Pen Pals to Face Friends; Avoiding the Fizzle Out

You’re at the mall and you see the girl that you want. Your feet tell you to move, your mind’s screaming anxiety but you want to give yourself the chance to meet her. You walk up to her, tell her how attractive you think that she is and after 10 minutes of conversation you decide that there’s enough of a connection for you to invest your time into her and grab her number.

Walking out of the mall with the fresh new T – Shirt in hand, the confident smile of overcoming anxiety and the cute girl’s number in your phone, you feel like the man. You text the girl that you met in the mall and tell her you enjoyed her company, she texts you back and says the same. All seems to be going well! Over the next couple of days, you make sure that you keep in moderate contact texting her back and forth. Something about this girl in particular sparks your interest, and you want to take her out to see if she’s as awesome as she seems. It’s Monday; you text her.

Dude: Hey you! I think you’re cool, let’s grab a drink on Friday.

Girl: Okay, sounds good!

Time is limited in your lifestyle; work and your side hobbies keep you occupied throughout the week. You don’t want to seem needy by texting her, you guys have a date Friday anyways. Friday rolls around and you text the girl to tell her you’re stoked on tonight.

Girl: “Actually, it’s my girlfriends birthday tonight! Sorrryy, maybe some other time.”


What is the fizzle out? The fizzle out is when you get a girls number while mutual interest is present. The two of you like each other enough to exchange numbers and text back and forth, making sure on both ends that even though time is limited, you’re important enough to be a part of each others life. The fizzle out comes when a girl who was interested in you starts to lose interest, and you can’t seem to get her on a date or on the phone. The fizzle out happens for a couple of reasons, I’ll outline both of them and how you can avoid the pitfalls of these reasons.

REASON # 1: The 9 Day Window

Women have plenty of options. The average woman has plenty of options, quality women have society’s high value men chasing after them all of the time, this is what makes her a quality woman. With that in mind, what is the 9 day rule? The 9 day rule states that within 9 days of getting her number, you should be getting the girl out on a date. Is this rule concrete, set in stone? Absolutely not, there are exceptions for every rule however for maximum efficiency when starting out, especially to avoid the girl losing interest in you, you want to make sure that the date happens within 9 days of you getting her number.

REASON # 2: The Failed Dates

Alright, so you understand that you need to get her out on a date, and you’re trying. You’ve told her you want to meet up, and she’s agreed. For some reason, on the day of the date she decides to cancel. Why does she cancel? People are busy, and only have time for things that bring them value. If you schedule a date on Monday, and she agrees, in that moment when she agreed to go on the date she probably actually wanted to. However when Friday rolls around, 5 days later, and you haven’t provided any value over the course of the week; it is likely she will forget the emotion you made her feel over the course of those 5 days. Failed dates are the second pitfall of the fizzled number.


There are a couple things you can do to set yourself up for the most success if you want to make these dates happen. Even if you are to establish a face to face friendship over the convenient luxury of pen pals, keep these details in mind.

1. Make sure she’s comfortable texting you back and forth, and that you’ve talked on the phone at least once before you go for the date. Anything else will seem unnatural, and her investment levels will not match yours. As a woman, she is likely to have more options than you at her fingertips. That in mind, your investment levels are naturally going to be higher than hers. How can you increase her investment level to the point where she wants to come on a date with you? Ensure that there’s comfort between the two of you. If she won’t text you back consistently, try calling a couple times. If this doesn’t work, cut your losses. If she continues to text you back, there is still chance at a date. You just have to be creative and persistent about the times that you’re calling, and setting up the date. In MY opinion, if she’s not comfortable talking on the phone with you she will not go on a date with you. Why would she risk the awkwardness of a failed date with a guy who she can’t talk with on the phone?

2. Before you go for the date, figure out her schedule. Instead of saying “Let’s go out for drinks Friday!” and her replying “I would, but I have my sister’s birthday Friday,” which puts you in a bad position because now you have to go for the date a second time, change up the way you’re picking the day for these dates. When you want to set up the date, figure out her schedule. “Hey, what’s your schedule next week?” She’ll tell you what days she’s free, what days she’s busy. Pick one of her free days, and schedule the date.

3. After you pick the day for the date, let’s say it’s Wednesday, and today is Saturday… make sure you send those “ping” texts in between to remind her of the date.“Hey dork, make sure you bring an umbrella on Wednesday,” or anything relative to where the date is going, what you guys are doing. These “ping” texts that you’re sending in between Saturday and Wednesday don’t always have to be about the date itself, it’s just making sure that you’re on her radar and that she’s consistently reminded that she has plans Wednesday, and those plans are with you. I find I receive the most amount of success when going on dates with girls I’m interested in when I call them the day before, and talk for a bit than develop the idea of the date a bit on the phone. Tell the date as it will be; interesting, intriguing and an adventure.

As long as your girl of interest is texting you back, there will always be opportunity for a date. If you really want to get these dates, you need to be picking up the phone and calling. There’s no point on going on a date with a guy who she randomly met, talked to for a few minutes than went their separate ways. That trust hasn’t been established, so establish that trust over the phone. Call her and be that cool guy that you are, so she knows that she’s getting herself into something adventurous, fun and exciting.

Hope this helps! Comment and SUBSCRIIIIIIBE!

Here’s a video blog Cam did on this topic, on how to avoid numbers fizzling out before you get the date:

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  1. What if you text’d back and forth a numerous times (different times, days) – the key is on this that it is a 10 days period but not on the 10th day but still texting back and forth on different days, dates and times. Is it still going to be called “fizzle’d out”?

    I haven’t called her yet, though I think this is a best thing to do right now I suppose!(?)

  2. Nope, it’s called “fizzled out” when she won’t respond to your texts / agree to hang out with you. These rules aren’t set in stone, simply apply them for the most amount of success most of the time. Yes, it would be best to call the girl as soon as possible.

  3. She does respond! It’s just the matter I didn’t give her a call yet, I am going to work on this one.
    Thank you!

  4. Word. Make that call as soon as possible, because you don’t want to end up being “that guy that I met awhile ago that I text once in awhile.” Knaa mean? You’ve gotta work on building and maintaining that more effective way of communicating between each other.

  5. Just wondering… do all of these things you try and teach and talk about.. apply .. either it be a good interaction, good long phone conversations, hang outs.. connection… Do all of things still apply.. if the girl has a boyfriend?

    I feel having these things with a particular girl, but i’m hiding my true intentions in partially because she has a boyfriend. It’s hard to decipher whats going on actually.

  6. In the following piece Stephanie Constantina looks at how to email pen pals correctly. This is etiquette for pen pals and where to find new pen pals to email, so helping you to make new email friends locally or internationally.

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