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Aloha! I am currently on a family vacation for the holidays on the beautiful island of Maui, Hawaii. I hope everyone enjoyed their time off with friends and family. This trip has given me a lot of insight in so many ways… but the biggest thing I’ve taken away thus far was from a connection I made with one of the locals.
On Monday evening I went to Kihei’s friendly neighbourhood Starbucks (yes there’s only one,) it’s heavily AC’d and severely lacking work tables. I managed to get a table using the powers of Social Dynamics, and made a new friend in the process. I offered this gentleman my chair so we could both be close to the adapter; he took this moment to compliment me on my hat and asked where I was from. Little did I know this simple gesture would launch us into a two hour conversation where I would end up leaving with a new friend and some great life advice.
I learnt a lot of great advice in multiple facets that make up our lives. My friend has lived an incredible life all over the world and I took his time very seriously as he was gracious enough to open up and share with me about his life. I think people show up in your life to teach you something, including the people you see on the bus every day, your cashier; everyone has value to give you if you allow them the opportunity to do so by creating that initial conversation. I think that Oscar, the Italiano Mexican entrepreneur, had came into my life to share his story so that I could share it with others. Let me paint you a picture of my friend Oscar. He is in his 50’s but still very handsome and has a unique style. He wore a dark fedora hat with feathers, a colorful scarf around his neck, deep black v tee shirt with suspenders and shorts. I thought he was French but learnt that he is in fact from Barcelona and is half Mexican and half Italian. His exuberant style matched his incredibly infectious disposition. Friendly and incredibly sincere he shared with me how he grew up and showed me pictures of his two beautiful daughters and grandchild before delving into his advice about dating and marriage.
Strangers are friends you haven’t met yet
Social Dynamics is about creating lasting connections. His advice on the “4 things you need to look for in a man or woman” seems most ideal to share here. I have to say I was definitely intrigued when he asked me the 4 things that I looked for in a man. I respectively said “He needs to be ambitious but driven enough to complete the things he wants to accomplish. He also needs to value a healthy diet and active lifestyle as I am really active and really hard to eat with.” Oscar looks at me while mixing together his three languages of Italian, Spanish and English…”You’re 100% wrong.” Wrong? I was slightly offended. How can I be wrong about the things I want?
“I will tell you the 4 things you need in a man or woman if you want to have a healthy long-lasting relationship. These are important factors that you need in a husband or wife. Write this down.” Here is what he told me.
- What they say, they do.
INTEGRITY is paramount. It is linked to self worth within that individual and it builds trust. Someone who isn’t integral is more likely to be dishonest or to never follow through on their commitments. Integrity and HONESTY are huge key factors in building a lasting relationship. So look for a partner that follows through with what they say. - Smart.
This could range from someone who has an excellent education or is smart in other ways of life. Ultimately it comes down to being with someone who challenges you and pushes you to be better. Someone who keeps you on your toes, and keeps things fresh and exciting. 
Love.
Of course! A strong emotional connection is an important factor in building a sustainable relationship. You must be able to connect with your partner on an internal level for it to with-stand time. This is why they say best friends tend to make great partnerships as they have a strong foundation on an emotional level. Love can be defined in so many ways and only you can really determine what it feels like or looks like in a partnership.- Physical Connection.
Aside from having a strong emotional connection it is also paramount that you have a strong physical attraction. This is then broken down into two conditions. The external image isn’t everything but being physically attracted to your partner is very important long-term.
(i) Good Physical Condition: Not only for sex appeal or “eye candy” but because someone who is in physically good condition can perform better sexually. In general someone who is in good physical shape has better stamina and hygiene.
(ii) “Make Good Sex”: What he means here is learn what the other needs sexually in order for them to have maximum satisfaction. If your partner isn’t getting what they need sexually then they will likely look outside of the relationship in order to find it. This comes to teaching each other what you need, or asking, and taking time to educate yourself in different facets of sexual health. This is also why it’s important to be secure with yourself.
The main bullets is what I wrote down and we collectively broke them down as some of his lingo was a bit different than my own. I can’t say I disagree with any of his points and I am really excited to share with you the rest of his advice. Like I said, I think people come in to our lives for a reason. Take the time to really connect with the people that walk in to your life on a daily basis. You will be astounded by how incredible the world can be with setting you up to meet people who can change your perspective on things or remind you that we are here to connect with others. Oscar reminded me that even when I am away from home that taking the time to make those connections is important and to never lose sight of that. I am really grateful, and this experience has fed the flame of that desire that I have with connecting with people. Take the time to listen and be present in your surroundings. Make someone’s day. Oscar made mine, and look how he affected my life and now yours. You can do that as well for other people and for yourself, you just got to do it! Pay it forward. 😉
J
Boom! Killed this article, I love it J!
Slam dunk Jamie!!
Your friend is right. Many people (me included) spend so much time looking for small details when we should actually be looking at the big picture. In my experience, finding integrity in a person is always the hardest. Great article, J!
I agree with Carol. 🙂
A lot of those small details end up falling into place when these main 4 are there anyways.
Thanks for commenting Brian & Anwar! I’m glad you liked the post. 🙂
Carol- Thank you! I totally didn’t think about integrating that aspect in to the article. Thank you for mentioning it! It’s so true how men and women come up with these long lists of things they desire in a partner but they lose sight of the importance of these main points.
Cam- You’re totally right, if you focus on the big ticket items like these… everything else will just flow in to place naturally.
I love this article. I too believe that people come in to your life for a reason. Sometimes it’s to make you think, sometimes it’ to remind you slow down, sometimes it teaches you how grateful you are for the life you have. Whatever the reason, be open to the process. Furthermore, what this man said rings very true for me. I agree that all of these main ingredients to a healthy relationship are paramount and I work on them first personally to ensure that I can not only recognize them when I see them, but also to ensure that I will reciprocate them. Thanks for posting this J. Great work.
Thanks for commenting Krista. 🙂
Good stuff! So many people forget the physical part.
Thanks Nick! 🙂
Krista – I totally agree that its a great reminder to self-reflect and see if YOU in fact posses those desirable qualities and if not what needs to change in order to be that? Thanks for commenting! 🙂
Thank you Jamie for sharing your insight. I firmly believe sex is vital in a strong long term relationship, but it isn’t just sex for sex sake but is the touching and caressing and ministry to each other on a daily basis. Someone once said that the one who loves to be touched is the healthy person in the relationship and for me I had to learn it because I didn’t believe you could touch without leading to sex, but sex embodies so much more and can be so much richer if we take the time to find out what the other person wants and love them where there needs are at. Thank you for taking the time to post this.
Thanks Rex for dropping by and commenting. Completely agree with what you said. The physical side doesn’t just come down to sex, but all physical touching. Great point! Hope to see you comment again. 🙂
Rex, I can relate to you. That was a big struggle I had to get over as well, getting over the notion that there could be strong physical touch without leading to sex. The connections you create seem to be so much more profound by making the physical side more than just sex.
Integrity is so huge. I almost leapt for joy when I read that and I think it’s the most important part of any relationship – romance, friendship or business.
Personal example: when I was starting out as a PUA, I accepted flakey and capricious girls as part of the game. “Hot chicks get a lot of attention so it’s natural for them to be spoilt” is how I thought.
Now, I understand that it’s much better to avoid unreliable people, period. They’re poison. Yes, sometimes this means giving up someone you really like… But it’s WAY better than having a person you can’t depend on in your inner circle.
Cool points
Hey George. Thanks for stopping by to leave a comment. Couldn’t agree more about integrity being the most important part of any relationship.
Hope to see you leave your feedback on other articles. 🙂