Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle Mental Performance Relationships

Why You Date “Crazy” People

Why you date crazy peoplePart of connecting with new people and creating long-term relationships is getting to know them on an internal level. Meaning we get the opportunity to see the true self or authentic personality of the person we are getting to know. With that comes the opportunity to gain insight into another’s self-esteem and the battles they face or what they haven’t been able to move past. When we embark into new relationships we share these hidden gems which than exposes them with complete vulnerability and open to ridicule. This vulnerability is what makes creating new relationships so scary. We allow someone close enough for them to see our flaws and to possibly pass judgement or leave disinterested.

“My ex was crazy…”

We’ve all heard this before. Whether you were the one saying it or your friend constantly complains about their constant issue with dating the same douche bag or crazy needy girl every time they get into a relationship. At some point we all need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “Why do I attract these qualities of a person into my life? Why do I seem to date needy girls with no self-esteem? Why do I date selfish assholes who won’t give me their time?”

We are all flawed, even Gisele Bundchen has the crazy gene. You are delusional if you think you are the exception. It’s like the Dr Seuss quote, “We’re all a little weird. And life is weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love.” We are all weird, we all have our demons, and we tend to date people who have the same issues that we harbor. They may be crazy… but you’re just as insane.

Breaking The Crazy Cycle

First you need to take inventory of all the relationships you have had. What is the common denominator? Start off simple: Do you date people who are athletic? Smart? Artistic? What do all of your past relationships have in common? Personally the common denominator of my past relationships was two qualities: I dated highly ambitious guys who had no drive and they were also very insecure.

The most common problem in a lot of relationships is co-dependency. Someone who is co-dependent relies on their partner for their happiness, social life, hobbies, etc. They are insecure and crave your affections and attention. They are deeply unhappy and unfulfilled in what they are doing so they will usually latch onto their partners looking for support or even take on their partners life as their own. These people vanish into who they are dating and lose all sense of self. I have been in multiple co-dependent relationships: myself being the co-dependent partner and dating someone who was co-dependent on me.

be the type of person you want to meet

Whether you want to accept it or not… part of their problem lies within you as well. We attract both our most positive qualities and negative qualities. If you are charismatic you tend to attract others who are charismatic because that is a strong quality in you that you like, so you desire it in others. Have you ever noticed that if you wrote out a list of what you wanted in someone it’s generally all your best qualities you find in yourself? The same goes for the negative qualities. I attracted insecure men because I was also insecure. I didn’t realize I was attracted to men who were insecure I just naturally fell into those relationships without the awareness of doing so. I dated highly ambitious men who didn’t have integrity because I myself am very ambitious with no integrity to my projects or dreams. This is all connected to self-esteem and the only self-esteem you can really repair is your own.

So knowing this, how do we move forward?

Be The Best You

It starts with building the best relationship with YOU. If you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself than you will not be able to give fully to someone else. You will be filling the void within yourself through the person you are dating and inevitably drain them thus making them run away and resent you.

People who aren’t whole will cling onto their partners- the only source of their happiness. These people act like drug addicts because love and affection is truly addictive to an individual who is deeply unhappy. Everyone gets this lovely chemical called dopamine injected into their brain every time you embrace someone, sending you into a high of happiness and bliss. Once you take away the love and affection -dopamine – someone who is unhappy will react like most drug addicts: lash out and act insane in order to get back what they once had. Once someone has to face the unhappiness that lies deep down inside they realize how dependant they are on other people for their well being. This is a terrifying and long process.

A healthy relationship consists of two wholes not two halves, so you need to be whole before you can truly attract another person who is whole as well. Two healthy people can actively work together to build a strong relationship. Two healthy people have a strong foundation and thus can build a strong frame to house the relationship in. Without a strong foundation you will not have a house that will withstand the test of time. It’s exactly the same with relationships.

happy couple

You can’t change other people; you can only change yourself and work to be a better you. Make yourself whole first. To be whole you need to appreciate who you are and have a life that you love.

What are you passionate about? What brings you the most value? What are components of your life you enjoy? What are things that don’t bring value in your life and how can you actively take steps to eradicate them? You need to take active steps in your life to bring change, to grow, and it starts by having the awareness of where you need to grow and knowing the things that don’t serve you towards your higher purpose.

And lastly when you take recognition of the negative qualities of your past relationships that also make up who you are, how are you actively working towards to reversing it? In order for me to be more driven and follow through with my dreams, I have been working towards my integrity. I have been working towards this with the help of the Kingpin Crew who push me every day to accomplish my goals. When I accomplish something I naturally feel more successful and positive about what I am doing thus building up positive vibes making me into a happier individual. The happier I am the more whole I feel, the more whole I am, the more I can share that with someone else and build positive relationships that foster love and growth.

If you want to date someone who isn’t “crazy” then you need to start with yourself and be the person YOU would want to date, and naturally you will attract those who share the same positive qualities. Build a strong foundation with yourself; be the best you.

J

Categories
Lifestyle

Guest Post: 4 Step Guide on How to Find Passion

Alden TanAlden Tan is a blogger that makes his way to Kingpin Lifestyle all the way from Signapore. Alden Tan is a passionate BBoy and he started his own blog with the intention of spreading the word: life can be easy. Life can be enjoyable. Life can be lived with good emotions. Alden Tan’s blog is all about spreading the word of passion with uncensored, real talk on how to make your life better. Check out Alden Tan’s blog here. In the meantime… enjoy his first post on Kingpin Lifestyle.

Today we are going to talk about a simple yet powerful topic called Passion. This is an extremely important aspect of life that is most often swept under the rug by most people, and that of course is really sad because not many know of the art of passion and how it can actually bring you a long way in life.

Strong, powerful words bordering on metaphysical stuff? Indeed. Passion is on a whole new level. Read on to see why passion, when sparked in the individual can make a huge difference in his or her life and why passion isn’t just about doing what you love or dabbling in something you think is fun and cool.

Definition of Passion

“Any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate”
                -Dictionary.com

That’s the straight-up meaning of it, should you flip open a book for it. But go ahead and ask anyone who has a real passion in life.

