Reader Question: Can You Ask Someone Out Randomly?

good vibesI’m definitely feeling the vibes of this blog lately. You can tell our audience is building, our community growing. To see evidence of this I don’t need to look any further than my inbox. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, responding to every e-mail I receive takes time, but if someone is being assertive enough to reach out and ask for help, I am more than happy to take the time and give him or her the help they’re looking for.

After all, the only reason I am where I am is because of the help I have received along the way. If not for all the great mentors I have had, and continue to have, I would be unable to grow at any reasonable rate. Credit is not mine to take. I can only say I am thankful that I was able to take advantage of the opportunities I received, talking to them with an open mind and willing ears.

Because of this, I feel it’s my duty to give back everything I have received, and help out all of those who seek it. (Speaking of which, if you want to e-mail me, click here.)

Recently I received this message in my inbox: “Dude… can you just ask someone out randomly?”

Having talked to this guy on Facebook Chat many times before, the vibe I picked up was that he was trying to reacquaint himself with a girl he was interested in previously, but they had lost touch.

I thought this would make a great topic for today’s post.

To answer the question directly: Sure, you can ask out a girl randomly, I guess. I don’t think the right question to ask is: “can you”, but “should you?” Is asking a girl out randomly going to be an efficient way of doing things? Does it increase or decrease your chance of success? If your goal is to go on a date with this girl, it would only make sense to do the things that will give you the highest chance of that happening.

In that case, asking someone out randomly isn’t the best approach.

So what should you do instead?

melanie iglesiasYou should re-initiate the conversation and begin to establish a connection. All you need to do is hit her up and start talking to her again. Remember to keep things light and fun. Playful is powerful. Definitely keep these advanced techniques in mind.

Once you begin to talk with her more and more, that is where you can move things to exchanging phone numbers and working towards getting her on a date. (You could even try out this method using Skype.)

Take things slow. Too many guys jump into asking a girl out wayyy too soon, when she’s going to either say her standard response to let you down easy: “I have a boyfriend”, or she will say yes, and then flake out. Instead, if you take your time to actually establish a connection, she will want to hang out with you, because she enjoys your company.

If you’re the source of good emotions, why wouldn’t she want to be around you?

So next time you’re sitting on Facebook Chat and see a girl you’ve always wanted to go out with, or maybe you run into her at a party, remember to take your time and focus on establishing some type of interaction with her. You don’t need to go in guns blazing begging her to go out with you right away. Just focus on having a good time talking with her, and as your conversations become longer and more frequent, that’s the time to take things to the next level.

Hope that helps and if anyone reading this has a question, you can e-mail me personally here and I will respond to you.


  1. These articles read like they were written by a junior high student. Perhaps invest in a writer or take a class if you expect this to be taken seriously.

  2. I don’t see anything wrong with the article. The writing is superb and paragraphs are well arranged. Good job mate!

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