Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle Mental Performance Relationships

An Exercise: How To Attract THE One

RelationshipsWe date people for companionship, to find THE ONE. Whether or not you like to admit it, we are all searching for that one person who makes the madness more bearable, someone whom we can share our triumphs and downfalls with as we walk through this beautiful thing called life. We want to share our journey, discuss ideas and beliefs, learn new things, and well… not be alone.

We don’t date for the sake of dating; we date because we want to get closer to that one particular person who makes everything that much more exciting and fulfilling. Hence the title of this article. Today I’m here to talk to you about attracting THE girl or THE guy. If you are starting to get sweaty palms and heart palpitations don’t fret- this isn’t as scary as it may seem to be.

We tend to attract people who mirror our personality whether they be desirable qualities or not. We attract people who have the same emotional insecurities or attract people who have similar backgrounds in heartbreak or success. This is why we tend to be friends with people who have similar beliefs, habits, or like the same things as we do, we are attracted to people who are like us. We admire our own positive qualities that others have. Have you ever taken inventory on the kind of men or women you attract in to your life and why? Are you attracting the right people? Are you meeting girls or guys that you are legitimately interested in and would want to build a deeper connection with? I’ve talked more about the why behind this in my last article, “Why You Date Crazy People,” but today I want to focus more on taking a proactive approach in attracting the person you desire.

I have a series of questions or exercises to get you started on discovering what you truly want in a partner and from there I can lead you in the direction of learning how to attract them. Now, before I get started you need to know this: I can ask the questions but you have to do the hard work. You have to be the one to put in the effort of digging deep within yourself and being honest with each question (and actually doing the damn exercise!)

Grab a notebook, pen and get started. What have you got to lose? 😉

What you ARE is what you ATTRACT

First we need to start with YOU, after all we are looking for what you want and the kind of person that would add to your life in a positive way. Who are you? This way we can grasp a better idea of the man or woman that would fit into your life.

Question #1: What are your CORE VALUES?

  • What is important to you?
  • What are the major components that make up who you are and who you want to be?
  • What do you appreciate?
  • What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses?
  • Are you family oriented? Independent? Artistic? Passionate? Driven? Quiet? Do you value Education? Politics? The Environment? Balance? Growth? Health? Stability? Conversation? Traveling? Religion? Spirituality? Etc.

I like to think of it as your mission statement. If you were a business and you wanted to explain to a prospective client who you are and what you represent, you would have a list of core values or a manifesto. Make a list in point form of your core values and the things you are passionate about. Write down your hobbies and the things you want to learn or experience before moving on to Question #2.

Question #2: What is your ideal partners CORE VALUES?
(Ie: The Perfect Man or Woman for you)

Be The Person You Would Want To Meet

I want you to paint a little picture for yourself. I want to know the core roots of this woman, not her looks or her cup size. That goes for you too ladies… no chiseled abs or a brawny back that makes the hulk look like a little boy. What does she/he do? What are her/his values? What kind of lifestyle does she/he have? What does she/he like to do in her/his spare time? Does she/he like sports? Is she a girly girl? Is he a guys guy? Does she like fast cars and video games? If you don’t know what kind of woman or man you are looking for, you will never be able to find her/him because you yourself don’t know what you are looking for. How do you look for something you don’t even know you want?

I want you to literally write out a list of qualities you are seeking in a partner. I have a small checklist in a notebook that helps me choose whether or not someone is going to be a match for me or not. Let me clarify: there is a big difference between a list of 10 core values that you would like to have in a partner than a list of 20 things you want your future boyfriend/girlfriend to have. Ie: A six pack, nice hair, he has to be a firefighter, etc. None of that useless crap, we want to know WHO they are. So write out the REAL juicy stuff: What are their core values: Family? Growth? Health/Fitness? Fine Luxuries? Travel? Education? Etc.

Does she/he make up where you lack? Do you have similar strengths and weaknesses or are you opposites?

Be The Person You Want To Meet

Question #3: Are you the person your ideal mate would want to meet?

Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about: I am a huge animal lover, so dating a guy who doesn’t appreciate animals wouldn’t work. The guy I end up with needs to love animals since I value the companionship of a dog or cat. I need a guy who sees the value in animals just as much as I do otherwise it would take away from the life I want to live. Another example is that I’m very active and like to maintain a healthy lifestyle so dating a couch potato who spends 5 hours playing video games every day will just aggravate me. We all want to find someone whom we can share our experiences with. What I’m really asking is: Do your core values match? Does your ideal partner see you as a match to their core values? Would they be actively seeking you out as much as you are of them? This is a very important question and it gives you the opportunity to see if you are able to attract the person you want to attract in to your life.

Attracting the oneFinding the perfect partner means having similar core values. It doesn’t mean that everything has to be perfectly matched but it means that the important things, the ones that you aren’t willing to compromise on, are also important to your partner. I’m not talking simply about passions and hobbies as we can have different passions and hobbies and still have similar core values. If you value growth than you would want someone who is also growth orientated and ambitious. If you value religion than you would probably want someone who has similar values in the religion you practice. If you value affection than you would want someone who is affectionate and emotionally mature to show their affections.

