An Essential Lesson on the Definition of Value

This weekend has been one of the most inspiring weekends of my life. I think it’s a bit crazy, how the fire under my ass gets hotter and hotter and the passion in my heart grows stronger and stronger each week. The influence of my environment is strong, the support system that I have strengthens with the level of connection we achieve with each other.

At Kingpin Social, we pride ourselves on developing authentic relationships with people. We aren’t saying that we’re the best at it, because there may be a better way than the theory that we currently teach. In the words of Cam Adair, “we’re pointed in the right direction and I’m more confident now than ever that Kingpin Social has the necessary message the world needs right now, to become a better place.” I couldn’t agree more.  That message is Love.

We believe in starting a Social Dynamics movement. Social Dynamics isn’t even the name for it though, because it’s something greater than that. It starts with Social Dynamics, and it grows bigger and bigger as our message reaches more people.

One of the fundamental laws of Social Dynamics is to give value freely, expecting nothing in return. What is Value, anyways? How do you give Value, if you don’t know what it is?

I Started My Day..

I sneak my way through an open door at the Talisman Center. I’m here with my friend Daniel, for our weekly Badminton ritual. I never seem to win, but I know that both of us are getting better at the sport of Badminton. It’s fun, taking a skill set that I had no previous experience in, continuously investing my time, energy and money into the skill set and seeing results as a by product. The Badminton games Daniel and I have are much more intense than they were 2 months ago when we started playing. I effectively used Social Dynamics to build a relationship with the skill set of Badminton, by investing into the skill set and working on the process of getting better every time I step on the court.

My intention on this day was to give value freely, to everyone around me. I found out today what value actually is, vs. my flawed perception of value.

I walked with Daniel towards the front desk of the Talisman Centre. To my right, I noticed a man inside of his office on his computer.

“Go give value!” My brain told me.

I walked up to the office, took a step in and opened my mouth.

“Hey guys! I hope you have a f**cking great day!” I stated, with a certain enthusiasm.

Now to me, I was offering that guy value.

My perception of value was this, I just had to show up, open my mouth and wish them a good day! What I didn’t take into account, was this man’s perception of value. To me, I was a random guy coming out of no where to wish them a good day, and I felt like my effort would have been noticed as a good one, even though my delivery of the message was flawed. I guess this is where the idea “Think before you speak” came into play.

I walked away from the office, knowing that probably wasn’t the best thing to say.

“I wonder what the other guy saw,” I thought to myself. To him, he’s sitting in his office with his two colleagues minding his own business. A kid walks in randomly, cusses at his team enthusiastically, and walks away. From a man working to a man disturbed, my attempt to give value was flawed, because I didn’t understand his perception of value.

Instead of giving this man value, I actually took value away from him.

Uh Oh. Bad Social Dynamics.

Daniel and I continued walking towards the front desk. I told Daniel what I said, and told him that I probably shouldn’t have cussed. I shook it off like it was nothing, and continued walking.

“Lesson learned, I guess!”.. But did I really learn my lesson?

Daniel and I come to a stop at the front desk, to turn around and realize that the man from the office is right behind us. I thought he was going to let us in for free (Ignorance is bliss) but I turned around to see the look on his face. He wasn’t happy.

Man: What are you guys doing?

Brian: We’re going to play badminton!

Man: No you’re not. You just came into my office, interrupted my day, and swore at me in front of my colleagues. You guys are leaving this place.

I knew that this is a situation that I shouldn’t be trying to talk myself out of. I accepted that I was wrong, and I opened up.

Brian: I knew as soon as I walked away that I shouldn’t have swore, I didn’t mean to offend you like that.

Man: You did offend me, and my colleagues. Now please leave.

Brian: Yes sir, we’ll leave, but I want you to understand that my intentions were good. I honestly did just want to make your day better, and my ignorance allowed a word like that to escape my mouth even with the best of intentions. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize.

I felt the words escape from my mouth, and knew that they came right from my heart. I was no longer talking to his logic, I was talking to his emotion. He felt that I was being sincere, I opened up and showed my vulnerability with humility and honesty, and in that moment Kevin and I connected. Relationships are based off of an exchange of value, and value is based on the emotion that you feel. I opened up and showed Kevin that although my words were vulgar, my intentions were pure, and he felt the sincerity behind the words that I spoke.

Kevin: Are you guys here with a high school?

