Strong Women Can Date Too!

I’d Rather Be Wonder Woman Than Cinderella 

Dating a strong woman is one thing, but to be one in the dating world can sometimes be a challenge. With the strides of equality in woman’s rights, women are now finding positions as CEO’s of major corporations and heck they can even have children without ever finding a man, with invetrofertilization. Not all women want that knight in shining armor to come save them on their white steed of masculinity, flexing their pecks and waving their…er…sword. It’s a tough balance finding a guy who is strong enough to handle the independence of a secure and successful woman without leaving them feel emasculated or worse… deflated.

Society has successfully depicted the ideal woman to be this wafer thin girl who desperately needs a man to save her so she can start her new life as a happy fulfilled woman. Hello glass slipper! Is this what men ACTUALLY desire? Weak and desperate women? Maybe. So how the heck do strong women compete with these girls who are on the verge of tying themselves to train tracks in order to validate a man’s psychological need to protect? It’s a crazy world out there but I honestly think in the end a high quality man wants a high quality woman. Depending on your perspective… I tend to think that a High quality women = a strong woman. 

My definition of a STRONG WOMAN:

• She’s Independent (insert Destiny Child’s independent woman song here 😉 ) 
• She’s emotionally secure and doesn’t look for constant validation
• She’s able to speak her mind and speak up for her beliefs and values
• She doesn’t tolerate disrespect 
• She has her own life/friends/obligations/schedule 
• She is able to be there when he/she needs to lean on her for support 
• She’s number one in her books always 
• She knows that showing her emotions isn’t weak and she accepts help when she needs it  

I haven’t always considered myself a strong woman, but in the past couple of years I have worked really hard on myself to become what I call: self-approved, thus on the right path to becoming a strong woman. After a couple of trecherous break-ups I found the strength within myself to find the happiness and fulfillment I was desperately searching for from the men in my life. After this long self-journey, Wam-Bam- the strong woman metamorphism had finally taken its course. It wasn’t always easy on my relationships, in-fact my last relationship I found it difficult making sure the guy I was dating (let’s call him M) feeling like he wasn’t a man. A lot of men view being “a man” with this concept of being a provider, ‘breadwinner,’ or protector. M communicated that he felt like I didn’t need him and thus I would push him away. He had a great desire to provide for me and wanted me to lean on him when I was struggling. Gasp* Me!? He wanted ME to ask for HELP!? But I am a STRONG WOMAN! Who does he think he’s dating… Rapunzel? Being a vegetarian it’s not like I could tell him to shoot a moose and drag it back to our cave as I stand by and clap like the happiest seal at the zoo. “Oh hunny! You’re so strong and mighty!” *Swoon* Uhm, not happening. 

What was I going to do?

Don’t we all want this in some aspect? Relationships aren’t just about wanting to share life experiences with a certain somebody but also to fill this desire we all have within ourselves to be needed and adored by another person. We all want to be desired, and we all want deep loving connections otherwise why does our world revolve around finding a soul mate? Isn’t dating the fundamental grounds to finding someone with the goal of matrimony? Isn’t that what ‘going steady’ was all about? How do we keep our independence in-tact when we need to show the object of our affection that in some way we need them? Or better yet- want them?

Hey- Wonder Woman Wants To Get Laid Too

How are we able to balance between being independent and making our men feel wanted? Or feel masculine? How can we keep our independence while still being desirable to a quality man? By being Wonder Woman! Well- not ACTUALLY- but think about this Marvel Character. She’s strong, beautiful and still considered feminine yet desirable no matter how buff she is and how much ass she has kicked. She will put you in a head-lock, and tie you up in her lasso. She stands for justice. She sticks to her values and fights for the greater good. Yeah she’s depicted as this incredible hour glass shape figure but what is REALLY attractive is her strong personality with the balance of how much of a woman she really is.

Success in being a strong woman AND dating comes down to embracing your feminine nature while making sure you allow the guy you are with to express his masculine nature in ways that he needs to. Communication is key! This doesn’t mean you drop your values and what you believe in if he needs something that you don’t agree with. In that circumstance you just don’t [ fit ] as a couple. But by dropping your shield and allowing him to help in some way may be what he needs in order to feel like he is contributing to your relationship as a man.

Here are some examples: If you typically pick the bill up on your dates (who knows maybe  your the ‘breadwinner’) or like to pick up groceries for dinner and he desires to be a provider than you need to allow him to express that by paying every once and awhile. If you go to the theater and you’re cold and he offers you his jacket- accept it. He wants to take care of you in these small gestures and in the end it doesn’t make you seem weak or incapable. You are allowing him to express himself and this creating a stronger connection with him.

I think the biggest struggle for women who fight to be seen as independent and strong is acceptance. You need to accept the small gestures that men like to express by setting aside your need to be seen capable. Accepting help or needing someone to lean on can be hard for a woman who wants to be taken seriously or not seen as weak. Just know that it truly doesn’t make you less of a woman or less of a person to be taken care of. Being a strong woman means letting go of the need to control. The strongest of women know how to balance their partners needs with their own and allow the men in their life to be men when they need to be. It’s a balancing act, and it can be done. In the end if you are seeing a guy who wants to treat you like a damsel in distress to fill his extreme need of masculine validation- dump him. Your happiness comes first, be self-approved and you will find a strong enough guy who can accept you for the great qualities you possess. There will always be those guys who prefer ‘weak’ women and those who prefer strong women. It’s just about getting out there and finding them. 😉

If you have any questions or comments regarding this post- please feel free to comment below! I love the feedback! As for all the strong women out there- what has helped you to find that balance?

J