Warning: Are You Fundamentally Flawed?

by Cam

Being back in the frozen land for the last week and a half has been a blast. Even though my 5-week tour across the USA changed my life, life back home has never been better.

During my travels, people would constantly ask me how my trip was going and different thoughts on travelling. Prior to my trip, I definitely had a different perspective.

Until a few months ago, deep down the appeal I had to travel was to escape. My life wasn’t that sweet back home so travelling would be an instant fix. Unless you are seriously just that lame and/or socially uncalibrated, travelling is an incredibly easy way to have a lot of fun, to have new experiences and have many many exciting stories to share with your friends when you get back.

But this trip wasn’t like that for me. Of course I had a ton of fun, experienced many new things, and came home with new stories to share with everyone, but the biggest realization I had was that travelling is a lot different when you aren’t doing it as an escape. The only way I believe this to be possible is if your life back home is fucking awesome…

… like mine is right now. (/end brag)

Anyways… since I’ve been back shit has really been poppin’ off. I feel like my social circle is getting stronger and stronger by the day. I wake up energized, excited for the challenges I face each day. The sun is shining, and business – never been better.

Yesterday I was hanging out with Kevin, and a few other friends in my living room. As normal the conversation revolved around Social Dynamics and the pickup community. At one point Kevin explained how pickup is fundamentally flawed, which I thought was a great topic for todays post.

What do you mean, Pickup is Fundamentally Flawed?

Pickup is fundamentally flawed because it is based on taking value. When you are operating from a mindset of “taking value”, you never win. One person is getting something, while the other is not. It’s only a matter of time before this blows up in your face.

Here’s an example:

The main goal of a “pick-up artist” is to meet a girl and then sleep with her. Of course I don’t think there is anything wrong with this, sex is a huge part of your life. Where pick-up goes wrong is with the mindset behind it.

When two people hookup, I believe it’s an equal exchange of value, however the majority of the time one person’s intentions are going to be different then the others. It’s pretty common that one person believes something more is going to come after it, which I would say is more common from a female perspective. By sleeping with her when you know nothing else is going to happen after, you are taking value. This is the approach of the pick-up artist.

One-way to avoid this is by being upfront about your intentions, something “pick-up artists” aren’t taught. They are taught to use different tactics and techniques to break through resistance, getting to the goal of sleeping with her. It’s very outcome oriented.

The pick-up community isn’t only negative though. There is plenty you can learn from it if you have the right mindset. One cool concept the community talks about is to “leave the girl better than you found her”. I think Neil Strauss said this, and I agree with it.

However if you sleep with a girl knowing things aren’t going to progress anywhere, it doesn’t matter how good you leave her, the fact that you left her is taking value.

And taking value is fundamentally flawed.

So now what the fuck do you do?

You study Social Dynamics instead.

Social Dynamics is about giving value, and giving value freely. It’s the complete opposite approach.

Just think about it…

Who doesn’t want to help that guy who gives and gives, expecting nothing in return? Through Social Dynamics you become that guy.

The power of Social Dynamics is in the little things: Like your car breaking down, but you know someone who could fix it, and since you’ve helped them freely… they will help you. You might even know this guy only because you took the time to connect with him at the club instead of only focusing on picking up girls all night. Or maybe every morning at Starbucks you put in a bit of extra effort to brighten a baristas day, and she ends up hooking you up with a free coffee. Social dynamics is always a win-win.

And it still involves meeting girls. It still involves the dating process. It just comes from a place of giving value instead of taking. You leave the girl better off than when you found her because you bring value to her life. The level of intimacy you have with each girl you meet is subjective to the connection you two have: physically or emotionally.

In a nutshell…

Social Dynamics is your ability to influence your situation to live the life you want to live. (You do this by giving value freely)

Social Dynamics is NOT your ability to influence your situation to get people to do what you want them to do. (This is taking value, a pick-up artist approach)

With Social Dynamics you are not limited. How could you stay in pick-up when you have a girlfriend? It’s pretty difficult, especially when your motivation fades quickly. I’ve seen this a million times. This is not the case with Social Dynamics. Married, single, or in a relationship, you can learn a great deal by studying Social Dynamics. Male or Female, you can learn a great deal by studying Social Dynamics.

You can continue to grow each and every day. You can continue to optimize your life to be the one you want it to be: a life full of passion, purpose, great friends and intimacy, a life that you do not have to be ashamed of in any way whatsoever. A life of social influence.

And you can start today.

I hope you do.

About Cam
Cam Adair is a Motivational Speaker who dares you to live a life you're proud of. Watch his TEDx talks on Escaping Video Game Addiction and The Surprising Truth About Rejection. Follow him on Instagram. He is the Founder of Game Quitters, a support community for those who struggle with a gaming problem.

Follow me on Twitter ·

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Boris Rubil June 23, 2011 at 3:17 am

I agree 100% and exactly what I have been trying to get across to people since I started all of this!!

Even at the VA Seminar I was at, Discovery did not want to belive me that “I do not care about the pussy” the pussy is simply a cherry on top of the cake.. what I always was interested in is the connections with people.. hence the reason Mystery is the only VA instructor I would take the time to learn from.. because he appears to be genuinely interested in social dynamics..

My friends always ask “you pay $2000 to get laid?!” but they never understood the fact that it is not the skill set of getting laid I am after.. that I am after the skillset of being a Profesional Social Dynamics Creature!.. I am fascinated by it.. and can’t stay away 🙂

good post!

Cameron June 23, 2011 at 3:20 am

Thanks for the comment Boris.

Very glad to hear your mindset continues to be in the right place.

Study hard. Play hard.

Ian Aitchison June 23, 2011 at 4:32 pm

This is a great post. When I started studying pick-up and attraction I thought I was learning social dynamics between men and women with the goal of getting chicks. At this point I see now that it was much more than that. I’ve discovered that the dynamics of social interaction extend to every aspect of your life with both men and women and the real goal is self improvement and personal growth.

Cameron June 23, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Hey Ian.

Thanks for the comment. I think what you went through is pretty common – especially in Calgary. The part I really like is that dating and meeting women is still a major part of social dynamics, it just comes from the mindset to give value instead of taking it. So many people out there think you are either 100% in pickup or if you are in social dynamics you can’t still approach and meet women. wroooooong.

Intimacy is an absolutely crucial part of your life, so of course it’s a big part of social dynamics.

Keep me posted on your progress or if you have any questions, hit me up anytime.

Theo June 25, 2011 at 12:23 am

Thanks for this post. I’ve began to understand that social dynamics is far more rewarding than straight pick up. Meeting new people and being able to connect with anybody regardless of sex, race, whatever is integral in growing and bettering oneself. The mind is the powerhouse of what we can be capable of. I’ve best start using it.
Good Read.

Cameron June 25, 2011 at 12:28 am

Thanks for the comment Theo.

It’s so relieving to be able to finally communicate the philosophy that actually works to improve your whole life, without negating lifestyle or dating. LOVE IT.

Jordan Prodigy June 26, 2011 at 4:04 pm

A good related post would be the networking post.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: