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Attracting Women Mental Performance

My Secret to Socializing

After a bad day at work, you decide to call your best friend and head over to her house. The boss’s words still scorn your ears on the drive over to her house as the radio decides to play every depressing song that they have on their playlist.

Your best friend opens the front door of her house with a beaming smile. She tells you about her day, and how amazing it was. She’s beaming, bouncing off the walls and you can’t help but smile. The cares of the world wear away as you and your best friend get into a talk about your plans for this weekend.

The Super Power of Smiling

This article was directly inspired by a man who did a talk on Ted.com about the Hidden Power of Smiling. This is always something that’s been fascinating to me, as I’m always someone who’s walking around with a beaming smile on my face.

I’m about to reveal my secret to socializing.

I’ve found that when two people have a conversation, emotional states are being transferred. Let’s say we measure happiness on a scale of 0 – 10. 0 is neutral, and 10 is exhilarated. When two people have a conversation, the happiness levels of each other combine and they equalize.

Ever wondered why you like being around happy people? It’s because when you’re around someone that’s happy, they’re actually bringing your emotional state up. If we were to measure happiness on a scale of 1 – 10, and yours was at a 5 and theirs was at a 10, you guys would equalize at 7 and the person who has the happiness level of 10 would be bringing value to the person who’s at a 5.

Most people allow their external environment to affect their internal emotional state. They’ll have a bad day at work, and they’ll be thinking negative thoughts because of it. A fight happens with a friend, and they allow their internal state to shift towards negative on the spectrum. Most people also work inside out with their emotions. They’re happy, so they’ll smile. They’re sad, so they’ll cry.

Understand that controlling your internal emotional state goes outside in, as well as inside out. You’re happy, so you smile but it also works backwards. If you’re sad, and you want to be happy, you can simply smile. This is being in control of your internal emotional state, instead of allowing the external environment to be the deciding factor of your internal emotional state. (More on this in my book, Up to This Point. Released at the end of Sept!)

“You just made my day!”

After watching the video on Ted.com, I started experimenting with my theory on happiness and with the power of smiling. The video talks about how smiling is contagious, and how when you give a genuine, beaming smile towards someone it’s literally infectious for them to smile back, even in the slightest. If they’re not smiling, they literally have to focus on holding it back.

Smiling isn’t just powerful for giving value to people, and making people’s day. When you smile, it releases endorphins in your brain that give you the same chemical feeling (scientifically measured) as winning $25,000.00 cash.  Smiling gives value to yourself, by controlling your internal emotional state and bringing it towards positivity and smiling infects others with the same positivity, making both your day and their day better. Win – Win.

The studies show that the average adult smiles only 4 times per day. The average child smiles upwards of 400 times per day. How many times per day do you smile?

Smiling is contagious, and the power of smiling is tremendous. When two people communicate, at all times emotional states are being transferred to one another. In social interaction, you can use this to your advantage. When I’m making new friends, or meeting new people, or even talking to my friends who are in a bad mood I’m always smiling, I’m always bringing value to these people. One of the universal forms of value that most find valuable is positivity.

But.. what’s positivity?

Positivity needs to be broken down though, and one of the forms I’ve broken it down to is the power of smiling. Try it out for yourself! Having a bad day? Look upwards, close your eyes and hold a smile for 30 seconds. I promise you instant results. When you’re out meeting new people, make sure you’re wearing your smile and infecting others with positivity. Everyone wants to be around a person that’s happy, because by being happy you’re affecting their internal emotional state and making them happy.

My secret to socializing is this: always be smiling. It is not your mood that impacts your ability to smile, it is simply your mind making the decision to smile. When I decide to smile, I decide to bring my internal emotional state higher on the positive spectrum. That means when I talk to people, and they’re at a lower happiness level than myself, I’m giving value to them. Everybody wants to be happy, and if you’re the one that is the source of good emotions that means people will always want to be around you.

Hope this helps! Comment on this mofuggin article, and SMIIIIILE  <3

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Lifestyle

My Thoughts On Disclosing Information…

“Hey, uhmm…” you paused.

