How to Get a Handle on Your Dating Life

by Brian

Quality over Quantity is a question that’s been asked for ages, and it seems pretty straightforward what everyone wants. Everyone would love to have a quality individual, but there are a couple things that must happen before you can have the quality that you’re looking for.

The first thing is that you must figure out what your definition of quality is. I ask most guys what they look for in a girl and they reply “Nice legs, great smile, blonde.” Awesome. How many of those girls are there in Calgary right now? A vague definition of quality will leave you with a girl of quantity; but your mind will trick you into thinking she’s quality.

Ya dig?

WHY QUALITY ALWAYS WINS

Physical characteristics are very important, don’t get me wrong. However the physical characteristics are superficial and shallow, and hold less importance when you’re searching for a quality girl. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have a mentally stable cutie than a psychopath smokeshow.

There are some crazy girls out there man. This isn’t just for the guys though, this is for the girls too. There are some crazy, creepy, needy guys out there. We all say we want the quality, because that just makes sense (unless you’re a prostitute, or think that getting girls makes you cool)… but have you defined what your quality should look like?

I know for me, I have. I’ve went through the psychopath smokeshows and it took a bit of self – convincing but finally I realized that it wasn’t worth it anymore. I finally realized that quality beats out any amount of quantity every day. I’ll take a medium rare steak over 5 McDonalds cheeseburgers any day.

“He’s just so sweet..”

How do you define your quality though? You need to understand what it is that you actually value in another person. Some of us are lucky enough to have shitty relationships, because when you have a shitty relationship you understand what it is that you’re NOT looking for. Are you learning your lessons, though? Or are you finding yourself falling into the same pitfall, with the same type of person over and over again.

A bad relationship is a contrast for what you do and don’t want. For example, let’s say that you dated an athlete from University, and at first he was really sweet. Than his sweetness turned to neediness, and he seemed to call you 3 times a day to make sure that he knew your schedule. You like a nice guy, but you draw the line at insecurity.

He was an athlete, so he’s confident. You’re looking for a sweet guy, but that guy was pretty needy. What’s the contrast to needy? Independent. Alright, so your definition of a quality guy would be a confident, independent, sweet guy.

The way I found out what I defined as quality was the day that I stopped talking to girls that couldn’t hold an intelligent conversation. My definition of quality is a girl who’s able to think on the next level, and develop some ideas with me. Looks are important, because looks are what sparks me to start the conversation in the first place. That’s when the screening process takes place though, and I find out if she’s the quality that I’m looking for.

Start today! Define your definition of quality, because if you don’t know what you’re looking for than you’ll never find it. Don’t just think about it though, write it down. When you write it down you have a reference point to come back to and see if that’s what you’re still looking for. People change, things change and priorities change but it’s important to understand where you are at this very moment so you can find that person that suits your ideal connection.

It Starts Today!

In your dating life, what are you looking for? Are you currently happy with where you’re at right now?

If you’re not happy with your dating life, get in contact with Kingpin Social. We’re here to help. We find that when we write these kinds of articles, a few people have troubles connecting the dots because they haven’t had the choice between quality or quantity throughout their lives, they’ve simply taken what’s been given to them. If you’re one of those people, male or female, send us a message and we can help.

 

 

About Brian
Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Jamie August 14, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Hey Bri,

Great post!! Totally agree! Quality over quantity and that’s something I have recently learned as a serial monogamous. I wanted to see what your view point is on lists. I think its great that people set standards for themselves (high quality standards) but I have found a lot of women (and even a few men) have a very specific lists of what qualities they desire and it seems to limit themselves in the dating game. Too particular that they dont really date! Too many points on their check list, na’ mean? Where is the line drawn on quality?

Brian Mark August 14, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Sup Jamie!

Yeah, I get you. When searching for Mr. or Mrs. ideal, one can be on a long search if they’ve got a long list. “I want a guy with a nice smile, who’s got a stable job, who treats me like a princess, who’s got a good family, who’s got a golden retriever…” it can go on, and on, and.

I think the most important thing to do is to list qualities in your ideal mate. So let’s say you make a list of 7 things. I, Jamie Hyatt, want:

Confidence, a sense of compassion, a deeper level of thinking, a guy who “gets it”, the adventerous guy, someone who gets along with my parents and a guy who loves cats.

Alright, you understand what your ideal man looks like. A basic understanding of human nature, though, is that no one’s perfect. It’d be nearly impossible for a guy to have all of these characteristics!! Does that mean you won’t find quality?

It simply means that you have to prioritize your characteristics of an ideal mate. In any relationship, there’s likely to be things you’re not 100% sold on, and the same goes from him to you. The nature of relationships is to find a way to make things work so that both parties win. Finding the balance between compromising your integrity and compromising with your partner.

So prioritize, list in order of importance your list of qualities.

I, Jamie Hyatt want a guy who first and foremost has a sense of compassion. I value that alot in myself, and I look for more of the same in others.

The second thing I’d value is a guy who has a deeper understanding of things. This means that he won’t over react to small, trivial problems that we have and he’ll be able to look for the root of the small problem.

The next most important thing would be confidence, because I’d want my man to be able to speak his mind when it comes to his compassion and understanding.

… and so on with the rest of the characteristics.

No one is perfect, but if you have listed in order of importance what YOU’D look for in an ideal mate, and you find someone with alot of the top priorities that you’re looking for, wouldn’t it make sense to dive a bit deeper to see if you could enlighten some of those characteristics that suit your ideal mate within that individual?

For example, if you’re looking for a confident guy, who “gets it”, but he’s not adventurous, maybe he just hasn’t been travelling yet. He’s confident, so I bet you could find a way to inspire him to travel. Knaa mean? List your priorities in what you’re looking for in your ideal individual, and if you find someone that fits your top 3 – 4, I think we have a winner.

I Jamie Hyatt want:

A guy who

1. Has a compassion for other individuals
2. Has a deeper understanding of life in general
3. Has confidence
4. Has goals, ambitions, passions
5. Is adventurous
6. Loves to travel
7. Likes cats

Max August 29, 2011 at 11:44 pm

I agree with this article: Looks are looks though qualities and (personality) something that you may want to share with yourself or others to know – its really important: if you find something that you don’t want in this particular person; you can always talk to them and say “Hey! Lets make this a deal”

1) Honest
2) Peaceful
3) Lover
4) Understandable
5) Optimistic
6) Charming
7) Self-less
8) Care-able
9) Intelligent
10) Outgoing
11) Social
12) Active
13) Romantic
14) Adventures

*list is no order, though that’s SOME of the personality traits or quantity.

I hope I have stayed on the right path for this one – forgive me if you don’t understand.

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