My Thoughts On Disclosing Information…

“Hey, uhmm…” you paused.

You’re chest feels like there’s a drum roll as you’re about to deliver your earth-shattering message. You haven’t gone on a date for over a year. Oh boy, you got lucky over the weekend. Through persistence and liquid courage, you managed to meet a cutie. Good for you bro! So you’ve known this girl for about a couple days now. With the hope of ending your dry spell, you’ve already taken her out for a lavish dinner that you paid for. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have a car. No worries right? You’ve already driven half way across the city to pick her up. That’s all fine and dandy except you don’t have enough balls to touch her, hold her hand, let alone kiss her.

Seems like you’re supplicating don’t you think?

You call her up to take her out to another expensive night. She agreed to meet you. After a mini-road trip to meet her, you finally arrive at another fancy restaurant downtown. Half way through dinner, you consciously decide that you’re gonna tell her how you feel. This is it, the moment you’ve been waiting for. You don’t know when you’re gonna meet another girl so you’re hella nervous. Damn, you better bag this one bro! You’re hands, as cold as the chilled fork you’re using to eat your salad.

You took a deep breath and finally you say “Hey, I really, really like you…”

She smiled awkwardly. She crossed her legs and her arms simultaneously. She nervously giggled. “Ah, hey thanks a lot…that’s really nice of you” she replied as she looked down pretending to check her phone.

[insert cricket noises]

“So hey, I have to go home now. I gotta work early in the morning” she said.

“But..but…” you mumbled. You’re confused. You flicked your left wrist to look at the time.

Guess what bro? It’s 9:15pm. Whaat?

Well, that’s the end of your conversation with a girl you just met not that long ago. She now thinks you’re a creepy dude and wants to avoid you at all cost. Wow! All that for nothing.

Ever had this happen to you? Trust me, I’ve been there too.

Sharing intimate feelings and information with someone way too early in any relationship is emotional suicide. In my opinion, you’re almost asking to be rejected because you are asking for such an extreme response. I’m not saying it couldn’t happen, but rarely has it ever worked for me. Why would you do this when you barely know them? You’re explicitly asking for some sort of commitment when there’s clearly not enough emotional investment. If you do this without enough value demonstrated, you don’t come across as a romantic, bro.

You reek of neediness. Yikes!

I think it’s safe to assume that most people have integrity and good intentions. People are good natured. I know when I communicate to other people I am coming from a position of being real and genuine.

This could also be a problem, if not calibrated properly.

So how do you choose what to confide and when? Well, there’s no generic answer to this one. In my opinion, it all depends on the situation.

Allow the relationship to take it’s natural path. Take the lead and go first but don’t force the connection. There’s no need to spill all your beans on the first date okay? In my opinion, the level of disclosure you provide people should be directly proportional to a few things. Determine the exchange of value, time spent and connection established and proceed from there. This will dictate your next steps.

If you went to rehab for a number of years because you were drugged up to the gills, that may not be the best conversation starter when you’re meeting someone new. Save the dirty bedroom talk as well, bro. She may not want to hear your fantasy of being hand cuffed on your bed frame right away. There’s a time and place for everything okay? There’s no need to fabricate things as well, just keep it on a need to know basis. Be aware of what they find valuable. Connect with people on a level that they can receive your message the way it’s meant to be.

So you’re not a player but you also doesn’t want to be tied down yet and walk the aisle. That’s totally cool. Allow her to appreciate you for who you are now and where you’re going. Why? Because what should matter is the present moment and your direction. Her perception of you, right or wrong, becomes her reality. Just be aware of how you are being perceived by other people. Perceived the wrong way and you’ll prevent other people to know who you are internally. It’s gonna be difficult to create connections at this point. Be aware that the time you spend with her is the only time she’ll have to formulate her perception of you as a person, and a potential mate.

Play your cards right. Guard your aces. If you put them down too soon, game over, bro.

In my opinion, disclosing too much information too soon is an “Emotional One-Night Stand.” If sex is the highest form of physical expression next to marriage, your deepest and darkest secrets should only be shared with someone your emotionally intimate with. The level of disclosure you communicate with other people should be directly proportional to the level of trust and emotional comfort that you have with them.