You’re chest feels like there’s a drum roll as you’re about to deliver your earth-shattering message. You haven’t gone on a date for over a year. Oh boy, you got lucky over the weekend. Through persistence and liquid courage, you managed to meet a cutie. Good for you bro! So you’ve known this girl for about a couple days now. With the hope of ending your dry spell, you’ve already taken her out for a lavish dinner that you paid for. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have a car. No worries right? You’ve already driven half way across the city to pick her up. That’s all fine and dandy except you don’t have enough balls to touch her, hold her hand, let alone kiss her.

Seems like you’re supplicating don’t you think?

You call her up to take her out to another expensive night. She agreed to meet you. After a mini-road trip to meet her, you finally arrive at another fancy restaurant downtown. Half way through dinner, you consciously decide that you’re gonna tell her how you feel. This is it, the moment you’ve been waiting for. You don’t know when you’re gonna meet another girl so you’re hella nervous. Damn, you better bag this one bro! You’re hands, as cold as the chilled fork you’re using to eat your salad.

You took a deep breath and finally you say “Hey, I really, really like you…”

She smiled awkwardly. She crossed her legs and her arms simultaneously. She nervously giggled. “Ah, hey thanks a lot…that’s really nice of you” she replied as she looked down pretending to check her phone.

[insert cricket noises]

“So hey, I have to go home now. I gotta work early in the morning” she said.

“But..but…” you mumbled. You’re confused. You flicked your left wrist to look at the time.

Guess what bro? It’s 9:15pm. Whaat?

Well, that’s the end of your conversation with a girl you just met not that long ago. She now thinks you’re a creepy dude and wants to avoid you at all cost. Wow! All that for nothing.

Ever had this happen to you? Trust me, I’ve been there too.

Sharing intimate feelings and information with someone way too early in any relationship is emotional suicide. In my opinion, you’re almost asking to be rejected because you are asking for such an extreme response. I’m not saying it couldn’t happen, but rarely has it ever worked for me. Why would you do this when you barely know them? You’re explicitly asking for some sort of commitment when there’s clearly not enough emotional investment. If you do this without enough value demonstrated, you don’t come across as a romantic, bro.

You reek of neediness. Yikes!

I think it’s safe to assume that most people have integrity and good intentions. People are good natured. I know when I communicate to other people I am coming from a position of being real and genuine.

This could also be a problem, if not calibrated properly.

So how do you choose what to confide and when? Well, there’s no generic answer to this one. In my opinion, it all depends on the situation.

Allow the relationship to take it’s natural path. Take the lead and go first but don’t force the connection. There’s no need to spill all your beans on the first date okay? In my opinion, the level of disclosure you provide people should be directly proportional to a few things. Determine the exchange of value, time spent and connection established and proceed from there. This will dictate your next steps.

If you went to rehab for a number of years because you were drugged up to the gills, that may not be the best conversation starter when you’re meeting someone new. Save the dirty bedroom talk as well, bro. She may not want to hear your fantasy of being hand cuffed on your bed frame right away. There’s a time and place for everything okay? There’s no need to fabricate things as well, just keep it on a need to know basis. Be aware of what they find valuable. Connect with people on a level that they can receive your message the way it’s meant to be.

So you’re not a player but you also doesn’t want to be tied down yet and walk the aisle. That’s totally cool. Allow her to appreciate you for who you are now and where you’re going. Why? Because what should matter is the present moment and your direction. Her perception of you, right or wrong, becomes her reality. Just be aware of how you are being perceived by other people. Perceived the wrong way and you’ll prevent other people to know who you are internally. It’s gonna be difficult to create connections at this point. Be aware that the time you spend with her is the only time she’ll have to formulate her perception of you as a person, and a potential mate.

Play your cards right. Guard your aces. If you put them down too soon, game over, bro.

In my opinion, disclosing too much information too soon is an “Emotional One-Night Stand.” If sex is the highest form of physical expression next to marriage, your deepest and darkest secrets should only be shared with someone your emotionally intimate with. The level of disclosure you communicate with other people should be directly proportional to the level of trust and emotional comfort that you have with them.

Categories
Attracting Women

Mystery Gives Bad Advice: Guys Listen, Guys Fail.

the game book cover neil straussIn 2005 a book came out called “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.” Written by Neil Strauss, this book chronicled his journey and encounters in the seduction community. It went on to be a New York Times Bestseller and is one of the most common ways for guys to get into the self-improvement movement.

In the book Neil learns from the top pick-up artist in the world, ironically named “Mystery.” (I know I know, bear with me.)

To be honest, every person who reads this blog owes a lot to this fellow. If it weren’t for his commitment to learn how attraction works (and ultimately for this book to come out), many of us would not be where we are today. Although we all agree that pick-up is flawed, pick-up also opened peoples eyes to look deep within themselves and make the changes they wanted to make. And to be honest… in the very least, pick-up has been a great contrast to the way you should actually operate, through Social Dynamics.

Although we do owe a lot to Mystery, he does have some advice I disagree with, and I believe holds people back. I want to deal with one today.

Mystery says:

Don’t introduce yourself to women even if you’ve been talking for a few minutes. When a woman asks your name, it’s a sign that she is interested in you.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I can understand what he’s trying to do here; I just think it’s fucking stupid and ineffective.

let's try something new

When meeting a stranger, it can be uncomfortable situation. This is why having a good sense of humor is such a money quality to have. If you can make someone laugh, it breaks the ice and allows that person to be more comfortable in your presence.

A similar affect happens when you know someone’s name: you feel more comfortable with them. You feel like you know them; like they are a friend. As people become more comfortable with each other, they begin to open up. The possibility of you two forming a genuine, real connection has now increased.

Things are moving in the right direction.

But how will I know if she likes me?

This is a good question, but what you have to realize is that her asking for your name may be an indicator of interest, but that isn’t guaranteed. There are much better signs to know if someone is into you or not. That’s a topic for another day, but for now just understand this: If she’s talking to you she’s interested on some level. That may not be romantically, but she’s still interested enough to continue talking to you. This world is a busy place, and (especially if you’re at a nightclub), there are many other things people can be doing in that moment. So if they are spending time with you, they’re interested. Now it just comes down to going with the flow and escalating. The foundation of an emotional connection is a great foundation for any type of relationship.

When you introduce yourself to someone, they become that much more comfortable with you. On the contrary if you want to wait until they ask for your name, you may not end up getting that sign of interest because the awkwardness of meeting someone new may be too much to handle. The reward when she asks for your name is minimum at best; so don’t waste your time. Just introduce yourself immediately and with confidence. Say your name with power, it is YOUR name after all.

believe in yourself

And remember, any time you read advice from guys like Mystery or anybody else (including myself, Brian), make sure you take the time to dive deeper in and see if what they are saying is retarded.

Good luck.

Now make sure you don’t miss another post by subscribing below. It’s free, and everyone that signs-up is instantly that much cooler. I know I know it’s an amazing deal. How could you say no? You caaaaannnnn’t. So sign-up. Go go go.

Categories
Lifestyle

The Importance of Acting Through Your Intentions

Driving home from work, John starts thinking about how bad his day was. His boss yelled at him, the work piled up and he counted down the minutes until he left the office. John can’t wait to get back home and have  relaxing night with his family.

John walks through the door of his house to find his 4 children running around the house, screaming full of energy, At his breaking point, John opens his mouth to yell at the kids, telling them to calm down and sit in front of the TV. The kids slow their pace and saunter over to the TV; John has effectively transferred his negative emotional state to his children.

“I didn’t mean it like that..”

Even the best of intentions have the worst of re – processions. There’s a couple reasons for this, and each one leads to mis – communication.

The first reason is an external force that you have no control over. This is another person’s perspective of your actions. If another person looks at you and perceives your actions as negative, even with the best of intentions, there will be mis-communication.

The second reason for miscommunication is allowing your internal emotions to dictate your external actions. This happens with the people who you spend the most time with, for the most part.
John has a bad day at work. John comes home and just wants some peace, but has 4 kids running around the house screaming. John takes out his anger from work on the kids, yelling at them to calm down and transferring his emotional state to the kids.

