Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle

Developing New Connections Made Easy

Ever opened your eyes and looked around your environment?

Walking down Stephen Avenue, you think about the plans for the day. Shopping is the mission, TD Mall is the destination. Up the avenue your feet take you, as it seems the route has already been pre – determined. You’ve walked this path before, you know where you’re going.

You don’t seem to bump into anyone along the way. You make it to your destination safe and sound without thinking, before you know it you’re in Footlocker looking at the sneakers. The 5 minute walk seemed like 20 seconds, arriving at your destination before you had the chance to look around.

REWIND

Walking down Stephen Avenue, you think about your plans for the day. Shopping is the mission, TD Mall is the destination. Along your walk you notice that you don’t seem to be bumping into anyone at all. You decide to take a look around the street, instead of letting your body run on autopilot, and you come to the most stunning realization.

Everyone that walks the street is walking in a daze. Everyone walks the same pace, talks at the same volume, only socializes with the people who were pre – determined friends before they came into this environment.

Anyone that stands out from the environmental daze really sticks out. The guy sprinting down the sidewalk, disrupting the peace. The homeless man singing in the middle of the street, polluting the airways.

The Truth About the Environment

The truth about the environment is this: people are a result of their environment. Any environment you go in to, you’re expected to behave to the standard of the environment, less you stick out. The people of today’s world don’t want to be individualized, so they walk around pre – programmed to conform to the customs of the environment.

In the day time, it’s customary to walk around in a daze. Actually take a look. Open your eyes and take a look around you the next time you’re walking in day to day life. Like my realization, you will come to notice that 95% of people are programmed into their environment, behaving by the environmental custom. Does this mean that they enjoy it? Probably not. This is just the way that we’ve been raised, fit in so you don’t stick out. No one wants to draw attention to themselves, right?

This doesn’t just work on the street, though. You are a result of your environment in a classroom, and if you choose not to conform to the customs of the environment you stick out and are scorned for it. (Class clown) Think of a comedy show, the Heckler is the one that sticks out. What about the Nightclub? The environment is one of energy, enthusiasm. The one that sticks out is the one that approaches people with a vibe captivated by negativity.

How Can You Use This?

Now that you are as awakened as I am, you must understand that the daze is what people are brought up to believe is the custom. Social Dynamics is about giving value, in a way that would be perceived as valuable.

You’ve decided Daytime Dating is the best for you, and you want to pull people out of their daze. Do you really think someone’s going to want to be pulled out of their daze of contentment into your negative reality? Probably not, bro. Shed the negative headspace and approach with positivity, you want to be giving value to people if you’re going to pull them into your reality.

Start conversations with the intent of making someone’s day. This works at night too, approach someone with the intent of making their night. Understand the environment that you’re in, and approach bringing value in that environment. During the day, maybe you approach them and pull them out of their daze to tell them, with a large smile and a confident conversation starter, that you thought they were cute. At night time, maybe you have a bit more energy than the group and you approach with the intent of getting this party started!

A student of Social Dynamics understands that people are a result of their environment. However, once you start studying Social Dynamics, you can become one who creates the environment. You can be the one that dictates the flow of the environment. As you begin to internalize Social Dynamics, you’ll start to realize that you become the environment.

** Interested in the content of this article!? Good! I’m releasing a book at the end of this month, “Up to This Point” by Kingpin Social! This book will dive deep into the world we live in today, bringing clarity to the ever – misunderstood social aspect of our humanity. “Up to This Point” will be released on September 30th, only to our faithful subscribers! If you haven’t subscribed yet, all good! Click here, and get this party started <3 **

Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle Night Game

Should You Buy Girls Drinks?

hotties at club“Hey babe, can I buy you a drank?”

A lot of girls go out to the bar with the expectation of either getting approached or groped (not that we want to or not)… one of the two. Typically with an approach you end up with a nice little alcoholic beverage in your right hand, and new friend who you can probably rely on for a few drinks throughout the night. Its just part of the whole dating experience-the clubbing experience. A lot of girls have been programmed to expect that every guy who talks to them needs to buy them a drink. You have to buy the ticket to enjoy the show kind of dealio.

