

It’s been over a year since I started my self – development journey. At 18 years old my intentions were flawed but my motivation was strong. I wanted to grow bigger than I’d ever imagined. My sights were set on the sky. I was determined to change.

I count myself to be a lucky man. To have found this path of Social Dynamics that I found at such a young age allowed me to grow at an exponential rate. In one year I’ve made more of a life transformation than I could have ever imagined. People looking from the outside could say that I always had it; but they never knew what went on inside. I think the internal side of life is what drives the external side. My confidence was there… my self esteem kept me from pursing my passions.

I felt like I didn’t deserve to.

I believe that the number one cause of failed dreams is a failed belief in the ability to accomplish them. Our minds are the most powerful tool we’ve been given. The ability to calculate potential outcomes based on personal experience and fact is astounding. I believe that our minds naturally tend to calculate more negative outcomes than positive ones.

Imagine if we were able to plan out as much of our dream as we do our failure? How many times have you stepped back from taking a risk because of the fear of failure. How many times have you stepped up to the plate and taken the risk; knowing of the potential failure but stepping up anyways? Imagine if our mind naturally calculated the potential positive outcomes as much as it calculated the potential negative outcomes.

Success and Failure

Ready, Fire, Aim

Cam Adair offered me a place to live in Downtown just over a year ago. I just moved into my new house with 3 roommates and committed to a 12 month lease. Cam was asking me to break that lease and move Downtown. I didn’t have alot of money and I didn’t own alot of things.

The potential negative outcomes? My friends might have hated me for moving out before 12 months. I didn’t have the money to move out, I just moved into this house. I had no relationship with Cam so what if it went bad? Not only that but I was extremely scared that I might fail.

The potential positive outcomes? I’d become a part of a dream that I’d live in for the rest of my life. I had no idea what that dream would be, but I wanted to be a part of it.

Taking ActionI believe self – esteem to be the cause of our perspective. A low – self esteem has the probability of using the mind to calculate potential negative outcomes where as a high self – esteem has a tendency to calculate the potential positive outcomes. The one problem with the time that the mind takes to think is this: the time that you spend speculating is time that someone else is spending acting.

I believe that in life you must do as much preparation as possible in the little amount of time that you have and then you have to take action. Take a risk. I think back to my decision on that day when I sent Cam the “Yes” message and wonder where my life would be if I hadn’t chosen to grow. I told him I’d move in with him a couple of weeks after he had sent me the invite. How would I get the money? What would my friends think? What if I fail? It didn’t matter.

Growth is the only option. Progress is the only option. Where would my student’s lives be if I hadn’t chosen to grow? Every second you spend speculating the potential negative outcomes takes away from not only your growth but everyone else’s around you. Your growth influences everyone you come in contact with.

This life is too short. You can spend your time speculating or your can spend your time participating. I believe that to accomplish any of your goals you need to get as ready as you possibly can in the shortest amount of time and then jump in feet first. You can stand at the top of the cliff all you want; you’ll never know how cold it is until you jump. You can think about how cold it is and spend your time worrying about falling off the cliff, jumping wrong, landing in a wierd position… OR you can go to the bottom of the cliff, make sure the water’s deep enough to jump, and jump. The exhilaration comes from destroying comfort zones not speculating them.

Take A RiskTake a risk. Start with a small cliff and jump off. Build the right momentum and move up to the bigger cliffs. Stop thinking about how to get what you want and start acting to get the things that you want out of reality. Time flies and the moments that you have are precious. Every moment you waste on speculation is a moment that someone else is spending acting towards the things that you want out of reality.

What are you waiting for? Jump.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Lifestyle

An Instant Fact That Will Allow You to Succeed

Building IntegrityYou wake up at 9:30am and roll over to look at your alarm clock. Pressing the snooze button 3 times probably wasn’t the best option, but staying up till 5 in the morning left you with no choice. A little bit more sleep was all you wanted before you woke up to attack the day.