So would your ideal partner be interested in you? Would they want to meet you and get to know you? Would they see you as someone they could potentially be with long-term? I like to break up a page into two separate sections and compare notes of my core values and my ideal partners values to see where I either need to grow or where I need to be more authentic with myself. Sometimes we create an image of the person we want to be with in order to be a certain person, to be seen a certain way or be accepted. Does something need to change on your end or do the expectations or standards you are holding others have to? Be real.

Once you have compared both sides start to brainstorm on where you would meet these type of people? If they are artistic- try an art gallery opening, museum, or pottery painting class. If they are athletic maybe try meeting new people in the rock climbing centre or at a co-ed kick-boxing class. If they love comic books than maybe at a convention or a creative writing workshop. You’re not going there to meet the ONE. You are going there to meet new people with the potential of meeting a desirable partner and who knows maybe one of your new friends has a single friend who may be “perfect for you.”

Stay true to yourself, follow your intuition and be the best YOU that you can be with this exercise and with life in general. The rest will follow if you live an authentic life. If you have any questions feel free to shoot me an email!

In light and love,

J

Categories
Attracting Women Dates Relationships

How to Get a Handle on Your Dating Life

Quality over Quantity is a question that’s been asked for ages, and it seems pretty straightforward what everyone wants. Everyone would love to have a quality individual, but there are a couple things that must happen before you can have the quality that you’re looking for.

The first thing is that you must figure out what your definition of quality is. I ask most guys what they look for in a girl and they reply “Nice legs, great smile, blonde.” Awesome. How many of those girls are there in Calgary right now? A vague definition of quality will leave you with a girl of quantity; but your mind will trick you into thinking she’s quality.

Ya dig?

WHY QUALITY ALWAYS WINS

Physical characteristics are very important, don’t get me wrong. However the physical characteristics are superficial and shallow, and hold less importance when you’re searching for a quality girl. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have a mentally stable cutie than a psychopath smokeshow.

There are some crazy girls out there man. This isn’t just for the guys though, this is for the girls too. There are some crazy, creepy, needy guys out there. We all say we want the quality, because that just makes sense (unless you’re a prostitute, or think that getting girls makes you cool)… but have you defined what your quality should look like?

I know for me, I have. I’ve went through the psychopath smokeshows and it took a bit of self – convincing but finally I realized that it wasn’t worth it anymore. I finally realized that quality beats out any amount of quantity every day. I’ll take a medium rare steak over 5 McDonalds cheeseburgers any day.

“He’s just so sweet..”

How do you define your quality though? You need to understand what it is that you actually value in another person. Some of us are lucky enough to have shitty relationships, because when you have a shitty relationship you understand what it is that you’re NOT looking for. Are you learning your lessons, though? Or are you finding yourself falling into the same pitfall, with the same type of person over and over again.

A bad relationship is a contrast for what you do and don’t want. For example, let’s say that you dated an athlete from University, and at first he was really sweet. Than his sweetness turned to neediness, and he seemed to call you 3 times a day to make sure that he knew your schedule. You like a nice guy, but you draw the line at insecurity.

He was an athlete, so he’s confident. You’re looking for a sweet guy, but that guy was pretty needy. What’s the contrast to needy? Independent. Alright, so your definition of a quality guy would be a confident, independent, sweet guy.

The way I found out what I defined as quality was the day that I stopped talking to girls that couldn’t hold an intelligent conversation. My definition of quality is a girl who’s able to think on the next level, and develop some ideas with me. Looks are important, because looks are what sparks me to start the conversation in the first place. That’s when the screening process takes place though, and I find out if she’s the quality that I’m looking for.

Start today! Define your definition of quality, because if you don’t know what you’re looking for than you’ll never find it. Don’t just think about it though, write it down. When you write it down you have a reference point to come back to and see if that’s what you’re still looking for. People change, things change and priorities change but it’s important to understand where you are at this very moment so you can find that person that suits your ideal connection.

It Starts Today!

In your dating life, what are you looking for? Are you currently happy with where you’re at right now?

If you’re not happy with your dating life, get in contact with Kingpin Social. We’re here to help. We find that when we write these kinds of articles, a few people have troubles connecting the dots because they haven’t had the choice between quality or quantity throughout their lives, they’ve simply taken what’s been given to them. If you’re one of those people, male or female, send us a message and we can help.

 

 

Categories
Mental Performance

Vision Boards: Attracting your BEST life.

The best way to approach a purpose is to have multiple perspectives on the same direction. Through the power of Networking I met an aspiring life coach named Jamie. Jamie’s direction is relative to the path that we’re on with Kingpin Lifestyle; Jamie’s blog is one of similar direction; personal development and lifestyle enhancement. Jamie will be joining us on Kingpin Lifestyle every Wednesday, collaborating with Kingpin Social to enlighten you as to how you can make your life worth living.

Enter Jamie.

So you want to be successful and you want to have direction? Who doesn’t? Successful people all over the world have a lot of things in common; they are ambitious, hard working, but most importantly they have a solid vision. By vision I mean that they have really taken the time to envision the future they want and guess what? They ACTUALLY live the life they have imagined.