We all know that girls don’t go to the bar with a huge money clip to spend on drinks, dudes do. I myself have been that girl who would go to the club with $20 in my bra alongside my ID and end up home pretty gooned without any effort at all. Girls get a lot of stuff for free, especially in the nightclub scene. Free cabs, free drinks, free food, free cover, free coat-check, etc. Guys go out to the bar, they roll up with a huge wad of cash or end up starting a tab for the night. They rack up their credit cards buying girls drinks all night and splurge all their hard earned money on girls who wont even call them back the next day, or didn’t even give them your number. Saweeet. You are such a baller.

Lets Get Real

drinks

Guys, you can’t get a quality girl? You keep spending tons of moo-la at the club and don’t leave with any numbers? Who’s to blame? Yourself. You are crazy for thinking that just because you buy a girl a drink she needs to give you her number. You’re the one who offered her the drink willingly and it’s not as if she can read your mind anyways. You can’t buy the girl out to like you, well… not the right kind of girl. We are talking quality over quantity. Start a conversation, you are a really cool guy and you have a lot to offer besides a vodka cran. If you end up having a sweet conversation with a really cool chick, then yeah, by all means buy her a drink and proceed on with the conversation. Get to know her, take her to the dance floor and have a good time. Don’t be walking up to every good looking girl being like “Hey, can I buy you a drank?” Real original Mr. Suave. You sound desperate, and not to mention like you are trying to get the girl drunk in order for you to take her home. Red Flag!

Girls, you are crazy for walking up to a guy and actually asking for him to buy you a drink before you can really even have a conversation. The fact that this happens boggles my mind. After talking to my brother as well as a few other dude-friends, I was really shocked at how many girls will just walk up to a guy and ask for a drink. Don’t treat every dude like he’s your sugar daddy, you instantly look like an easy target and not to mention demanding. Can you say impotent? You can do better than that. The right guy isn’t going to let you walk all over him and be your personal drink daddy all night. He wants to get to know you and see what you are truly like, and if you guys ‘click.’ If he is not coming up to you asking if you would like a drink, I would probably take that as a good sign that he isn’t just trying to get in to your pants, he actually wants to talk. You want romance and deep connections, this is where it starts, and isn’t that what you have been moaning on about wanting to your girlfriends over Monday night Cosmo’s? Be open to it.

This social norm of buying drinks in order to get chicks isn’t the solution to you finding an awesome girl to take home to Mom. And the same goes for the ladies. If you can actually have an authentic conversation and build natural connection than that is far more valuable to you than a glass of gin.

J

Categories
Mental Performance

Find the Calm within the Storm

don't drink and driveYesterday I woke up to some bad news. One of my friends had fallen asleep while driving home last night and gotten into an accident. Thankfully he was ok, but there was some other bad news: he was over the legal limit for alcohol consumption. He received a DUI charge. He’s been battling alcohol problems for a while.

“I’m going to go to an AA meeting today at 5:30,” he says to me on the phone.

Going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is never an easy thing. It’s an uncomfortable situation, and you don’t know what to expect. It definitely doesn’t help that by going you are making a statement to yourself that you ARE in need of help, and can’t fix it yourself. It can be a tough pill to swallow.

A few years back I went to an AA meeting in support of another friend of mine. I wasn’t even going to the meeting for myself, yet I still felt uncomfortable. Thinking about this, I knew the best move for me to make was to go support my friend at his first AA meeting, instead of having him go alone. Plus that way I can assure he gets there and doesn’t miss it.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

He goes on to say I don’t have to but if I were willing he would appreciate it. So that’s what I did.

