Where Social Dynamics Needs to Start

Today I sat down at my laptop with the intention of writing another post that explains the difference between men and women in the realm of dating. Specifically on why men love to say they are going on a “date” and women like to say they are going to “hang out.” A very broad topic choice, however, the inspiration wasn’t there. As the only female writer on this site it allows me to have a voice for all the women in my life, it has been a great avenue to express those opinions to a male dominated audience but somewhere on my soap box with my megaphone, I lost my own voice.

Cam wanted me to write for Kingpin Lifestyle after reading my blog posts from my personal blog Devoted Shift. It’s a blog where I delve in to my own mind, goals, motivation and the struggles of writing or being an artist in general. I write about my frustrations and my celebrations while helping others do the same. By sharing my story, I help others to share their own struggles and through that self-journey they find inspiration and guidance. I came to this site wanting to help people, but most of all I really want to heal people of their painful pasts and to bring them in to the light of what is to come in their future. The future holds beautiful things if you choose to let go of the past and create the future you desire. We are all creators, that is our divine gift. Your future starts with yourself and how you communicate with your environment and the people with in it, this is where Social Dynamics ties in so beautifully. This is why I am a contributor and that voice got somewhere lost in the transition from being a writer for a woman dominated audience to a male one.

Since I am a very internalized woman, who has always struggled with executing, teaming up with Kingpin Social was a great way to keep myself accountable to facing the fear of taking ACTION. This is something I have now realized is a strong suit. I have the ability to help readers of Kingpin Lifestyle to be best in both of these specified arenas. If you have internal awareness as well as knowing how to execute effectively through Social Dynamics, you will be set up for success. So this is what you can expect from me moving forward.

Social Dynamics & Meditating

What Social Dynamics teaches us is that Life = Relationships. I think the biggest missing puzzle that it isn’t always communicated is that the relationship with yourself is the most important one for you to be successful in all relationships.

Social Dynamics starts with YOU. You need to work internally as much as you need to practice talking to people every day, learning perceptions of value, and to push yourself in all areas of growth by making goals that will take you there. If you don’t like the person that you are then how can you communicate authentically to a desirable man or woman how awesome you are? To your boss? To your family? You start by asking yourself specific questions that will help you find your self-defeating limitations and creating actionable goals to get you to where you want to be.

I see a lot of guys in the Pick-Up Community that have no self-esteem or sense of self-worth, you see it in women too, a lot of us think that by ‘acting’ you will ‘become’. You pretend to be confident and secure, but when it comes down to it if you aren’t confident and secure it will surely come out in your actions and body language. Typically you can end up in relationships that have no meaning since you aren’t capable of trusting or feeling whole. In order to be good at communicating and attracting ‘high quality’ people, you need to have that self-realization that you are a dope person. By being someone you are not than you are being inauthentic. Inauthentic means you aren’t congruent with your true self and it leads to unhappiness. Unhappiness leads to unfulfillment and disappointment within yourself and how do you build relationships with that mind set? You can try and fake it till you make it but until you are able to find the source of why you have self-defeating thoughts and where they originate from, than you will never be able to work past them. You need to balance between your internal awareness and taking action to push your comfort zones. Just because you aren’t confident doesn’t mean you can’t take actions that can lead you to becoming confident. Just remember that you need to delve deep in to your self to find why you think they way you do so you can overcome it and grow. Otherwise you just avoid the issue and never work past it.

All these articles on Kingpin Lifestyle have amazing lessons and great wisdom for you to meditate on, but most importantly they are there for you to take ACTION, to take that information and to challenge yourself with what you have learnt. This is something that we all need to work towards daily, even the guys at Kingpin Social, and yes including myself. The team and I always wake up every day to our ‘Order Of Operations” – the things we need to get done in the day to stay accountable to not only ourselves  but to others to. We all have to practice what we preach, we have to push our social fears, and we have to level ourselves up and the people around us consistently. The reason why we get better every day is because we stretch that muscle every day. This is why we have Social Gym. Just like you would dedicate time to work out, you have to put time aside to work on yourself and to the things you have learnt.

Think of it this way. Lets say on Wednesdays you work on your upper body at the gym, this means you have it already mapped out in your mind that you will need to work on your biceps, traps, forearms, lats, chest, back and torso. You know what repetitions, weight, and exercises that will help you pinpoint those specific muscles to make them stronger. By taking that analogy you start to realize that you can take that kind of preparation and dedication in to every aspect of your life in order to build not only your physical self but your social and mental ones as well.

This is where men and women typically differentiate. Women tend to want to internalize things and understand things at its root before acting out on them, where as men typically want to act then to internalize afterwards. How do we find the balance? How do we not allow the excuse for women to never to take action because they always need to meditate on it first? How do we encourage men to meditate on things more to understand things at a deeper sub-conscious level? By having awareness that as a woman we need to focus on learning how to take action to balance both the ability to self-internalize but not allowing it to hinder the ability to follow through. Men can work more on taking time to meditate and asking themselves important questions to learn more about their internal self while they have the strong suit of taking action. It’s all about balance and covering all bases to be the most successful.

{ *Please note that this is a generalized view and doesn’t mean that all women have problems with not taking action, and not all men have problems with self-reflection. It can always work vice-versa. Men have problems taking action but have a great sense of self and women who have troubles with delving deeper in to internal awareness  but are great at taking action. It’s about pin-pointing your area of opportunity and working past it. *  }

Actionable Goals

Today I want you to smile at one person. Anyone! Make eye contact and just smile. Say ‘Good Afternoon’ or ‘Good Evening’ to a passing stranger or start up a conversation with someone in line while you are grabbing your coffee. Make someones day. That is your goal!

After doing that assess how you feel.

Do you feel different? Are you happier? How did you feel before? Were you scared? Are you still fearful? How can uplifting others through small actionable goals like these help you build a stronger internal value for yourself?

This is a great way to balance an action with taking the time to see how it affects you internally.

Other questions you should ask yourself: “Did you talk about yourself the entire time? Were you seeking validation? Were you listening and being present? What kind of questions did you ask? What did that person teach you?” After you do this today I would love for you to post in the comment box below!

Answer the questions I just stated, and allow yourself to internalize your actions. As you build more awareness of your external environment it is important to take time to delve deeper in to your internal awareness to expand your mindsets and to learn more about yourself and others.

J