If you ask me, it goes something like this:

“Passion is that very thing in your body and soul that can take over within seconds. It burns with a fire so strong that you know it’s ‘right’”

It ain’t just something you love…

PassionWhen people think of passion they are mostly like, “Oh just something I really love doing”.

Take it a little deeper.

With passion, there is feeling. With feeling, there are your senses being erupted. Passion allows you to actually follow your heart and when you go along with it, everything just feels right.

All the clichés in the world, Follow your Heart, Chase your dreams, Pursue your Passion, Do what you Love, Never Give Up, all stem from one thing, and that of course is passion.

Things will never go wrong.

It’s my personal belief that good things will automatically manifest in your life as long as you stay true to yourself and do what you love.

Maybe you think that’s hard to believe. After all, the world is a tough place where people are constantly competing against each other and also, you got to live up to societal expectations and all that.

Well, call it the law of attraction, having a good aura, creating good positive vibrations, karma or some deity making you feel blessed. Call it whatever you want! But you definitely cannot go wrong with this: It’s a damn good feeling.

When there is passion, it feels good. It gives you that major sense of belonging and ultimately, an identity. Passion is what burns inside of you that makes everything in life feel right. The world may be a crazy place for us to live in, but what makes us unique and special in this constantly-moving world is our feelings. NOTHING, and I mean nothing or anyone else on this planet can dictate that for you and take that away from you.

So, instil some passion inside of you, get some good feelings, have some fun, and just live happily.

The beauty of it all? It doesn’t matter what your passion is. Your favourite thing to do could be sitting at home playing Skyrim non-stop or heading out to do volunteer work. The difference ultimately come together and achieves the same thing in that person, which is feeling right; feeling totally awesome about it.

Because life isn’t that bad.

DJ PassionMore clichés now: Life is unfair, it’s a Dog Eat Dog world out there, You Snooze You Lose, Survival of the Fittest, Good guys finish last. The list can go on!

Passion can trump all of that (I love how this works)

With all that I have written above, you can easily see how passion makes you feel good. Find your passion, go with it, fall in love with it and just feel totally awesome about life.

Passion (to be more dramatic about it) actually gives you hope in life.

Get some passion in you and you indulge in your whole being on a new level that is unique to you. With this special feeling, things will go right. Why?

Because life isn’t that bad.

Hell, if you can tell yourself that, you are pretty much right track in having passion; in life.

Life is Short.

For real.

Life is simply too short to be doing things you don’t even feel like doing. It’s a sad fact in life that people are caught in the “matrix” where they are bounded by rules of society and others’ expectations. Many hence, fail to follow their passion or worse, don’t even get to find theirs’. It’s an even sadder fact in life people don’t get to live their own life, thanks to diseases, bad people and stuff.

It’s all real. So why wait? Get your passion now, and start feeling good.

Having trouble finding your passion?

I wrote a guide here. In short, it goes a little something like this:

Step 1) Ask yourself what do you think you are good at.

Step 2) Ask yourself what makes you excited.

Step 3) Find out what makes you feel like you belong to something else.

Step 4) Try out all sorts of different stuff.

Start now. Don’t delay. It will be worth it.

Alden Tan

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

How To Shift From A (-) Mindset To A (+) Mindset

Universe“Complaining continues to create the vibration of what you don’t want. Today, take your focus off of what is wrong and focus on what is right and how you desire things to be. Put all your love, energy, mental power and decision making towards what you want and do not entertain thoughts that are to the contrary. You are MORE responsible for the way you feel than your environment, circumstances or relationships. Step towards Love today, step towards the solution.” – Jackson Kiddard

You know those mornings where you wake up and everything seems to be insanely frustrating? The mornings where you wake up 20 minutes late, you can’t find your keys, you burn your cinnamon raisin bagel, and forget to put the lid on the blender for your morning shake. Your morning is a mess from the very moment you pressed the snooze button multiple times. You then get behind the wheel to drive 45 minutes in traffic to get to work. These compiled emotions can stack like bricks into a wall of pending doom. All of a sudden it seems like you are a giant magnet for the worst drivers, you hit every red light, and yup- zero parking stalls are available. You really thought that was going to be possible? Dream-on.

What you think; You will become.

The basic fundamentals of the law of attraction are: what we put out is what we receive. We all vibrate at different kinds of frequencies, let’s stick to just positive and negative, and that energy is than radiating out from your very core out into the universe. I like to visualize it like radio waves. Whichever vibration you are putting out into the world is that which you attract. The more you vibrate at that frequency the more it attracts the same. You can see how this can be a problem, but this isn’t all bad news because it can also be an incredible way to attract success and happiness. Those who focus on negativity and vibrate at a negative frequency, tend to attract everything they don’t (yet do) want. Negative people tend to focus on the result they don’t want but in doing so results in them getting what they do want by attracting what they don’t want… in order to be right. You following? This is called manifestation. If you don’t want to stub your toe but yet are convinced that you will in-fact stub your toe no matter how badly you don’t want to- you will. It’s a simple equation. You end up stubbing your toe because you wanted to stub your toe to show that you were right about how much your life sucks. It’s a way for you to boost your ego, to allow excuses and breed negativity to allow you to settle. Bring on the self-loathing and bouts of pity-parties. I have been there many times, in fact, I was there for a few days this past week.

The law of attraction and manifestation isn’t something I’ve recently learned but definitely something that has been a challenge to remind myself not to allow negativity to breed into my life as it tends to result in an overload of stress, sadness, apathy, and worst of all- procrastination.

In the past few weeks I managed to burn myself out by pushing myself too hard with all of my obligations. With the drop in my iron levels combined with my incredible ability to spread myself thin until breaking point- I have been a walking vibration of stress and exhaustion. Being so financially focused that my view of “half full” has turned into “half empty.” It’s sad, but true. I would be driving my truck and glance at my gas gage, it could be 3/4 full and I nervously tap my fingers against the steering wheel thinking about how much time I have ’till it’s empty again. I send myself into a nervous break-down worrying about everything. This obsession with lacking resulted into stress, feeling anxious, and procrastinate like a crazy lady, thus creating even more stress! After that comes what I call, Sabotage Mode.

