Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle Social Gym

How To Avoid Missing Opportunities.

It’s Sunday afternoon.

You’re at the grocery store picking up food to cook for the week. It’s a struggle. You have a pounding hang over from your two day bender. Oh man, you’re hurting.

At the corner of the aisle, you turn around.

“Gasp!” You’re in shock.

There she is.

A stunner. The woman of your dreams. Your perfect “10!” You get excited and your heart starts pounding like a drum solo from your favorite rock song. You forgot what you were shopping for and all you could focus on is her.

Your eyes are locked and you’ve zoned out.

You want to approach. You know how to do this, you’ve done this a million times. You know what to say and how to win her over. Except you look like you just got out of bed. Well, maybe because you just did. Messy hair, baggy sweat pants and you didn’t even brush your teeth.

You let out a huge “Sigh.” in frustration.

There you are, left standing as you watch her disappear.

hot girl

Another missed opportunity.

I truly believe that success happens when preparation meets opportunity. Dressing up and grooming yourself is an essential part of the process of creating that gravitational vibe that you’ve been searching for. Always aim to put your best foot forward when you interact with the world. A sense of style that effectively communicates your personality sub communicates that you actually give a shit, therefore the people that you talk to will take you as seriously as you take yourself.

Wearing clothes that represent your personality is part of your personal preparation, setting you up for those opportunities.

I believe that your style is an external representation of who you are internally. The way you dress says a lot about your personality and your perceived self-worth. Over-sized sweatpants say “I don’t really care.” Frosted-tips and jeans with rhinestones scream “I’m overcompensating!” Your style is your external opener when you’re communicating with the our superficial society.

Did you know people have already formed an opinion of who you are within the first 7 seconds? How you portray yourself does make a difference and it’s just the way the world works. Your quick wit and charm may win them over after you’ve talk to them but that first impression always lingers. If it’s not favorable, then you’re going against the grain and giving yourself unnecessary roadblocks. Maybe that’s why the cutie you approached won’t give you the time of day because it looks like you don’t take yourself seriously.

Take assertiveness with the way you look. Take time to get ready because you never know when the right opportunity will come your way.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Mental Performance

Job Security is a Farce

keep calm and make teaRecently I sat down with a client I worked with two years ago for tea and to catch up. It was a Saturday afternoon, the day before spent moving into the new Kingpin Social workspace. Throughout the day I was definitely excited to catch-up with him. His bootcamp back in the day taught me a lot. He was the first student I worked with who was 40+.

Prior to taking the bootcamp, my student had been married for twelve years and only recently divorced. Needless to say, he is much more experienced in the long-term dating scene than I am. And that’s one of the first things I told him on bootcamp: “You were married for twelve years. You know much more about relationships than I do, but I know I will be able to see where you are at and the issues you’ve been having and help you out.”

That’s exactly what happened. Over the course of the next three days we worked through his issues, and he left with a newfound energy towards meeting people. Working with my first client 40+ is an experience I will never forget.

Sitting down for tea with my client made my day. He walked into Starbucks on 15th avenue downtown glowing. We took our seats and I immediately asked him to tell me everything that’s been going on. The first thing out of his mouth is:

“Well, I got laid off my job…” In my head I’m thinking, “ohhh fuck”, until he finishes his sentence “…best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me.” Phew! Being an entrepreneur myself, I obviously have a significant interest in the journey of other entrepreneurs and the struggles we all face at the beginning. Deciding to quit your job and go off on your own brings forth many inner demons that you need to face head on or risk resorting to plan bs and other silly gimmicks that lead you to second guess and be filled with self-doubt.

If you’ve been following this blog, you know that I was blessed with a father who is also an entrepreneur. From the moment I was born I have been taught to be independent and to work my ass off if I want to be successful. My Father is a great example of someone who came from little to become successful by working harder than the next guy. Throughout my whole life he has taught me to follow in his footsteps and work my balls off.

The day before moving into the new Kingpin Social workspace, Mikey B, one of my new roommates and I got into a discussion about work ethic and how, inspired by my Father, I am determined to work even harder in this new house. Every time I sign a new lease for a property, I view it as the beginning of a new chapter in my life, and set new goals and ambitions accordingly. Work ethic is without a doubt one of the qualities I will be working on that much harder for the next year, as I progress through the lease I just signed.

During Mikey B and I’s conversation, I went on to tell him a story my uncle told me about my Father, and how he would get up at 4am to be at work for 4:30am, to get in an extra hour or two before the rest of his co-workers show up. My uncle told me that the reason my Dad is successful is because he works harder than everybody else. It’s that simple. Hearing this story, I could see a fire light up in Mikey B. The following day he posted this on his status:

“What makes you successful is not just how hard you work but how long you can keep that hard work up more than the next guy in line. If your co-workers are at work for 10am, be there for 8 or 9.”

The status had received a few comments, so I scrolled down to read them.

Guy: Join a union. Then it doesn’t make a difference if the next guy in line is Jesus Christ himself.

Mikey B: That depends on your definition of successful.

Guy: I define successful as a well paying job with a high level of job security and good benefits.

alice in wonderlandMy jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe this guys comments. Join a union? I’m good. What an idiot. Job security? What job security? Frustrated I closed Facebook down and went on with my day. Later that day I was sitting down for tea with my client, who had just finished telling me how he got laid off and it was the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Naturally the conversation turns to job security as I relay the story from earlier to my client. We had a great time discussing this topic.

