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In 2005 a book came out called “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.” Written by Neil Strauss, this book chronicled his journey and encounters in the seduction community. It went on to be a New York Times Bestseller and is one of the most common ways for guys to get into the self-improvement movement.
In the book Neil learns from the top pick-up artist in the world, ironically named “Mystery.” (I know I know, bear with me.)
To be honest, every person who reads this blog owes a lot to this fellow. If it weren’t for his commitment to learn how attraction works (and ultimately for this book to come out), many of us would not be where we are today. Although we all agree that pick-up is flawed, pick-up also opened peoples eyes to look deep within themselves and make the changes they wanted to make. And to be honest… in the very least, pick-up has been a great contrast to the way you should actually operate, through Social Dynamics.
Although we do owe a lot to Mystery, he does have some advice I disagree with, and I believe holds people back. I want to deal with one today.
Mystery says:
Don’t introduce yourself to women even if you’ve been talking for a few minutes. When a woman asks your name, it’s a sign that she is interested in you.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I can understand what he’s trying to do here; I just think it’s fucking stupid and ineffective.
When meeting a stranger, it can be uncomfortable situation. This is why having a good sense of humor is such a money quality to have. If you can make someone laugh, it breaks the ice and allows that person to be more comfortable in your presence.
A similar affect happens when you know someone’s name: you feel more comfortable with them. You feel like you know them; like they are a friend. As people become more comfortable with each other, they begin to open up. The possibility of you two forming a genuine, real connection has now increased.
Things are moving in the right direction.
But how will I know if she likes me?
This is a good question, but what you have to realize is that her asking for your name may be an indicator of interest, but that isn’t guaranteed. There are much better signs to know if someone is into you or not. That’s a topic for another day, but for now just understand this: If she’s talking to you she’s interested on some level. That may not be romantically, but she’s still interested enough to continue talking to you. This world is a busy place, and (especially if you’re at a nightclub), there are many other things people can be doing in that moment. So if they are spending time with you, they’re interested. Now it just comes down to going with the flow and escalating. The foundation of an emotional connection is a great foundation for any type of relationship.
When you introduce yourself to someone, they become that much more comfortable with you. On the contrary if you want to wait until they ask for your name, you may not end up getting that sign of interest because the awkwardness of meeting someone new may be too much to handle. The reward when she asks for your name is minimum at best; so don’t waste your time. Just introduce yourself immediately and with confidence. Say your name with power, it is YOUR name after all.
And remember, any time you read advice from guys like Mystery or anybody else (including myself, Brian), make sure you take the time to dive deeper in and see if what they are saying is retarded.
Good luck.
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Great Post Cam 🙂
As a woman, hearing that advice is pretty hilarious. Especially since I am a very friendly girl, and I will ask for the dudes name regardless if I am interested or not. 😛
Thanks Jamieeeee.
-Ghost
mr cameron adair, nice post!
Thank you sir.
I really like this post but mostly because of this: “The reward when she asks for your name is minimum at best; so don’t waste your time”
The whole thing with holding back your name sounds like something many guys that read The Game may pay too much attention too. Even if you use it and it works, it’s a small speed-bump at best.
That said, saying “don’t do this” seems like a bit too much to me. Mystery has a lot of strange advice but back when the book was written he wasn’t known for giving advice that doesn’t work for him. So I’d say if guys want to try it, they should, it will work on some girls in some situations, it will fail on others, like anything else I think. But it’s important, like you said, to not waste time on it.
Mystery’s concepts are designed specifically for the 99% of guys who never encounter these types of girls, and when they do they’re so starstruck that they don’t know what to do with themselves.
Let’s look at the subcommunication going on when one doesn’t introduce themselves. When I’m talking to someone and I don’t introduce myself, I just keep talking, essentially the subcommunication that I’m sending is “I’m extremely high value, so high value that my presense is enough for you to like me.” Think Bradd Pitt, or an NFL player. The girls probably ask him what his name is, ask him questions, etc.
The girls that I interact with, that Kingpin Social interacts with aren’t low quality girls that are super receptive to our introductions. The girls that I talk to, and Kingpin Social talks to are smoking hot, quality girls. The reason that we introduce ourselves when talking to these girls, is the same subcommunication that one sends when they DON’T introduce themselves. Our subcommuncation is saying that “I’m so high value, that i’m going to take this conversation to the next level.”
The second is always better than the first option, because with the first you simply risk the opportunity of not connecting with her. What if she’s shy, and doesn’t want to ask for your name, but she actually likes you? She still feels wierd that she doesn’t know your name, and you guys are still talking, and you created that situation.
It’s always better to introduce yourself, “high value girl” “low value girl” whatever. They send the same subcommuncaiton, except one, not introducing yourself, is fake. You have to make an effort not to introduce yourself, you hold back the urge to tell her your name. This, and you’re not in control of the outcome of the interaction. What if she doesn’t ask for your name? Now you’re stuck nameless in a meaningless conversation.
Introducing yourself is always better, because you are always in control of the outcome. You’re also taking the lead in where you want the conversation to go. Most importantly, you’re communicating the exact same subcommunication as not introducing yourself would do. “Hi, I’m high value. What’s your name?”
Mystery’s stuff is good for guys who aren’t high value, and haven’t learned how to develop themselves and still see girls on the “value scale” in terms of their looks. This is the one thing that Mystery doesn’t teach: these people, are people. Interact with them like they’re people, and they’ll like you. if you don’t know how to make yourself into a high value guy, that’s okay. That’s what Kingpin Social teaches. : )
Thanks for the comments guys.
Bor I think that’s fine. Take things with a grain of salt right. But a big thing I try to live my life by is understanding that doing things that aren’t “that bad” aren’t “that good” either. If you can do it better or in a way that’s more effective, than that’s definitely the way you should go. Just my opinion though.
Thanks. I appreciate you taking the time.
I understand that Mystery’s advice is designed for a certain type of girl (mainly strippers actually), but the problem is it’s marketed to guys that aren’t looking for that type of interaction, and thus SOOOOO many guys end up taking this advice that doesn’t actually apply to them at all, and can be wayyyy better if done a bit differently.
Like I said in the post, we owe Mystery a tonnn of credit for the work he’s done in pushing the self-improvement industry forward.
Brian really hit the nail on the head with his comment.
That’s all fine. I still think introducing yourself to any girl is better than waiting for her to ask, because there’s much better indicators of interest than her asking for your name, but I understand where you are coming from.
Thanks for the comments. Hope to discuss another article with you in the future 😀
I dont agree with you. Guys have been introducing themselves to womens and that indicate interest to early in the conversation i believe. He gives bad advices ? You cant be serious thats hypocrites and pretentious. I know for a fact that you guys are teaching some of his theory. Real quick: Time constraint by example and i remembered Kevin being good at dhv.
You guys are doing a great job pushing people to open tho. Keep up the good work.
Hiding interest in the start of the conversation is only the right move if you are a low value man, and don’t believe yourself to be entitled to the woman. Women respond extremely well to stating interest right away, it shows you have balls, confidence and go after what you want. Of course we’re teaching some of Mystery’s theory, he’s the one that started out pick up.
From “Pick Up” to Social Dynamics though, any Kingpin Social theory that you used to know is out the window, because Kingpin Social only teaches Social Dynamics; theory based around genuine intent and stating interest.
Thanks for commenting!
Hey Nathan.
I don’t agree that you shouldn’t introduce yourself too early in the conversation to avoid showing too much interest. If you are too interested, you will come across like that whether you approach introducing yourself or not. As I said in the post, the benefits of her viewing you as a friend instead of a stranger far outweighs the minor benefits of not introducing yourself first.
And we definitely still teach some of “his” theory. Like I said in the post, he is still owed a lot of credit for taking things as far as he did. That however, doesn’t mean all of his advice is good, and this post is just one example of such advice.
Hope to see you comment again 🙂
I totally agree with you.
Love the post.
Thanks for commenting Jeff. 🙂