The actions should always be in line with your intentions. John’s intention in this instance was to calm the kids down, but instead he transferred his negative emotional state to the children.

Let’s say that you’re on a date with a girl, and you’re enjoying the connection. Everybody’s told you that “you’ve gotta kiss her on the first date man!”… so you’re gearing up for the big move. You like this girl though, you think she’s dope. Your intention is to connect with her and build something real, however your actions state different. If you act in a way that would signal a “short term hookup”, that long term connection risks loss.

It’s important to act as though you intend. If you’re looking for a quality girl, you probably shouldn’t be looking to fuck on the first date. If as a girl you’re looking for a good guy, you probably shouldn’t be dressing up and heading to the bar. Act as though you intend, because we always get what we put out as a result of our actions.

If as a guy, you’re looking for a quality girl but you’re always looking to fuck on the first date, this is going to do two things. The first is that the girls that you manage to sleep with aren’t actually quality, because a quality girl understands the importance of physical value. The second is that you’re actually going to scare the quality girls off, because the quality girls won’t be willing to give the highest form of physical value.

Actions Speak Louder Than Intentions

As a girl, if your intention is to meet a good guy, the bar probably isn’t the best place. There’s always opportunity to find diamond in the rough, but it’s better to find out what you’d look for in a quality guy and head to environments where these kind of guys would go. If your ideal man is artistic, head to festivals. If he’s athletic, head to the gym.

Act through your intentions, because your intentions aren’t always communicated properly. People don’t interpret your intentions, people interpret your actions. If you act as you intend, you remove the possibility of mis-communication on your end.

Hope this helps! Comment and SUBSCRIIIIBE <3

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

The Power Behind Being Present

Snap out of it!

Like every day, I had a really awesome conversation with one of my friends via Skype. We always have super stellar conversations over Skype even though we live in the same city, and approximately twenty-five minutes away from each other. As he started to dive in to a really long story from a particular part of his life, my attention started to drift and I began to day dream. It’s not because what he was saying wasn’t particularly interesting (it was in fact very interesting) but what he was talking about had sparked a particular memory or thought process. I instantly shifted my attention from him to myself. I started to picture everything in the back of my mind and within just a few seconds I lost track of the conversation and had to ask him to retell part of what he already said so that I didn’t miss any valuable information to understand the entire story.

In short, I wasn’t being present at all in our conversation. Not being present resulted in me missing a vital part of the conversation as well as taking a bit of value from him by possibly not looking or sounding interested when I in fact was. That could seriously hurt our friendship, especially if I am always losing presence every time we talk.

You are only promised right NOW

We spend so much time of our day day-dreaming or thinking of our next move, which in hindsight you end up losing the ability to take advantage of your present opportunities. We tend to resort to feelings of guilt, loss, or regret when we focus on our past, and then get lost in the fears of tomorrow or our futures. The past no longer exists, and tomorrow is never promised.

Living in the moment is about learning how to really appreciate your life. This is all we have and not being aware is taking away from your ability to succeed faster. To take the opportunities you have now by the reigns and making every moment count. You can create anything you want in this moment. You chose to read this blog post, and you can choose to click on a link. You can choose to grab a piece of paper and write down your goals. You can choose to go for that run you have been putting off for the past week. All you have is NOW. So take every opportune moment to do something great and to be present to those people you care about. Be present to your conversations, and give people your undivided attention. You may even learn something. Be present to your dreams and your aspirations. Be present to your body and your surroundings.

Your presence is a present

Take a time out for yourself and just sit. I really love meditation, yoga, and running. All of which possesses meditative qualities. Meditation is a great way for you to gain awareness of your thoughts, and once you are able to acknowledge those thoughts you are able to let them go, or bank them for another day. Sometimes we don’t take enough time to state of mind. When you are chatting with a friend take time to really be present in the conversation so you are able to contribute and build that connection. When you run, feel the pavement underneath your feet and the wind dancing off your skin.

Being more present doesn’t just help build better relationships but also better well-being, and in the end will make you even more successful in all aspects of your life.