The beautiful thing is that you can create a vision anywhere at any time. You can be sitting in your office cubicle, at a coffee shop, on your yoga mat, or on a park bench. It comes down to sitting, closing your eyes, and picturing exactly what you want. So simple, right? Yet so many of us don’t utilize this incredibly easy tool to create a life we want. ‘A life we want’ is obviously based on several things and the key is to be specific and as detailed as possible.



What does your BEST LIFE look like? You can have anything and everything as long as you can imagine it and create it in your mind. We create our own reality. What do you want yours to look like? Where do you want to be in one week? One year? Three years? Five years?



Here is an example of my vision for myself at the age of 27:

“I’m waking up in the large master suite of my 3000 sq feet, three story, walk-out home that I share with the love of my life just outside of Banff, Alberta. Our home is modern yet cozy, set in dark wood, stone and surrounded by nature. Large bay windows over-look the Rocky Mountains where they look close enough to touch. I have a studio that is off to the side of our home that consists of my office, meditation room and photography studio. I practice yoga on our balcony that wraps around the house and breathe in the cool mountain air every morning.”

I have clearly mapped out in my mind what the architecture of my home is, when I have this home, where it is located, how it feels, how it smells (can’t beat mountain air and pine trees), and creating a connection to this space. I have no idea if this home really exists at this current time, but by creating a vision I am allowing the possibility of it to exist. This is the law of attraction.

The law of attraction is based on universal energy that everyone and everything possesses. Like a radio frequency (as I have sort of envisioned it) we send waves through our thoughts (and even our actions) to this universal energy and it reacts back. It’s the formula that “like attracts like.” So if you put out positive manifestations, affirmations and thoughts you will receive the same positivity back in different aspects of your life. The same goes for negativity.

Have you ever noticed how negative people consistently have more negative situations or attract more difficulties than others? They play the victim, that ‘nothing ever goes right,’ “I have bad luck,” ‘that kind of life is never in the cards for me’ kind of attitude. The more they put that out the more they attract exactly what they don’t want and it comes true. Adding fuel to the fire sort of speak. Until they change their attitude and put out a more positive vibe they will always attract negativity in to their life and never see progress. Same for people who exude positivity and have an attitude that ‘everything is a learning experience’ or ‘everything will work out’ kind of attitude. They tend to attract more positivity in their life, have more fun experiences, opportunities and overall more successful.

Another way to look at it is to always come from a place of being cared for. The universe is a pretty spectacular being and holds an incredible amount of energy that is at your disposal if you allow it. You must never come from a place of lack. The universe does not lack, it only provides. This is huge when it comes to money. If you put out the energy that you lack money you WILL lack money. That lack perception will then attract situations in to your life that will consume your finances or assets. When you change your thoughts to abundance and being provided for always, you WILL be abundant and be provided for. “Like attracts like” it’s really that simple, and it really does work.



This is why we create visions. “Like attracts like.” By manifesting your vision you attract it in to your life. Ta-da! Magical! 🙂



Now the vision I shared is the tip of the ice-berg. That vision consists of my location, my home, my office, and a little bit of my relationship. This is where you start to expand on your relationships, career, physical health, your social standing, your financial standing, the car you drive, the clothing you wear, the people you surround yourself with, etc. The more detailed the better.

So you have sat down and started to envision your best life. Now what? WRITE IT DOWN. I can’t stress how important it is to solidify an idea or a vision by putting it down on paper. After you get it down on paper the next hoo-ha step is to create a vision board. A vision board is an incredible tool that some of the most successful people in the world like Oprah Winfrey, Jim Carrey, and Bruce Lee (to name a few) use. Bruce Lee… need I say more?

Vision boards come in a variety of different styles and use different techniques depending on the individual’s creativity. So it’s time to get a little messy and to stretch that creative muscle that we all do possess (just sometimes needs to be exercised.)



What you will need:

– A cork board, poster board, or pin board.
– Scissors
– Glue (or pins, thumb tacks- depending on the board)
– Magazines, photographs, printer, etc
– Paint, pencil crayons, markers, charcoal, pastels, etc

Next, is the fun part! Now you have to find photographs, magazine clip outs, or pictures you print off that align with your vision. If you have a hard time finding images- make your own! Use key words, quotes, and symbols. Ultimately you are taking your vision and pasting it in front of you. Instead of reading it every day this will allow you to visualize it which is not only more effective but less time consuming. Makes sense, huh? When you are done hunting down all your images- paste or tackle it to your board and hang it up in a place that you will always see. Some people paste it on their roof above their bed, on their fridge, or commonly in their office. 


Done…er sorta.



If you are a negative-ned (or nancy) you need to change your perception and manifest positivity for your vision to cultivate. You will be amazed by the power of attraction and how a vision board allows you to attract the life you have always wanted.

If you would like to share your vision board please email me at adevotedshift@live.ca and they will be featured on my blog!

Namaste,


Jamie



Guest post brought to you by: Jamie Hyatt from ‘devotedshift.com’ Jamie is an enthusiastic goal-getter and photographer. Aspiring life-coach and author. Yogi extraordinaire and an honest voice to those who seek it.