Social Dynamics; the Replacement for “Pick Up”

You’re driving down Deerfoot going 110km/hr. You know the speed limit’s 100, but you’re badass. All of a sudden you hear a CLUNK, and you feel as your car begins to slow to a stop. Pulling over on the side of the highway, you scorn yourself on how much this shit is going to cost. “Fuck! I have to pay my rent.” Looking through your phone for a friend to call, you think of possible options. Then it comes to mind, you helped John write up a resume to be a mechanic last week, you give him a call and he gladly comes to your aid, free of charge.


A good friend asked what the difference between “Social Dynamics” and Social Psychology is. The difference between Social Dynamics and Social Psychology is that in Social Dynamics exists participation. With countless interactions with different human beings you begin to see that everyone has something unique to bring to the table; exclusive perception and invaluable life knowledge. PICK UP IS FLAWED. Pick Up doesn’t teach you how to interact with other human beings, and find THEIR INDIVIDUAL human nature. Pick Up teaches you how to “extract maximum value” out of another person, whatever that value may be, for your own selfish reasons. For a male extracting value from a female, pick up will teach you how to have sex with the most girls. For a male extracting value from a male (you guys are sick) pick up will teach you how to use tricks and tactics to get what you want from other people.


Social Dynamics is in everything. Social Dynamics is seeing the value in yourself and learning how to communicate it effectively to other people. Social Dynamics is seeing the value in other people, and understanding how to get them to communicate that value to you. It’s interesting because a lot of people don’t understand the value they bring to the table. Social Dynamics is all about bringing forth that inner value that you have to offer to people and sharing it with the world.


Value; relative worth, merit, or importance. Social Dynamics is based around an exchange of value. Social Dynamics is an exchange of relative worth. RELATIVE. That’s what’s Dynamic about it. No interaction between human beings will be the same, ever. We are completely different minds raised in completely different environments that gives us personalities and viewpoints completely unique to the world. Pick Up is dead because Pick Up caters to “men talking to women”. It doesn’t cater to “two individuals building a real connection”. This is Social D!

Social Dynamics is about being able to see through other people’s eyes and understand the reason for their circumstance. Social Dynamics is about understanding how to find out what each individual human being finds valuable, and finding a way to communicate that value to them.

Value is relative, and value will be a completely different post. It’s important to GIVE VALUE and expect nothing in return, but I’ll get into that in a series.


There’s a difference between giving value for INTERNAL validation, and EXTERNAL validation. What is your motivation to give value? Are you giving value EXPECTING something in return (taking a girl on a date, than expecting her to have sex with you) or are you giving value expecting NOTHING in return (a friend calls you to talk about their problems and you TAKE THE TIME to listen and offer insight where necessary).

For most people, motivation comes from the ego. The ego wants to be liked, the ego wants to be stroked. “If I buy this new car, I’ll feel good about myself.” What people don’t understand is that external validation is not long – lasting value. External validation is short – lived value, and value that goes away. That being said one must find a way to be internally validated. Internally validated people are people who are pouring excess value, and people who excel in the field of social dynamics. It’s easy for someone who is pouring excess value to be giving value. Internally validated people have good egos, not bad, big or small egos.


A good ego is someone who sees himself a certain way, and works hard at always being that image. A good ego is an ego that is healthy because of the process of being that ego. If I, as a professional basketball player, have a big ego (which drove me to be here in the first place, my drive to be the best), and I’m ALWAYS going to the gym, always going to the courts to learn how to become a BETTER basketball player, I have a good ego. I see the image I want to be, and I’m consistently working towards it.


A bad ego is a pick up mentality. A bad ego sees himself in an image but does nothing to live up to that image. A bad ego would be the professional basketball player that stops going to the gym, stops going to practice and still expects to be a good basketball player. If you lose the process of working towards your dream, you lose the dream itself. When you lose the dream, you’ll do anything to viciously defend it. With the loss of the dream, comes the birth of a BAD ego. A bad ego is one which will search for external validation, because they don’t ACTUALLY feel good about themselves. A bad ego will not be able to offer value, only take it. A bad ego is an ego which is unhealthy and looks to take as much value as possible for themselves before they leave unscathed, without giving anyone the chance to bruise their ego.


Social Dynamics is finding the reason people want to be liked, and liking them for that reason. What’s more valuable to the girl in the bar that you find absolutely gorgeous, the fact that you compliment her on her looks or the idea that you get her conversing about her biggest passion in life 10 minutes into the interaction? That’s just at the bar, though. Let’s take Social Dynamics outside of the bar. What’s more valuable to the store clerk, the guy who buys his chocolate bar and leaves or the guy who takes a genuine, positive interest and spends that extra few seconds to ask “How her day is!” Social Dynamics is about being a positive influence to the world, however one can only be a positive influence if one is internally validated. This is why the ego is so important, not to abolish but to work towards. See yourself as an image, and then become addicted to the process of w*K>in6orking towards that image. See yourself as a healthy guy, and then build yourself a workout program and stick to it to become a healthy guy. Now, when anyone wants fitness advice, you talk to them about it and in it, they find value. Social Dynamics is developing your skill sets to a point where you’re always developing them, and then when someone else needs help in that area you offer that to them. This is an exchange of value, this is what must happen in Social Dynamics. A healthy relationship exists on an equal exchange of value. If you are skilled in ONE area, let’s say the gym, and you help  Scott, who’s a skilled web designer… what do you think Scott is willing to do for you? Now the next time you’re stuck on ideas for a website, you call Scott and he’s willing to help you. Social Dynamics is about developing a connection with EVERYONE, not just good looking girls, because everyone has some sort of value to offer. I, as a person, have so much value to offer them. Social Dynamics is exchanging value.


Social Dynamics is my passion, Social Dynamics is in everything. The next time you’re interacting with someone, ask yourself. What can I do to bring value to them? What is the value they have to offer, and how do I find it? With some, value will be harder to find than in others. Social Dynamics is about the search for that value, while effectively communicating yours at the same time. It sounds difficult; it’s not. Just think to yourself; “Positivity, Present Moment, Offer Value… Find Value”.


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