J

Categories
Mental Performance

Why We Should Pursue Challenging our Beliefs.

mike zharkYoung and ambitious are two words used when describing Mike Zhark. Mike was one of Kingpin Social’s students in the month of June. After deciding he wanted more options, Mike took the leap and decided Kingpin Social’s program was the best idea for him. Going into the school year armed with his newfound social skills, Mike Zhark plans to use his belief systems to his advantage to create the best options for himself in university. Mike is a nationally ranked Swimmer, will be joining the U of C Swim Team and spends his Tuesday Nights working at Mansion Nightclub. If you want to get in contact with Mike, click here.

Enter Mike Zhark…

A few months ago I was in a rut. I had just gotten out of a 3-year relationship, and I had no idea how to effectively interact with the world around me.

nothing seemed more impossible

After several months of training myself to properly interact with my environment, I found Kingpin Social. I saw this as an opportunity to grow and gain an understanding of human interaction.

As a result of my decision to direct my life toward social growth, I have met a group of super cool, bad-ass motherfuckers who love to have fun, grow, and work in a positive environment. Among the many lessons learnt as from interacting with these guys, one key takeaway I had was to challenge your beliefs. I saw so much value in challenging beliefs that I invited one of my friends to hang out with this group of super-cool people to help him grow. However, when time came around for me to pick him up and hang out with these ultra high-value guys, I got a text.

Friend: “My parents are freaking out about this thing today man.”
Me: “How so?”
Friend: “They just flipped shit for like 20 minutes…said it wasn’t normal for people to be that committed to growth…”

In the end, he didn’t come out out of respect for his parents’ wishes. It did make me think though… was my own desire to pursue a path of self-growth a negative force in my life? In that moment, I challenged my beliefs. I let what my friend’s parents say affect how I thought, and I allowed it to compete against my current beliefs for dominance. Then I answered myself: they were right, it isn’t normal. It isn’t normal for people to constantly push their comfort zones. It isn’t normal for people to constantly strive for improvement. It isn’t normal to be a CEO, Doctor, or even pursue your passion. It isn’t normal for a 19 year old to be a Nightclub Manager. It isn’t normal to run a successful company with one of your best friends revolving around one of the most essential life skills there is. It’s sure as hell not normal for people to be in awesome relationships all the time. Looking at all of that, in what sense is it even logical to be normal?

As a result of the internal dialogue I had, my belief in the pursuit of self-improvement was strengthened. I gained more conviction in that what I am doing is the key to reaching my own potential, and it will take an even larger force than before to destroy or modify that belief. In this example, it became evident that the strengthening of my beliefs will provide me with more passion and drive to pursue whatever endpoint was associated with it, in this case…self-growth. The cool part about this is, you can apply this to any belief you hold as a person! But…why?

freedom

Why should we challenge our beliefs?

Our beliefs are the endpoint that support our values and drive our behavior within the actions we take. As individuals, we don’t have time to pick apart, analyze, and over-intellectualize every problem we have in our lives. Very often, we must proceed with courage and conviction in that what we are doing is right in order to achieve growth in the most optimal or desirable areas of our lives. Do you really need to break down your cereal-eating technique to the crunch? How would that help you make that interaction with the cute girl/guy at your regular Starbucks, or how would it augment your ability to fix your broken car in your garage?

Another vantage point from which beliefs can impact us is through our ability to accept or resist change based upon the strength of our beliefs. I would ask you to reflect upon yourselves for a second and view both a weak and strong belief you hold (these can be religion, habits, preference of colour, etc.) In each case, is the belief you hold constructive (positive) or destructive (negative) in congruent to your goals? In either the positive or the negative case, you would probably agree that the belief you hold could be more optimal.



Let’s look at a strong, negative belief from my life.

I used to believe that I was an introvert, and that the concepts of introversion and extroversion applied to everyone. I was a quiet, reserved person, and if asked to describe myself I would reply quietly, without emotion, “I am an introvert.” Every time I said this, I gave power to the idea that I was limited to the characteristics associated with being an introverted person. It even got to the point where I would avoid going out because I was so convinced that I drew my energy from being alone, and that it would be harmful for me to go out and even talk to other people. The limiting belief of introversion was becoming solidified and harder to break by the day.

