Categories
Mental Performance

How to Stop Self-Sabotage FOREVER

Self-DestructionI got into Social Dynamics because I was depressed. My dreams had been crushed at the age of 17 and I never emotionally recovered. I decided to start meeting people because having somebody else like me, made me like me. The only problem was that it only lasted for moments. I went to bed every night feeling empty and alone.

I believe in living a life full of happiness. I believe that the only thing that keeps us from living a life full of spirit and life energy is ourselves.

I am my strongest companion and my greatest enemy.

During the 3 Day Intensive Program I teach I fully educate each student on the importance of the present moment. This moment is the only moment that has ever existed, and will ever exist. The “PAST” is a memory inside of our minds of moment like this one that have passed. The “FUTURE” is an idea inside of our minds of what present moments will look like. The present moment, this moment that I write this blog post and the moment you read this blog post, is the only moment that is real.

Why do we put things off until “tomorrow”? Why do we put things off until “next year”? Procrastination because of fear of the unknown and regrets of moments past keep us from acting NOW. The physical body can only ever exist in this moment, the moment I write this blog and the moment you read this blog. Our mind is powerful, though, and has the innate ability to live in the past, dwelling on experiences that will never come back. The mind also has the ability to see into the future and project circumstances that haven’t happened yet.

The mind is our greatest tool; yet so many of us use it to sabotage our success in this moment.

What is Self–Sabotage?

“Self” ; A person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others.

“Sabotage” ; Deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct.

Self-Sabotage is the art of destroying ourselves. It doesn’t make sense – why would we destroy ourselves? Why would we hold ourselves back from going after what we want? There are countless reasons – too little time, it’s too late, I’ll do it tomorrow, it’s not important enough right now, it’s not a priority, but in the end it all boils down to one basic concept.

Fear.

Fear is the ONLY cause of self-sabotage.

Our mind’s ability to live in the past dwells on experiences where we have failed; believing that past failures will repeat themselves over and over again. This keeps us from getting into relationships again for fear of getting hurt, this keeps us at home when we want to make new friends, this keeps us working at a job we hate to make enough money to exist while we try to repress our dreams into memory.

Fear that the past will repeat itself or that the future will bring pain is the cause of our own self-destruction.

I’m 20 years old now. For 4 years I’ve toughed my way through my Social Dynamics journey. I’ve always believed that I have the ability to connect with anyone, anywhere, at any point in time I desire. I know my potential to be unlimited, and I know my options to be the same. There are 7 billion people on this earth and I would love to meet each and every single one of them.

Unfortunately my time is limited by the span of my life.

I am made out of the exact same materials as you. Our body types may be different and our experiences unique but in the end my body has the exact same internal functions as yours. My brain has the same chemicals as yours. I have unlimited potential and I know that I can do anything I desire. With support from my environment and determination in my heart, my mind’s ideas continue to breathe life. Unlimited potential lays in front of not only me, but in front of everybody that has a brain and a body.

That means you.

Fear is the only cause of self-destruction. For 4 years I’ve faced my fears in the art of Social Dynamics. I’ve walked up to strangers on a daily basis to improve my communication skills and develop the ability to speak the thoughts on my mind. Approaching people is the scariest thing I can do for free, without jumping out of an airplane.

In my 4 year journey I’ve faced more fears on a daily basis than most people face in their entire comfortable lives.

There’s only one problem with my journey – I teach students how to face their fears consistently, yet my greatest fear speaks to me on a daily basis and I repress it – denying it’s existence.

Football is the love of my life, and I have backed away from the challenge for years.

Fighting My Demon

At 14 years old I began playing Football.

Football was the first sport in my life that I have ever played. In Grade 10 I perceived myself to be one of the worst players on the team. I couldn’t catch, I was afraid to hit, and I didn’t know how to unleash my spirit. Nonetheless – I was determined to play. The sport was the first skill that got me off of Nexopia and the online game of Runescape.

Finally — an escape from Video Games.

Football was the only skill up to this point in my life that let me live my life… and feel alive while I was doing it.

I played for the next 3 years for a total of 5 seasons. By Grade 12 I was the Captain of the team. I played on offence, defense, and all of the Special Teams. I had an energy that I brought to the field unlike any feeling I had ever experienced.

I fell in love with the game of Football — I was convinced that I was going to do it for the rest of my life.

In April of 2009 I tried out for Team Alberta. I tried to convince myself I could make the team. My mind was no where near as strong as my talent. In the months leading up to the tryouts, I joined the rugby team with the purpose of keeping my tackling ability fresh.