Job Security is an Illusion

Job security doesn’t exist. It’s a state of mind. At the end of the day, the only person you can depend on for security of any kind is yourself. There are countless horror stories you can find online, of employees with twenty or more years with a company being laid off and losing everything.

Remember: Jobs are owned by the company, you own your career! ~ E. Nightingale

Sure, someone could argue that being a part of a Union gives you job security, in which case, maybe you’re right. But what’s the price you put on yourself? Your time? Your effort? Should you earn the same amount as the next person… even if you work harder OR work better? Do you really not think a major issue with today’s Education system is having a teachers union? Does being a part of a union motivate you to do quality work? Remember I’m saying this as a teacher myself. There’s absolutely no way I could see myself, as a teacher, doing a quality job if I had absolute security that no matter the quality of work I put forth, I would be paid the same as the next guy and it would be incredibly difficult for me to lose my job. Ya right.

job security

How You Actually Get Job Security

Instead of focusing on joining a union, trading your worth for “security”, you should work on relevant skills. Having relevant skillsets in your arsenal means you will never run out of work. Think about it like this: Do you think as someone who teaches Social Dynamics I am concerned about losing my job? Not at all as long as I do a good job. I am employed by the people, not the system. Social skills will never go out of business. They will always be necessary.

Let me ask you a question: In the past two thousand years, how much has technology changed? Quite a bit, wouldn’t you agree? Ok, what about people? In the last two thousand years, how much have people changed? Wouldn’t you agree that answer: is not much? Throughout all the years, people haven’t changed much at all. So if you are able to develop relevant skills that people need and have always needed, there’s the job security you are looking for.

But that’s not all. As you focus on obtaining relevant skills, you should also focus on expanding your social network. Having a social network will also keep you employed. “It’s not what you know it’s who you know.” If you know people who know people, finding a job won’t be very difficult. Maybe that can even be your job. You just know a bunch of people and can refer your network amongst each other, grabbing referral cuts along the way.

“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” -Aristotle

What do you think? Do you agree? Are you currently focusing on developing relevant skills and your social network? Are you passionate about your job? Let me know in the comments below. Let’s talk about this. It’s too important of a topic to stand on the sidelines.

Categories
Attracting Women Relationships

My Thoughts on Hook – Ups

busy menWhat do you want with your life?

This week has brought some interesting challenges, to be moderate with description. Moving out on my own, handling all the logistics, decorating my house and getting it set up. All in a matter of 2 days.

Last night at the Backalley I was met with an interesting challenge. The night rolled on, momentum building while meeting new strangers, until 12:30am came around and I started to loose momentum.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t doing well, it was that I wasn’t interested in talking to anyone that was around me. Since I’ve slowed on drinking completely, being sober and talking to drunk people isn’t the apple to my eye. Nonetheless,”I came here with Michael Casanova and Niko so I’m not going to go home yet,” I told myself.

I grabbed a water with a slice of lime and headed to the side of the dance floor. If I wasn’t going to be socializing, I may as well be people watching. I looked at the individual groups on the floor with interest; it’s funny how much you can see when you step back and open your eyes. I put the straw to my mouth to be greeted with the refreshing taste of water with squirted lime; the perfect throat remedy.

I wandered my gaze back towards the dance floor to be greeted with familiar eyes. One of my friends who I always see out when I’m venturing was looking towards me with her cute friend, I caught their glance and raised my eyebrows in sarcasm. They came towards me and started talking, these would be the girls I would spend the rest of the night with.

Going home alone was the plan, meeting new people was the mission. On the ride home Michael, Niko and I discussed the night when I came upon an interesting realization about time.

What Are YOU Doing With Yours?

I talked to Niko and Michael about one of the girls that I met tonight. She was a cool individual, had her feet on the ground and seemed to be centered. I was talking about going out for coffee with this girl.

Girl: I don’t know. You’re definitely a player.

I thought about the definition of a “player”, and I quickly took my stance against it. I’ve seen a player as an individual who lies and says whatever necessary to get the end game. I’ve seen this first hand, and my moral compass sets me off from this idea.

one night standThen I started thinking about the idea of hook ups, and I started wondering what the point of hook – ups are. Does anybody win? Beyond the short term climax, in the long run the internal individual does not benefit from hook ups. The man who goes around lying to get what he wants is an internally bruised individual, where the woman who gives herself away is simply looking for affection in any way she can find it.

Either way, nobody wins. I had a good friend tell me the other day that he had quit drinking, smoking marijuana, smoking, doing drugs, all for one reason.

Friend: I was sitting at home one day, and I asked myself. Smoking. Is it causing me to grow? No. Is it holding back my growth? Yes. Then I ran through this with every external element in my life, until I came to my conclusions on what I was going to continue, what I was going to start doing, and what I needed to stop.

This life is a journey, and on this journey you have two options. The first option is to do what you’ve always done, and to get what you’ve always gotten. The second option is to change something, and expect different results.

If you’re the man who hooks up with girls sporadically, hoping it’ll fix the internal sense of loneliness, it won’t. I’ve tried, personally. I can tell you that you may find someone to temporarily fill that void of loneliness, but if you insist on finding yourself in somebody else, you’ll forget to find yourself in yourself.

If you’re the woman who’s into short term hook ups, most men (quality or not) desire the mystery. From first hand experience and personal friend’s confidence, I can say that men are not looking for a girl who gives it up right away; physically or emotionally.