How did I change this self-destructive behavior?

sad robotThis lack of willingness to explore anything outside of myself became a huge comfort zone, leading to many destructive tendencies and habits. Soon, my girlfriend of over 3 years broke up with me. I was crushed, and for a few days I holed myself up from the world even further. After almost a month of mourning, I came upon the realization a major change needed to happen. No one was feeling sorry for me but myself. No one was going to make me happy by myself. A symphony of negativity had been playing its melody for the past who-knows-how-long. This major event in my life (delivered through a relationship) forced me to rethink my attitude towards meeting others. Soon after, I met the aforementioned bad-ass group of super cool motherfuckers who continue to drive me to be the best I can be. Nowadays, I wouldn’t say I’m an extrovert, nor would I say I’m an introvert. I simply am. Overcoming my limited belief allowed me to become attuned to the opportunities and dynamics of my social environment.

There are positive and negative examples in every one’s life. Just as I have converted from the very negative set of ideals above to a markedly more positive set, I have also made the positive set of beliefs more sound. Although context and personal views alter what is negative and positive for individual people, without a doubt it is always beneficial to embrace enlightenment and always negative to be ignorant or possess limiting beliefs. We have the potential and opportunity to challenge all of our beliefs through every interaction we make, through every event in our lives, and even on our own internally.

Our beliefs will be challenged throughout our lives, sometimes against our will, and sometimes as a result of embracing opportunities. When the time comes that our beliefs are challenged against our wishes, will we have strengthened those same beliefs to weather the storm and reflect our desired identity? Or will we conform to our environment’s potentially limiting and harmful thinking?

In the end, it is up to you. After all, it is you who believes so.

cute duck

Categories
Attracting Women Relationships

The Reason for ALL of Your Failed Relationships

Recently, I had a talk with a good friend and business partner Kevin Choo. Kevin was talking to me and blowing my mind on his theory on Relationships, and Kevin developed the truth outlined in this article. Kevin’s talk with me made so much sense, so much so that I had to write an article and enlighten my readers with the info!

If you want to get in contact with Kevin, check www.kingpinsocial.com

“So Brian, what is the cause of ALL failed relationships?

‘PERCEPTIONS OF VALUE CHANGE

You come home from work and dread walking through the door. Your wife stand in the doorway, staring at you with a look of discontent.

Where have you been!

Explaining that the overtime is necessary for promotion, your wife yells at you for being late for the dinner she takes time to cook for you. At first she loved your drive, she told you it was made her attracted to you in the first place. Ever since the Yoga classes, she’s been focused on family life; something which you don’t seem to have time for anymore.

You look through your eyes at your irate wife, and you wonder where the spark went.

“I just don’t feel the same..”

It’s not that you didn’t ever love each other. One falls in love with the things that bring them the most value. Value is only value, if the other person sees it as value. At the time, when the relationship started, the perceptions of each others value was high.

At the start of the relationship, the wife loved the fact that the husband was driven. The husband was the kind of guy who would put in whatever hours it took to get the job done, and the wife saw that as valuable.

The wife was growing in a different direction than the husband though, and began on the path to becoming a Yoga instructor. Over time, the two entities grew apart. The husband was driven, putting in the man hours to get the job done. In pursuit of the external, driven by money, the husband lived his life chasing the external value. As a Yoga teacher, the wife began to dive more into the internal side of life.

At first, they loved each other. However over time, the husband and wife weren’t able to see through the eyes of each other, because one chased something external, and one chased something internal. The wife’s perception of value shifted, and if relationships are based on an exchange of value… that means the husband could no longer provide the wife value.

The promotion, the new car, the nice house wouldn’t matter for the wife, because the new path allowed her to be in pursuit of internal value. Even though the husband was offering value, in the form of external, the wife wanted the internal. The family dinners, the appreciation for the love and support.

ALL FAILED RELATIONSHIPS

Failed relationships happen because perception of value shifts. If you’re not growing together, you’re growing apart. This is why it’s important to find one with the same values as you when seriously considering dating, because if the two of you aren’t growing in the same direction, you’re going to grow apart.