Law of attraction

Be careful what you wish for

After realizing that I was fixating on my gas gage and felt like I was somehow mentally draining my tank by focusing on it so much, I ended up realizing that focusing on the inevitable wouldn’t allow me to focus on being more solution orientated. The stress took away from me working harder on doing the things I needed to get done. I looked in all the places I could to have proof that I was lacking and therefore I found it- cause that’s what I was so focused on. This reminded me how I use to be when I was working in retail. I would say things like “This person doesn’t like me” and every day I would search for reasons to validate my assumptions. Any facial expressions, gestures, and conversations I would dissect for meaning to prove that what I was thinking was correct. But in doing so I wasn’t being fair to the person or allowing myself to create a better foundation in developing a relationship with them. Recently I have been doing this with team members in order to sabotage myself from growing and to keep myself comfortable. I was looking for any proof that I wasn’t welcome or that they genuinely didn’t want me there, in order to say “I don’t think I should do this anymore…” because of how terrified I was in getting what I really want. I would tell myself every excuse I could possibly think of and I would look for every reason and proof to validate my ego and prove myself right.

If you look for it, you will always find it.

Shifting from a (-) to a (+)

After having an in-depth conversation with Mikey B, I was able to allow myself to drop my walls and face my ego for what it really was. I knew I was looking for a way to back out and I knew that if I looked for reasons why I should, I would find it. Negativity is like a snow-ball effect, it all starts with one little ball of snow and it grows larger and larger as it picks up speed and rolls down the hill- later crashing and destroying everything in its path. For me it started with the feeling of lacking and the stress of my financial state, at that moment I was vibrating at a ‘lacking’ or negativity frequency, I then started to attract even more negativity into my life thus creating a giant snow ball that took out everything I had built for myself.  (Insert an emotional break-down here.)

How do you get out of the negative frequency? Its actually very simple- but not always easy. You need to wake up everyday with the intention that everything is going to be awesome and declare for yourself that you won’t tolerate the negativity virus that has been spreading in your life. Also you need to create a process that will help you demolish the things that are keeping you at a negative frequency. You can’t expect change without any action! 😉

Here is my process for Shifting from a Negative State to Positive State:

  1. Declare
  2. Affirmations
  3. Write it down
  4. Take Action
  5. Get Creative
1. Declare- This may seem really goofy, but it works. You declare out loud that you won’t tolerate any more negativity from yourself and from any external factors. Here’s an example: “Ok Universe, I understand I’ve been a giant ball of negativity but it ends here and now. I will no longer accept from myself or from any external factors this negative vibration as it isn’t serving me any purpose, in fact its destroying everything I have worked hard towards. So this is it, I’m going to put out as much love and positivity imaginable. I will only allow things that foster a positive mindset and outcome.” 

Get Creative!

2. Affirmations- This is another declaration but in short form and you can use it through-out the day. For instance this morning I used: “This is going to be an awesome day!”I kept repeating it until it really resonated with in me.3. Write it down– Write down everything that is stressing you out or isn’t serving you. I call it a “mind dump” – I literally write everything down that is stressing me out and need to tackle to feel clear headed. If your job is stressing you out, then write it down and say why so you understand the actions you may need to take later on to fix your situation, etc.

4. Take Action– You know that list you just wrote out? One by one attack each thing and cross it off when its completed. Its like a giant blackboard and that blackboard is your mind. Everything on your mind, or blackboard, is taking up too much space to allow positive vibrations to come in or new experiences and tasks. This results in that feeling of being stuck. By taking one step at a time you will slowly erase parts of the blackboard allowing you to feel less stressed and to allow room for more positivity to breed. All that crowded space isn’t serving you- it’s taking away from you. So get’er done!

“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” – Mikey B

5. Get Creative– Find a creative way that works for you to keep you accountable to your ‘Take Action List.’ I’m creative and need visual stimulation to help me get motivated so I created a board with my To DO list. It’s split in to categories, and every thing has a break-down of actions I need to complete. Once I complete a task, I get a sticker!  This isn’t for everyone so make sure you pick a way that works best for you. If you work better with excel sheets then do an excel sheet, and if you work better with reminders on  your phone then make sure you set reminders and alarms for each task. To work optimally is to understand what you need in order to be efficient and feel motivated.
J

Categories
Lifestyle

The Moment of Weakness: How My Friend’s Suicide Changed My Life.

In the comments section of Taking Remembrance Day to the Next Level., Sergey, a student of Kingpin Social shared the inspirational story of his life that happened after his friend committed Suicide in 1992. Life has never been the same for him. I asked Sergey if it would be ok for me to post the story as a blog post for everyone to see, and he happily agreed.

I have left the story raw and unedited. Sergey is from Russia. English is not his first language, but I feel like editing the story would not do it justice. I hope you will enjoy reading it anyways.

The Moment of Weakness

There are plenty of ways to demonstrate an identity. I have chosen to describe the tragic end of my friend, and the feelings that I experienced after his suicide. Even now, after such a long time I am still thinking about his decision to shot himself to death. May be the answer for the question “why I had chosen the topic?” is far simpler than it seems.

This event had a very strong impact on my life. It taught me to be thankful for everything I have, to love my family and to be brave. I believe that people make suicide when they are afraid of tomorrow.
Eugene was a brilliant student. His father was university professor in Moscow State University. However, his parents were divorced and he got the mom’s last name, probably he did not have very good relationships with his father. Possibly, the change of the social status and difficulties of the immigration from Russia to Israel were very stressful. It is hard to know the real motive that pushed him to end up his life, but military service definitely created strong impact on his decision. In the camp he had a problem with one of the unit’s sergeants, but he was too shy to complain. When we went home to the vacation, he looked normal. It was really hard to assume that would happen later.

