My Secret to Socializing

by Brian

After a bad day at work, you decide to call your best friend and head over to her house. The boss’s words still scorn your ears on the drive over to her house as the radio decides to play every depressing song that they have on their playlist.

Your best friend opens the front door of her house with a beaming smile. She tells you about her day, and how amazing it was. She’s beaming, bouncing off the walls and you can’t help but smile. The cares of the world wear away as you and your best friend get into a talk about your plans for this weekend.

The Super Power of Smiling

This article was directly inspired by a man who did a talk on Ted.com about the Hidden Power of Smiling. This is always something that’s been fascinating to me, as I’m always someone who’s walking around with a beaming smile on my face.

I’m about to reveal my secret to socializing.

I’ve found that when two people have a conversation, emotional states are being transferred. Let’s say we measure happiness on a scale of 0 – 10. 0 is neutral, and 10 is exhilarated. When two people have a conversation, the happiness levels of each other combine and they equalize.

Ever wondered why you like being around happy people? It’s because when you’re around someone that’s happy, they’re actually bringing your emotional state up. If we were to measure happiness on a scale of 1 – 10, and yours was at a 5 and theirs was at a 10, you guys would equalize at 7 and the person who has the happiness level of 10 would be bringing value to the person who’s at a 5.

Most people allow their external environment to affect their internal emotional state. They’ll have a bad day at work, and they’ll be thinking negative thoughts because of it. A fight happens with a friend, and they allow their internal state to shift towards negative on the spectrum. Most people also work inside out with their emotions. They’re happy, so they’ll smile. They’re sad, so they’ll cry.

Understand that controlling your internal emotional state goes outside in, as well as inside out. You’re happy, so you smile but it also works backwards. If you’re sad, and you want to be happy, you can simply smile. This is being in control of your internal emotional state, instead of allowing the external environment to be the deciding factor of your internal emotional state. (More on this in my book, Up to This Point. Released at the end of Sept!)

“You just made my day!”

After watching the video on Ted.com, I started experimenting with my theory on happiness and with the power of smiling. The video talks about how smiling is contagious, and how when you give a genuine, beaming smile towards someone it’s literally infectious for them to smile back, even in the slightest. If they’re not smiling, they literally have to focus on holding it back.

Smiling isn’t just powerful for giving value to people, and making people’s day. When you smile, it releases endorphins in your brain that give you the same chemical feeling (scientifically measured) as winning $25,000.00 cash.  Smiling gives value to yourself, by controlling your internal emotional state and bringing it towards positivity and smiling infects others with the same positivity, making both your day and their day better. Win – Win.

The studies show that the average adult smiles only 4 times per day. The average child smiles upwards of 400 times per day. How many times per day do you smile?

Smiling is contagious, and the power of smiling is tremendous. When two people communicate, at all times emotional states are being transferred to one another. In social interaction, you can use this to your advantage. When I’m making new friends, or meeting new people, or even talking to my friends who are in a bad mood I’m always smiling, I’m always bringing value to these people. One of the universal forms of value that most find valuable is positivity.

But.. what’s positivity?

Positivity needs to be broken down though, and one of the forms I’ve broken it down to is the power of smiling. Try it out for yourself! Having a bad day? Look upwards, close your eyes and hold a smile for 30 seconds. I promise you instant results. When you’re out meeting new people, make sure you’re wearing your smile and infecting others with positivity. Everyone wants to be around a person that’s happy, because by being happy you’re affecting their internal emotional state and making them happy.

My secret to socializing is this: always be smiling. It is not your mood that impacts your ability to smile, it is simply your mind making the decision to smile. When I decide to smile, I decide to bring my internal emotional state higher on the positive spectrum. That means when I talk to people, and they’re at a lower happiness level than myself, I’m giving value to them. Everybody wants to be happy, and if you’re the one that is the source of good emotions that means people will always want to be around you.

Hope this helps! Comment on this mofuggin article, and SMIIIIILE  <3

About Brian
Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Anxious September 5, 2011 at 3:12 pm

Brian, man, I am so glad to know you. You are one of the few people I can trust nowadays, you are a real bro. I got your back 110%. I am lookin forward to the future man! Talk soon. 🙂

Brian September 5, 2011 at 3:27 pm

that, my friend, is a real compliment. i appreciate it man 🙂 can’t wait to work with you

Andrew September 5, 2011 at 5:49 pm

So true about smiling to make yourself happier, it seems like the order should be reversed but it doesn’t have to be. Also I’ve found that making sure I have confident body language (shoulders back, etc) actually makes me more confident. It’s amazing how well it works!

Cam September 5, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Thanks for taking the time to comment Andrew. Couldn’t agree more. This is a great article by Brian.

Mike Shark September 5, 2011 at 10:01 pm

I have been practicing shooting smiles at people at different levels…I find that a 5 or under barely elicits a response, but if you’re beaming like you are on the best freaking day of your life, the response is absolutely incredible! It may be uncalibrated, but I don’t think in this situation calibration is necessary as long as you are trying to establish the ends of making the other person happier.

Cam September 5, 2011 at 11:21 pm

The calibration doesn’t come in the smile, it comes in your energy. It’s just that normally if you have a BIG BIG smile on your face your energy is also through the roof, and can end up being mis-calibrated.

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