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One of my favorite parts of summer is a brand new season of Big Brother. I know what you might be thinking… “Wait… you watch Big Brother? Really?” to which I say… abso-fucking-lutely.
I agree that reality tv can be super lame. This happens if you are watching it for entertainment purposes. Let’s be honest, it’s very shitty entertainment… unless you watch it to see people act like morons (like on Jersey Shore). But if you watch reality tv from the angle of studying Social Dynamics, then it can be extremely interesting. If you watch it for body language, tonality, and how people interact, it’s a totally different show. At least that’s the case for me.
Now I know some haterz out there will be quick to point out that reality tv isn’t 100% real all the time. I know, and that’s why I stick to shows like Big Brother that are a little more realistic than “The World According to Paris”.
So the other night I was watching Big Brother. Two of the contestants, Shelly and Kalia, were talking in a room and getting to know each other on an internal level. They were talking about the struggle Kalia has had growing up as a black women. At the end of their talk Shelly said how she didn’t really feel much of a connection with Kalia before, but after learning about the struggle she’s gone through, it really made her understand Kalia better. They bonded.
Watch the first minute and 25 seconds of the clip:
Throughout all my years in the pick-up community, I was taught not to show weakness. I was taught not to talk about where I may not be strong, or what might make me “less attractive”. I was taught to avoid “DLVs”, or “Demonstration of Low-Value.” But there’s a major flaw to all of this: your struggle, your weakness, your “DLVs” are all a part of who you are. Everything that has happened in the past has shaped you to who you are today. Nothing wrong with that.
Think about it like this:
Everybody loves to meet new people. But why? You want to meet someone new because they are unique. Every human on this planet is a unique individual – no two people are the same. This makes meeting new people exciting, because you never know how your life will be the same with that person. They could end up having a major impact on your life, or maybe not, but either way it’s a new experience. Each person has a unique opportunity for you. This is why with 7 billion people on the planet, there are also 7 billion options
But don’t you just want to know the cool parts of people? I don’t think so. Everybody is cool in his or her own way. What makes you unique isn’t what you are good at, but what you’ve been through. It’s the struggle. Through weakness and struggle you can learn about what that persons character is. Learning about their character is what will allow you two to connect on that internal level. The way you become friends with somebody is through having commonalities. This can come in the form of external things (like you both do yoga), or it can come in the form of internal qualities (your character).
Take this with a grain of salt:
Now, I want to be clear on one thing: I am not suggesting for you to start running around sharing your whole life story to every girl you meet. I wouldn’t recommend going out to the club and informing everyone how you spend your free time playing video games; you still need to calibrate what information you disclose based on the appropriateness of the situation. If you just met her, she doesn’t know that you just got out of rehab. Feel me?
But when it’s appropriate, definitely open up. When you are willing to open up and share who you are at the core, it shows that you are secure with yourself and have confidence. Remember, everything in your past has shaped you to who you are today, so if she is going to judge you based on your past, then maybe she wasn’t for you. And don’t forget that if you want to get to know someone, then use the going first technique.
I hope that helps ease any anxiety about opening up and sharing who you are internally. That’s what his blog is all about: solving the problem, “why can’t we all just get along?” It’s about being able to connect with others, as well as yourself. Connection means that you are in-sync, so it definitely applies to your own journey as well. If you like the content, subscribe below and share it with your friends. You won’t regret it.
For more on this topic, check out my video blog below:
Do you think this kind of exchange might be better to build friendships then attraction?
Hey Gunder.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
I think a lot of guys think exactly that. Open up to build a friendship, but avoid it if you want to build attraction. And to “some” degree they are correct. The thing that people misunderstand though is that by opening up and sharing who you *really* are and where you have come, you end up developing an intense emotional connection.
An emotional connection is incredible for building attraction. When you have a strong emotional connection with someone, it’s very easy for there to be a major attraction too. The key is to make sure you are still escalating (especially physically), to make sure it doesn’t move into the friend zone. But without question, building that strong emotional connection is a step in the right direction in moving a relationship forward, romantically or otherwise.