During the meeting there is a discussion period, where most of the people there will get a chance to talk about whatever they want to. You’ve seen it in the movies: “Hi I’m X and I’m an alcoholic…” One of the guys, I can’t remember his name, older fellow, started talking about how he’s tried to get better multiple times, used treatment centers, used AA, and every time he ends up falling back. His voice was irritated. You could hear the sense of frustration with each word he said. The frustration wasn’t to imply he was giving up though. No not at all. He still had that fierce determination, that “swag” that he was going to win this battle.

He said the key to him succeeding was to find calmness when things got out of wack – even if just a little bit. “Just take 5 minutes,” he constantly reminded himself. This applied no matter where he was; whenever he began to feel stressed out, he would just take 5 minutes to himself to meditate and calm his mind down. “When you do this, you are able to make the decision you actually want to make, instead of one based on emotions or fear.”

eye of the storm

This resonated with me a lot. Lately I’ve been stressed out to say the least. It’s honestly the most stressed out I’ve been in over 3 years. No joke. And to be honest, I’m not even “that” stressed out; and it could be worse, but I believe you should be optimizing at all times, so no amount of stress to me is “ok”. I prefer to live my life 100% drama-free.

In my opinion, all the stress I’ve had recently could be avoided if I dealt with things better. I need to be that much more organized and that much better at “finding the calm within the storm.” I can be better at taking 5 minutes to control my emotions before making any decisions. I can take full responsibility.

One of the coolest side effects of studying Social Dynamics is that you become emotionally stable. This allows you to make decisions properly, of which make your life that much better.

I know it’s something we have all heard a million times, and a million more times on top of that, but regardless, being reminded of the basics never hurts; and to be honest, since attending that AA meeting I have made a much more conscious decision to take 5 minutes to re-center, and this has impacted my life in very positive ways lately.

zen

So next time you are feeling a bit overwhelmed, stressed out, angry, or jealous, take 5 minutes wherever you are, head into a bathroom stall, pull over on the side of the road – whatever you have to do – and find the calm within the storm. Or as my Mother would say: “Take a breath and count to ten.”

Big things will be happening with the newsletter soon, including the release of the new ebook (over 100 pages!!) so make sure you sign-up below. No spam ever. Also help spread the word and share the site with your friends: girls, guys, whoever. Let them know!

Last thing before I go: Brian and I recently put together a few resource pages, so make sure you check them out:

Categories
Mental Performance

Facing Yourself: Developing Self Worth

Driving home from work, you start to mentally plan your evening. It’s Friday Night, you’re single and ready to mingle!

This whole “meeting people” thing is still fresh to you though. You like the idea, but you don’t know what to expect. Instead of excitement you feel nervousness in your stomach when thinking about being out at the bar. “I’d like to go out and meet new people tonight, but I’m tired anyways.” You decide to stay inside with your single self, wasting away your night playing video games until 3 in the morning. Another Friday Night rolls by without creating more options for yourself.

“The ego is interested in maintaining your current emotional state, perceived by the environment.”

This life is tough. There are things that need to get done, fears that need to be faced and comfort zones that need to be destroyed on the road to self development. The hardest part is not the fight with your environment, and breaking free from it. It’s not the waking up early every morning, going to a job you hate. The hardest part of self development isn’t even the hangover from the bar the previous night.

The single hardest battle you will have on the road to self development is the battle within yourself.

“The only enemy is an internal one.”

The first step to recovery is acceptance, and acceptance comes from bypassing ignorance. This is the hardest stage for most people, because why should they have to fix a problem when they could just deny that they have it in the first place?

Let’s say that you accept the fact that you have naturally lazy habits. The next step is to design an action plan that says “this is how I’m going to destroy my lazy habits,” then each and every single day wake up and take action. Destroying bad habits created by the content ego is a process, and takes consistent action. The long term benefits of the process of betterment, however, are worth it.

A healthy, long lasting, internal sense of self worth.

The longer one lives in ignorance, the longer one mistakes contentment for bliss. Bliss is only bliss because the ignorant choose to remain unawakened to long – term happiness. Long – term happiness comes from internal validation.

What is Internal Validation?

Internal Validation is feeling good from the inside. Our brains are much smarter than we realize, in order to feel good from the inside out we need to acknowledge all of our problems consciously, and make the decision to work them. See, if you’re lazy, whether or not you choose to consciously acknowledge it, your subconscious mind knows that you’re lazy. Denial isn’t bad for relationships, denial’s bad because you’re lying to yourself. You already knew that, though.

How can one be happy from the core, knowing that they’re lying to themselves?

The worst part about ignorance to internal issues is that if one doesn’t feel good from the core, they will seek external validation. They will look to other people to fill the hole in themselves, they’ll look for other people to make them feel good in order to maintain their sense of self worth. When Self – Worth is derived from the environment, it is never stable, for the external environment is shifty and un – reliable. Not only this, but people in your external environment can sense if you’re seeking validation from them, and they will resent you for it.

“Hey guys! Check out my new car. Pretty sick, hey?”

One must feel good from the core, internally validated, by maintaining personal integrity. Acknowledge the issues that hold you back in terms of personal development, and design a daily action plan to take care of those issues. It is only when one becomes awakened to the limitations of the ego, that one is able to break free from the self – induced shackles. Are you naturally lazy? Do you have a problem with people getting too close to you? Are you afraid of meeting new people? Do you think you’re already “good enough?” Are you a person who chooses to only see the negative? Acknowledge these internal issues, and take action towards them.

Your brain already knows if you’re lying to yourself. Choose to consciously see your problems and work on them, and get that sense of internal self – worth that you’ve been looking for.

**More on the Ego in Up to This Point, by Kingpin Social! Released at the end of September. If you want to receive YOUR copy, sign up for our newsletter! Enter your email for access to the member’s side of this information <3 … oh yeah. It doesn’t cost you a thing 😉 **

Categories
Mental Performance Relationships

My Thoughts On Break Ups…

I know, it hurts..

Most of us have been there. You know, eating that tub of Ben & Jerry’s until you’re on a sugar coma. You’ve watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall for the 4th time and it’s already 4am.  The black-out-drunk nights. You pull out cash from your pocket as fast as the bartender can pour your triple vodka sodas. You’re heart is numb and grainy kinda like your hand when you sit on it too long. Alcohol does dull the pain and the heartache. Doin’ Just Fine by BoyzIIMen is on replay on your iPod. Retail therapy. Worse of all, the rebound relationships. It’s not ideal but I understand. Who doesn’t miss that warm body on their bed every night?

Oh man, break ups provide a bad cocktail of emotional confusion all around.

I’ve only taken home two girls to my beloved parents. The rest, well, that’s another story all together. Hey, I’m no saint. Haha! I dated my first girlfriend for three years. My second relationship, we we’re together for over two and a half years. Looking back, falling out of love is not always necessarily a bad thing. We both had our reasons to part ways and it’s all good. In the end, both of us were unhappy and have already outgrown each other.

Breaking up, painful as it is, was the best thing to do.

I think it’s sad how some relationships go from luke warm to searing hot then at a snap of a finger, ice cold. You become strangers to the other person you once shared your most intimate self with. There’s no easy way to break someone’s heart but here are a few things I’ve learned to make it just a little bit better.

  • Be Honest.
    Enough with the it’s-not-you-it’s-me bullshit. Cut the crap ok? Give the other person enough respect and tell them why you’re breaking up. They deserve to know, especially if you dated each other for a significant amount of time. This also gives them an opportunity to become better people. Whatever the reason maybe, swallow your pride and admit it. They might be really hurt initially, but honesty goes a long way.
  • Do It In Person.
    Keep it classy and be sincere. You hung out and spent a lot of time together right? Have enough balls to meet the other person up and end it in person too. I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand seeing someone cry. Delivering bad news in person isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but I didn’t have to tell you that.
  • Help Them Out.
    How do you do it? Leave the other person alone for a bit and give them some space. Time really does heal all. Don’t complicate things by sending mixed signals. It won’t help if you keep on texting “I miss you” messages to the other person. Everything said at this point could be easily misinterpreted because of the roller coaster of emotions. From my experience, this caused the relationship to get back together and break up again repeatedly until we we’re both emotionally numb. It’s draining and painful to experience heartache over and over.
  • Don’t Talk Shit.
    Whatever your reasons are for breaking up, keep it low key. My friend told me one time, “Don’t say anything you’ll regret.”Bite your tounge. Don’t give the other person any reason to say anything bad about you, even if you know you’re right. I’m not telling you to bottle it in. It’s important to get it out of your chest. It’s healthy to talk about what happened but be selective who you do this with. You’re interpretation of the event will always be filtered and biased to your side, which is obviously not accurate. Words travel fast through the grape vines and if you talk shit you’ll get busted eventually. This will only add fuel to the fire and might make things worse. If other people ask about what happened, say “It just didn’t work out.” No need to elaborate. You’re not obligated to explain the whole thing if you don’t want to.
  • Wish Each Other The Best.
    If the other person is better off being with somebody else, then so be it. Both of you deserve to be happy, even if that means not being together anymore. This one, in my opinion, takes a lot of maturity to do. So give each other a tight hug for the last time, then say “Goodbye and good luck.”

I always put a comma on things, never a period. Someone I knew always said “What ever happens, happens.” It’s so simple, yet so true. Enjoy the experience for what it was. Take the time to reflect on the relationship, and learn from the mistakes. Give yourself enough time to mourn but after that, pick yourself up and move on. Love will find you the moment you start doing what you love.

Hey, maybe somewhere down the road, your paths may cross again right?

Categories
Attracting Women

What Big Brother 13 Taught Me About Showing Weakness

big brotherOne of my favorite parts of summer is a brand new season of Big Brother. I know what you might be thinking… “Wait… you watch Big Brother? Really?” to which I say… abso-fucking-lutely.

I agree that reality tv can be super lame. This happens if you are watching it for entertainment purposes. Let’s be honest, it’s very shitty entertainment… unless you watch it to see people act like morons (like on Jersey Shore). But if you watch reality tv from the angle of studying Social Dynamics, then it can be extremely interesting. If you watch it for body language, tonality, and how people interact, it’s a totally different show. At least that’s the case for me.

Now I know some haterz out there will be quick to point out that reality tv isn’t 100% real all the time. I know, and that’s why I stick to shows like Big Brother that are a little more realistic than “The World According to Paris”.

So the other night I was watching Big Brother. Two of the contestants, Shelly and Kalia, were talking in a room and getting to know each other on an internal level. They were talking about the struggle Kalia has had growing up as a black women. At the end of their talk Shelly said how she didn’t really feel much of a connection with Kalia before, but after learning about the struggle she’s gone through, it really made her understand Kalia better. They bonded.

Watch the first minute and 25 seconds of the clip:

Throughout all my years in the pick-up community, I was taught not to show weakness. I was taught not to talk about where I may not be strong, or what might make me “less attractive”. I was taught to avoid “DLVs”, or “Demonstration of Low-Value.” But there’s a major flaw to all of this: your struggle, your weakness, your “DLVs” are all a part of who you are. Everything that has happened in the past has shaped you to who you are today. Nothing wrong with that.

Think about it like this:

Everybody loves to meet new people. But why? You want to meet someone new because they are unique. Every human on this planet is a unique individual – no two people are the same. This makes meeting new people exciting, because you never know how your life will be the same with that person. They could end up having a major impact on your life, or maybe not, but either way it’s a new experience. Each person has a unique opportunity for you. This is why with 7 billion people on the planet, there are also 7 billion options

unique

But don’t you just want to know the cool parts of people? I don’t think so. Everybody is cool in his or her own way. What makes you unique isn’t what you are good at, but what you’ve been through. It’s the struggle. Through weakness and struggle you can learn about what that persons character is. Learning about their character is what will allow you two to connect on that internal level. The way you become friends with somebody is through having commonalities. This can come in the form of external things (like you both do yoga), or it can come in the form of internal qualities (your character).

Take this with a grain of salt:

Now, I want to be clear on one thing: I am not suggesting for you to start running around sharing your whole life story to every girl you meet. I wouldn’t recommend going out to the club and informing everyone how you spend your free time playing video games; you still need to calibrate what information you disclose based on the appropriateness of the situation. If you just met her, she doesn’t know that you just got out of rehab. Feel me?

But when it’s appropriate, definitely open up. When you are willing to open up and share who you are at the core, it shows that you are secure with yourself and have confidence. Remember, everything in your past has shaped you to who you are today, so if she is going to judge you based on your past, then maybe she wasn’t for you. And don’t forget that if you want to get to know someone, then use the going first technique.

every path has its puddles

I hope that helps ease any anxiety about opening up and sharing who you are internally. That’s what his blog is all about: solving the problem, “why can’t we all just get along?” It’s about being able to connect with others, as well as yourself. Connection means that you are in-sync, so it definitely applies to your own journey as well. If you like the content, subscribe below and share it with your friends. You won’t regret it.

For more on this topic, check out my video blog below:

Categories
Attracting Women Day Game

Sick of Online Dating? Bar-Star’s not Cutting it? Shift Your Focus.

Disclaimer! Although this article is for men, Kingpin Social is implementing a women’s program into our course guide. If you’re interested in creating more options for yourself, you’re sick of online dating and the creeps at the bar just aren’t doing it for you… get in contact with us! We can help.

It’s 4:08pm on a Saturday afternoon. You make your way through the mall, window shopping but on quest for a new shirt. You’re meeting up with your friend at 5pm, you got to the mall a bit early.

Since reading about Social Dynamics, you’ve been having more of an open mind to meeting new people. After all, who wouldn’t want to? It’s the smart thing to do.

Your eyes glance upwards as a cute brunette walks towards you. She’s about your height, her hair flows down to her mid back and she’s got the look on her face of the innocent, girl next door.

“Ehhh, I’m a fan of girls that are shorter than me.” A voice in your head speaks to you as you let her pass you by, without saying a word.

Shifting Your Focus

Every scenario that happens to you in this life just “is”. There is no positive or negative, it is your perception on the scenario that makes it positive or negative. This means that when the girl is walking towards you, this is what is. What you make of it, is up to you. “I don’t like this girl,” or “This is an opportunity to meet someone!” It is your perception that shapes the outcome of the situation at hand.

In the above scenario, you were feeling a bit “in your head”, and when you looked at the girl your head told you that you don’t like shorter girls. Your perception limits the truth, because most people’s perception are filtered through their ego. The ego is interested in maintaining it’s current emotional state, and it’s not going to risk it approaching a hot girl if it’s afraid of getting rejected. (More on this in my new book, Up to This Point; released Sept 30!)

Instead of risking rejection, the ego will look for a reason not to approach the brunette. “I don’t like brunettes,” “She’s too tall for me,” even “I don’t like her style.” If you really wanted to, you could look at anyone and find 5 things about their physical appearance that you didn’t like.

“10 things I like about you…

Just as you can find 5 reasons why you don’t like someone, you can also find 5 reasons to like someone. I realized this when, every hot girl that walked by, I had an excuse not to approach her. At first, they weren’t my type, for real. Then I noticed when the super cute girls, that were my type, walked by me I wouldn’t be able to approach. In fact, I’d make more excuses as to why I wasn’t approaching.

Ideally, Daytime Dating is what I shoot for. It’s also what I teach my students as the best option. I don’t want to have to go out 3 times a week to increase my options, I want to be grocery shopping at Safeway, see the girl I want to talk to, and go talk to her. I find when I meet girls in the club, or at the bar, they’re as externally validated as the club environment itself. Personally, I’m not a big drinker, so my type is not one that’s likely to be found in the bar.