Hook – Ups, or Relationships?

What gave us this notion that hook – ups were the right move, anyways? When you’re laying on your death bed, and everything external has fallen away, are you going to remember the random you met on Friday night that you slept with, or are you going to remember that one special individual who’s love exists in your memories (if you let that person fade away), maybe the one who’s love exists in the present.

love winning

Life is short, time flies, and moments fade away. Spend your moments with love, compassion, affection and seek to develop yourself, finding someone else who has chosen to do the same. I believe that if two individuals are not growing together, they’re growing apart, and I believe that love conquers any short term, external connection I could ever foster.

Categories
Mental Performance

The Missing Piece of the Process

There’s been a lot of talk lately about how important the process is, and how, instead of focusing on results, you should focus on the process. Focusing on the process helps you avoid becoming dependent on the outcome, which otherwise only leads to you becoming frustrated, building resentment and developing negative momentum. In order to see your goals through, it’s kind of important to avoid frustration, resentment and negative momentum.

Everybody knows that in order to accomplish your goals, you need to create smaller, mini goals along the way, typically called milestones. After writing down both your goal, and the milestones you need to hit, only one thing is left standing in your way of completing the goal you desire: action steps. Through the process of doing these steps, you will ultimately reach the finish line and meet your goal. The key word though, is: action. Without taking action, you will not hit your goal. That much should be obvious.

We like to call your action steps the processes. These are organized into an actionable regime called a system, allowing you to focus on the process properly. Now you can see your goals through.

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb

Now that we understand the process, let’s talk about what is missing.

missing piece of puzzle

The Missing Piece

This post was inspired by a friend of mine. You see, my friend understands that you need to be process oriented. He understands that in order to obtain your goals, you need to follow the processes that get you there. But it’s not all glory for him. Even with his fundamental knowledge of the process, and having successfully applied it to reach his goals many times over, I’ve noticed a pattern in his success: it seems to take him much longer to get there than it should.

This doesn’t come from a lack of effort either. The dude works harder than most people I know. After analyzing why this might be happening recently, I figured it out. He seems to take the hard road to success every time. Instead of working smart, he works hard. This isn’t always a bad thing, and it’s of my opinion that you should work smart and work hard. The combination of the two is best. “Work hard at working smart.” My friend seems to consistently learn things the hard way. Applicable as learning things the hard way sometimes needs to be, this got me thinking:

Should You Really Make the Same Mistake Twice?

In today’s society, it’s incredibly common to hear case studies of people “failing their way to success.” And rightfully so. Making mistakes is absolutely crucial for growth and success. Let’s not be ridiculous here, or take anything in this post out of context. No case study is better than that of Thomas Edison and the invention of the light bulb. Legend goes that Thomas Edison had over 10,000 failed experiments before the light bulb finally worked, as he famously says: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” But I wonder. Did he waste his time trying any of those experiments over and over again if he already knew that experiment didn’t work? Or did he learn from it and move onto the next one.

My question isn’t one about whether or not you should “makes mistakes and fail your way to success”, but simply: should you really make the same mistake twice?

Maybe I’m wrong, but I feel like society is too accepting of people making the same mistakes over and over again. Is that the case? Is this a mindset we all have? My friend definitely holds this certain mindset. When he makes a mistake, he views it as part of the process and he just needs to keep plugging away. This is right, because he does. But he’s missing the key piece of the process, the one where we need to learn from our mistakes. Everyone always talks about learning from your mistakes, and viewing them as feedback not failure. “Every failure as a learning experience.” But is it optimal to make that mistake again? If you make the same mistake twice, shouldn’t you have learned the first time?

I already know that some people will talk about how sometimes it takes making a mistake more than once in order for it to stick. And sometimes I agree. But realistically, how much effort do people really put into sitting down and thinking about the mistake they just made, and how to make sure it doesn’t happen again. How much thought honestly goes into learning from this mistake? I’m not convinced very much. And I’m just as guilty as the next guy.

These are some things to think about for sure. I’m not even set on my view yet, but a few examples of this come to mind.

Here’s one:

You go to school and write a test. Your teacher marks it and gives it back to you. You got 77%. Congratulations. Now comes the real test. Do you read it and practice every question you got wrong over and over, so if you wrote that same test again you would get 100%, or do you revel in the validation you received from the 77% you did get right, and hand it back to her? Which path do you choose? Which path leads you to be better prepared next time? Which one would lead to greater success?

The world has the habit of making room for the man whose actions show that he knows where he is going. ~ Napoleon Hill

rubex cube

If you think about it, the habit of studying before a test is one society encourages often. “Take the time to study so you are well prepared before an exam, and this will lead you to get better marks.” But do we carry this same mindset to other areas of our life? Do we “study” in life as much as we need to? Or should? Do we not prepare for life enough? If we prepared better, could we avoid making the mistakes we seem to make time and time again in order to learn from them? And if we do make a mistake, do you actually learn from it, so it never happens again?

Is ACTUALLY learning from your mistakes the missing piece of the puzzle? I think so. What do you think? I’d love to hear your comments below.

Categories
Mental Performance Relationships

The “One” Syndrome: A Caution for Relationships.

HoneymoonHello Honeymooners

So you ended up falling for this really great guy or girl. You have an incredible connection and you feel butterflies every time they look your way, hold your hand, or lean in to kiss you. You can’t get enough of them, you see fireworks whenever they smile, and you can’t seem to rub off that stupid grin off your face. You have officially become one of those couples you used to see everywhere and wanted to yell “Get a room.” You turned in to a hopeless romantic over night and you both decide to take that leap and change your relationship status on Facebook to “in a relationship.” All of your friends ‘like’ it, and the romance starts to blossom. You text each other all day every day, and you go from seeing each other a few times a week to practically every day. Congratulations, you are now a honeymooner!

The honeymoon stage is a killer for two reasons. Once you get in the honeymoon stage a lot of men and woman have a hard time getting out of it resulting in what I like to call “The One Syndrome.”  Don’t get me wrong, a little love and adoration for the person you are with is great but there is definitely a line you need to be aware of. I had a reader email me the other day worrying that he/she was afraid that they would come off clingy and was starting to lose contact with their friends.

I can definitely relate in so many ways to the “fear of becoming too clingy.” I have lost myself in so many relationships, and it took me a few years to come to terms with the fact that I was allowing myself to do so. I definitely came off too clingy (insert facepalm here.) I didn’t have too much on the go so I ultimately ended up living the same lives as some of my ex-boyfriends and lost friends in the process. My friends and family never saw me, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to see them; I just really wanted to see him.

Symptoms

ClingyA lot of men and women aren’t aware of them “losing themselves” but its super common. If you have that awareness than you just need to implement things in your life that are congruent with you are to get back to leading your own life. The reason we lose ourselves is generally because of three things:

  • We really care about our partner and want to spend as much time with them as possible
  • Low Self-Esteem: you fear losing them, you don’t want to be alone
  • We don’t have enough going on (hobbies, meeting friends, leisure activities, etc)

It really comes down to balance. Relationships last longer if you aren’t seeing each other constantly because it gives that other person the time to miss you and appreciate the time that they do have with you. Think of when you start seeing someone. You don’t see them that often and that builds attraction because you can’t wait to see them again. If you always see that other person eventually you lose that edge and you grow comfortable and this can lead to him/her or yourself wanting more time apart and losing that ‘spark.’

Having hobbies and scheduling time to see your friends is not only crucial for you to have a healthy balanced life but it also makes your relationship that much stronger and you more desirable.

Time Management

Sit down on Sundays and schedule out your time for the week. Scheduling allows you to set yourself up for success, so if you want to be successful in your social relationships as well as romantic relationship than you need to make sure you make time for both. Also make time for yourself. This includes down-time, when you need to get to sleep, a yoga class, or when you want to hit the gym, etc. This helps fight off two of the symptoms. It will help build self-esteem as well allow you to live your own life and have things going on that make you happy and involved.

Also schedule  work, girls/boys night, meetings with friends for tea/coffee, meetings with clients, team meetings, time to write a blog, yoga, a night for yourself to just read or watch a movie, any events, then time with your man/woman.

ScheduleThe trick is to keep your-self busy but be available to him/her through having set aside time. If you already have an idea of what their schedule is like, it will be that much easier to build yours so you can make time to spend together. Always stay accountable and remember that having time for you, the things you like to do, and time with your friends is an actual benefit to the relationship and you will grow that much closer.

What about the fear of dating someone clingy? Or maybe you are afraid of getting in to a relationship cause you fear of becoming “that person.” When you have a lot going for you, and you really value the life you are living and wake up with that excitement to start your day, it can be a bit terrifying adding another person in to the mix. Especially because you don’t want it to distract you from the life you worked so hard to build. Don’t allow this fear, or excuse, from keeping you moving forward with your life and finding someone to share it with. In the end it’s really your decision whether or not you allow ‘clinginess’ to happen, whether that be from your partner or from you.

I don’t mean flat out saying “Stop being clingy” – what a buzz kill. To effectively do this you need to have your own set schedule so that your partner has no choice but to live their own life. Also encourage them to take up leisure activities that allows them to meet new people and to be more proactive socially.

Nothing is more attractive to a man/woman than someone who has a life of their own but still wants to be a part of theirs.

J

Categories
Lifestyle

Developing the Most Important Relationship: Success Guaranteed

big dreamerOne of my youngest memories include my auntie tucking me into my top – level bunk bed.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

My ambitions as big as the sky, I told her I wanted to be a firefighter who got to arrest bad guys. As I got older my ambitions shifted to become more “realistic”; until High School hit. It’s funny how when you’re younger, you just want to be older, you just want to grow up. As you grow up and reach the ages you desired to reach though, you look back on your childhood and wish for the youthful age once again.

A young mind, is a mind full of possibility. As we graduate into the “real world” we’re met with failures, controversies, hardships and obstacles; vs. the protective, nurturing household of our parents. The “real world” is full of people who want to succeed, and this keeps most of us from following the dreams that we’ve always wanted to.

One of the fundamental laws of Social Dynamics is that “Relationships = Life”. What is a relationship? A relationship is anything where there is an exchange of value between two entities. You can have a relationship with anything; buy a TV and it gives you entertainment. Put gas in your car and it drives you places. Make your bed and it’s comfy and warm when you get back into it.

The past year has been spent developing relationships with people in my life, and it’s been over the course of the past couple of months that I’ve come to the realization that the most important relationship that you develop is a relationship with skill sets.

What is Success?

success knockingSuccess comes in this life is when preparation meets opportunity. Preparation means that you’ve developed a relationship with a skill set, exchanged enough value over time that when opportunity comes; you’re able to seize it. If you ever receive an opportunity, and you’re unable to capitalize, it means that you weren’t prepared enough. Most people see this as a failure, and they won’t look for the lesson in the missed opportunity. Every missed opportunity is a chance to get better, becoming more aware of how to seize future opportunities. This idea can get lost when the opportunity at hand seems so large.