Brian: No, we’re just here by ourselves.

Kevin: Alright, I’m going to let you guys in for free today.

Instantly grateful, I thanked him for his generosity, introduced myself as Daniel did the same. I was stoked about getting in for free, but I was so stoked on the idea that I actually was able to give this guy value, at the end of the day. This was the hardest lesson to learn, and like the Kingpin Crew says, “the way you do something, is the way you do everything.” The fact that I had gone out of my way to give value, but I didn’t understand someone else’s perception of value, meant that this kind of instance was happening in other areas of my life; this instance brought awareness to my issue.

So What is Value, Anyways?

Value is relative to the individual; however there are universal forms of value that you can give. The highest form of value that you can give, is attempting to understand someone else’s perception of value. For Kevin in the office today, it would have taken a quick second to think about the consequences of letting out a vulgar word like “f**cking” while trying to wish him a good day. My flawed attempt to give him value, actually took value from him. I was trying to give him a positive emotion, instead I gave him a negative one.

Understanding someone else’s perception of value is essential if you are to be a part of the Social Dynamics movement. What is the Social Dynamics movement, anyways? It’s bigger than me, bigger than anyone who writes for this blog, bigger than Kingpin Social, and bigger than any student we’ve ever taught. The Social Dynamics movement is the Love Movement. I’m here to give you the most amount of value that I can, by sharing with you my deepest intentions and my greatest ambitions.

My deepest intentions are to show the world love, my greatest ambition is that the world becomes a better place as a result of the collective consciousness we all create, by giving real value into the world. You think the small things mean nothing, but by you holding that door for an extra second, you may inspire that person to hold the door for the next person they see. A movement doesn’t start with the masses, it starts with the individual decisions that you make in the moment. Do you take an extra second to help humanity, or do you stick to your selfish mind and cater to your own, busy lifestyle?

Real value is taking the time to make somebody’s day, taking the time to help that old lady cross the street, holding the door for that person behind you, giving that spare quarter that you probably don’t need to the homeless man who value’s quarters like you value 20 dollar bills. Real value is taking your selfish perception out of the world, and understanding that we were born to work together. We were born to be a collective, to co – operate and create something greater than ourselves. This massive movement starts with the individual, and it starts with the small decisions that you make in your every day life.

Ask yourself if you’re holding the door for the person behind you, if you’re trying to make the Cashier’s day better, if you tell the people that you love, that you actually love them.

Lesson Learned, For Real

I walked out of my workout at the Talisman Center a happy man. I also wanted to pay Kevin back for the good deed, of letting me in selflessly. He didn’t have to do that, but he did it out of the good of his heart. I planned to go to Jugo Juice, and buy Kevin and his colleagues all smoothies. I planned to spend that money on entry anyways, I figured it was the best way to spend the free money.

As I walked towards Jugo Juice, I spotted Kevin standing by the local Café in the fitness center. He was on the phone, but I walked up to him and motioned with my hand that I’d like to speak with him. He told the other person on the phone that he was going to call them back, and he put his phone to the side; hanging it up.

Brian: Listen man, the only reason I came over here was to buy you and your colleagues Jugo Juice. I’d appreciate it if you let me buy your lunch.

Kevin: That’s awesome, I appreciate the gesture! I can’t let you do that for me though, although the gesture means a lot.

Kevin, Daniel and I talked for about 5 minutes about how long he had worked there, what he did for the facility and how long Daniel and I had been going there. My intuition guided the conversation, as I lost myself in the feeling of the moment. It felt good, to have my best intentions come across. At the end of the day, this is what I learned from my experience at the talisman center.

1. Value is only value, when you think about whether or not it will be perceived as valuable from the other person.
2. The best intentions can be perceived as the worst, understanding how to effectively communicate value is essential to building strong relationships.
3. Social Dynamics wins again, Daniel Fexa and I build a relationship with the Facility Director and Event Planner for the Talisman Center.

I walked away from the conversation feeling fantastic. I headed out the front doors of the building, past the desk where one of the attendants stood, and I stopped.

Brian: Excuse me.

Attendant: Yes?

Brian: I hope you have an amazing day.

My heart warmed, my head lifted as I watched the woman beam with a sincere reply.

Attendant: Thanks!! I hope you have a great day too!

The Little Things Mean The Most. What Value Have YOU Given Today?