What do you want with your life?
This week has brought some interesting challenges, to be moderate with description. Moving out on my own, handling all the logistics, decorating my house and getting it set up. All in a matter of 2 days.
Last night at the Backalley I was met with an interesting challenge. The night rolled on, momentum building while meeting new strangers, until 12:30am came around and I started to loose momentum.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t doing well, it was that I wasn’t interested in talking to anyone that was around me. Since I’ve slowed on drinking completely, being sober and talking to drunk people isn’t the apple to my eye. Nonetheless,”I came here with Michael Casanova and Niko so I’m not going to go home yet,” I told myself.
I grabbed a water with a slice of lime and headed to the side of the dance floor. If I wasn’t going to be socializing, I may as well be people watching. I looked at the individual groups on the floor with interest; it’s funny how much you can see when you step back and open your eyes. I put the straw to my mouth to be greeted with the refreshing taste of water with squirted lime; the perfect throat remedy.
I wandered my gaze back towards the dance floor to be greeted with familiar eyes. One of my friends who I always see out when I’m venturing was looking towards me with her cute friend, I caught their glance and raised my eyebrows in sarcasm. They came towards me and started talking, these would be the girls I would spend the rest of the night with.
Going home alone was the plan, meeting new people was the mission. On the ride home Michael, Niko and I discussed the night when I came upon an interesting realization about time.
What Are YOU Doing With Yours?
I talked to Niko and Michael about one of the girls that I met tonight. She was a cool individual, had her feet on the ground and seemed to be centered. I was talking about going out for coffee with this girl.
Girl: I don’t know. You’re definitely a player.
I thought about the definition of a “player”, and I quickly took my stance against it. I’ve seen a player as an individual who lies and says whatever necessary to get the end game. I’ve seen this first hand, and my moral compass sets me off from this idea.
Then I started thinking about the idea of hook ups, and I started wondering what the point of hook – ups are. Does anybody win? Beyond the short term climax, in the long run the internal individual does not benefit from hook ups. The man who goes around lying to get what he wants is an internally bruised individual, where the woman who gives herself away is simply looking for affection in any way she can find it.
Either way, nobody wins. I had a good friend tell me the other day that he had quit drinking, smoking marijuana, smoking, doing drugs, all for one reason.
Friend: I was sitting at home one day, and I asked myself. Smoking. Is it causing me to grow? No. Is it holding back my growth? Yes. Then I ran through this with every external element in my life, until I came to my conclusions on what I was going to continue, what I was going to start doing, and what I needed to stop.
This life is a journey, and on this journey you have two options. The first option is to do what you’ve always done, and to get what you’ve always gotten. The second option is to change something, and expect different results.
If you’re the man who hooks up with girls sporadically, hoping it’ll fix the internal sense of loneliness, it won’t. I’ve tried, personally. I can tell you that you may find someone to temporarily fill that void of loneliness, but if you insist on finding yourself in somebody else, you’ll forget to find yourself in yourself.
If you’re the woman who’s into short term hook ups, most men (quality or not) desire the mystery. From first hand experience and personal friend’s confidence, I can say that men are not looking for a girl who gives it up right away; physically or emotionally.
Hook – Ups, or Relationships?
What gave us this notion that hook – ups were the right move, anyways? When you’re laying on your death bed, and everything external has fallen away, are you going to remember the random you met on Friday night that you slept with, or are you going to remember that one special individual who’s love exists in your memories (if you let that person fade away), maybe the one who’s love exists in the present.
Life is short, time flies, and moments fade away. Spend your moments with love, compassion, affection and seek to develop yourself, finding someone else who has chosen to do the same. I believe that if two individuals are not growing together, they’re growing apart, and I believe that love conquers any short term, external connection I could ever foster.