Turning Those Numbers Into Dates

by Brian

swaggaYou walk into the club and see the girl of your dreams. Alright, champ. You’ve warmed up for this. Your social skills? Prominent. You’re ready, man.

With a smooth swag, you saunter over to the girl with a smile on your face. You introduce yourself and are genuine with your intent; you thought she was absolutely gorgeous and you had to give yourself the opportunity to meet her. The two of you connect; 20 minutes later you walk away with her digits saved in your Iphone.

… But you don’t know how to call girls. You don’t know what to say on the phone. Where do you start? You met the girl of your dreams, you got her number and now you want to get her on a date. Make the call.

When first getting numbers, you want to call as many as you possibly can. The thing about any interaction between strangers is it’s always weird; you don’t know each other. If there are two people that feel awkward, the conversation will be awkward. If there is one person that is awkward (her), and one person that is comfortable (you) and you have a strong frame (by getting comfortable being on the phone), you will suck her into her frame and make her comfortable talking to you. Getting comfortable talking on the phone extremely valuable. You will not get the girl on a date if she is not comfortable talking on the phone with you.

Keeping in mind the phone number is a chance at a date, why don’t you just “play it safe” and text her to get her on the date?

Phoning a person creates much more investment than texting somebody. It is very easy to agree to something over text, all it takes is a quick 5 second check of the phone, 10 seconds for the thumbs to type a response that the brain doesn’t necessarily commit to. Out of 10 girls that I planned a date with over text, 1 would commit to our plans. However, I found that once I got comfortable on the phone and I would call girls instead of text them, my rate went from 1/10, to 8/10. I found that calling creates much more investment that texting when going for dates. If you want to play the numbers game, and play it safe, eliminating a large percentage of possible connections, that’s up to you. Check this article. If you want to decrease your flake rate, keep reading.

What is a phone number?

girlfriendA girl giving you her phone number is saying she likes you enough, in that moment, to give you a chance at a date. A phone number is a chance at a date. One’s fate should never be left to chance, one should take control of their own destiny and take advantage of these chances. It’s like the baseball player that steps up to the plate. The pitcher that throws a really slow ball, waiting for him to hit, is a chance at a home run. It’s up to the pitcher to swing. You’ll never hit the ball if you don’t swing the bat. You’ll never get the date if you don’t make the call.

Text your numbers on the first day/night that you meet them. Why do you do this? When you text on the first day/night that you meet the girl, you’re separating yourself from the “guy I gave my number to at the bar last night” category, and you put yourself on her radar. When she wakes up the next morning blurry on the events of the evening, she will have a text in her inbox as an unforgotten memory of the night.

“Just texting to let you know that I’m the thumb war champ –Brian “

Say something that’s meaningful, something that she will remember from the conversation that the two of you had. Less is more! Don’t over state:

“I kicked your ass in a thumb war! You suck, I rock, just so you know. Get home safe ****, it was nice meeting you. Text you tomorrow! – Brian”

Make it short and sweet. So the first text, the day/night of getting the number is to put yourself on her radar. This is something you must do. This small detail will exponentially increase the amount of times a girl will pick up her phone on the first call.

When do you call?

The next day. I’ve heard numerous, stupid rules on “You must wait three days to call the number you get!” Which, when you think about it, is completely retarded. Momentum exists in each and every thing we do. Why would you want to wait three days and kill momentum? When you get a number, you want to call her the next day. Not during the day though, you must also think of the time. Most regular people have  9-5 jobs, or on weekends are headed out late at night. When is the ideal time to call? On weekdays you want to aim for around 9pm. This is the time when most people will be home from their jobs, in a relaxed state, most likely to be able to talk. On the weekends I found that calling around 7pm is the best, because you have the chance to catch them before they go out and “happen to run into them at the same club!” Call the next day, after your follow up text. Some people prefer to set themselves up with a few texts back and forth the next day (3–4), but if you want to practice phone game, practice phone game by putting your phone game on the line. Set yourself up with the introductory text after you meet the girl, than call her the next day at the ideal time (Sunday – Thursday around 9, Friday, Saturday around 7).

What to do on the phone?

Talk about the present moment. As you’re first starting out, figuring out “what to say” on the phone can be extremely difficult. I found that taking a genuine interest in the conversation and trying to actually get to know people (by listening to what they’re saying, and expanding upon it past the shallow surface). You must be comfortable talking on the phone in general, before you try going for dates with girls. When first starting out, call as many numbers as you can just to talk. Talk about anything, talk about everything. Anything is contextual for good phone conversation, as long as you’re living in the moment. If the moment is the only thing that matters, talk about it.

Her: “What are you up to, Brian?”

You: “Sitting at my desk at work, drinking way too many energy drinks. I think I’ve had four today. How bout you?”

Get her talking about herself, get her talking about her day and then take the opportunity to expand on that conversation. Get out of your head, stop being worried about how nervous you are and focus on what she’s saying, focus on developing her ideas. A good example of developing an idea from a simple concept goes something like this:

Her: “I’m just sitting at home, I’m tired, had a long day.”

You: “Ohh, you definitely look like the lazy type. Long day probably consisted of rolling out of bed and pouring yourself a bowl of cheerios.”

Avoid interview mode. On the phone, make assumptions. Find a balance; asking too many questions puts you in the category of every other dude, making assumptions all the time puts you in the frame of “Mr. Know It All.” Be the balance; the assertive man who’s curiosity sparks a question. This mindset comes from calibration, calibration comes from practice.

When do you go for the date?

The first phone call should always be just to talk. Get comfortable talking with her on the phone. Aim to have the first conversation be longer than 5 minutes, and ideally, be the one to end the first phone interaction. Maybe you’re actually busy, or maybe you’re shitting your pants at how awesome the conversation is going. Always aim to end on a high note, during the first call. Get her laughing than “Alright! I’ve gotta finish my drive home, I’ll talk to you later.” Never say “I’ll call you tomorrow,” or “I’ll text you tonight,”.

girls

End with something outcome independent “I’ll talk to you later.”Are you attached to an outcome here? No, you’re goal oriented (I’ll talk to you later) without being attached to an outcome (I’ll call you at 7pm!) Challenge her over the phone. When do you go for the date? On the second call, I find is the most effective. Build enough comfort where it’s natural to talk to you, than invite her out for something non–chalant. You always want to remember that dates are over–rated. You want to be two people hanging out. If there’s a romantic connection? Cool. If not, friends is applicable. Never be attached to an outcome. Have an outcome in mind (If you want a romantic connection, escalate) but don’t be attached to it emotionally  (you escalate, she shows she’s not interested, you cry yourself to sleep). “Be open to all outcomes and attached to none.” Go for the date on the second call.

The big 4

  • What is a phone number? A phone number is merely a chance at a date. You took the initiative to get this far, be the man, take the next step and make the call.
  • When do you call? The next day. Set yourself up for success by sending an introductory text the first day that you meet her, or message me on other techniques so she’ll answer when you pick up the phone.
  • What to do on the phone? Live in the present. Be in the present, and bring her to her present. Develop her ideas, expand on her conversation. Anything is contextual to phone conversation; talk in detail about your present moment and invite her to do the same.
  • When do you go for the date? The second call. These are rules for when you first start out, and obviously there are going to be exceptions but as a general rule, set yourself up for success when going for the date by building that comfort beforehand so she knows you’re not a stalker.
  • very naice

    Keep in mind that when you first start calling your numbers, it’s going to feel weird! Set yourself up for the most amount of success by getting quality numbers (spending a lot of time with the girl before getting the number, after getting the number) and sending the introductory text. Accept the fact that, when you first start calling, you are going to lose some numbers. Any two strangers in a conversation at first is awkward. If there is not one person that is comfortable (you), than it will be very difficult to get a conversation that flows going. Become comfortable by practicing calling your numbers, while keeping in mind not to be attached to any outcome (I will get this girl on a date!). Adopt the mindset of “Mr. Assertive, who’s curiosity sparks questions.”

    Hope this helps! Comment and SUBSCRIIIIBE!

    Hey. You there. Enjoying the articles? They’re only a taste of the text and phone material we have on this website! The Continued Connection: The Ultimate Guide to Effective Electronic Communication is available on Kingpin Lifestyle for an ASTOUNDING $19.99. This book dives deep into the subcommunication of messaging, what to say on the first call, and how to go from meet to date. Purchasers of the book are also granted access to the private article collection where any and all reader questions are answered within 14 days; loaded with content to take your electronic communication to the next level.

    About Brian
    Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

K.Starlin November 4, 2013 at 1:20 pm

this is the best stuff i have ever read on this stuff. everyones tried the texting the next day thing it works but it could be more effective. As soon as i started calling it felt better it just did

Cam November 6, 2013 at 5:22 am

@ K.Starlin – Thanks for commenting! I’m stoked you enjoyed the article. I’m definitely much more of a caller myself. If the girl won’t get on the phone with me… why would I continue interacting with her?

K.Starlin November 6, 2013 at 6:32 pm

that’s so true. when you get a number do you know other techniques to improve date rates?

Cam November 7, 2013 at 5:38 am

@ K.Starlin – Yes definitely. Can you email me? I’d love to connect with your situation more personally. cameron@kingpinlifestyle.com

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