The strength of any relationship is based on the amount of value exchanged, over time, between two entities. Value is based on emotion. If your emotion grows stronger and stronger over time with your relationship, you’ve developed a healthy relationship with an equal exchange of value. Your current TV can only give you so much value, until the new one comes out and you feel the emotional need for your new TV. If you don’t really take care of your car, you won’t have that much of a relationship with it.

On the other hand, think of the guy who religiously works on his 1969 Oldsmobile on the weekends. The relationship with his car is so strong, because there’s been a value exchange over a prolonged amount of time, and the car keeps looking better (giving him value) because he keeps working on it (giving the car value). The relationship grows stronger.

Skill Set Development

Everything in this life comes down to skill set, and the skill set you choose is a relationship that you build. Becoming an engineer is a learned skill, becoming a professional baseball player is a learned skill, becoming a warehouse worker is a learned skill. We live in a world where you need to work to survive, you cannot simply sit at home and have your food and water provided for you. You need to develop a skill set to a level where it provides you with the necessities for survival (at the base level) and gives you extreme abudunance (at the highest levels of your skill sets). Think of an amateur league basketball player, vs. Kobe Bryant.

developing skillsets

That being said, if you go to school for 4 years to become an engineer, when you graduate from school there’s no questions asked that you’ll be a good engineer. That’s what you paid for! You invested $40,000.00 and four years into the skill set of becoming an engineer, and as a result, you came out of school with the wisdom of practical application and learned knowledge that prepares you for any opportunity that comes up in the engineering market.

Success = PREPARATION + OPPORTUNITY

School being the only option is for the individuals who don’t know how to prepare on their own. Part of real – life preparation is the realization that opportunities are going to come when you’re not ready yet; when you haven’t developed a solid enough relationship with your skill set. When you’re in school, you spend 4 years developing the skill set of engineering before any opportunities arise for potential jobs. That means that there’s almost a 0% of failure, because when a job comes up after you’re done school, you’re more than qualified. The relationship with you and your skill set of engineering is strong; you’ve given the skill set $40,000.00, four years of your life and invested countless hours into learning the skill set, and as a result, the skill set has given you unlimited knowledge in the field of engineering.

doors of opportunityIn real life though, that safety net doesn’t exist. There will be opportunities that arise when you’re not ready for them. Just like school, you must find a way to invest in your skill set. For some of us entrepreneurs, that investment means quitting your job and jumping into doing what you love. For most people, they invest into Social Dynamics, because Social Dynamics shows you how to build a relationship with everything (friends, family, strangers, your environment, your world), skill sets included.

In the real world, failure means that you’re one step closer to success; as long as your learning your lessons and are dedicated to the process. Dedication to process means that you CANNOT fail, because success is part of the process of developing relationships with skill sets. Every day you’re building relationships in your life. Do you choose to build a relationship with your couch and your TV, or healthy foods and the gym?

My Investment Into My Skill Sets

One year ago today, I made my investment. I was paying $300.00 a month at my 5 bedroom house in Whitehorn. I was living comfortably, with enough money to spend on whatever I wanted. I was making around $2000.00 a month, working 45 hours a week.

Cam offered me a place to live in the Downtown Core of Calgary. The place that he offered me to live was $1850.00 a month, $625.00 more than I was paying at the time. At first I was resilient, but I ended up giving in and accepting his offer. Here I sit in my Downtown Condo, reminiscing on the year and the lessons that have come with it. My year’s biggest lesson was the relationship I was able to build with Social Dynamics, as a result of my investment in the skill set.

$7500.00 is my investment over the course of the past year; but as a result I’ve grown beyond anything I ever believed to be possible. I’m making more money now, working two nights a week, than I was working 9 hour days, 5 days a week. The relationships in my life have never been stronger; including the relationship with my skill sets of Social Dynamics and Writing.

Life is all about relationships. You don’t need to go to school to build any relationships; you simply have to invest in the skill set. You can have a relationship with anything, your relationships are not limited to people. This world does not function properly without relationships, because a seller without a buyer is a person stuck with product.

Social Dynamics teaches you not only how to develop relationships with people, but with anything; including skill sets.

Start Investing, or Live with Unfulfilled Potential

Go ahead; go to school for 4 years, invest $40,000.00 and countless hours developing a relationship with a skill – set comfortably; or you can choose to invest in Social Dynamics. Social Dynamics is the smart option, because $40,000.00 and four years of your life limits you to one skill set, one relationship… whatever it is that you go to school for. Social Dynamics teaches you how to develop a relationship with anything, without the $40,000.00.the definition of ambition

Guaranteed you’ll be a good engineer after 4 years and that large of an investment. How good of a singer would you be if you invested 4 years and invested as much energy into singing as it takes to invest into the skill set that you go to school for? Dancing, writing, painting, photography, internet marketing, inventing, innovating. Developing skill sets is a process, and if you’re learning the lessons of every failure; dedicated to the process of improving your skill set, every failure is one step closer to success.

Every day that you live, you’re developing and improving a skill set. What skill sets are you choosing to improve, and build a relationship with?

Categories
Attracting Women Lifestyle

What Your Clothes Say.