Meeting new people can be scary, but if you’re going to make the smart move and jump outside of your comfort zones then you must give yourself reasons to approach.

The voice in your head goes crazy, when you decide that you want to grow. At first, you’re really excited, reading these posts. Then you go out into the real world and that’s when the irrational excuses come out, inhibiting your growth; stunting your progress. If one is to grow, one must shift their perspective on any given situation.

Man Up, Bro!

The next time you’re walking by someone who interests you, look them up and down. Instead of looking for reasons not to talk to them, look for reasons you CAN talk to them. Maybe they have a unique tattoo, or their sense of style intrigues you.

“Hey! Really quick, I just have to ask you where you got your tattoo, it’s very unique”

Get off the computer and out into the real world. Daytime Dating is ideal, because during the daytime is when you’re likely to meet the quality people who don’t venture out to the bars at night. I’ve found that most of my long term connections happen through meeting them during the day. The best part about approaching during the day? It’s actually a lot easier than that voice in your head makes it out to be, and most people are receptive to a friendly individual. As long as your energy and emotional state comes from a place of giving value.

** KINGPIN LIFESTYLE IS RELEASING THE SECOND BOOK ON THEIR WEBSITE COME THE END OF SEPTEMBER! This book will go in depth on the concepts talked about on this website. This book will be for men, women, children and dogs, for the concepts in it are universal and apply to every area of life. Up to This Point, released on September 30, 2011! **

Hope this helps! Comment and SUBSCRIIIBE <3

 

Categories
Dates

The LITTLE things make a BIG difference.

Errr…

So ladies picture this: you are walking in to this nice venue on your first date with a great looking guy, who seems to have his shit together and to top it off you guys are starting to click. You anticipated this moment for the past few hours while getting ready. You bought this really great dress, shoes and earrings strictly for that evening and maybe even splurged on a Brazilian blow-out for the occasion. You feel fantastic and put in a lot of effort of making a first impression. As he opens the door for you, you start to make small talk and once silence starts to settle in you look down. You zero in on his grungy sneakers that are underneath his nice pair of dress pants. ‘WTF?’

Take care of yourself

I was having a conversation with a girlfriend of mine on different blog ideas that I could talk about, strictly to first dates. She brought up how she judged guys on the basis of their shoes, and I realized I did the same thing! Hilarious!  I was instantly intrigued by this concept.

Flashback time! I went on a date with this really great guy to the jubilee two years ago and he was in nice proper attire for the occasion but he was wearing these grungy running ‘sneaks.’ I was fixated on the fact that this guy who makes more than a decent wage was wearing these really crummy shoes to such a nice event and more importantly on a first date where you want to present yourself in the best way possible. My first thought? He’s cheap and refuses to buy new shoes, he doesn’t care about how he will come across to me, or he must not take care of himself.

I instantly zeroed in on his shoes and started to think that it represented a piece of him, and that piece of him I was instantly un-attracted to. They were grimy, worn out and extremely old.  It may sound extremely shallow on the surface but shoes are a great indicator of how much a guy really takes care of him-self. It’s something that is small enough that you can get an idea of what kind of guy he is, and big enough that he shouldn’t be ignorant to how he wants to present himself. If you don’t care about taking care of the little things, like your shoes, we begin to think of what else you don’t care about. Girls read in to things (guys do too.) I dated a guy who’s friends said they could tell a lot about a girls hygiene by the state of their feet. Which definitely encourages me to get pedicures!

Think about this: Why do girls like guys who have six-packs? Besides the fact that they are nice to look at, it represents that the guy actually gives a shit and will put in the time to be the best he can be. Being with a guy who has a six pack doesn’t really give us any value, it’s just an indicator that he is more likely to have his life together and actually cares.