I still remember that day of September 1992, when the officer of my unit came to us with the notice of his death. He was calm and serious, may be for that reason I did not believe him right away. It was also very hard to imagine that someone, whom you know well, was dead. Just yesterday we laughed, or shared jokes and then that person was just a breathless body. There was no investigation, army wanted only to identify his body. They looked for volunteer from our unit to come to recognize him. I did not really want to go. It was painful to see my friend dead, may be even somehow I believed that he was still alive. Although I did not want to replace the illusion with that horrible reality, I did not judge myself. There was someone else who also knew him. This person was selfish, arrogant, and cynic. He raised his hand first like he was going to see a show and went out very proud of himself. That moment I thought that there were people, who enjoyed other’s pain. Fortunately any group of humans is diverse. I was always surrounded by friendship, love and hate. It is hard to please everyone around. Besides, when I tried to be nice with others, some people saw it as a weakness and tried to take advantage of it.

The funeral was conducted a couple of days later. I will never forget his mom. Because he was the only child, it was even harder for her to lose him. She looked horrible, almost like a living ghost. After looking at her I swore never to do it to my mother. I realised how responsible I was for ones, who loved me. This very moment I felt both love and pain. I realised how close those feelings are. Indeed, most of the times love causes more pain than pleasure.

My life was never easy, but I always knew how to survive. That event taught me always to speak up, to face people. I learned to be more honest and protective. I took care for my mom and my sister as much as I could. I always tried to call my mom every day in order to provide her mental support, especially when she lost her jobs. I helped my sister when she was studying nursing and working at hospital. I never had a problem to make her laundry or to go with her to a concert, because I knew that I am doing it for someone who loved me. I do not believe that it is possible to prevent every tragedy, but positive impact usually makes necessary changes. My actions significantly helped my family to pass bad times in the past.

I believe that even the desire to protect my friends and family helped me to save them from a lot of troubles. After the military service I studied in Ben Gurion University of Negev in Israel for master’s degree in Electrical Engineering. One day I came to the office of the one of my friends and found out that he needed to go to downtown. I had to drive there as well, so I offered him a ride. Apparently it saved him his life. The bus that he wanted to use was exploded by terrorists. There were two suicide bombers on two buses. When the buses came close to each other, they used their explosives. On the way back we saw the police and ambulance going in that direction, but it was hard to guess what is actually happened. Forty four people died in that terror attack, but I was lucky. My friend was alive. That moment I thought that this time I made a change. May be it was not a stunning, heroic act, but for me it made no difference. My friend could breath, smile and play guitar. It is hard to compare those two events of my life, but for my opinion the suicide of Eugenetaught me how to make an impact. Just a simple act of attention saved someone’s life.

Later on, I did good and bad things in my life, but I always was rewarded for a positive impact. I studied to be less judging and more understanding. I try to see people as a whole and do not separate person’s good and bad qualities. People have weaknesses, sometimes they regret about their actions. I know to forgive, but I never forget. I lost faith in perfect human relationship long time ago and started to see the whole picture. There is no perfection in life, but it is important to try to be perfect.

I had chosen that topic, because I wanted to go back to that event and analyse it. I also wanted to go with it in public. I did not know how I would feel about presenting that kind of event, but I could guess that it would make me emotionally engaged. While presenting it I felt even more emotional, than I thought I will be. May be it was the grief I did not feel in the funeral. Death of my friend helped me to realise that there are more important things than money or career. It also revealed the importance of forgiveness. I learned to forgive myself and to go forward in every single crisis of my life. He apparently did not. Later on, every time when I saw people of authority, who treated others like garbage, I was furious. It made me to speak out at any price. The only reward for that kind of action is knowledge that possibly I prevented a tragedy. I believe that it was worth it.

The chosen topic shows me as an empathic person. I like to analyse my actions, to go deep down to my conscious. It is important for me to create impact on audience, for that reason I did not want to write something meaningless. Eventually, the tragic end of my friend was one of the most significant events of my life. I decided to use the format as an essay, because I wanted to create deep and complicate image of my personality. There are a lot of different ways for a person to express himself, but I always liked to write, and it was the best way for me to express my identity.

If you or anybody you know is thinking about committing Suicide, please call the Suicide Hotline for help, and choose life instead, today.

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance Social Dynamics Social Gym

Where Social Dynamics Needs to Start

Starts with YOUToday I sat down at my laptop with the intention of writing another post that explains the difference between men and women in the realm of dating. Specifically on why men love to say they are going on a “date” and women like to say they are going to “hang out.” A very broad topic choice, however, the inspiration wasn’t there. As the only female writer on this site it allows me to have a voice for all the women in my life, it has been a great avenue to express those opinions to a male dominated audience but somewhere on my soap box with my megaphone, I lost my own voice.

Cam wanted me to write for Kingpin Lifestyle after reading my blog posts from my personal blog Devoted Shift. It’s a blog where I delve in to my own mind, goals, motivation and the struggles of writing or being an artist in general. I write about my frustrations and my celebrations while helping others do the same. By sharing my story, I help others to share their own struggles and through that self-journey they find inspiration and guidance. I came to this site wanting to help people, but most of all I really want to heal people of their painful pasts and to bring them in to the light of what is to come in their future. The future holds beautiful things if you choose to let go of the past and create the future you desire. We are all creators, that is our divine gift. Your future starts with yourself and how you communicate with your environment and the people with in it, this is where Social Dynamics ties in so beautifully. This is why I am a contributor and that voice got somewhere lost in the transition from being a writer for a woman dominated audience to a male one.

Since I am a very internalized woman, who has always struggled with executing, teaming up with Kingpin Social was a great way to keep myself accountable to facing the fear of taking ACTION. This is something I have now realized is a strong suit. I have the ability to help readers of Kingpin Lifestyle to be best in both of these specified arenas. If you have internal awareness as well as knowing how to execute effectively through Social Dynamics, you will be set up for success. So this is what you can expect from me moving forward.

Social Dynamics & Meditating

What Social Dynamics teaches us is that Life = Relationships. I think the biggest missing puzzle that it isn’t always communicated is that the relationship with yourself is the most important one for you to be successful in all relationships.