Final exams are the most stressful part of the year. Everything you’ve learned in one semester answered in a test that has a major impact on the overall percentage of your grade. Studying for the test is brutal; but you decide to make sure that all of your bases are covered. Extra hours are put in, nights out with friends are skipped and books are read front to back.

Your 3 best friends on the other hand, decide that they want to go out during exam break instead of study. They invite you out numerous times over the exam break but you refuse; sticking to your guns and studying for the grade that you paid for. You didn’t invest in this skill set to waste it away on a night out at the bar.

The test day comes and goes. What seems like years later you and your three best friends receive your test grades. You look up at the 3 of them with a sly grin on your face.

The Way of the World

What is Success, anyways? The definition of success is different to many people. Some define success as happiness, some as wealth, some as passion. Though numerous definitions there is one universal truth about success.

SUCCESS HAPPENS WHEN PREPARATION MEETS OPPORTUNITY.

Preparation

The Importance of Preparation

Social Dynamics is a skill set that can be used for anything. Social Dynamics two fundamental laws are Assertiveness and Awareness; the one universal characteristic is that you give value freely expecting nothing in return.

Anything that you want in this life can be broken down and studied with the application of Social Dynamics. Alright. Final exams are around the corner, and you’ve got two weeks to prepare. In a time like this where your grades are extremely important, you must think about the most important relationship in your life: the relationship with yourself. By failing, are you going to give yourself value? No. That means that you must pass. Use your awareness to know that you must pass this test.

AwarenessThat was easy. Now that you know that you have to pass the test, what are the proper steps to passing it? You’re a pretty good student. You pay attention in class. Retention rates on learning are extremely ineffective though. Did you know that you only retain 10% of a Lecture that a teacher gives you? Perhaps more if you’re a note taker. However maybe you participated in a Discussion at school. Discussions are good! You’re learning at a 50% retention rate. Beautiful. The in class Reading that you’ve done has a retention rate of 30%.

With these retention rates that we learn at, are you going to know all of the information on the test? Probably not. Your awareness tells you that you need to study. Okay. What’s the best way? Reading has a 30% retention rate, and Discussions have a 50% retention rate; obviously discussions would be the best method of studying. As long as the Discussion stayed on the subject. You also have to have friends willing to Discuss things with you; and if you don’t that’s okay. You can use your Awareness to figure out who the smart students in the class are, figure out the best way to give them value and use your Assertiveness to give it to them.

In this case, your friends wouldn’t study with you. You haven’t studied Social Dynamics either, so meeting new people isn’t that easy for you. You’re stuck to reading, which you retain 30% of what you read. That’s not bad though; that’s better than not studying at all. Once you’ve used your Awareness to figure out the best way for you to get the grade you want, you must use your Assertiveness and plan the days when you’ll be studying. AND ACTUALLY STUDY ON THOSE DAYS.

Here’s how to get what you want.

Assertiveness and Awareness are two fundamentals of Social D that always get you what you want. Not having access to the things you need to get you what you want is okay; new people are always waiting for you to come and meet them. They want a warm, welcoming individual who knows how to communicate effectively and give them value. Once you understand how to give value to anyone, you can meet anyone that you want. This skill set will allow for success to be the only option for whatever opportunities you are preparing for.

Social DynamicsSocial Dynamics is your preparation; for anything. Any skill that you want to develop can be broken down and studied in two separate categories once you understand Social Dynamics at a fundamental level; Assertiveness and Awareness. Social Dynamics always gets you want. It is your preparation for any opportunities that arise in your life.

Join the Social Dynamics movement, and subscribe to our blog! Subscription is FREE, and you’ll receive a monthly newsletters with the best articles published that month. <3

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

How To Shift From A (-) Mindset To A (+) Mindset

Universe“Complaining continues to create the vibration of what you don’t want. Today, take your focus off of what is wrong and focus on what is right and how you desire things to be. Put all your love, energy, mental power and decision making towards what you want and do not entertain thoughts that are to the contrary. You are MORE responsible for the way you feel than your environment, circumstances or relationships. Step towards Love today, step towards the solution.” – Jackson Kiddard

You know those mornings where you wake up and everything seems to be insanely frustrating? The mornings where you wake up 20 minutes late, you can’t find your keys, you burn your cinnamon raisin bagel, and forget to put the lid on the blender for your morning shake. Your morning is a mess from the very moment you pressed the snooze button multiple times. You then get behind the wheel to drive 45 minutes in traffic to get to work. These compiled emotions can stack like bricks into a wall of pending doom. All of a sudden it seems like you are a giant magnet for the worst drivers, you hit every red light, and yup- zero parking stalls are available. You really thought that was going to be possible? Dream-on.

What you think; You will become.

The basic fundamentals of the law of attraction are: what we put out is what we receive. We all vibrate at different kinds of frequencies, let’s stick to just positive and negative, and that energy is than radiating out from your very core out into the universe. I like to visualize it like radio waves. Whichever vibration you are putting out into the world is that which you attract. The more you vibrate at that frequency the more it attracts the same. You can see how this can be a problem, but this isn’t all bad news because it can also be an incredible way to attract success and happiness. Those who focus on negativity and vibrate at a negative frequency, tend to attract everything they don’t (yet do) want. Negative people tend to focus on the result they don’t want but in doing so results in them getting what they do want by attracting what they don’t want… in order to be right. You following? This is called manifestation. If you don’t want to stub your toe but yet are convinced that you will in-fact stub your toe no matter how badly you don’t want to- you will. It’s a simple equation. You end up stubbing your toe because you wanted to stub your toe to show that you were right about how much your life sucks. It’s a way for you to boost your ego, to allow excuses and breed negativity to allow you to settle. Bring on the self-loathing and bouts of pity-parties. I have been there many times, in fact, I was there for a few days this past week.

The law of attraction and manifestation isn’t something I’ve recently learned but definitely something that has been a challenge to remind myself not to allow negativity to breed into my life as it tends to result in an overload of stress, sadness, apathy, and worst of all- procrastination.

In the past few weeks I managed to burn myself out by pushing myself too hard with all of my obligations. With the drop in my iron levels combined with my incredible ability to spread myself thin until breaking point- I have been a walking vibration of stress and exhaustion. Being so financially focused that my view of “half full” has turned into “half empty.” It’s sad, but true. I would be driving my truck and glance at my gas gage, it could be 3/4 full and I nervously tap my fingers against the steering wheel thinking about how much time I have ’till it’s empty again. I send myself into a nervous break-down worrying about everything. This obsession with lacking resulted into stress, feeling anxious, and procrastinate like a crazy lady, thus creating even more stress! After that comes what I call, Sabotage Mode.

Law of attraction

Be careful what you wish for

After realizing that I was fixating on my gas gage and felt like I was somehow mentally draining my tank by focusing on it so much, I ended up realizing that focusing on the inevitable wouldn’t allow me to focus on being more solution orientated. The stress took away from me working harder on doing the things I needed to get done. I looked in all the places I could to have proof that I was lacking and therefore I found it- cause that’s what I was so focused on. This reminded me how I use to be when I was working in retail. I would say things like “This person doesn’t like me” and every day I would search for reasons to validate my assumptions. Any facial expressions, gestures, and conversations I would dissect for meaning to prove that what I was thinking was correct. But in doing so I wasn’t being fair to the person or allowing myself to create a better foundation in developing a relationship with them. Recently I have been doing this with team members in order to sabotage myself from growing and to keep myself comfortable. I was looking for any proof that I wasn’t welcome or that they genuinely didn’t want me there, in order to say “I don’t think I should do this anymore…” because of how terrified I was in getting what I really want. I would tell myself every excuse I could possibly think of and I would look for every reason and proof to validate my ego and prove myself right.

If you look for it, you will always find it.

Shifting from a (-) to a (+)

After having an in-depth conversation with Mikey B, I was able to allow myself to drop my walls and face my ego for what it really was. I knew I was looking for a way to back out and I knew that if I looked for reasons why I should, I would find it. Negativity is like a snow-ball effect, it all starts with one little ball of snow and it grows larger and larger as it picks up speed and rolls down the hill- later crashing and destroying everything in its path. For me it started with the feeling of lacking and the stress of my financial state, at that moment I was vibrating at a ‘lacking’ or negativity frequency, I then started to attract even more negativity into my life thus creating a giant snow ball that took out everything I had built for myself.  (Insert an emotional break-down here.)

