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As of very recently, I’ve started understanding the application of proper conversation fundamentals. There are people from all sides of the globe that could tell you what separates good conversation from bad conversation. I was recently at a small pub that reminded me of the TV show “Cheers”. Lyrics from the show’s theme song rang through my head, “where everybody knows your name.” This spawned many thought-provoking questions like: what is it about the “pub atmosphere” that attracts people to it, why do people like going to coffee shops, and why do people enjoy friendly casual daily conversations?
As social beings I feel the answers lie deep within who we are. We are a product of our environment. Our environment consists of people, so conversation is one of the powerful tools we should be optimizing at all times.
I believe many people feel they lack the social skills they want, but nobody really talks about it. When people do begin talking about their social sticking points, it’s common to hear about their fear of approaching. People are more concerned with the approach than the actual conversation! One of the biggest things I have learned is that you need to have outcomes in mind and understand that your destination is that outcome. Your application of willpower towards this social skill-set is actually the same way you look at learning any other new skill-set. The only difference is that you usually don’t have to find a reason why you should learn it; you are reminded every day of your waking life.
This video talks in depth about my thoughts on conversation and how you can utilize this tool to grow as a person.
Now that your back throw up your comment!
Mikey B and the art of conversation! I like the notion of approaching strangers with the pure intention of wanting to meet them. I’d love to see more posts exploring conversation alone, especially in different scenarios or points in a relationship with someone.
Personally I think conversations that bounce back from the negative (i.e. argument) to the positive feel like they’ve provided a lot of value to me. The resistance between two individuals who finally give in results in a stronger connection. Like make-up sex! haha
Cool mang I really like the feedback! I like the idea of different types of conversations. I think that I’m going to try and take mental notes of the intense conversations I have and then hopefully post them on a blog 🙂
I really like that you mentioned being able to re-enter a conversation with an individual even after initial contact. Will definitely add this to things I am developing in my social repertoire!
Do you think that one of the ways you do this is by making others aware of the value you can give?
I absolutely agree that making people aware of the value you offer is a huge way to bring a relationship forward. It is kind of like communicating that
a. You want to further the relationship with this person
b. You actually have something to offer (value in a form that they want)
c. You are a genuine real person
Make sure to calibrate when and where you are expressing this in your conversations. Bragging is sub communicating that you are either to good for this person or that you are insecure about yourself and have to compensate.
Hope that answers it 🙂