You like long walks on the beach. You love reading poetry. You are a wine connoisseur and very well traveled. You’re fluent in six different languages. You’re intelligent and have a lot of interesting stories to share. You seem like an internally sound guy but you never get far enough in the interaction with girls to convey all of this.

How come dude?

It’s going to be difficult to communicate to the girl-next-door you’ve been dreaming about you’re not a douche bag when you’re dressed like you’re auditioning for Jersey Shore’s next season.

douchebag

But everyone’s wearing this and you just want to fit in, right?

Trust me, I get it. I’ve been that guy too. Everybody wants to have security from feeling a sense of belongingness. Your environment will have a profound effect on who you turn out to be. Unfortunately, society perpetuates the external and superficial things to be the pinnacle of success. Fake tan, designer clothes and sunglasses at night says “I’m cool, and I have money.”

Do people cringe when you walk by them? How do you think they perceive you? Is it congruent to who you are? What kind of girls are you marketing yourself to?

Picture your ideal lady in your head dude. What is she wearing?

Alright, put yourself in her shoes. See yourself through her eyes. What do you think she will find attractive in terms of style?

The way you dress speaks volumes about who you are as a person and what you value. The clothes you wear should be congruent to your personality. It’s so simple and obvious that’s why most people miss it. They make it more complicated than it really is.

You attract who you are. Enough said.

The way you put together an outfit acts as a filter towards the people you meet. Dressing like a drug dealer will probably attract girls that get into all sorts of mischief, bringing more crap you’ll want to put up with. Tailor your style to the quality of girl you want to attract, now we’re talking.

Be smart and cater your image to the people you want in your life.

If you’re dope and you’re attracting girls with a lot of personal drama, you might want to take a step back and reflect on how you’re portraying yourself. First impressions leave a lasting taste in her mental buds. Your image serves as your signature visual flavor.

So before you leave your house next time, think about what what your clothes say.

Cool?

Categories
Lifestyle

How to Use Google Calendar to Take Your Lifestyle to the Next Level

At a recent IDI (Ideas Developing Ideas), a weekly social gathering of the brightest minds and dopest people in my social circle, I found myself sitting on the floor in my room having a good conversation with my friend David. David is a smart guy. The thing that separates David in my opinion is that he takes the time to do his research.

In the midst of our conversation he brought up an interesting point:

David: “You know what people say when I ask them what’s the one quality Cam has that they themselves wish they had?”
Cam: “My stunning good looks?”
David: “Your productivity.”

I was a bit stunned to say the least. I never identify with being “that” productive, to the point where others see it and wish to develop it themselves, but after taking a minute to let it sink, it makes sense. I am incredibly productive, and it’s for no other reason than due to my organization. I don’t view myself as productive, merely organized. By being organized I’m able to delegate the time necessary to complete the tasks I need to. Because of my busy schedule, I don’t have time to procrastinate and spend two hours of “work time” sitting around starring at a computer screen, dreaming about the vacation I have coming up. The vacation happens when I get my work done. The success I see is a direct result of my organization.

waking up on time

It Wasn’t Always This Way

Remember back to when you were a kid, going to school and having no cares or responsibilities? Remember how on the first day of every school year your teacher would sit you down and go over three things: rules of the classroom, some boring memo nobody ever paid attention to from the school’s principal, and handing out your new agenda notebook?

When my teacher handed me that agenda, I would scoff, “why does anybody need this thing?” as if using an agenda somehow made you weak and incompetent. The second I had a chance, I would be throwing that agenda in the garbage, an arrogant laugh would follow. Every year my teachers, bless their hearts, would try to convince me of the same thing: using it would be to my advantage, helping me be more organized leading to better grades. They failed to convince me every time. This only increased my motivation to live without one.

I don’t know what it was about using an agenda that I despised so incredibly, but these answers I will never know. Unsurprisingly, this attitude towards organization and keeping an agenda stayed with me for a very long time. My whole life actually, up until last year.

The change happened when I came back from Victoria, BC, after living there for five months I came home to Calgary determined to take my lifestyle to the next level. As I’ve talked about before, the first action I took was to change my default answer to invitations from “no” to “yes”. The reason I made this change was simple: when most people are invited to events, or things they may not normally do, they tend to default to saying no or maybe. People tend to not want to commit, and instead decide whether they are going to go to an event the day of – depending on their mood.

This doesn’t work very well though; because when you have an “out” you tend to take it. Especially when it comes to trying new things and pushing comfort zones. If you are making your decisions the day of, you never end up going. So many excuses are available to justify this, and none more common than “I’m tired.” If you take a second to think about this, it will amaze you how many times you use the excuse “I’m tired” to get out of things. When the fuck are you not tired? When I wake up I’m tired, during lunch hour I’m tired, when I get home from 9-5 I’m tired, and when I go to bed I’m tired. Nawmean?

Changing your default answer from no to yes will cause your lifestyle to instantly take off. It will surprise you how many invites you actually do get in your every day life, and for no real reason at all, turned down before. Nights after work will now be spent socializing with friends and building relationships with co-workers instead of sitting at home aimlessly starring at the TV screen watching TV shows you don’t give a fuck about, or playing video games you wish you could quit. You will begin to realize the options and opportunities your life does have, and it was just a matter of you taking advantage of them.

After doing this for a few weeks, you will run into a new problem: you don’t seem to have enough time for everything. This is frustrating to experience, but the irony is, this is in fact, as I like to say “a good problem to have”.

Now it’s Time to Get Organized.

