When studying a new skill I always like to find parallels between other skills I’ve learned in the past. You’ll find this a lot in my writing, where I’m comparing “pick-up” to a sport. I find if I can relate a concept to something I already understand, it helps the new concept stick.
Every once in awhile I stumble upon a concept that in theory should be exactly the same as with another skill, but the real life application of it is the total opposite… no matter how ridiculous it is. That’s what I want to talk about today: one concept that in theory should be no different then in other skill-sets, but the application of it is different – and it’s holding you back!
If any of you have ever worked out, you understand results won’t come right away. But that’s ok right? Of course! The reason you are going to the gym is to get in better shape, and expecting results to happen right away would be completely retarded.
But with the pick-up community it’s different. The majority of guys aren’t process oriented. They want results right away. And if they don’t get those results right away they drop out and quit. Usually before they have even given themselves enough time to see ANY type of result. Think about it like this:
If you went to the gym and didn’t see results right away, would you quit? No. Let’s take another example: school. If you were taking a class in university with the hopes of getting B’s or better, and your test grade came back a C-, would you just quit? No. What would you do? You would study harder; whether that means spending more time doing your homework, taking extra time to ask your professor specific questions you have, or maybe even joining a study group. It would be completely silly for you to just quit. That’s because you understand it’s a PROCESS.
BE PROCESS ORIENTED NOT RESULTS ORIENTED
It’s actually funny. While typing this up I realized that all the guys I know who have seen massive improvement in their dating lives were all guys who understood it was a process, and didn’t care if they had results right away or not. And all the guys who have dropped out were the opposite – expecting quick results and magic pills.
So how can we apply this concept today? Let’s start with some basic goals, because you know in order to see improvement you need to be setting goals each time you go out. A lot of guys will set a goal related to a obtaining a certain result, say, getting three phone numbers as an example. But getting three phone numbers is out of your control, which will only lead to becoming frustrated when you don’t complete your goal.
Instead let’s set a goal related to the process instead of the result. We can’t control whether or not three girls will give us their phone number, BUT WE CAN control if we at least try to get three phone numbers.
With this small tweak, now how well our night goes is completely dependant on us alone, and whether or not we put in the necessary effort we said we would in the first place. We are process oriented. We aren’t focusing on results. If they come that’s cool, but our main objective is to work on improving our skill, and maintaining that long-term vision.
Got it? Awesome. Now I want you to do two things before you go:
1. Comment on this mutha fuckin’ article. What is one goal that you have that is results oriented, and how are you changing it to be about the process? Please share with us!
And 2. WATCH THIS VIDEO!
Hope to hear from you!