Meditating

Social Dynamics starts with YOU. You need to work internally as much as you need to practice talking to people every day, learning perceptions of value, and to push yourself in all areas of growth by making goals that will take you there. If you don’t like the person that you are then how can you communicate authentically to a desirable man or woman how awesome you are? To your boss? To your family? You start by asking yourself specific questions that will help you find your self-defeating limitations and creating actionable goals to get you to where you want to be.

I see a lot of guys in the Pick-Up Community that have no self-esteem or sense of self-worth, you see it in women too, a lot of us think that by ‘acting’ you will ‘become’. You pretend to be confident and secure, but when it comes down to it if you aren’t confident and secure it will surely come out in your actions and body language. Typically you can end up in relationships that have no meaning since you aren’t capable of trusting or feeling whole. In order to be good at communicating and attracting ‘high quality’ people, you need to have that self-realization that you are a dope person. By being someone you are not than you are being inauthentic. Inauthentic means you aren’t congruent with your true self and it leads to unhappiness. Unhappiness leads to unfulfillment and disappointment within yourself and how do you build relationships with that mind set? You can try and fake it till you make it but until you are able to find the source of why you have self-defeating thoughts and where they originate from, than you will never be able to work past them. You need to balance between your internal awareness and taking action to push your comfort zones. Just because you aren’t confident doesn’t mean you can’t take actions that can lead you to becoming confident. Just remember that you need to delve deep in to your self to find why you think they way you do so you can overcome it and grow. Otherwise you just avoid the issue and never work past it.

All these articles on Kingpin Lifestyle have amazing lessons and great wisdom for you to meditate on, but most importantly they are there for you to take ACTION, to take that information and to challenge yourself with what you have learnt. This is something that we all need to work towards daily, even the guys at Kingpin Social, and yes including myself. The team and I always wake up every day to our ‘Order Of Operations” – the things we need to get done in the day to stay accountable to not only ourselves  but to others to. We all have to practice what we preach, we have to push our social fears, and we have to level ourselves up and the people around us consistently. The reason why we get better every day is because we stretch that muscle every day. This is why we have Social Gym. Just like you would dedicate time to work out, you have to put time aside to work on yourself and to the things you have learnt.

Take Action

Think of it this way. Lets say on Wednesdays you work on your upper body at the gym, this means you have it already mapped out in your mind that you will need to work on your biceps, traps, forearms, lats, chest, back and torso. You know what repetitions, weight, and exercises that will help you pinpoint those specific muscles to make them stronger. By taking that analogy you start to realize that you can take that kind of preparation and dedication in to every aspect of your life in order to build not only your physical self but your social and mental ones as well.

This is where men and women typically differentiate. Women tend to want to internalize things and understand things at its root before acting out on them, where as men typically want to act then to internalize afterwards. How do we find the balance? How do we not allow the excuse for women to never to take action because they always need to meditate on it first? How do we encourage men to meditate on things more to understand things at a deeper sub-conscious level? By having awareness that as a woman we need to focus on learning how to take action to balance both the ability to self-internalize but not allowing it to hinder the ability to follow through. Men can work more on taking time to meditate and asking themselves important questions to learn more about their internal self while they have the strong suit of taking action. It’s all about balance and covering all bases to be the most successful.

Action Quote Buddha{ *Please note that this is a generalized view and doesn’t mean that all women have problems with not taking action, and not all men have problems with self-reflection. It can always work vice-versa. Men have problems taking action but have a great sense of self and women who have troubles with delving deeper in to internal awareness  but are great at taking action. It’s about pin-pointing your area of opportunity and working past it. *  }

Actionable Goals

Today I want you to smile at one person. Anyone! Make eye contact and just smile. Say ‘Good Afternoon’ or ‘Good Evening’ to a passing stranger or start up a conversation with someone in line while you are grabbing your coffee. Make someones day. That is your goal!

After doing that assess how you feel.

Do you feel different? Are you happier? How did you feel before? Were you scared? Are you still fearful? How can uplifting others through small actionable goals like these help you build a stronger internal value for yourself?

This is a great way to balance an action with taking the time to see how it affects you internally.

Other questions you should ask yourself: “Did you talk about yourself the entire time? Were you seeking validation? Were you listening and being present? What kind of questions did you ask? What did that person teach you?” After you do this today I would love for you to post in the comment box below!

Answer the questions I just stated, and allow yourself to internalize your actions. As you build more awareness of your external environment it is important to take time to delve deeper in to your internal awareness to expand your mindsets and to learn more about yourself and others.

J

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

The Unexpected Happens in Kelowna; Life Goes On

kelowna sailsThis past weekend I ran another bootcamp for Kingpin Social in beautiful Kelowna, BC. The weekend was awesome and the student leveled up hardcore. Few things in life are more fulfilling to me than helping someone improve their life. It’s truly an amazing experience to be a part of.

The coolest part about the weekend was that not only did the student level up, but I feel like I did too.

Let me share my story:

Saturday night we all roll out to the club. My car is packed with my student, Myke and Jamie who were assisting me on the program and another student who I taught last month when I was in Kelowna. I park the car and we roll up to the club. As we go to enter, Myke realizes he left his passport at home. This is no big deal. I’m running the program so I give my keys to Jamie so she can take Myke back to the condo while I take the student inside to get warmed up. Thankfully Kelowna is a small town so Myke and Jamie were back in no time, and the bootcamp didn’t miss a hump.

Over the course of the next three hours, the student absolutely rocked it. The night before he exchanged phone numbers with nine different girls, so tonight the goals we set were to have longer interactions to form deeper connections. He did exactly that. Countless times he met a girl in the smoke pit and after a few minutes of talking, took her to the dance floor to bump and grind. After time spent building that sexual tension, he took them to sit down and get to know them better. Money in the bank; not only for him but for the girls too. What girl wouldn’t want to meet a quality guy after all? Even if it’s at the nightclub.

As the night is wrapping up, Myke takes the student for one last lap, while I run off to find our past student who came out with us. We all rendezvous at the front of the club, and head out the door. I start walking towards the area I parked originally, and don’t see my car. “Oh ya, Jamie drove it, so she probably parked somewhere else,” I casually think to myself, half panicked thinking my car had gone missing.

As I turn back to Jamie and the rest of the crew, I notice they look slightly dumbfounded.