How do you get out of the negative frequency? Its actually very simple- but not always easy. You need to wake up everyday with the intention that everything is going to be awesome and declare for yourself that you won’t tolerate the negativity virus that has been spreading in your life. Also you need to create a process that will help you demolish the things that are keeping you at a negative frequency. You can’t expect change without any action! 😉

Here is my process for Shifting from a Negative State to Positive State:

  1. Declare
  2. Affirmations
  3. Write it down
  4. Take Action
  5. Get Creative
1. Declare- This may seem really goofy, but it works. You declare out loud that you won’t tolerate any more negativity from yourself and from any external factors. Here’s an example: “Ok Universe, I understand I’ve been a giant ball of negativity but it ends here and now. I will no longer accept from myself or from any external factors this negative vibration as it isn’t serving me any purpose, in fact its destroying everything I have worked hard towards. So this is it, I’m going to put out as much love and positivity imaginable. I will only allow things that foster a positive mindset and outcome.” 

Get Creative!

2. Affirmations- This is another declaration but in short form and you can use it through-out the day. For instance this morning I used: “This is going to be an awesome day!”I kept repeating it until it really resonated with in me.3. Write it down– Write down everything that is stressing you out or isn’t serving you. I call it a “mind dump” – I literally write everything down that is stressing me out and need to tackle to feel clear headed. If your job is stressing you out, then write it down and say why so you understand the actions you may need to take later on to fix your situation, etc.

4. Take Action– You know that list you just wrote out? One by one attack each thing and cross it off when its completed. Its like a giant blackboard and that blackboard is your mind. Everything on your mind, or blackboard, is taking up too much space to allow positive vibrations to come in or new experiences and tasks. This results in that feeling of being stuck. By taking one step at a time you will slowly erase parts of the blackboard allowing you to feel less stressed and to allow room for more positivity to breed. All that crowded space isn’t serving you- it’s taking away from you. So get’er done!

“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” – Mikey B

5. Get Creative– Find a creative way that works for you to keep you accountable to your ‘Take Action List.’ I’m creative and need visual stimulation to help me get motivated so I created a board with my To DO list. It’s split in to categories, and every thing has a break-down of actions I need to complete. Once I complete a task, I get a sticker!  This isn’t for everyone so make sure you pick a way that works best for you. If you work better with excel sheets then do an excel sheet, and if you work better with reminders on  your phone then make sure you set reminders and alarms for each task. To work optimally is to understand what you need in order to be efficient and feel motivated.
J

Categories
Entrepreneurship Lifestyle

From Part Time, to Go Time

be inspiredToday is the day that I quit my job, and purse my passion.

I couldn’t sleep in this morning, I couldn’t justify going back to sleep. I’m motivated today, there is something lighting a fire underneath me. It’s 8:30am and I’m writing my resignation letter to the Roadhouse; thanking them for the experience. I love Roadhouse, I really do. I love it so much that I allowed it to keep me from working my ass off to find a way to make my dream job, my reality.

Social Dynamics says that you are a result of your environment. The people in your environment influence your behaviors, which in turn influence the person that you turn out to be. Last night was the craziest night that Kingpin Social has seen, for their Ideas Developing Ideas session. The best part, is that this is only the beginning.

Ideas Developing Ideas is a night designed by Kevin and Cam. The tandem decided that one night a week would be dedicated to developing ideas with students of Social Dynamics. IDI has been around for a few months now, and Kevin and Cam have always been adamant about making sure that the conversation stayed on a high level.

“Small minds talk about people, mediocre minds talk about events. Great minds talk about ideas, Brilliant minds develop ideas”, Kevin once told me. The first time I heard this, I wasn’t able to wrap my head around it.

