Sick of Online Dating? Bar-Star’s not Cutting it? Shift Your Focus.

by Brian

Disclaimer! Although this article is for men, Kingpin Social is implementing a women’s program into our course guide. If you’re interested in creating more options for yourself, you’re sick of online dating and the creeps at the bar just aren’t doing it for you… get in contact with us! We can help.

It’s 4:08pm on a Saturday afternoon. You make your way through the mall, window shopping but on quest for a new shirt. You’re meeting up with your friend at 5pm, you got to the mall a bit early.

Since reading about Social Dynamics, you’ve been having more of an open mind to meeting new people. After all, who wouldn’t want to? It’s the smart thing to do.

Your eyes glance upwards as a cute brunette walks towards you. She’s about your height, her hair flows down to her mid back and she’s got the look on her face of the innocent, girl next door.

“Ehhh, I’m a fan of girls that are shorter than me.” A voice in your head speaks to you as you let her pass you by, without saying a word.

Shifting Your Focus

Every scenario that happens to you in this life just “is”. There is no positive or negative, it is your perception on the scenario that makes it positive or negative. This means that when the girl is walking towards you, this is what is. What you make of it, is up to you. “I don’t like this girl,” or “This is an opportunity to meet someone!” It is your perception that shapes the outcome of the situation at hand.

In the above scenario, you were feeling a bit “in your head”, and when you looked at the girl your head told you that you don’t like shorter girls. Your perception limits the truth, because most people’s perception are filtered through their ego. The ego is interested in maintaining it’s current emotional state, and it’s not going to risk it approaching a hot girl if it’s afraid of getting rejected. (More on this in my new book, Up to This Point; released Sept 30!)

Instead of risking rejection, the ego will look for a reason not to approach the brunette. “I don’t like brunettes,” “She’s too tall for me,” even “I don’t like her style.” If you really wanted to, you could look at anyone and find 5 things about their physical appearance that you didn’t like.

“10 things I like about you…

Just as you can find 5 reasons why you don’t like someone, you can also find 5 reasons to like someone. I realized this when, every hot girl that walked by, I had an excuse not to approach her. At first, they weren’t my type, for real. Then I noticed when the super cute girls, that were my type, walked by me I wouldn’t be able to approach. In fact, I’d make more excuses as to why I wasn’t approaching.

Ideally, Daytime Dating is what I shoot for. It’s also what I teach my students as the best option. I don’t want to have to go out 3 times a week to increase my options, I want to be grocery shopping at Safeway, see the girl I want to talk to, and go talk to her. I find when I meet girls in the club, or at the bar, they’re as externally validated as the club environment itself. Personally, I’m not a big drinker, so my type is not one that’s likely to be found in the bar.

Meeting new people can be scary, but if you’re going to make the smart move and jump outside of your comfort zones then you must give yourself reasons to approach.

The voice in your head goes crazy, when you decide that you want to grow. At first, you’re really excited, reading these posts. Then you go out into the real world and that’s when the irrational excuses come out, inhibiting your growth; stunting your progress. If one is to grow, one must shift their perspective on any given situation.

Man Up, Bro!

The next time you’re walking by someone who interests you, look them up and down. Instead of looking for reasons not to talk to them, look for reasons you CAN talk to them. Maybe they have a unique tattoo, or their sense of style intrigues you.

“Hey! Really quick, I just have to ask you where you got your tattoo, it’s very unique”

Get off the computer and out into the real world. Daytime Dating is ideal, because during the daytime is when you’re likely to meet the quality people who don’t venture out to the bars at night. I’ve found that most of my long term connections happen through meeting them during the day. The best part about approaching during the day? It’s actually a lot easier than that voice in your head makes it out to be, and most people are receptive to a friendly individual. As long as your energy and emotional state comes from a place of giving value.

** KINGPIN LIFESTYLE IS RELEASING THE SECOND BOOK ON THEIR WEBSITE COME THE END OF SEPTEMBER! This book will go in depth on the concepts talked about on this website. This book will be for men, women, children and dogs, for the concepts in it are universal and apply to every area of life. Up to This Point, released on September 30, 2011! **

Hope this helps! Comment and SUBSCRIIIBE <3

 

About Brian
Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Shavonne November 19, 2013 at 9:35 pm

Hello there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
There’s a lot of people that I think would really enjoy your content.
Please let me know. Many thanks

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