The Irritation Projection: How to Use Projection to Feel More Positive.

by Alden Tan

alden tanYou know what upsets me the most?

What gets to me the most is when friends disrespect me. It irritates me when friends don’t act the way I expect them to and I end up having to appease them just so they can have their way.

That really angers me and it can bother me for days as the negative thoughts just dwell in my head.

I’ve always wondered why this bothers me so much. I even justify it. I mean, it’s normal right? Who likes it when friends don’t live up to your expectations?

I have every right to be upset…

… Until I kept meeting other people who seemed invincible to this aspect of life.

Yep I’ve met them.

This is not to say this is just about other friends telling me to simply “chill out” or “relax and let it go”. I have actual friends who are completely immune to being affected by friends. It really amazed me because deep down, this thing seriously bothered me to a point I was seeking help for it!

Have you ever felt like this before?

Have you encountered a group of people who were wildly affected by something or someone when it seemed totally normal and no big deal to you at all?

I have.

See, I get annoyed by friends. But I’m NEVER affected by comments from the internet. I never take part in trolling or flaming, and it makes me wonder why some people keep taking part in that nonsense online all the time.

So then I thought, “If I can feel this major sense of ease when it comes to online hate, I’m sure others feel the same when it comes to being annoyed by friends in person”.

And since then, I always used the idea of projecting my emotions and thoughts for a more positive life.

How to use projection to feel more positive

  1. Think of what deeply affects others, but not you.
  2. Think about it. This is where you put yourself in others’ shoes about what hurts them. Think up all sorts of different examples from different people. Write them down.

    Personally, I think it’s ridiculous to be affected by comments online. What’s yours? Getting pissed off on the road by lousy drivers? Getting hurt by girls who brush you aside?

  3. Focus on the feeling of ease.
  4. Now, as ridiculous as you think it is, think of the feeling of bliss you have over this. Then, go back to what bothers you. Do you now know then that there’re many people actually wonder why you get so upset over it? They have that ease over you and the situation, that ease you feel yourself too… just in other areas. What’s the difference? Why does one affect you and not the other?

    This is where you get to know that it’s actually not that big a deal. If others can have a good control over it, so can you.

  5. Project that feeling of ease of others onto yourself.
  6. Now, project yourself outwards. Every time you feel a sense of negativity or have a negative thought, think of how others are never affected by it. Think of the possibility of feeling happy EASILY. Think of how, despite being unique individuals, we all have the same ability to be happy.

    Keep going outwards. Don’t dwell on it and go inwards and try to analyze why you’re unhappy. Doing so would only serve to make you more unhappy, as if it’s an ironic, self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Move out, and move on.

  7. Finally, project this in every situation.
  8. For whatever situation that makes you upset, angry or unhappy, realize that at the end of the day, it’s only a feeling. Others definitely cannot empathize with you completely, but why not put a twist on it and aim to be happy, since others already are?

    Again, it’s only a feeling.

    Keep projecting outwards and think of how for whatever situation you’re in, someone out there doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Let go, it’s OK. Then, you can truly relax and be happy.

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alden tan

About Alden Tan
Alden Tan is a rockstar blogger who is also a breakdancer and a bouncer. He quit his job last year to pursue his dream of being a writer. He blogs about personal development, inspiration and passion on the real! And he does it all with style by not caring about what others think.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Max Nachamkin January 7, 2013 at 8:30 am

Interesting post.

I’ve found that the same feelings have happened to me as well, especially since I value friendship more than anything. It sucks when someone doesn’t live up to your standards (which may or may not be unrealistic)

“What’s the difference? Why does one affect you and not the other?

This is where you get to know that it’s actually not that big a deal. If others can have a good control over it, so can you.”

I’ve tried this in the past, and it doesn’t work. You can’t just “believe’ that because others have control of it, so can you. In fact, I argue that by trying this it will lead to to a deeper down depression because you’re basing your own value on others. Not the way to go — you should be your own source of validation.

You said that you can’t think about why you’re having your thoughts, and that’s true. Trying to rationalize thoughts is the worst thing you can do. That being said, feelings come and go, and you hit that point right on the head. As long as we realize that we aren’t our feelings, our entire mindset starts to change.

I’ve been reading and incorporating the Sedona Method, and it takes this concept and gives a simple, applicable process to accepting our emotions, and consequently releasing them. This is much more powerful than just saying ‘oh if other people don’t think it’s a problem then it’s all good’.

The point: feelings are just feelings — they do not determine who you are in the least bit. FEEL your entire emotion, accept it because you are human, and then consciously choose to let it go.

Cam January 8, 2013 at 1:26 pm

Hey Max, thanks for your comment! I really love this:

“The point: feelings are just feelings — they do not determine who you are in the least bit. FEEL your entire emotion, accept it because you are human, and then consciously choose to let it go.”

I appreciate you adding your input!

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