Ever wondered why celebrities date celebrities?  Why punk rockers date punk rockers? Why High School Quarterbacks date Cheerleaders? Why barstar girls date barstar guys?

Their perception of value is the same, thus a relationship exists. The relationship fails when the perception of value shifts, and one party is unable to shift with the other party.

If one of the celebrities in a relationship decided to become a monk for a buddist church, do you really think that they could still date? Their perception of value shifts, the monk now valuing the internal side of life, and the celebrity would be forced to either shift their perception of value or remain the same, letting the relationship fall to the wayside.

THE KEY TO RELATIONSHIPS

If you want to have a successful relationship, with anyone, the perceptions of value need to align with each other, and be heading in the same direction. Relationships are based on an exchange of value, and we fall in love with the things that give us the most value. Love is a survival mechanism, and we fall in love with the things that bring us the most value. If you want a successful relationship, you must find someone that finds valuable the same things that you do.

If this doesn’t happen, and the two of you aren’t growing in the same direction, you’re destined to grow apart. Either way you’re growing; it’s up to you to find the person who’s going to grow with you.

Categories
Lifestyle

My Thoughts On Compassion…

“Click…” was the last thing I heard when my dad hung up the phone.

After I gathered enough balls to anticipate the verbal lashing to follow, I finally told him. I quit my engineering job and it felt damn good. I knew he wasn’t going to be very impressed. That’s to be expected right? That phone conversation left me emotionally drained and exhausted. I had my elbows leaning on my knees. My fingers intertwined in a prayer position. I had my head down. I let out a loud “Sigh…” under my breath.

I felt heavy-hearted and quite frankly, a little angry. Can anyone relate to this?

At first, I felt a little bit of resentment towards my father. “Doesn’t he understand that I hated my job?” was my initial emotional reaction. I thought it was totally fair. I didn’t want to trade my time for money for something that I didn’t give a fuck about. I was sick and tired of solely existing.

I wanted to fill my time with something that truly matters to me.

My dad had been in the engineering industry for over 3 decades. I think he did pretty well. With that career, he was able to raise a family and provide sufficiently. I had to say, we lived a very comfortable life. On top of that, he’s travelled and seen the world for training purposes. Engineering is what paid for my school, put a roof over my head and food on my plate.

He wanted the best for me, and engineering is what he knew best.

Looking back now, I realize self centered I was. Hindsight is always 20/20 right? My opinion about the situation was completely one sided. Why? Because I didn’t have compassion towards the situation, let alone my father.

So why is it important to have compassion?

Compassion stems from awareness of what other find valuable within your personal boundaries. How do you do this? By being present and being in a tranquil mental state. It’s a lot easier to make good judgement with a clutter free mind. If you desire compassion, consciously pay attention to what other people are communicating to you. Usually this is hard when you’re trying to find a great message between the screaming and angry words.

If you understand people’s mindset, it’s a lot easier for compassion to exist. Find the quiet area in your noise filled mind. Slow down down your breathing and allow yourself to enter a calmer state. It’s difficult but not impossible for you to train your mind to do this.  Ask yourself why they think the way they do? What often seems like a problem with the person, usually has something to do with the situation they are in.

Putting other people’s needs ahead of yours is a genuine place for compassion Open and honest communication is so important. If there are gaps in between your message, you’re leaving room for assumptions to exist. You’re allowing the other person to fill in the blank based from what they know of you and the situation.

Tiny resentments and other negative feelings slowly build up. That sounds like disaster waiting to happen which eventually drives people apart.

That sucks man.

Without compassion, you’ll have a tough time receiving feedback from other people. Your perception of their message will be twisted and short sighted. You might assume they’re coming from a different place therefore you feel like your ego is being attacked. A typical reaction would be to start building emotional defenses and lash back.

Despite how close your relationship is with other people, they’re not mind readers. Neither are you. Have compassion and take the time to find out what other people find valuable. Once you’ve done that, then you can tailor your message to suit. If you give the information the right way, the person will receive the information the way you intended it to be.

