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The ‘Jealousy Plotline’
So you really dig this girl, and maybe you dig a few of her other friends but not really as much as her. You get this ‘brilliant’ idea that instead of making a connection with the one you really desire that you submerge yourself in the entire group of friends to make her jealous. Hey, can’t hurt right? Wrong. Not saying that this technique doesn’t work, as I am sure it has, but it’s only a short term solution to the bigger issue. The bigger issue being the fact you have to manipulate a girl to make her jealous in order for her to desire you. I thought you were a really cool guy? Can’t you make her see that without playing on her insecurities and screwing around with girls you think are sub-par?
This idea of the “Jealousy Plotline” takes value from every girl in that social circle (talk about bad karma) and in the end what do you really end up with? After you land the one you want and that fizzles out, due to her incredible insecurity that you created, you wind up with a whole clan of girls who will cock block you till no end. Success! A group of girls who actually have a personal vendetta targeted on your ass and every mutual friend of theirs included. Now all those awesome girls are fish dead in the perivial dating sea. Not to mention how many bridges you burned over trying to get one girl, throwing away options in becoming a socially prominent dude.
Crash and burn, baby
Jealousy isn’t that attractive as it is built off of negative thoughts, fear, and insecurities. Building a connection on jealousy is setting yourself up for failure. The relationship is already doomed to fail cause you’ve already managed to make her feel insecure, and not worthy. Thus taking an incredible amount of value from her which builds up resentment and anger towards you. Jealousy is ugly and no one ever finds it as an attractive quality, she will recognize it in herself (as will you), and the relationship will flounder.
Let me give you a personal example! I have been with a guy who became really jealous (which led to possessiveness/controlling) and I hated it. At first it comes off as flattering but then it came off as super insecure and needy. Attractive qualities, huh? I no longer wanted to be with that guy anymore since he was no longer attractive because he was so insecure and didn’t trust me. So one day (in a different relationship) I recognized that I was starting to become jealous. I instantly started to hate the person who I was becoming in that relationship and ended it. A relationship built on jealousy will never work as it really goes hand-in-hand with trust. We all know a relationship that doesn’t have trust will never work. The ‘Jealousy Plotline’ concept is based on this negative and value-sucking emotion, therefore it is fundamentally flawed.
Have a bad ass life AND the girl of your dreams
So what’s the solution? SOCIAL DYNAMICS. Learn how to build an authentic connection with her and give value to that relationship freely and without expectation. By that I mean you create an interaction where value can be given in an environment that fosters that exchange. You can’t go wrong with giving value, ever. What you give out is what you receive and all that good karma will just boomerang back in your direction.
One of my favorite quotations from one of the Kingpin Social dudes is “Leave her better than when you met her.” And you don’t stop there- you leave everyone you interact with a better person. By giving value you allow to open yourself to a world of endless options that leads you to being capable of having a really awesome life. The doors begin to open, bridges are built and the things you want to achieve are obtainable- including THE GIRL of your dreams, among many other things.
J
Please define “potline”. I’m a bit confused with the usage here.
Haha it’s been edited, but thanks for catching that 😉
Thought provoking post as always, not that I’d expect any less from this blog.
However I don’t think a jealousy plotline is always a bad thing or even an indicator for a relationship predestined to fail. If it’s the only way you evoke interest out of someone, than ya, there’s an issue because you’re only playing on their perception that if others want someone, that someone must be a person of value.
It’s as much ‘value-taking’ as a push-up bras is.
You said about jealousy plotlines that “…it’s only a short term solution to the bigger issue.” Which is true, but if the intended use is also short term, it’s not a detrimental thing. As a primary method, ya it’s a failure. As a scarce spice to the overall experience of meeting someone, it’s not that bad.
Anything short term is flawed, simply based on the fact that short term thinking is based off of a pick up mentality.
Short Term Value – Jealousy Plotline – Girl Likes You Right Away (for wrong reasons) – External Validation – Pick Up
Long Term Value – Genuine Intent – Girl Likes The Real You (takes a bit longer) – Internal Validation – Social Dynamics
When you’re doing anything for instant value, like a jealousy plotline… essentially you’re using an external tactic designed to manipulate her brain into thinking you are a cool guy. Essentially a “jealousy plotline” is a short, less harsh word for a “manipulation tactic”. The reason it works is because you’re getting her to like you based on external circumstances, not because of who you are internally.
External Forces – Pick Up – Fundamentally Flawed
Genuine Interest – Internally Validated – Social Dynamics
The thing about genuine interest is this: it does not work unless you are ACTUALLY a high value guy. Genuine interest does not disguise the level of value that you have, it is genuine. This is almost like a realization I had after watching a video a couple months ago that said this.
“If you cannot just walk up, introduce yourself and have her interested in you than you have some work to do.”
The way I interpreted it was that I had some work to do to develop my “pick up” skills, but my perception on the information was flawed. What that really meant was that I had some work to do on myself.
And thanks for the post Boris, and the love. Appreciate it 🙂
You bring up good points, and I’m not saying that any sort of tactic ‘beats’ being a genuinely cool person.
But you’re right, jealousy plotlines ARE tactics, and like any other tactic that pick up encourages, it can be used as a set of training wheels. Before you can become good with social dynamics, I believe you need to have a certain amount of experiences, good experiences, and for that it helps if you have something like “if you do X then Y is usually the response”
it’s manipulative, yes, but it only gets you so far and won’t overcome any shortcomings you have as a person and a man. And it is possible, in my opinion, to use a jealousy plotline but have the girl get value from the interaction in total.
I guess I just don’t agree that it “sets you up for failure” 100%, it’s just not a good thing to rely on solely.
Making a move that isn’t “that bad” is the same thing as making a move that isn’t “that good”. I think there’s better moves that can be made.
I agree that you could use a jealousy plotline in a way that the girl still receives value, without destroying the relationship… but if that line is so thin, is it really worth the risk consistently (or even ever?)
I met an amazing guy (or so I thought) and developed an instant crush. I was hoping that he would take the time to get to know me first and develop friendship. We’re both in our mid 30s. But instead, he rushed the whole thing by introducing a few girls into the mix. Trying to get me to be jealous and make a move on him! I heard about it after I met him through the grapevine.
One day, I actually ran into him and one of his girls. He dropped her immediately to come to talk to me. By then, I was so shocked by everything I saw, I quickly excused myself and went home. I felt nauseated and threw up. My heart was leaping out of my chest with disgust. I dropped him immediately. Went no contact.
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. EVER do this to a girl you actually like. She’ll NEVER forgive you for the sickness you made her feel. NEVER!!! Even if you get her into bed initially, quickly, she’ll NEVER forget the hurt you created, not to mention, she’ll tell all her friends and yes, a whole group of people will cock block you.