The attraction factor

A guy who knows how to take care of himself is attractive, because we then know that he can take care of the women in his life. It’s not that we all want to be passive trophy-wives- It’s ingrained in to our DNA structure. Women want their men to be the provider, the hunter, the dominant, bearded fellow who rips apart raw meat with his fangs…er, sorta. You get the idea though. The more “manly” the guy gets, the more we are naturally attracted to him.

So some of the guys may be thinking… “So wouldn’t she think I am a bit femme if I have super nice shoes?” Yes and no. I am not talking about going out and buying Prada shoes to go with your MANicure. I am talking about putting on some shoes, whatever style, that are clean and aren’t falling apart. I myself like dress shoes, slip-ons, flip-slops, hiking boots, skaters, basketball shoes, etc. If I am out with you I probably already ‘get’ your style and I like it, so it’s not the kind, but the state they are in. You worked really hard to get her on a date, so dont fuck it up by not being presentable.  If you look put together, she will think you have your shit together. Simple as that.

Soooooo… any one down for some shoe-shopping? 😉

J

 

Categories
Mental Performance Relationships

Don’t be Her Therapist, Bro.

Every time I travel, I continue to realize one thing: Generally… people are good people. Because of this, some people like to take advantage of it. A common example is the friend who only calls you when they are going through something and need advice. Have you ever had a friend like this? I know I have. Growing up I was naturally very perceptive; I could see through problems and give solid advice. (big surprise hey?)

But what if you actually like the girl? What if you want a better relationship than one where she only calls you to talk about her problems… even if that means you are only looking for a friendship and not necessarily something romantic. This post is for you.

The other night while having sushi with a good friend of mine, he asked me my opinion on this exact situation. He’s interested in a girl but the only time they talk it involves her asking for advice from him. He isn’t even stuck in the friend zone, he’s stuck being her fucking therapist. The lowest of the low if you ask me.

therapist

So my friend asked me how I thought he should approach the situation if he’s looking to hang out with her and not talk about her problems all day. The problem is this: she doesn’t understand what he perceives as valuable… or…. she doesn’t value the relationship.

The solution is simple.

First you need to identify whether or not she is interested in having a real friendship. You do this simply by letting her know you’re interested in hanging out with her outside of a phone call, as friends. You can also let her know you think she’s great and you know she is a lot more fun than what you’ve seen so far. Let her know you want to see that side of her.

Once this is established, you need to take responsibility for the situation and do your part in bringing awareness to her on what you perceive as valuable. If she doesn’t understand what you perceive as value, how can she bring you value? It’s up to you.

Now that she understands what you perceive as value, the value exchange can begin. If you’ve talked to her properly, you can approach this situation just like you would with any friend. Bring value freely and they will as well. If not, let them know what’s up, but remember it’s up to you to take responsibility. There is no sense in putting the blame on anybody else. Do your part.

personal boundariesAlso understand that you need to set your boundaries. You aren’t there to be someone’s therapist; you are there to be a friend. That line can be blurry sometimes. Drama and negativity wastes a ton of mental energy, so don’t forget to live drama free by setting proper boundaries.

At the end of the day, you have to be able to assert your influence and form the type of relationship you want, but it takes two to tango. If she’s just looking for a shoulder to cry on and isn’t going to be a willing participant in a healthy friendship, then have the strength to cut your losses and move on. There are 7 billion people in the world; you don’t have to settle for anybody. You have an unlimited amount of options if you go out there and take advantage of it. You could easily meet a new friend by saying hi to someone new at your local Starbucks, or inviting the cute girl you sit next to in university to grab coffee after class.

At the end of the day, the only thing worse than being in the friend zone is being her therapist… so don’t be her therapist bro.

Hope that helps everybody out. If it did, please share it with your friends. Life is all about the actions that you take. One you can take right now, that will make a serious difference in your life is to subscribe below. We aren’t here to spam you or waste your time. We’re here to help you live the baddest mother fucking life you can, and if you allow yourself to put some faith into what we teach, that will happen for you. Seriously. I only know this because it’s happened for me, and for other people I’ve taught.