Over the past 5 months, I’ve developed to understand what the 4 levels of conversation mean. It doesn’t mean that when you talk about people, or events, that you have a small mind. It means that you’re using a small percentage of your minds potential, and the connection that you have will be limited based on your small minded conversation.

Deep connection is deep conversation, deep conversation is solution – oriented, idea development.

Last night I felt more than idea development. These past few months I’ve been spending a lot of time developing my mind; almost too much. I think alot, but I tend not to share my thoughts with everyone in my environment. One of the benefits of being smart, is that you can use your intelligence to look for underlying concepts in other people’s story, instead of opening up and sharing your own. I realized last night, though, that because I hide my own story there are times when I’m limiting my own growth.

working togetherDavid O’Neil and I had a deep conversation last night. I hadn’t  had a conversation with David in awhile. The craziest part about Social Dynamics is that everyone grows so fast in their own ways, when you see somebody after a week it’s like they’re an entirely different person. David O’Neil inspired me last night, talking about how he gets out of bed.

“I don’t wait, man. I jump out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off, I fix my bed right away and I jump in a cold shower.”

I looked around the room, intimidated. My mind calculated too many possible outcomes, as I tried to logically understand what was happening at the Kingpin Social house. 40 students of Social Dynamics made their way in and out of the house throughout the night, every conversation that I walked by was a high level, deep conversation about ideas. The Kingpin Social house has 2 levels, and 3,000 sq ft. There are 2 main living spaces, and within the spaces there is plenty of room for multiple groups to exist in the same environment.

I walked through the two main living spaces, through multiple groups of people. Every group that I walked by was having an intellectual conversation about progress, about love, about appreciation, about growth. The loving energy in the room swept over me and sent vibrations directly to my soul.

I’ve always known Kingpin Social had the potential to change people’s lives, but last night was the first night I’ve ever felt it.

united purposeSeeing a student come into Kingpin Social one way, then seeing him months later a completely different person is a cool thing for me. It means something, knowing that something that I taught, that my team taught, that Kingpin Social taught him had an influence on the course of his life. Seeing 30 students of Social Dynamics in the same room, talking about the life progress they’ve made since taking the bootcamp blew my mind. The energy in the room last night completely changed my perspective on life, and gave me an appreciation for the love that I have in my life.

I take for granted, the social circle that I have. This article is an article of gratitude, to my best wingman Mikey B. To my greatest mentors Kevin Choo, and Cam Adair. To my bestest best friend Daniel Fexa, my favorite female perspective Jamie Hyatt and my driven compadre Myke Macapinlac.

Everything that you guys given me has allowed me to come to this point, where I’ve decided to make the jump into Kingpin Social full time, destroying any comfort zone that kept me from pursing my dream. To everyone who came to IDI last night, thank you for inspiring me.

I realized last night that Social Dynamics is bigger than me, Kingpin Social or any student of Kingpin Social. Social Dynamics is the path to love; love of self, love of others and love of the environment. Relationships = Life, and a relationship is only a relationship where there is an exchange of value. Giving value is based on positive emotion; the strongest of positive emotions being love. Last night at the Kingpin Social house, all I could feel was love. I couldn’t intellectually understand it, linguistically explain it, even express it through this post.

All I can say is that the love that I felt last night inspired me to quit my job, and pursue my dream.

This passion has been brought to you by the influence of my positive environment, for which I’ll be forever grateful. Kingpin Social is helping me face my inner – most insecurities; insecurities that kept me from ever feeling the emotion of love for 19 years. Running from my issues never helped me, and Kingpin Social helped show me how facing every obstacle head first with a learning mentality is the only option.

find love

There isn’t a price that I can put on love, something that can’t be described can’t be purchased. There is only one thing that I can give, because I believe in this purpose. I give my life to the love of Kingpin Social, all of it’s instructors and all of the students of Social Dynamics who want to inspire the best in people; and I thank everyone who has inspired me.

Categories
Lifestyle

Developing the Most Important Relationship: Success Guaranteed

big dreamerOne of my youngest memories include my auntie tucking me into my top – level bunk bed.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

My ambitions as big as the sky, I told her I wanted to be a firefighter who got to arrest bad guys. As I got older my ambitions shifted to become more “realistic”; until High School hit. It’s funny how when you’re younger, you just want to be older, you just want to grow up. As you grow up and reach the ages you desired to reach though, you look back on your childhood and wish for the youthful age once again.

A young mind, is a mind full of possibility. As we graduate into the “real world” we’re met with failures, controversies, hardships and obstacles; vs. the protective, nurturing household of our parents. The “real world” is full of people who want to succeed, and this keeps most of us from following the dreams that we’ve always wanted to.

One of the fundamental laws of Social Dynamics is that “Relationships = Life”. What is a relationship? A relationship is anything where there is an exchange of value between two entities. You can have a relationship with anything; buy a TV and it gives you entertainment. Put gas in your car and it drives you places. Make your bed and it’s comfy and warm when you get back into it.

The past year has been spent developing relationships with people in my life, and it’s been over the course of the past couple of months that I’ve come to the realization that the most important relationship that you develop is a relationship with skill sets.

What is Success?

success knockingSuccess comes in this life is when preparation meets opportunity. Preparation means that you’ve developed a relationship with a skill set, exchanged enough value over time that when opportunity comes; you’re able to seize it. If you ever receive an opportunity, and you’re unable to capitalize, it means that you weren’t prepared enough. Most people see this as a failure, and they won’t look for the lesson in the missed opportunity. Every missed opportunity is a chance to get better, becoming more aware of how to seize future opportunities. This idea can get lost when the opportunity at hand seems so large.

The strength of any relationship is based on the amount of value exchanged, over time, between two entities. Value is based on emotion. If your emotion grows stronger and stronger over time with your relationship, you’ve developed a healthy relationship with an equal exchange of value. Your current TV can only give you so much value, until the new one comes out and you feel the emotional need for your new TV. If you don’t really take care of your car, you won’t have that much of a relationship with it.

On the other hand, think of the guy who religiously works on his 1969 Oldsmobile on the weekends. The relationship with his car is so strong, because there’s been a value exchange over a prolonged amount of time, and the car keeps looking better (giving him value) because he keeps working on it (giving the car value). The relationship grows stronger.

Skill Set Development

Everything in this life comes down to skill set, and the skill set you choose is a relationship that you build. Becoming an engineer is a learned skill, becoming a professional baseball player is a learned skill, becoming a warehouse worker is a learned skill. We live in a world where you need to work to survive, you cannot simply sit at home and have your food and water provided for you. You need to develop a skill set to a level where it provides you with the necessities for survival (at the base level) and gives you extreme abudunance (at the highest levels of your skill sets). Think of an amateur league basketball player, vs. Kobe Bryant.

developing skillsets

That being said, if you go to school for 4 years to become an engineer, when you graduate from school there’s no questions asked that you’ll be a good engineer. That’s what you paid for! You invested $40,000.00 and four years into the skill set of becoming an engineer, and as a result, you came out of school with the wisdom of practical application and learned knowledge that prepares you for any opportunity that comes up in the engineering market.

Success = PREPARATION + OPPORTUNITY

School being the only option is for the individuals who don’t know how to prepare on their own. Part of real – life preparation is the realization that opportunities are going to come when you’re not ready yet; when you haven’t developed a solid enough relationship with your skill set. When you’re in school, you spend 4 years developing the skill set of engineering before any opportunities arise for potential jobs. That means that there’s almost a 0% of failure, because when a job comes up after you’re done school, you’re more than qualified. The relationship with you and your skill set of engineering is strong; you’ve given the skill set $40,000.00, four years of your life and invested countless hours into learning the skill set, and as a result, the skill set has given you unlimited knowledge in the field of engineering.

doors of opportunityIn real life though, that safety net doesn’t exist. There will be opportunities that arise when you’re not ready for them. Just like school, you must find a way to invest in your skill set. For some of us entrepreneurs, that investment means quitting your job and jumping into doing what you love. For most people, they invest into Social Dynamics, because Social Dynamics shows you how to build a relationship with everything (friends, family, strangers, your environment, your world), skill sets included.

In the real world, failure means that you’re one step closer to success; as long as your learning your lessons and are dedicated to the process. Dedication to process means that you CANNOT fail, because success is part of the process of developing relationships with skill sets. Every day you’re building relationships in your life. Do you choose to build a relationship with your couch and your TV, or healthy foods and the gym?

My Investment Into My Skill Sets

One year ago today, I made my investment. I was paying $300.00 a month at my 5 bedroom house in Whitehorn. I was living comfortably, with enough money to spend on whatever I wanted. I was making around $2000.00 a month, working 45 hours a week.

Cam offered me a place to live in the Downtown Core of Calgary. The place that he offered me to live was $1850.00 a month, $625.00 more than I was paying at the time. At first I was resilient, but I ended up giving in and accepting his offer. Here I sit in my Downtown Condo, reminiscing on the year and the lessons that have come with it. My year’s biggest lesson was the relationship I was able to build with Social Dynamics, as a result of my investment in the skill set.

$7500.00 is my investment over the course of the past year; but as a result I’ve grown beyond anything I ever believed to be possible. I’m making more money now, working two nights a week, than I was working 9 hour days, 5 days a week. The relationships in my life have never been stronger; including the relationship with my skill sets of Social Dynamics and Writing.

Life is all about relationships. You don’t need to go to school to build any relationships; you simply have to invest in the skill set. You can have a relationship with anything, your relationships are not limited to people. This world does not function properly without relationships, because a seller without a buyer is a person stuck with product.

Social Dynamics teaches you not only how to develop relationships with people, but with anything; including skill sets.

Start Investing, or Live with Unfulfilled Potential

Go ahead; go to school for 4 years, invest $40,000.00 and countless hours developing a relationship with a skill – set comfortably; or you can choose to invest in Social Dynamics. Social Dynamics is the smart option, because $40,000.00 and four years of your life limits you to one skill set, one relationship… whatever it is that you go to school for. Social Dynamics teaches you how to develop a relationship with anything, without the $40,000.00.the definition of ambition

Guaranteed you’ll be a good engineer after 4 years and that large of an investment. How good of a singer would you be if you invested 4 years and invested as much energy into singing as it takes to invest into the skill set that you go to school for? Dancing, writing, painting, photography, internet marketing, inventing, innovating. Developing skill sets is a process, and if you’re learning the lessons of every failure; dedicated to the process of improving your skill set, every failure is one step closer to success.

Every day that you live, you’re developing and improving a skill set. What skill sets are you choosing to improve, and build a relationship with?

Categories
Mental Performance

The Reason for ALL of Your Failed Goals

A candlelit cake sits in front of your face. The anticipation in the room comes to a tipping point, fixated upon your lips are 10 sets of eyes. A breath of air escapes your lips as you forcefully put out the flames in front of your face.

“Make a wish!! But make sure you don’t tell anyone.”

Why Do My Goals Fail?

Those that tell the story of the vision are destined to continue telling the story; for Vision does not come to life through language, it comes to life through process.

It feels good, achieving a goal. This is why we set them. Ultimately, we want to feel good about ourselves. There are two different ways that we can feel good about ourselves. There is the short term route, and there is the long term route. Goals would seem to always be long term. In this article I’m going to talk using the word “validation”. Validation is a sense of approval. Validation is where you derive your sense of self worth, because we must feel a sense of approval to survive. The ego needs to be validated to derive the sense of self worth.

There are two types of validation. There is validation by language, and validation by process. Validation by language is consistently telling people your stories, and having people approve of them. When you tell someone a story, and they approve, you feel validated. You obtain your sense of self worth. The only flaw with validation by language is that it is short term, thus, the feeling of self worth you obtain exists only in the moment. This means that if you are to be validated by language, you must consistently speak of yourself, and be approved by others, to feel validated.

Ever wondered why you can’t be around people that always talk about themselves? The reason is that they need you to approve of them, because they are not approved by themselves.  Always telling the best story, the funniest joke, always have a way to “one up” your story.

