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“Me too!” She replies when you told her how much you love pugs!
It’s 3:35am. You have to be up in 3 hours for work. Fuck it. You’re on the phone with a cutie you’ve been seeing for a couple weeks now. The chat is going well. You’ve read the same books by Malcolm Gladwell and Dale Carnegie. Both of you love travelling and have been to Africa for a volunteer trip to build houses for the poor. There’s a lot of laughter and she really enjoys talking to you.
You have a lot of “Me too” moments. Awesome! You’re thinking in your head “OMG, this chick is not only hot, but really cool too.”
You’re madly infatuated.
You feel like it’s time to switch gears. You go Lance-Romance on her ass. You start opening up more to talk about intimate things. You start sharing your dreams, your goals and what you want to do in the future. You’re high as a kite, emotionally. Butterflies are flying around in your stomach like it’s the first day of spring, until her next question.
“So, how many girls have you slept with?”
Awkward silence.
You’re stumped. Your feeble attempt to change topic fails miserably. Now she’s on your ass hard, like a cop on a hot pursuit. You got arrested and you’re in a court trial. Anything you say could be and would be used against you. You feel cornered and she won’t talk to you unless she gets an answer. A number. Fuck!
Beware if you pull a number out of your ass. Too low and you’re lying. Too high and you’re a whore. Catch 22.
Fellas, if you get asked this question, fear not. I think it’s a good thing. It means she’s interested in you. She finds you attractive in one way, shape or form. She thinks you’re not a chump. There’s other girls that think you’re cute besides your grandmother. You have the capability of attracting other women so she concludes you won’t be clingy if she ends up going out with you.
So what do you say to this one?
Well, I’ll leave that up to you but I’ll give you my opinion.
Besides her obvious health concerns, there are other reasons why she’s asking you this. Pay attention ok? Not only does she not want to get STD, she’s also testing the waters to see if your past relationships still matter to you. Why? Because she doesn’t want to get hurt. Duh! It’s her way of patting you down emotionally to check if you’re free of emotional baggage and any attachment from your ex-girlfriends.
If you genuinely like her, give her reassurance that you’re focused on her now. Even the most confident of girls would appreciate this. Your past can’t be changed, she’s not stupid, but a few words of affirmation will quiet that little voice of doubt in her head. She wants to feel important, and possibly sees a future with you.
But bro seriously, how many girls have you slept with? I’m curious too.
Text me the number ok?
What happens if the number is 0 ? I haven’t been so long in a relationship to get to the sex part (since I would like having sex with a girl I really like instead of random ones), and I’m afraid of what she could interpret if I actually say I’m a virgin.
Just be honest with it bro, have a strong frame and remain unreactive, she will test you and the moment you flinch or show you’re affected, you lose!
Definitely agree with Myke. You can just be honest. Let her know that you are waiting for someone you actually care about, and if she can’t respect that then she definitely wasn’t going to work within your boundaries. Set your boundaries to be black and white as much as you can to make it easy on yourself. Check out the no drama post for more info on boundaries.
Remember, a lot the time that you think someone will judge you for something (aka being a virgin), it doesn’t happen. People are pretty chill and understanding, especially if you have an actual opinion.
People respect personal opinions, as far as I understand from different angles of life. Like Cam said, you got to be honest and have an actual a opinion – truth hurts though its the only way to get away from all troubles and all the drama in YOUR life. They can judge you as much as they want – at the end its YOUR LIFE and people wont change your life without you actually changing YOUR OWN LIFE. Make your own life, the way you want to see it.
Truth will set you free. In many , many ways!
Good luck! =)
Patrik, it’s only a problem, if you make it a problem. That’s why women give you shit tests, to see how firmly rooted you are with your own belief and personal conviction. If you haven’t met the right girl to spend the night and make sweet love to, then so be it! You’re not John Mayer and you’re body is not a wonderland. If you respect yourself enough to hold back, then she should respect your decision to do so.
Good catch, as well – Myke!
Thanks for the nice replies guys. @Myke, I agree, and I don’t actually consider it a problem since it’s my decision to hold back and @Cam, I’m working on setting my boundaries right since I had a lot of drama in my life, and I don’t want to continue beeing influenced by other people’s problems.