“Hey Jamie where did you park?”

“Right here!!!**” she says as she points to the spot right in front of her.

Slightly confused, I look and see my car is in fact, missing. What a weird coincidence. Uh oh. As Mike from Jersey Shore would say, “We’ve got ourselves a situation!

It was funny. All five of us looked at the parking stall, then back at each other, then back at the parking stall, confused as mother fuckers.

“Dude, Where’s My Car?”

dude where's my carI take a moment to process what’s happened, and make a decision to get everyone into taxis and back to the condo. We can take things from there, but there’s no sense in standing out front of the nightclub freezing trying to figure it out. “Let’s just get back home and handle the situation as it needs to be handled.

On the way back to the condo I try to process my emotions. I feel like I should be mad, my car is towed and if there’s anything that I hate more: it’s not having access to my car. But internally I wasn’t mad. No matter how hard I tried to feel mad, I couldn’t. It was kind of cool. I think being in a state of shocked helped a bit, but I’m not going to discredit what actually went on.

Last week I wrote a post called “What to Do When Life Throws You Lemons”, and in it I talk about how in your life, things are going to happen, and it’s up to you to react appropriately. The mindset I take into life as much as possible is one where I try to make the best out of every situation. Things are going to be what they are, and there’s no sense in wasting valuable mental energy on things you can’t control.

As we got out of the taxi I had come to the realization that I’m not mad, or even upset. Just slightly annoyed and definitely needing my own space. As we walk into the condo building heading for the elevator, I look over at Jamie and can tell she’s upset. Inside I can only imagine how much she is beating herself up. I know as soon as we get into the condo she’s going to run for her room to get away from everybody to collect her thoughts. Sure enough, this is exactly what happened.

I let Myke know I need him to call the towing company and figure out where my car is, and then head into Jamie’s room. Inside the room, she’s visibly upset. I can understand why. It’s part of what makes her an amazing person – she cares. I give her a hug and let her know that I’m not upset at her at all. This is all a simple innocent mistake that is merely an inconvenience – nothing more nothing less. It is what it is. We can’t go back in time and change the situation; we can only make the best of it. Honestly, I’m just glad my car wasn’t stolen.

Myke finds out where my car is. We can’t pick it up until the morning. So we spent the rest of the night hanging out and doing our thing. In the morning, after paying a ridiculous amount of money, I got my car back. Not only did I get my car back, but I also left with an even better understanding about how to react when shit happens. Sure I lost some money, but to gain a valuable lesson and reference experience, I would pay that money again any day. Money well spent in my mind.

Categories
Attracting Women Mental Performance

My Secret to Socializing

After a bad day at work, you decide to call your best friend and head over to her house. The boss’s words still scorn your ears on the drive over to her house as the radio decides to play every depressing song that they have on their playlist.

Your best friend opens the front door of her house with a beaming smile. She tells you about her day, and how amazing it was. She’s beaming, bouncing off the walls and you can’t help but smile. The cares of the world wear away as you and your best friend get into a talk about your plans for this weekend.

The Super Power of Smiling

This article was directly inspired by a man who did a talk on Ted.com about the Hidden Power of Smiling. This is always something that’s been fascinating to me, as I’m always someone who’s walking around with a beaming smile on my face.

I’m about to reveal my secret to socializing.

I’ve found that when two people have a conversation, emotional states are being transferred. Let’s say we measure happiness on a scale of 0 – 10. 0 is neutral, and 10 is exhilarated. When two people have a conversation, the happiness levels of each other combine and they equalize.

Ever wondered why you like being around happy people? It’s because when you’re around someone that’s happy, they’re actually bringing your emotional state up. If we were to measure happiness on a scale of 1 – 10, and yours was at a 5 and theirs was at a 10, you guys would equalize at 7 and the person who has the happiness level of 10 would be bringing value to the person who’s at a 5.

Most people allow their external environment to affect their internal emotional state. They’ll have a bad day at work, and they’ll be thinking negative thoughts because of it. A fight happens with a friend, and they allow their internal state to shift towards negative on the spectrum. Most people also work inside out with their emotions. They’re happy, so they’ll smile. They’re sad, so they’ll cry.

Understand that controlling your internal emotional state goes outside in, as well as inside out. You’re happy, so you smile but it also works backwards. If you’re sad, and you want to be happy, you can simply smile. This is being in control of your internal emotional state, instead of allowing the external environment to be the deciding factor of your internal emotional state. (More on this in my book, Up to This Point. Released at the end of Sept!)

“You just made my day!”

After watching the video on Ted.com, I started experimenting with my theory on happiness and with the power of smiling. The video talks about how smiling is contagious, and how when you give a genuine, beaming smile towards someone it’s literally infectious for them to smile back, even in the slightest. If they’re not smiling, they literally have to focus on holding it back.

Smiling isn’t just powerful for giving value to people, and making people’s day. When you smile, it releases endorphins in your brain that give you the same chemical feeling (scientifically measured) as winning $25,000.00 cash.  Smiling gives value to yourself, by controlling your internal emotional state and bringing it towards positivity and smiling infects others with the same positivity, making both your day and their day better. Win – Win.

The studies show that the average adult smiles only 4 times per day. The average child smiles upwards of 400 times per day. How many times per day do you smile?

Smiling is contagious, and the power of smiling is tremendous. When two people communicate, at all times emotional states are being transferred to one another. In social interaction, you can use this to your advantage. When I’m making new friends, or meeting new people, or even talking to my friends who are in a bad mood I’m always smiling, I’m always bringing value to these people. One of the universal forms of value that most find valuable is positivity.

But.. what’s positivity?

Positivity needs to be broken down though, and one of the forms I’ve broken it down to is the power of smiling. Try it out for yourself! Having a bad day? Look upwards, close your eyes and hold a smile for 30 seconds. I promise you instant results. When you’re out meeting new people, make sure you’re wearing your smile and infecting others with positivity. Everyone wants to be around a person that’s happy, because by being happy you’re affecting their internal emotional state and making them happy.