Let’s say that you want to travel to Australia at the end of the year. This is your ultimate vision. You decide to start telling people that you’re traveling to Australia. They reply with awe, “That’s cool man! That’d be such an awesome experience.” In the moment, you feel good about your idea of traveling, and the fact that this person likes your idea.

The short term approval you receive from others is enough to slack off on the long term process. Validation by process is not instantaneous, and does not provide the same instant benefits as validation by language.

Validation by language almost gives you the same perceived feeling of achieving your ultimate goal of validation by process. Telling people about traveling to Australia, having your mind experience the moment and receiving their approval in the moment almost seems as if it would be just as good as traveling to Australia. This is because the only thing that exists right now, is this moment. If you want to travel to Australia at the end of the year, in this moment, that means you’ve gotta be saving money and making those self – sacrifices. You can choose to make those self sacrifices, which will ultimately be less enjoyable in the moment, than telling others a story of your travels.

The only flaw with this method is that it lasts short term. You’re not going to have someone in your ear consistently telling you “That’s awesome, man!”

This means that if you are validated by language, you must continue to be validated by language, or you will feel a low sense of self worth. This is why the guy with the “big ego” is always talking about himself. Truth is, we all have big egos. Some choose to be validated by themselves, by the process of achieving something, and some choose to be validated by the language of storytelling. How are you ever to achieve a goal if all you ever do is talk about it, instead of working on the daily process of achieving the goal?

“I’m Gonna Gain 15 Pounds guys… I’m Gonna Do It!”

The second kind of validation that exists is validation by process. In the moment, this isn’t the best feeling. It always feels better to tell someone your plan, and have them approve of it enough in the moment. That sense of “in the moment” approval  allows you to slack off on the long term process of achieving your goals. This is because in the moment, the long term process of saving for Australia means that you have to start making those sacrifices right now.

Not today, not tomorrow, right now.

If you make a wish, to go to Australia, and you start telling everyone, that means the validation by language is where your ego will derive it’s sense of self worth. If you already feel worthy, why would you want to make self – sacrifices. Every time you catch yourself telling people about your plan to go to Australia, it means you slack off on the process of getting there. Every story that you tell is one less dollar you’re saving for your trip.

Now that you understand this, validation by process means that validation by language is a lower form of validation. Validation by process means that instead of having someone in your ear whispering “That’s cool, man!” You have yourself whispering in your ear going “Keep going, man! It’s going to be worth it.”

Make a wish, and don’t tell anyone. As soon as you tell someone your wish, their momentary approval will be enough to slack off on the hard work of obtaining your ultimate vision. Achieving goals is tough, and it lightens the weight when you start talking about it. In fact, it lightens the weight of process so much, that you realize that it’s easier to talk about it than to actually do it.

Avoid the Pitfall

Make a wish, but don’t tell anybody. The only person you should tell about your wish is yourself, and a couple of your extremely close friends, to hold yourself accountable to your wish. When others ask of your wish, tell them that you’re working towards it. If you want to loose 50 pounds, don’t tell everyone that you interact with. People will start to notice when you start loosing serious weight. When they notice, thank them, and talk about it if they’re curious about how you’re doing it. Always remember though, the process is what got you there in the first place. Don’t allow the validation by language (“Wow, you look so good!”) to keep you from slacking off on the validation by process (Feeling a sense of integrity, being at the gym when you don’t want to be).

What’s YOUR Wish?

If you’re planning to travel to Australia, stop storytelling and start saving. The more validation by language you receive, the less self – sacrifices you’ll be able to make in your attempts to “save” for your trip.

Your ego is your sense of self worth. One can derive their sense of self worth from talking about themselves, but the greatest, limitless people are the ones that take more action and speak less for approval. The humble, the meek, are the ones that make it to limitless potential.

It is only when you have the approval of yourself that you will be internally validated, validated by process. This means that you approve of yourself, and the approval of others is irrelevant. Approval of yourself is long – term, this is why setting goals and achieving those goals feels so good. The only way that you have approval of yourself is if you are, every day, working towards your ultimate vision.