Seeing McMahon stadium through my visor was extremely intimidating. The players were big, fast, and my mind knew the best players my age were on the field for this game of Football. I was so aware of their skill level that I forgot to focus on my own game.

FootballThe weekend was full of hard hits, high intensity and extreme emotion. On Saturday of the tryouts I made a tackle that sent an unfamiliar pain to my shoulder. Taking off my shoulder pads was a challenge, taking my mind away from my shoulder was even harder. I played on Sunday through the feeling. I was determined to play, no matter how intense my shoulder felt.

This was my dream and I was determined to live it.

Come Monday morning the pain was more intense than anything I had ever experienced. I couldn’t accept the fact that I had a serious injury. I had never been injured before – to be injured now, in the biggest moments of my life, wasn’t an option. I couldn’t lift my hand to eat my cereal. I couldn’t go to sleep because of the agony.

I gave in and went to the doctors on Monday for a bone scan. I was called that same night with news that shattered my reality.

“Hey Brian. You’re going to have to come in and grab a sling. The scan shows that you separated your shoulder.”

I was crushed. I knew that I’d have time for my shoulder to recover if I made the team. The team would be announced on Wednesday. Sling or no sling, I was glued to the computer waiting for the roster to be released.

The moment came where they updated the Team Alberta website. I scrolled through the offence and saw familiar names. I was proud of the people I played with — they made it. I scrolled down further to the defence to come to the most reality shattering moment I’ve ever had — my name wasn’t on the roster.

Painful Memories Plague This Moment

Football has always existed in my memory. The moment I made the tackle that separated my shoulder changed my entire life. I believed that I was going to play football for the rest of my life. This was the only vision that I had ever imagined. It’s funny how one moment has the ability to change the course of the rest of your life.

I failed that day at Team Alberta.

I couldn’t help the fact that I was injured. This was an external circumstance over which I had no control. I failed that day because I allowed my mind to dwell on my injury. I never let myself forget that I didn’t make the team and up to this point the experience speaks to me every time I face a challenge and says “Even when you give it 100%, you’re not good enough.”

I am a firm believer in facing my fears. This is why I work with Kingpin Social. I face my fears consistently and I show every student that I work with how to do the same thing, and how to grow from each experience. The only thing that keeps me from living a life of pure abundance is the ability to face my fears consistently. It’s 2012, meaning that 2 football seasons have passed where I could have tried out for a team.

I love the game so much. Each day since the injury it burns my soul not to play. My shoulder pads stand strong in my closet, underneath them lay my football pants. The helmet I used in High School lay on my mantle (sorry Coach :P) and my gloves stay attached to the helmet I used to dawn for each game. My silver City Championship metal hangs on my wall to remind me of all the fears I have yet to face.

ObstaclesThis weekend was an intense weekend full of growth for the newest Kingpin Social graduate.

I was a witness to enlightenment. My student came into Friday with mental agony — painful past experiences kept him from living his life in this moment. Watching my student face every fear that existed inside of his mind and come out stronger than he has ever been inspired me to do the same.

The man feels a better emotion than he would ever feel going to a psychologist, taking depression pills, or sitting at home thinking about his sorrows.

He feels alive.

The only thing that kept me from playing Football is my fear of the separated shoulder. I wanted to play for the last 2 years but fear of re-separating it kept me from stepping on the field and playing with the big boys. Painful memories of the past kept me from pursuing the skill that lay in my heart. For 3 years I’ve thought about playing Football, and for three years I’ve denied the fact that it was my dream.

Football is, and has always been, a part of me.

This weekend I decided that I was no longer going to run from that which scared me. In fact I’m going to run towards it.

It is impossible for my body to live in the past, or in the future. It is only my mind that dwells in the past, or worries about the future. I’ve chosen for my mind to exist in this present moment alongside with my body to create a powerful unity.

I’ve made the commitment to face every challenge this moment brings with not only my body, but with my mind.

Destroying Self-Destruction

I’ve chosen to live my dream.

My first tackle football practice for the Calgary Gators starts on Tuesday. The only thing that kept me from living my dream was my thoughts. My thoughts about the experiences of the past and worries of the future kept me from pursuing the dreams of this moment. Social Dynamics is a massive part of my dream – without Kingpin Social teaching me how to face my fears, and how to learn from each experience, I never would have been able to pursue my passion as a football player.

After my injury I fell into depression, constant agony… a mental wasteland. My mind couldn’t move past the moment where I failed. I held onto that experience for so long that I forgot that life moves forward.

Self-sabotage is the art of destroying your dreams for fear of the unseen. Past failures keep us from pursuing our dreams because of fear of repeated pain. Worries of future events keep us from facing inevitable challenges on the path to the pursuit of our dreams.

Learn the lessons of your failures, each and every single one of them, so that when you experience similar situations moving forward you’ll know how to deal with them.

Breaking Free

I’ve chosen to face my fears.

I am made out of the same materials as you. Although our external appearance and genetics differ, our bodily functions and brain’s chemicals are the same.

I’ve chosen to fully commit to living my dream, no matter what challenge life throws my way. I realized that I was the only one that kept me from living the life that I wanted. I am the only one that chooses to live with anxiety, depression and negative emotion. I’ve chosen to run towards the fears that live inside of me. Maybe I’ll re-injure myself. Maybe I’ll fall flat on my face in the pursuit of that which I love. It’s irrelevant though – because if I do, I’ll get back up and keep running towards my passion.

Life moves forward – so should I. I’ve made the commitment to facing my fears and destroying the art of self-destruction. It’s your turn. Commit to facing your fears. Every single moment, no matter what it takes.

Commit to Your Dream

Understand that you can live any life you want to. You weren’t destined to work at a job you don’t like, sit at home without social options, or go to school for a degree you’ll never use. You can do anything you want.

  1. Think about what you’ve always wanted to do. Play a sport, pursue your creativity as an artist, be the most skilled person at “x” that you can possibly be.
  2. Write it down and commit to your dream. Make the decision to get it. Do whatever it takes. Face any challenge that comes your way with creativity and persistence. Understand that you will fail; that’s the beautiful part of the process.
  3. Get another perspective when you fall on your face. Life moves forward. So should you. You’re doing the best job that you know how to with the knowledge you have. Learn from someone who is wiser then you at your desired skillset. Greatness comes from creativity and persistence.

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex… It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
– Albert Einstein

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

How To Shift From A (-) Mindset To A (+) Mindset

Universe“Complaining continues to create the vibration of what you don’t want. Today, take your focus off of what is wrong and focus on what is right and how you desire things to be. Put all your love, energy, mental power and decision making towards what you want and do not entertain thoughts that are to the contrary. You are MORE responsible for the way you feel than your environment, circumstances or relationships. Step towards Love today, step towards the solution.” – Jackson Kiddard

You know those mornings where you wake up and everything seems to be insanely frustrating? The mornings where you wake up 20 minutes late, you can’t find your keys, you burn your cinnamon raisin bagel, and forget to put the lid on the blender for your morning shake. Your morning is a mess from the very moment you pressed the snooze button multiple times. You then get behind the wheel to drive 45 minutes in traffic to get to work. These compiled emotions can stack like bricks into a wall of pending doom. All of a sudden it seems like you are a giant magnet for the worst drivers, you hit every red light, and yup- zero parking stalls are available. You really thought that was going to be possible? Dream-on.

What you think; You will become.

The basic fundamentals of the law of attraction are: what we put out is what we receive. We all vibrate at different kinds of frequencies, let’s stick to just positive and negative, and that energy is than radiating out from your very core out into the universe. I like to visualize it like radio waves. Whichever vibration you are putting out into the world is that which you attract. The more you vibrate at that frequency the more it attracts the same. You can see how this can be a problem, but this isn’t all bad news because it can also be an incredible way to attract success and happiness. Those who focus on negativity and vibrate at a negative frequency, tend to attract everything they don’t (yet do) want. Negative people tend to focus on the result they don’t want but in doing so results in them getting what they do want by attracting what they don’t want… in order to be right. You following? This is called manifestation. If you don’t want to stub your toe but yet are convinced that you will in-fact stub your toe no matter how badly you don’t want to- you will. It’s a simple equation. You end up stubbing your toe because you wanted to stub your toe to show that you were right about how much your life sucks. It’s a way for you to boost your ego, to allow excuses and breed negativity to allow you to settle. Bring on the self-loathing and bouts of pity-parties. I have been there many times, in fact, I was there for a few days this past week.

The law of attraction and manifestation isn’t something I’ve recently learned but definitely something that has been a challenge to remind myself not to allow negativity to breed into my life as it tends to result in an overload of stress, sadness, apathy, and worst of all- procrastination.

In the past few weeks I managed to burn myself out by pushing myself too hard with all of my obligations. With the drop in my iron levels combined with my incredible ability to spread myself thin until breaking point- I have been a walking vibration of stress and exhaustion. Being so financially focused that my view of “half full” has turned into “half empty.” It’s sad, but true. I would be driving my truck and glance at my gas gage, it could be 3/4 full and I nervously tap my fingers against the steering wheel thinking about how much time I have ’till it’s empty again. I send myself into a nervous break-down worrying about everything. This obsession with lacking resulted into stress, feeling anxious, and procrastinate like a crazy lady, thus creating even more stress! After that comes what I call, Sabotage Mode.

Law of attraction

Be careful what you wish for

After realizing that I was fixating on my gas gage and felt like I was somehow mentally draining my tank by focusing on it so much, I ended up realizing that focusing on the inevitable wouldn’t allow me to focus on being more solution orientated. The stress took away from me working harder on doing the things I needed to get done. I looked in all the places I could to have proof that I was lacking and therefore I found it- cause that’s what I was so focused on. This reminded me how I use to be when I was working in retail. I would say things like “This person doesn’t like me” and every day I would search for reasons to validate my assumptions. Any facial expressions, gestures, and conversations I would dissect for meaning to prove that what I was thinking was correct. But in doing so I wasn’t being fair to the person or allowing myself to create a better foundation in developing a relationship with them. Recently I have been doing this with team members in order to sabotage myself from growing and to keep myself comfortable. I was looking for any proof that I wasn’t welcome or that they genuinely didn’t want me there, in order to say “I don’t think I should do this anymore…” because of how terrified I was in getting what I really want. I would tell myself every excuse I could possibly think of and I would look for every reason and proof to validate my ego and prove myself right.

If you look for it, you will always find it.

Shifting from a (-) to a (+)

After having an in-depth conversation with Mikey B, I was able to allow myself to drop my walls and face my ego for what it really was. I knew I was looking for a way to back out and I knew that if I looked for reasons why I should, I would find it. Negativity is like a snow-ball effect, it all starts with one little ball of snow and it grows larger and larger as it picks up speed and rolls down the hill- later crashing and destroying everything in its path. For me it started with the feeling of lacking and the stress of my financial state, at that moment I was vibrating at a ‘lacking’ or negativity frequency, I then started to attract even more negativity into my life thus creating a giant snow ball that took out everything I had built for myself.  (Insert an emotional break-down here.)

How do you get out of the negative frequency? Its actually very simple- but not always easy. You need to wake up everyday with the intention that everything is going to be awesome and declare for yourself that you won’t tolerate the negativity virus that has been spreading in your life. Also you need to create a process that will help you demolish the things that are keeping you at a negative frequency. You can’t expect change without any action! 😉

Here is my process for Shifting from a Negative State to Positive State:

  1. Declare
  2. Affirmations
  3. Write it down
  4. Take Action
  5. Get Creative
1. Declare- This may seem really goofy, but it works. You declare out loud that you won’t tolerate any more negativity from yourself and from any external factors. Here’s an example: “Ok Universe, I understand I’ve been a giant ball of negativity but it ends here and now. I will no longer accept from myself or from any external factors this negative vibration as it isn’t serving me any purpose, in fact its destroying everything I have worked hard towards. So this is it, I’m going to put out as much love and positivity imaginable. I will only allow things that foster a positive mindset and outcome.” 

Get Creative!

2. Affirmations- This is another declaration but in short form and you can use it through-out the day. For instance this morning I used: “This is going to be an awesome day!”I kept repeating it until it really resonated with in me.3. Write it down– Write down everything that is stressing you out or isn’t serving you. I call it a “mind dump” – I literally write everything down that is stressing me out and need to tackle to feel clear headed. If your job is stressing you out, then write it down and say why so you understand the actions you may need to take later on to fix your situation, etc.

4. Take Action– You know that list you just wrote out? One by one attack each thing and cross it off when its completed. Its like a giant blackboard and that blackboard is your mind. Everything on your mind, or blackboard, is taking up too much space to allow positive vibrations to come in or new experiences and tasks. This results in that feeling of being stuck. By taking one step at a time you will slowly erase parts of the blackboard allowing you to feel less stressed and to allow room for more positivity to breed. All that crowded space isn’t serving you- it’s taking away from you. So get’er done!

“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” – Mikey B

5. Get Creative– Find a creative way that works for you to keep you accountable to your ‘Take Action List.’ I’m creative and need visual stimulation to help me get motivated so I created a board with my To DO list. It’s split in to categories, and every thing has a break-down of actions I need to complete. Once I complete a task, I get a sticker!  This isn’t for everyone so make sure you pick a way that works best for you. If you work better with excel sheets then do an excel sheet, and if you work better with reminders on  your phone then make sure you set reminders and alarms for each task. To work optimally is to understand what you need in order to be efficient and feel motivated.
J

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance Social Dynamics Social Gym

Where Social Dynamics Needs to Start

Starts with YOUToday I sat down at my laptop with the intention of writing another post that explains the difference between men and women in the realm of dating. Specifically on why men love to say they are going on a “date” and women like to say they are going to “hang out.” A very broad topic choice, however, the inspiration wasn’t there. As the only female writer on this site it allows me to have a voice for all the women in my life, it has been a great avenue to express those opinions to a male dominated audience but somewhere on my soap box with my megaphone, I lost my own voice.

Cam wanted me to write for Kingpin Lifestyle after reading my blog posts from my personal blog Devoted Shift. It’s a blog where I delve in to my own mind, goals, motivation and the struggles of writing or being an artist in general. I write about my frustrations and my celebrations while helping others do the same. By sharing my story, I help others to share their own struggles and through that self-journey they find inspiration and guidance. I came to this site wanting to help people, but most of all I really want to heal people of their painful pasts and to bring them in to the light of what is to come in their future. The future holds beautiful things if you choose to let go of the past and create the future you desire. We are all creators, that is our divine gift. Your future starts with yourself and how you communicate with your environment and the people with in it, this is where Social Dynamics ties in so beautifully. This is why I am a contributor and that voice got somewhere lost in the transition from being a writer for a woman dominated audience to a male one.

Since I am a very internalized woman, who has always struggled with executing, teaming up with Kingpin Social was a great way to keep myself accountable to facing the fear of taking ACTION. This is something I have now realized is a strong suit. I have the ability to help readers of Kingpin Lifestyle to be best in both of these specified arenas. If you have internal awareness as well as knowing how to execute effectively through Social Dynamics, you will be set up for success. So this is what you can expect from me moving forward.

Social Dynamics & Meditating

What Social Dynamics teaches us is that Life = Relationships. I think the biggest missing puzzle that it isn’t always communicated is that the relationship with yourself is the most important one for you to be successful in all relationships.

Meditating

Social Dynamics starts with YOU. You need to work internally as much as you need to practice talking to people every day, learning perceptions of value, and to push yourself in all areas of growth by making goals that will take you there. If you don’t like the person that you are then how can you communicate authentically to a desirable man or woman how awesome you are? To your boss? To your family? You start by asking yourself specific questions that will help you find your self-defeating limitations and creating actionable goals to get you to where you want to be.

I see a lot of guys in the Pick-Up Community that have no self-esteem or sense of self-worth, you see it in women too, a lot of us think that by ‘acting’ you will ‘become’. You pretend to be confident and secure, but when it comes down to it if you aren’t confident and secure it will surely come out in your actions and body language. Typically you can end up in relationships that have no meaning since you aren’t capable of trusting or feeling whole. In order to be good at communicating and attracting ‘high quality’ people, you need to have that self-realization that you are a dope person. By being someone you are not than you are being inauthentic. Inauthentic means you aren’t congruent with your true self and it leads to unhappiness. Unhappiness leads to unfulfillment and disappointment within yourself and how do you build relationships with that mind set? You can try and fake it till you make it but until you are able to find the source of why you have self-defeating thoughts and where they originate from, than you will never be able to work past them. You need to balance between your internal awareness and taking action to push your comfort zones. Just because you aren’t confident doesn’t mean you can’t take actions that can lead you to becoming confident. Just remember that you need to delve deep in to your self to find why you think they way you do so you can overcome it and grow. Otherwise you just avoid the issue and never work past it.

All these articles on Kingpin Lifestyle have amazing lessons and great wisdom for you to meditate on, but most importantly they are there for you to take ACTION, to take that information and to challenge yourself with what you have learnt. This is something that we all need to work towards daily, even the guys at Kingpin Social, and yes including myself. The team and I always wake up every day to our ‘Order Of Operations” – the things we need to get done in the day to stay accountable to not only ourselves  but to others to. We all have to practice what we preach, we have to push our social fears, and we have to level ourselves up and the people around us consistently. The reason why we get better every day is because we stretch that muscle every day. This is why we have Social Gym. Just like you would dedicate time to work out, you have to put time aside to work on yourself and to the things you have learnt.

Take Action

Think of it this way. Lets say on Wednesdays you work on your upper body at the gym, this means you have it already mapped out in your mind that you will need to work on your biceps, traps, forearms, lats, chest, back and torso. You know what repetitions, weight, and exercises that will help you pinpoint those specific muscles to make them stronger. By taking that analogy you start to realize that you can take that kind of preparation and dedication in to every aspect of your life in order to build not only your physical self but your social and mental ones as well.

This is where men and women typically differentiate. Women tend to want to internalize things and understand things at its root before acting out on them, where as men typically want to act then to internalize afterwards. How do we find the balance? How do we not allow the excuse for women to never to take action because they always need to meditate on it first? How do we encourage men to meditate on things more to understand things at a deeper sub-conscious level? By having awareness that as a woman we need to focus on learning how to take action to balance both the ability to self-internalize but not allowing it to hinder the ability to follow through. Men can work more on taking time to meditate and asking themselves important questions to learn more about their internal self while they have the strong suit of taking action. It’s all about balance and covering all bases to be the most successful.

Action Quote Buddha{ *Please note that this is a generalized view and doesn’t mean that all women have problems with not taking action, and not all men have problems with self-reflection. It can always work vice-versa. Men have problems taking action but have a great sense of self and women who have troubles with delving deeper in to internal awareness  but are great at taking action. It’s about pin-pointing your area of opportunity and working past it. *  }

Actionable Goals

Today I want you to smile at one person. Anyone! Make eye contact and just smile. Say ‘Good Afternoon’ or ‘Good Evening’ to a passing stranger or start up a conversation with someone in line while you are grabbing your coffee. Make someones day. That is your goal!

After doing that assess how you feel.

Do you feel different? Are you happier? How did you feel before? Were you scared? Are you still fearful? How can uplifting others through small actionable goals like these help you build a stronger internal value for yourself?

This is a great way to balance an action with taking the time to see how it affects you internally.

Other questions you should ask yourself: “Did you talk about yourself the entire time? Were you seeking validation? Were you listening and being present? What kind of questions did you ask? What did that person teach you?” After you do this today I would love for you to post in the comment box below!

Answer the questions I just stated, and allow yourself to internalize your actions. As you build more awareness of your external environment it is important to take time to delve deeper in to your internal awareness to expand your mindsets and to learn more about yourself and others.

J

Categories
Entrepreneurship Mental Performance

Process is Progress

What do you dream?

Dreams are powerful. Your dreams create your reality, if you let them. Most people are asleep while awake, convincing themselves that reality is what it is, and there’s nothing they can do to change it. These are the people that choose to exist in their memory, instead of in the unlimited present moment right in front of them.

Truth is, reality just is. What you make of reality is your perception. Your perception, your internal mindset perceives reality, and you act based on your perception. If you believe this world to be negative, you will only see negative in the world, and you will act upon that negativity. If you believe this world to be positive, you will see the good in everything, and you will act on that positivity. Truth is there’s a positive and a negative in everything, and it is what you choose to look for that makes it reality. Even the toughest experiences have valuable lessons that you can learn from.

That being said, there are two types of people in this world. There are people who are awake with their eyes open, and there are people who are sleeping with their eyes open. The people who are awake with their eyes open are the 17 year old Millionares, the multi – billion dollar entrepreneurs, the innovators, the creators, the inventors. The people who are awake are the ones who make a difference and choose to shape their reality by changing their perception on it.

Then there are people who are sleeping with their eyes open. These are the people who are living in someone else’s dream, going to work in the warehouse to pack someone else’s goods. That warehouse does not belong to them, and thus, they work for someone else, creating the dream of the owner of the warehouse. The dream of the owner of the warehouse may not be fulfilling, but it is his dream. Anyone that works underneath him creates his dream, shapes his dream, put’s in their man hours to mold the owner’s dream.

This is not our fault, the sleeping wake. This is the way we have been raised to believe is the only way. In reality, we choose what we want to do. It is your choice to get up and go to work every day to the job that you do not like. You make this choice. You’re the one driving to work, you’re the one taping the boxes, you’re the one that works for someone else’s dream. Is this your fault? This is no more your fault than it is mine, for we have been raised to believe that this is the only way.

“Get a job! Support your family.”

A “job” is something that you don’t enjoy the process of doing, or even the process of thinking about your job. A job is only a job when you do not like it. When you love your work, it is not a job, it is a passion. Some people become passionate designing someone else’s dream, if they find an element of that dream that they are allowed to make into their own (promotion to Supervisor, Manager, Owner). All of us want to feel like we create something, we want to have a physical representation of the hard work that we put in. Recognition is something we all seek, and recognition comes in no greater form than designing a dream of your own.

People go to work for a job that they don’t love to do, and they justify it with monetary reasons. “Gotta pay the bills!” Agreed, the bills have to be paid. When you come home, though, what do you do? Does the TV capture your attention, are your thoughts occupied with your progressive video games.

We are the way we are because the world that we’ve been raised in has conditioned us to believe that this is the only way. We are taught that the only way to get by in this world is to get a stable job, that pays good money, so that we can grow up and support a family. Why would you want to bring someone else into the world to repeat the same vicious circle? Even if someone gets a stable, secure job that pays a lot of money, what do they get out of it. If that person gets a big fat paycheque, he’ll still have to go back to work on Monday to put his time and energy into someone else’s dream.

I’ve always wanted to build my own business..

Wake up! Start living your dream, because your dream is happening right now. In this moment that last for infinity. The only moment that you have is this moment, any moment that has happened up to this point is irrelevant, beyond the lessons that you’ve learned from it. The moments that are to come should be pondered upon, having an ultimate vision in mind. However in this moment, the moment that never ends, you should be living your dream. In this moment you should be designing your dream, and working on the process of achieving it. The moment 30 seconds ago, when you started this paragraph? That moment no longer exists, and here you are, reading in this moment. Choose, in this moment, to live the rest of your life the way you want to live it.

Choose to live your dream, the way that you would want to do it. Wake up, designing someone else’s dream will never be fulfilling. Money will never be the answer to buying your dreams, because your dreams don’t happen with money, your dream is happening right now. Are you living your dreams right now? You have the opportunity to, by designing an unlimited vision, living in the present moment and every day, working on the process of obtaining your unlimited vision.

Every day you wake up, you live in a dream. Are you living in your own, or are you designing someone elses?

Categories
Mental Performance

The Reason for ALL of Your Failed Goals

A candlelit cake sits in front of your face. The anticipation in the room comes to a tipping point, fixated upon your lips are 10 sets of eyes. A breath of air escapes your lips as you forcefully put out the flames in front of your face.

“Make a wish!! But make sure you don’t tell anyone.”

Why Do My Goals Fail?

Those that tell the story of the vision are destined to continue telling the story; for Vision does not come to life through language, it comes to life through process.

It feels good, achieving a goal. This is why we set them. Ultimately, we want to feel good about ourselves. There are two different ways that we can feel good about ourselves. There is the short term route, and there is the long term route. Goals would seem to always be long term. In this article I’m going to talk using the word “validation”. Validation is a sense of approval. Validation is where you derive your sense of self worth, because we must feel a sense of approval to survive. The ego needs to be validated to derive the sense of self worth.

There are two types of validation. There is validation by language, and validation by process. Validation by language is consistently telling people your stories, and having people approve of them. When you tell someone a story, and they approve, you feel validated. You obtain your sense of self worth. The only flaw with validation by language is that it is short term, thus, the feeling of self worth you obtain exists only in the moment. This means that if you are to be validated by language, you must consistently speak of yourself, and be approved by others, to feel validated.

Ever wondered why you can’t be around people that always talk about themselves? The reason is that they need you to approve of them, because they are not approved by themselves.  Always telling the best story, the funniest joke, always have a way to “one up” your story.

Let’s say that you want to travel to Australia at the end of the year. This is your ultimate vision. You decide to start telling people that you’re traveling to Australia. They reply with awe, “That’s cool man! That’d be such an awesome experience.” In the moment, you feel good about your idea of traveling, and the fact that this person likes your idea.

The short term approval you receive from others is enough to slack off on the long term process. Validation by process is not instantaneous, and does not provide the same instant benefits as validation by language.

Validation by language almost gives you the same perceived feeling of achieving your ultimate goal of validation by process. Telling people about traveling to Australia, having your mind experience the moment and receiving their approval in the moment almost seems as if it would be just as good as traveling to Australia. This is because the only thing that exists right now, is this moment. If you want to travel to Australia at the end of the year, in this moment, that means you’ve gotta be saving money and making those self – sacrifices. You can choose to make those self sacrifices, which will ultimately be less enjoyable in the moment, than telling others a story of your travels.