My secret to socializing is this: always be smiling. It is not your mood that impacts your ability to smile, it is simply your mind making the decision to smile. When I decide to smile, I decide to bring my internal emotional state higher on the positive spectrum. That means when I talk to people, and they’re at a lower happiness level than myself, I’m giving value to them. Everybody wants to be happy, and if you’re the one that is the source of good emotions that means people will always want to be around you.

Hope this helps! Comment on this mofuggin article, and SMIIIIILE  <3

Categories
Mental Performance

Why We Should Pursue Challenging our Beliefs.

mike zharkYoung and ambitious are two words used when describing Mike Zhark. Mike was one of Kingpin Social’s students in the month of June. After deciding he wanted more options, Mike took the leap and decided Kingpin Social’s program was the best idea for him. Going into the school year armed with his newfound social skills, Mike Zhark plans to use his belief systems to his advantage to create the best options for himself in university. Mike is a nationally ranked Swimmer, will be joining the U of C Swim Team and spends his Tuesday Nights working at Mansion Nightclub. If you want to get in contact with Mike, click here.

Enter Mike Zhark…

A few months ago I was in a rut. I had just gotten out of a 3-year relationship, and I had no idea how to effectively interact with the world around me.

nothing seemed more impossible

After several months of training myself to properly interact with my environment, I found Kingpin Social. I saw this as an opportunity to grow and gain an understanding of human interaction.

As a result of my decision to direct my life toward social growth, I have met a group of super cool, bad-ass motherfuckers who love to have fun, grow, and work in a positive environment. Among the many lessons learnt as from interacting with these guys, one key takeaway I had was to challenge your beliefs. I saw so much value in challenging beliefs that I invited one of my friends to hang out with this group of super-cool people to help him grow. However, when time came around for me to pick him up and hang out with these ultra high-value guys, I got a text.

Friend: “My parents are freaking out about this thing today man.”
Me: “How so?”
Friend: “They just flipped shit for like 20 minutes…said it wasn’t normal for people to be that committed to growth…”

In the end, he didn’t come out out of respect for his parents’ wishes. It did make me think though… was my own desire to pursue a path of self-growth a negative force in my life? In that moment, I challenged my beliefs. I let what my friend’s parents say affect how I thought, and I allowed it to compete against my current beliefs for dominance. Then I answered myself: they were right, it isn’t normal. It isn’t normal for people to constantly push their comfort zones. It isn’t normal for people to constantly strive for improvement. It isn’t normal to be a CEO, Doctor, or even pursue your passion. It isn’t normal for a 19 year old to be a Nightclub Manager. It isn’t normal to run a successful company with one of your best friends revolving around one of the most essential life skills there is. It’s sure as hell not normal for people to be in awesome relationships all the time. Looking at all of that, in what sense is it even logical to be normal?

As a result of the internal dialogue I had, my belief in the pursuit of self-improvement was strengthened. I gained more conviction in that what I am doing is the key to reaching my own potential, and it will take an even larger force than before to destroy or modify that belief. In this example, it became evident that the strengthening of my beliefs will provide me with more passion and drive to pursue whatever endpoint was associated with it, in this case…self-growth. The cool part about this is, you can apply this to any belief you hold as a person! But…why?

freedom

Why should we challenge our beliefs?

Our beliefs are the endpoint that support our values and drive our behavior within the actions we take. As individuals, we don’t have time to pick apart, analyze, and over-intellectualize every problem we have in our lives. Very often, we must proceed with courage and conviction in that what we are doing is right in order to achieve growth in the most optimal or desirable areas of our lives. Do you really need to break down your cereal-eating technique to the crunch? How would that help you make that interaction with the cute girl/guy at your regular Starbucks, or how would it augment your ability to fix your broken car in your garage?

Another vantage point from which beliefs can impact us is through our ability to accept or resist change based upon the strength of our beliefs. I would ask you to reflect upon yourselves for a second and view both a weak and strong belief you hold (these can be religion, habits, preference of colour, etc.) In each case, is the belief you hold constructive (positive) or destructive (negative) in congruent to your goals? In either the positive or the negative case, you would probably agree that the belief you hold could be more optimal.



Let’s look at a strong, negative belief from my life.

I used to believe that I was an introvert, and that the concepts of introversion and extroversion applied to everyone. I was a quiet, reserved person, and if asked to describe myself I would reply quietly, without emotion, “I am an introvert.” Every time I said this, I gave power to the idea that I was limited to the characteristics associated with being an introverted person. It even got to the point where I would avoid going out because I was so convinced that I drew my energy from being alone, and that it would be harmful for me to go out and even talk to other people. The limiting belief of introversion was becoming solidified and harder to break by the day.

How did I change this self-destructive behavior?

sad robotThis lack of willingness to explore anything outside of myself became a huge comfort zone, leading to many destructive tendencies and habits. Soon, my girlfriend of over 3 years broke up with me. I was crushed, and for a few days I holed myself up from the world even further. After almost a month of mourning, I came upon the realization a major change needed to happen. No one was feeling sorry for me but myself. No one was going to make me happy by myself. A symphony of negativity had been playing its melody for the past who-knows-how-long. This major event in my life (delivered through a relationship) forced me to rethink my attitude towards meeting others. Soon after, I met the aforementioned bad-ass group of super cool motherfuckers who continue to drive me to be the best I can be. Nowadays, I wouldn’t say I’m an extrovert, nor would I say I’m an introvert. I simply am. Overcoming my limited belief allowed me to become attuned to the opportunities and dynamics of my social environment.

There are positive and negative examples in every one’s life. Just as I have converted from the very negative set of ideals above to a markedly more positive set, I have also made the positive set of beliefs more sound. Although context and personal views alter what is negative and positive for individual people, without a doubt it is always beneficial to embrace enlightenment and always negative to be ignorant or possess limiting beliefs. We have the potential and opportunity to challenge all of our beliefs through every interaction we make, through every event in our lives, and even on our own internally.

Our beliefs will be challenged throughout our lives, sometimes against our will, and sometimes as a result of embracing opportunities. When the time comes that our beliefs are challenged against our wishes, will we have strengthened those same beliefs to weather the storm and reflect our desired identity? Or will we conform to our environment’s potentially limiting and harmful thinking?

