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304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about all the newbies out there, and how to bridge the gap between guys who get into self-improvement and get good, and the guys who get into self-improvement and drop out shortly thereafter. The classic statistic in the self-improvement community says that 90% of guys who get involved in some form (studying, a few approaches, etc) will drop out within the first year. I couldn’t agree more. At the same time, I think this is totally fucked up!
What is the #1 reason someone gets into self-improvement – specifically in relation to improving their dating relationships? Curiosity? I doubt it. I’d say the #1 reason someone gets into the dating side of self-improvement is because they realize they need improvement in their social/dating life. Whether that’s learning to build attraction, find a girlfriend, make deeper connections, or even just to make more guy friends, all of these reasons are ones that require action, and through action can easily be improved! You would assume that if a guy is getting into self-improvement for one of those reasons, he would only move on from it once he’s improved that area.
SO with that original statistic in mind: Do you think 90% of the guys who get into self-improvement and drop out within the first year are dropping out because they have reached their goals and have nothing left to accomplish?
I agree… that sounds completely ridiculous. Why then are people dropping out so soon? The most likely reason is the reason they were getting into self-improvement in the first place: inaction. They just don’t ever get out there and try. That’s a topic for another day, but what I want to talk about right now is what your #1 goal should be as a newbie starting out. This is something I have thought a lot about lately and have implemented into my teaching, which in the past few months has dramatically increased the success of students post-bootcamp.
GOAL: Stabilize Your Growth, Build Momentum, Avoid Frustration
What do I mean by this? Well, for one, the only way to actually improve in any skill is to work on it consistently. Self-improvement is one of those skills that people will jump into for a few weeks, see a bit of growth, then get frustrated and before they are stable, drop out. As a newbie all you need to focus on is becoming stable. What that looks like to me is having the ability to go out X amount of nights per week (or X amount of days per week), and doing it consistently – being process oriented instead of results oriented.
To accomplish this you need to do two things: avoid frustration and build momentum. The cool thing is these two go hand-in-hand.
Make your goals super easy. It can be as basic as going out two nights per week and opening one group of people per night minimum. Once you’ve accomplished this goal, you have the option of going home (and being happy you accomplished your goal), or you can stay and set a new goal, but only with the understanding that you’ve already accomplished your goal for the night and everything from here on out is BONUS.
Think of momentum as building a snowball. If you were to build a small snowball and push it around a bit, the snowball will grow and grow and grow. But not moving it at all it will stay the same size, until the sun comes out and it melts away. The key to building momentum is to constantly take action. Here’s the best part: the action doesn’t have to be anything huge. It can be very simple and day-by-day your momentum grows. If you miss a day your momentum stalls. That’s why taking consistent action is the key. You don’t have to build the snowball all at once – you can build it up slowly. As your momentum gets larger and larger, missing a day or two doesn’t hurt it as bad. BUT if you miss a day when your momentum isn’t established (stable) yet, you will have to start back at ground zero.
As someone new to self-improvement, focus on stabilizing your growth. Do this by building your momentum slowly and avoiding frustration. Make your involvement in self-improvement easy. Make it fun not a chore. Once your momentum is built it will just keep building and building. There will be no stopping you.
If you take this article to heart and focus on it’s principles, YOU WILL IMPROVE. If you need any more inspiration, check out the video below:
Love this article Cam. I think the only thing that has kept me going as long as I’ve gone, is that I set a minimum number of nights that I HAVE to go out. If I ever feel like I don’t want to, or I’m feeling crappy, unmotivated, or whatever, I take that as a HUGE sign that I NEED to go out.
I think the worst thing you can do in regards to staying on this path is to not go out when you are feeling like you are down, in a dip, or a slump. If you cave to that feeling, it will only make you feel more down, and deepen your dip or slump, and soon you’ll find yourself out of the game.
PUSH FORWARD! The growth and success you crave will come.
Thumbs up everybody, for ROCK AND ROLL!
Glad you liked it.
I completely agree. One quality that the guys who get good all have is that they push even when they are tired/frustrated/not-feeling-it. I remember when I played hockey the only way I was not playing in a game was if I was seriously injured. For the last 3 years of my career I played with two separated shoulders, that just kept getting worse and worse but there was no way you were taking me out of the games.
“Pickup” is no different, and really neither should your life. I feel like too many people feel a little “sick” and instantly it’s an easy excuse to avoid living life to the fullest. Fuck that noise.
See you in a few days bromeo. 🙂 Off to NYC today with Mr. okm 😀
I believe hard/smart work and dedication and joy that keeps you going and going and soon as you get that momentum you already don’t feel like you are going, you are FLYING!
With out hard work there wont be anything, if you aren’t smart why would you do it anyways – if it doesn’t work, dedication is something comes along wih joy and fun you are having – with out that I don’t think you’d be doing what you are doing at your current life!
I completely agree. It’s all about building momentum and you can do that through hard work. If you don’t enjoy the work it won’t matter though, and a really good way to make sure you don’t become frustrated is to keep things simple and easy to accomplish. That way you encourage yourself to continue pushing and growing. 🙂