Developing compassion, in my opinion, will make you a more emotionally balanced person. Deep insights will come from a thorough and honest internal inventory.  Now you have all different perspectives you can experience by going through other people’s ideas and experiences.

Why should you do this?

Because other people are the most important thing in the universe, once you’re past this life.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Lifestyle

What Lady Gaga and Twitter Have in Common?

I have a confession to make.

The other night I was watching an interview Google conducted with Lady Gaga. Yes… Lady Gaga. Bear with me.

lady gaga

During the interview (posted below) she talked about how too many people don’t “honor” their creativity. Lady Gaga on the other hand, does. Whenever she has a creative thought, she writes it down; even if this means getting out of bed in the middle of the night when she’s trying to fall asleep. She claims this has made a major difference in her life today.

Have you ever been lying in bed trying to fall asleep, when all of a sudden you have a great idea pop into your head out of nowhere?

I know I have.

When this happens, do you ever think to yourself “I’m too lazy to get up, I’ll just remember it in the morning”?

I know I have.

In the morning do you remember the thought you had?

I don’t.

Since I watched that interview I’ve been honoring my creativity by getting my butt out of bed and writing these ideas down. This doesn’t only apply to when you are lying in bed either; it applies anytime you have an idea.

You gotta write it down!

So what do you do with all of these ideas?

You just let them sit.

The other night I was having a conversation with my business partner Kevin, and Brian. Kevin and I were explaining that you don’t have to act on every idea you have right away. You can’t. You don’t have enough time. And if you do, you will never finish any projects, because you will keep going to your new idea, instead of sticking with one from start to finish.

This is a concept Kevin and I have used many times since we started our business. We sit around, talk, and bounce ideas back and forth. Some of them we act on right away, others we write down in a folder called “New Ideas”. These ideas sit and continue to evolve in our minds subconsciously. Occasionally we go back and look these ideas over, combine a few new ones, and voila, we have a solution to a problem.

ideas

Where do ideas start?

Growing up, I knew I enjoyed helping people. I also had an interest in counseling, but the traditional form of sitting in an office all day working with client after client didn’t appeal to me. I wasn’t sure how this was going to work out.

So I put that idea on the side, and continued with my life.

Then in 2007, I found the self-improvement industry. After being involved for a while, friends began to ask me if I would teach them. This is when… I saw an opportunity. I could create a business that offered a sort of “lifestyle consulting”, or, in other words, a form of counseling. This would allow me to do what I enjoy (helping people) while also avoiding the traditional office style service.

In February 2009, Kingpin Social was born, and it’s been my fulltime job, hugest passion in life since. Who knows where I would be if I didn’t have that original thought of being interested in counseling back in my childhood.

Another example:

Do you know the series of events that led to twitter becoming the superpower it is today, with $350 million in funding, and an estimated valuation of $10 BILLION DOLLARS?

From an early age, Jack Dorsey (creator of Twitter) found the connection between roads and intersections fascinating. Obsessed with maps, at the age of 14, Jack took an interest in dispatch routing.

While learning computer programming, Jack began to create open-source software to track the dispatch routes of taxis and ambulances. In 2000 he started a company offering dispatch services from the web. In July of that year, he took this idea further to web-based real-time status updates, with inspiration coming from SMS (text messages) and AOL Instant Messenger.

Using SMS and e-mail, he began sending status updates to his friends. He could see potential but the idea never really took off. So he put the idea on the side.

At the time he was working for a company called Odeo, who needed a new idea for their business. Jack presented his idea, and was told to continue working on it. Two weeks later he presented the first prototype.

twitter sketch

Today Twitter has over 200 million users, with over 1 billion tweets being sent out per week.

At an early age Jack had an interest in dispatch routing, and how people were communicating. The idea wasn’t ready, so he gave it time to evolve in his mind. Years later it has become one of the most powerful tools in the world.

So what ideas do you have? What problems do you encounter regularly that annoy you? What are some of your pet peeves? Write these all down. They are a great starting point to forming an idea. Ideas turn into businesses, and the best business to start is one that solves a problem you are currently experiencing.

Just Think About It.

Here’s the interview I mentioned: