Chivarly isn’t dead, and in my opinion as well as countless other woman it never should be. I got on this topic with a few friends of mine on how the new age of ‘Jersey Shore Wannabee’s’ has come in to full effect and we are surrounded by men who refuse to show manners or be a true-blue gentleman.
This all came apparent to me on while thinking through all my past dates. I found a recurring issue of coming across super cool guys who had no manners or had any sense of what it is like to be strong yet a romantic dude. Why!?
The Strong Woman
On a personal level you would find out that I am a pretty sensitive soul with a tough exterior, hence why I tend to roll with guys successfully. I don’t waver easily or become a doormat, as I have been before in the past, so I can easily hold my own in any relationship. I have a tougher skin than a lot of girls but at the very centre of me lays a soft and sensitive core. I like to think of a lot women are like this, especially with the escalation of women taking lead roles in more authoritative tasks that are usually predominantly done by men. The movement of women’s rights has given us a lot more power, yet we still struggle to be created as equals when it comes to the work force with sexual harassment, wage discrepancies, etc. Its a never ending battle but I’m not here to talk about feminists issues, especially on a website that is geared more towards men.
Im here to address the issue of guys thinking they can get away without being chivalrous and expect to end up with amazing women. In past relationships I have found a recurring pattern concerning my strength and how a guy needs to calibrate in order to make the relationship work when it comes to showing romance.
Guys, as you improve your Social Dynamics, you become more socially affluent and attract the right kind of women and so you are bound to meet strong, independent, self-approved women. Which begs the question: “How do you date these kind of women? How do you calibrate?
I find most guys interested in dating me are a little bit hesitant on being chivalrous as I come off very independent and they don’t want to step on my toes or make me feel incapable. Or they just think that in todays society that chivalry is dead and that by being chivalrous it will come across as them being too interested.
Chivalry isn’t dead; Neither should your manners
All the strong independent women I know still want chivalry and romance. We are still feminine beings who enjoy the door being opened for us. We all watched Disney princess movies when we were young girls and played with Barbie dolls or dreamt of ‘Tuxedo Mask’ whisking us off in to the moon light- or was that just me? (haha) Just because we fight for the same rights we don’t want to be treated like one of your buddies- that doesn’t build attraction. We still want to feel like women, and by being more like a gentleman by being a little more chivalrous you can achieve this. Don’t go over the top though! Opening a door, or giving a girl your jacket when she is cold are nice gestures. Give respect but don’t treat her like she is a fragile piece of glass. It’s about being a good guy without losing your aggressive/manly nature. By going over the top you start to come off as “try-hard” or “too-invested.” I would break it down to doing these three things:
- Always Open The Door For Her
- Ladies First Rule (If you’re grabbing coffee, then let her order her drink first)
- Give Her Your Jacket (If she is cold)
These are chivalrous and simple kind gestures that wont make you come off looking desperate. You will look like a genuine-nice guy.
I have to admit that when I went on a few dates in the past, I was instantly turned off when a guy wouldn’t let me order first, open the door for me, or offer to pick up the coffee tab on the first date. Coffee is like $5- don’t be a cheap ass! I’m all about going dutch but if you are interested in taking things a little further than a friendship than I would encourage you to take it one step further by picking up the tab on the first date. These are small things that count, and can really separate you from the pack helping you get a second date. Just because women are becoming more independent that doesn’t give you an excuse to not have manners and not be a gentlemen. You will surely stand out if you are a strong guy who can show that he can take care of a woman’s romantic side.
I am all for the woman’s movement just like I am all for men staying men. What I mean by that is that they keep their manly attributes like being aggressive or strong-willed. In general, we don’t want men to lay dormant at our feet. We all genuinely want a good guy who is still confident and strong.
When I asked a few of my close girlfriends (the strong women) whether or not they would rather a passive partner or aggressive partner they unanimously chose aggressive. Aggressive in the best of terms of course; attributes like being self-approved, can make decisions on their own, independent, strong, and go after what they want in the end. Strong women need strong men. This isn’t an excuse to act all brusk and smacking every girl’s ass you find attractive, it’s about keeping the balance of being aggressive without losing your manners and being respectful. Show a little of your romantic side, open the door, but be aggressive in your attraction and in your decisions. This comes back to my “Don’t Squeeze the Puppy” post. Relationships are a balancing act and to successfully be with a strong woman you need to calibrate yourself to be strong, respectful, and romantic man. If you got that all down, you surely can not lose.