In the end, it is up to you. After all, it is you who believes so.

cute duck

Categories
Mental Performance

Vision Boards: Attracting your BEST life.

The best way to approach a purpose is to have multiple perspectives on the same direction. Through the power of Networking I met an aspiring life coach named Jamie. Jamie’s direction is relative to the path that we’re on with Kingpin Lifestyle; Jamie’s blog is one of similar direction; personal development and lifestyle enhancement. Jamie will be joining us on Kingpin Lifestyle every Wednesday, collaborating with Kingpin Social to enlighten you as to how you can make your life worth living.

Enter Jamie.

So you want to be successful and you want to have direction? Who doesn’t? Successful people all over the world have a lot of things in common; they are ambitious, hard working, but most importantly they have a solid vision. By vision I mean that they have really taken the time to envision the future they want and guess what? They ACTUALLY live the life they have imagined.

The beautiful thing is that you can create a vision anywhere at any time. You can be sitting in your office cubicle, at a coffee shop, on your yoga mat, or on a park bench. It comes down to sitting, closing your eyes, and picturing exactly what you want. So simple, right? Yet so many of us don’t utilize this incredibly easy tool to create a life we want. ‘A life we want’ is obviously based on several things and the key is to be specific and as detailed as possible.



What does your BEST LIFE look like? You can have anything and everything as long as you can imagine it and create it in your mind. We create our own reality. What do you want yours to look like? Where do you want to be in one week? One year? Three years? Five years?



Here is an example of my vision for myself at the age of 27:

“I’m waking up in the large master suite of my 3000 sq feet, three story, walk-out home that I share with the love of my life just outside of Banff, Alberta. Our home is modern yet cozy, set in dark wood, stone and surrounded by nature. Large bay windows over-look the Rocky Mountains where they look close enough to touch. I have a studio that is off to the side of our home that consists of my office, meditation room and photography studio. I practice yoga on our balcony that wraps around the house and breathe in the cool mountain air every morning.”

I have clearly mapped out in my mind what the architecture of my home is, when I have this home, where it is located, how it feels, how it smells (can’t beat mountain air and pine trees), and creating a connection to this space. I have no idea if this home really exists at this current time, but by creating a vision I am allowing the possibility of it to exist. This is the law of attraction.

The law of attraction is based on universal energy that everyone and everything possesses. Like a radio frequency (as I have sort of envisioned it) we send waves through our thoughts (and even our actions) to this universal energy and it reacts back. It’s the formula that “like attracts like.” So if you put out positive manifestations, affirmations and thoughts you will receive the same positivity back in different aspects of your life. The same goes for negativity.

Have you ever noticed how negative people consistently have more negative situations or attract more difficulties than others? They play the victim, that ‘nothing ever goes right,’ “I have bad luck,” ‘that kind of life is never in the cards for me’ kind of attitude. The more they put that out the more they attract exactly what they don’t want and it comes true. Adding fuel to the fire sort of speak. Until they change their attitude and put out a more positive vibe they will always attract negativity in to their life and never see progress. Same for people who exude positivity and have an attitude that ‘everything is a learning experience’ or ‘everything will work out’ kind of attitude. They tend to attract more positivity in their life, have more fun experiences, opportunities and overall more successful.

Another way to look at it is to always come from a place of being cared for. The universe is a pretty spectacular being and holds an incredible amount of energy that is at your disposal if you allow it. You must never come from a place of lack. The universe does not lack, it only provides. This is huge when it comes to money. If you put out the energy that you lack money you WILL lack money. That lack perception will then attract situations in to your life that will consume your finances or assets. When you change your thoughts to abundance and being provided for always, you WILL be abundant and be provided for. “Like attracts like” it’s really that simple, and it really does work.



This is why we create visions. “Like attracts like.” By manifesting your vision you attract it in to your life. Ta-da! Magical! 🙂



Now the vision I shared is the tip of the ice-berg. That vision consists of my location, my home, my office, and a little bit of my relationship. This is where you start to expand on your relationships, career, physical health, your social standing, your financial standing, the car you drive, the clothing you wear, the people you surround yourself with, etc. The more detailed the better.

So you have sat down and started to envision your best life. Now what? WRITE IT DOWN. I can’t stress how important it is to solidify an idea or a vision by putting it down on paper. After you get it down on paper the next hoo-ha step is to create a vision board. A vision board is an incredible tool that some of the most successful people in the world like Oprah Winfrey, Jim Carrey, and Bruce Lee (to name a few) use. Bruce Lee… need I say more?

Vision boards come in a variety of different styles and use different techniques depending on the individual’s creativity. So it’s time to get a little messy and to stretch that creative muscle that we all do possess (just sometimes needs to be exercised.)



What you will need:

– A cork board, poster board, or pin board.
– Scissors
– Glue (or pins, thumb tacks- depending on the board)
– Magazines, photographs, printer, etc
– Paint, pencil crayons, markers, charcoal, pastels, etc

Next, is the fun part! Now you have to find photographs, magazine clip outs, or pictures you print off that align with your vision. If you have a hard time finding images- make your own! Use key words, quotes, and symbols. Ultimately you are taking your vision and pasting it in front of you. Instead of reading it every day this will allow you to visualize it which is not only more effective but less time consuming. Makes sense, huh? When you are done hunting down all your images- paste or tackle it to your board and hang it up in a place that you will always see. Some people paste it on their roof above their bed, on their fridge, or commonly in their office. 


Done…er sorta.



If you are a negative-ned (or nancy) you need to change your perception and manifest positivity for your vision to cultivate. You will be amazed by the power of attraction and how a vision board allows you to attract the life you have always wanted.

If you would like to share your vision board please email me at adevotedshift@live.ca and they will be featured on my blog!

Namaste,


Jamie



Guest post brought to you by: Jamie Hyatt from ‘devotedshift.com’ Jamie is an enthusiastic goal-getter and photographer. Aspiring life-coach and author. Yogi extraordinaire and an honest voice to those who seek it.