My Secret Weapon for Building Connections and Taking Them to the Next Level

A few days ago I wrote about how “the results you are looking for aren’t measured in phone numbers, make-outs or lays, but in connections.” How can you expect to get the results you are looking for if you are looking for the wrong results? At the end of my post I promised to reveal my secret weapon for building connections and taking them to the next level. Without further a due, meet our favorite software application: Skype.

What? Really? Skype?

Absolutely. Let me explain.

Being actively involved in the pick-up and self-improvement communities for many years now, I have had the opportunity to meet thousands of unique people, many of whom I stay in touch with to this day. But there’s a catch: Out of everyone I have met, there’s only a handful that I have developed strong emotional connections with, where we had romantic feelings for one another, and all that other jazz.

When you approach someone you’re attracted to, the end result you hope for is that it turns into something romantic. You hope for the best. As a coach and mentor, I continually strive to take my instructing to the next level and optimize to bring my students relationships to this level. When I meet my business partner, Kevin Choo, something he taught me was to backwards engineer skillsets. When you have a desired outcome or result, you want to create a game plan of how to get there. Taking the time to prepare properly will make a significant difference in the amount of energy it takes to get there.

Instead of developing this game plan based on the beginning, start at the end. Then backwards engineer how you get there. Wam bam thank you mam.

When it comes to the handful of strong connections I’ve developed with girls, I noticed a consistent pattern. Skype was that pattern. This isn’t surprising to me, because back in the day when MSN was popular, I developed strong connections with many girls through the use of webcam and video chat.

couple on beach

Here are 5 reasons why Skype is a great tool to use for building connections and taking them to the next level:

  • After getting a girls number, a lot of guys run into the issue of not being able to get them on the phone. Not getting her on the phone significantly decreases your chances of getting her on a date. One of my suggestions to fix this is to get her Facebook instead. It’s casual and relaxed, which keeps people comfortable. To get her on Skype from Facebook Chat, simply ask if she has Skype. If she does, add her and just say that Facebook Chat is gay and it always fucks up. Most laptops nowadays have webcams so she likely has Skype. If not you can help her install it. No need to make this more complicated.
  • Another reason why Skype is so powerful is because you can now see their facial expressions and body language. The issue with “text based conversations” is that you are only using 7% of communication, and missing out on 93%. This is a serious gap when communicating. Skype brings communication back to where it should be, and now you avoid that risk of having what you say be misinterpreted.
  • I find on Skype you end up dealing with less distractions. When they are on Facebook chat, they have Facebook open, and distractions are plentiful without a doubt. Facebook is like World of Warcraft, you just want to explore it. Ever found yourself looking through someone’s photos on Facebook that you don’t even know? Just some random? Yet you are creeping all of their photos anyways? Exactly, me too. The reason is because people are generally curious, and Facebook does an amazing job of keeping you curious. They make money by keeping you on their website as long as possible.
  • For some reason, I don’t know why, but when you can see someone’s face on webcam while chatting with them, the conversations last so much longer. It’s not uncommon for me to work at home while having a Skype conversation for multiple hours. Not only am I still able to get my work done, but I also have a great conversation at the same time. It’s different than browsing Facebook at work, because you don’t have those distractions to go along with it.
  • The Skype Date. If you are at home and have a conversation on webcam with a girl for a few hours, that is very similar to you two hanging out on a date. It’s crazy actually. Sure you can’t kino, but there’s still a massive connection you can build and don’t forget, that sexual tension. 😉

Try it out and let me know what you think. You don’t always have to talk on video chat; you can even just have the webcam on and turn your mic off. Just being able to see someone’s face will make a big difference in your conversations. I’m not kidding when I say this is a tool I use to build massive connections with people.

Last thing: Brian just released his new book, “Up to This Point – Social Dynamics Revealed”. You can get it for free by subscribing to the newsletter. Check it out and let him know what you think. It’s over 100 pages of the best Social Dynamics theory and practical advice for application out there. Don’t miss out.


  1. Nice article Brian – I agree on what you had to say, lots of key points. Good work – keep em coming!

  2. MAX! Brian didn’t write this, I did. GRRRRR! haha! Thanks for commenting bro, try this out sometime, it works great.

  3. Yeah, I’ve done this before, most people turn it down on ‘Skype’ and turn it on ‘MSN’ – I got both, though Skype I find easier and fun as well as MSN, used both since I first computer. =) Back when the calls were free!

    PS. Sorry didn’t see the name right.

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