This is where Google Calendar comes into play. I remember one day a few months ago, I was hanging out with Kevin at his new place near Stanley Park. We had both been using Google Calendar furiously for over a year now. Our calendars constantly full morning to night. Obviously not only filled with work though, but socializing and cool events too. I asked Kevin a question I had recently been thinking about:

Cam: “Yo Kev, how would your life change if you didn’t use Google Calendar?”
Kevin: “I would be just as busy, but get half as much done.”

google calendar

I couldn’t have agreed more. The benefit of using Google Calendar is that you are now organized. Well… maybe not yet, but if you use it and work at it you will be. There are only so many hours in the day, which means you can also only accomplish as much. The only way you are going to accomplish as much as possible is if you schedule it appropriately. Not only that but being organized means you can plan ahead appropriately, helping you live a balanced life. You can now find time for all your work-related appointments, socializing, passions, family commitments and of course downtime. (Yes, you should even schedule your downtime.) I also like to include lifestyle events I hear about around the city such as art shows, dance performances, DJ gigs, and festivals.

Another benefit to Google Calendar is that it keeps you accountable. Do not schedule something unless you are committed to seeing it through. You can use your calendar to keep you accountable to going to the gym, getting up on time, or even completing tasks by the deadline. Google Calendar is a tool to take your lifestyle to the next level, through organization and accountability. You will begin to value your time more seriously and in turn, value yourself the same.

Google Calendar is without a doubt, one of the highest recommended tools I suggest for someone looking to seriously take their lifestyle to the next level. Best of all, it comes free with any google account, and will even sync with your smartphone.

Categories
Entrepreneurship Lifestyle

A Leap of Faith; the Lessons of One Year

3:36am, listening to Omarion – Ice Box and enjoying the taste of double apple sheesha.

This is the life.

It’s been a year since I’ve moved into this condo with Cam Adair, and I have no idea where the year went. It seems that time flies when you’re embracing the present moment, enjoying every “second” that you’re here on this world. I’ve come to lose track of time, hours turning into minutes, minutes turning into seconds. The present moment that I find myself immersed in keeps me distracted from the idea of time, and only pulls me into the energy of the moment.

Above is the journal entry I wrote on my first blog, one year ago today. I remember I tried to start a blog on my own, http://briangamblemark.blogspot.com/. I can appreciate the place that I came from, and I know that I am where I am today because of my ambitious efforts. My ego exists though, and it validates its identity through memories and vision. I want to be a man validated by process, thus this piece of writing comes to life.

The piece below is the journal entry that I wrote a year ago today.

October 27, 2010: A Year Past

Someone told me that without goals there is no direction. Below included in this writing are a list of all my goals; short term. My daily decisions can then be influenced by whether or not the outcome of the decision will bring me closer or further away from my goals finally giving my young life some direction. So much can be learned by the successful people who carved their own path before us, so it is now my turn to derive some purpose for my life and head in the direction I want to go.Short Term Goals:

Move into my Condo with Cam

I’ll do this by saving up my money, not spending it on useless shit (drinking, smoking weed) making smart, conscious decisions with ALL of my money.

Gain 10 pounds of muscle, lose my fat

Commit to working out with Cody every day after Jamesons (4x per week)

Go out three times per week and approach at minimum 3 sets per night

I’ll stay in set until they literally walk away or tell me to fuck off. I feel I’ll learn the most from sticking around and listening to them talk, consciously keeping notes in my head of how the interaction is going.

Keep a daily journal

I plan on writing a daily story about my day. This will give me loads of material to use in field and dynamically improve my storytelling ability. 500  word minimum for the first month

                Those are my short term goals in a nutshell. Looking at them right now I can tell my life is going to be very busy with little time for distraction. This means that I’m only going to hang out with girls on MY time, my nights out at the club. I  am going to live a very busy lifestyle, and if they can’t fit into it that’s they’re problem because I’m going to keep living my life. After all, I am a man with goals and ambitions and now a man with a sense of direction, where I want my life to go. The more I live my life with purpose the more attractive I will be to every female who meets me. This isn’t my daily journal this is my short term goals commitment to myself.

There is never a path to an unknown destination.

persevereI want to talk about the lessons that I’ve learned over the past year. It’s been a whirlwind of growth, success, failure, self realizations, and valuable lessons. This year was more than I would have ever imagined it, and there are times when I step back from the moment and appreciate where I am at this very second. I owe who I am to the people who have created my environment; Cam Adair for working through our relationship struggles. Kevin Choo for being my mentor; pulling me back down to earth when my ego is out of control. Daniel Fexa for being my best friend, supporting me through thick and thin and pushing me when I felt weak. Mikey B for inspiring me with his love, his passion, his integrity. The Kingpin Social crew for leveling me up with their individual talents and skillsets. I owe who I am today to the people in my life, and this piece is for them. For that, I’ll write until the sun comes up.

“Lessons Learned 101” was the title of my first self – run blog. I was ambitious, driven, determined to make a difference. I wanted to write, I wanted to get my name out there, but I didn’t have any idea about success. I came from an environment in my childhood that caused me to have a low sense of self worth; inspired only by the relatives that supported me with my pursuits. I can remember back in Grade 8 when I decided to start running, and shed the weight that had plagued me for the longest time. At 13 years old, 170 pounds, 5’1 I found myself on the streets of my trailer park running laps 2 – 3 times a week. Although I had no idea about physical fitness, I was inspired to be more than the computer screen that I played in front of. Runescape ran my life at the age of 13, and I wish I remember the tipping point when I decided that I was sick of a low self – esteem. I felt like I didn’t deserve anything, and as a result, achieved nothing.