The only flaw with this method is that it lasts short term. You’re not going to have someone in your ear consistently telling you “That’s awesome, man!”

This means that if you are validated by language, you must continue to be validated by language, or you will feel a low sense of self worth. This is why the guy with the “big ego” is always talking about himself. Truth is, we all have big egos. Some choose to be validated by themselves, by the process of achieving something, and some choose to be validated by the language of storytelling. How are you ever to achieve a goal if all you ever do is talk about it, instead of working on the daily process of achieving the goal?

“I’m Gonna Gain 15 Pounds guys… I’m Gonna Do It!”

The second kind of validation that exists is validation by process. In the moment, this isn’t the best feeling. It always feels better to tell someone your plan, and have them approve of it enough in the moment. That sense of “in the moment” approval  allows you to slack off on the long term process of achieving your goals. This is because in the moment, the long term process of saving for Australia means that you have to start making those sacrifices right now.

Not today, not tomorrow, right now.

If you make a wish, to go to Australia, and you start telling everyone, that means the validation by language is where your ego will derive it’s sense of self worth. If you already feel worthy, why would you want to make self – sacrifices. Every time you catch yourself telling people about your plan to go to Australia, it means you slack off on the process of getting there. Every story that you tell is one less dollar you’re saving for your trip.

Now that you understand this, validation by process means that validation by language is a lower form of validation. Validation by process means that instead of having someone in your ear whispering “That’s cool, man!” You have yourself whispering in your ear going “Keep going, man! It’s going to be worth it.”

Make a wish, and don’t tell anyone. As soon as you tell someone your wish, their momentary approval will be enough to slack off on the hard work of obtaining your ultimate vision. Achieving goals is tough, and it lightens the weight when you start talking about it. In fact, it lightens the weight of process so much, that you realize that it’s easier to talk about it than to actually do it.

Avoid the Pitfall

Make a wish, but don’t tell anybody. The only person you should tell about your wish is yourself, and a couple of your extremely close friends, to hold yourself accountable to your wish. When others ask of your wish, tell them that you’re working towards it. If you want to loose 50 pounds, don’t tell everyone that you interact with. People will start to notice when you start loosing serious weight. When they notice, thank them, and talk about it if they’re curious about how you’re doing it. Always remember though, the process is what got you there in the first place. Don’t allow the validation by language (“Wow, you look so good!”) to keep you from slacking off on the validation by process (Feeling a sense of integrity, being at the gym when you don’t want to be).

What’s YOUR Wish?

If you’re planning to travel to Australia, stop storytelling and start saving. The more validation by language you receive, the less self – sacrifices you’ll be able to make in your attempts to “save” for your trip.

Your ego is your sense of self worth. One can derive their sense of self worth from talking about themselves, but the greatest, limitless people are the ones that take more action and speak less for approval. The humble, the meek, are the ones that make it to limitless potential.

It is only when you have the approval of yourself that you will be internally validated, validated by process. This means that you approve of yourself, and the approval of others is irrelevant. Approval of yourself is long – term, this is why setting goals and achieving those goals feels so good. The only way that you have approval of yourself is if you are, every day, working towards your ultimate vision.


Categories
Mental Performance

‘Nuff Said

Bruce had me up to three miles a day, really at a good pace. We’d run the three miles in twenty-one or twenty-two minutes. Just under eight minutes a mile. [Note: when running on his own in 1968, Lee would get his time down to six-and-a-half minutes per mile]. So this morning he said to me “We’re going to go five.” I said, “Bruce, I can’t go five. I’m a helluva lot older than you are, and I can’t do five.” He said, “When we get to three, we’ll shift gears and it’s only two more and you’ll do it.” I said “Okay, hell, I’ll go for it.” So we get to three, we go into the fourth mile and I’m okay for three or four minutes, and then I really begin to give out. I’m tired, my heart’s pounding, I can’t go any more and so I say to him, “Bruce if I run any more,” — and we’re still running — “if I run any more I’m liable to have a heart attack and die.” He said, “Then die.” It made me so mad that I went the full five miles. Afterward I went to the shower and then I wanted to talk to him about it. I said, you know, “Why did you say that?” He said, “Because you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else, it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level.”

Thanks to David for sharing this with me.

For higher resolution copy of this, click here.