Running gave me that sense of self worth that I so desperately searched for, and through it I managed to land my first girlfriend. Amanda was her name, and she was a beauty. I can remember liking her for her individuality, and for liking me for who I was. I was scared though, I had never had a girlfriend before. My first girlfriend in Grade 8, and I was scared. I remember when her Dad came downstairs and busted us making out on the couch, how frightened I was. I ran out of the house and never came back, calling Amanda to break up with her over the phone. I liked that girl, but I was scared. Not only of her father, but of the relationship. I felt like I wanted to abuse my newfound power; I had gotten skinny, I was getting attention from girls in my school and I wanted to take advantage of it.

This habit lasted until 3 months ago, when I fell in love with Social Dynamics. My entire life, up to this point, besides the relationship I had with Katy, I had taken advantage of the power that I had. I had worked my ass off, gotten skinny, and the people that ridiculed me, now were the ones who were seeking me. This validated my identity, and I felt like a pimp. The fact that I felt like a pimp, meant that I felt like I had to live up to that image that my mind had created for myself. This caused me to have short term, external relationships based on nothing more than sex. I never pursued a relationship afterwards, because I lost all interest after the same old physical connection. Different girl, same physical connection. It became meaningless, and it lead me to my first lesson of the year.

Love Always Wins

Lesson # 1 of this year was that internal connections are forever, external connections are meaningless. My whole life, since I started taking myself seriously, I was in search of external connections. I was in search of the next girl that I could sleep with, completely dis – regarding the emotional connection that she may feel. I had no idea about the awareness of emotion, and I was so focused on my low sense of self worth that I forgot to think about the idea that the other girl may feel something for me. This last year I’ve come to realize that internal connections, emotional connections, mean much more than a physical connection ever could. The best part is that I can’t describe an emotional connection. I can talk about a sexual connection, describing every detail and painting a picture in your head that you don’t want to see… but an emotional connection can never be described. An emotional connection is only something that can be experienced; however it can be re – created. Social Dynamics is about creating emotional connections with people, any people, and if that emotional connection leads to physical than so be it. That is not the quest anymore though, I’m in search for real, emotional connections… based on passion. Based on doing what you love with your life, because those who love what they do, live in the moment and experience what they do.

love triumphs

I find that most people live their lives and do what they do, but don’t live in the moment to experience it. If you’re working at a job that you don’t like, it’s likely that you’ll want to be distant for that job. Retreating into your head to think about your dreams, your problems, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. To live in the moment is to experience it, and if you don’t love what you do… experiencing the moment isn’t a good thing. In fact, it’s repulsive coming to the moment only to realize that you don’t love your job.

I’ve heard that people do it for the money, and I used to do the same thing.

Presence is Power

Lesson # 2 that I’ve learned over the course of the last year is that this moment is the only moment that ever exists. The past and the future do not exist in reality, they only exist in your mind. “The past” is simply a reference to moments previously experienced, these can be recorded or simply exist within your mind. The future is a mental projection, an idea, of what this moment will look like in “X” amount of time. The funny thing about the future is that we create the future, through the mental projections that we have. I find that the mental projections that we have are caused by our self esteem; a healthy self – esteem has positive future mental future projections, while a low self – esteem has negative future mental projections.

“The Future”, the mental projection that your mind creates, is created through the thought processes that you carry in your mind. This happens in 3 ways; the first way is that your mind lives in the past, thinking about things that have happened to you. Positive or negative, not having a harness on your mental powers and choosing to think about the past creates a future with mixed results, sporadically manifesting things that you want and you don’t want. Thinking about the past means that you’re going to end up somewhere where you don’t want to go, because a destination unknown means a path unknown.

the winding roadThe second way that this idea comes to fruition is not having control over your thoughts, and allowing them to run rampant with your emotions. Your emotions create your future if you do not have control over your thoughts, because your emotions control your thoughts. This is a cause an effect. However, you can flip the switch backwards and cause the effect to be the cause; fixing your thoughts means that you fix your emotions.

The best way to create this idea is to have a vision for your ideal future. Either way, your mind creates your future. The future doesn’t exist, it only exists within your mind. The results that you achieve in this moment, in “future” moments, are a direct result of the thought processes that you have in your mind. Believe that you will succeed, and live in the moment, working on the process, and success is inevitable. Justify, procrastinate, fail to try, think about failure and you will fail. Your thoughts in this moment create the future in your mind, the future in your mind becomes this moment that you live in right now. The most valuable lesson that I’ve learned this year is that this moment is precious, this moment never ends, the “past and the future” are simply recordings and mental images that my mind, and the minds of others create and record.

If you could be anything at all, and you knew that success was the only option, what would you be?

A Life of Passion is a Life Experienced

Lesson # 3 of this year is that passion wins over everything. Passion is the key to life. Passion is a direct result of love, which is a result of like, which is a result of experience, which is a result of open – mindedness. You must experience something before you know whether or not you like it. You must have an open mind to experience anything. Once you experience something, and you like it, if you do it over “x” amount of time and it gives you enough value, you start to fall in love with it. Love something over “x” amount of time, and love becomes passion. Passion is unlimited, passion spawns creativity, passion, in my case, is the cause of happiness. Why would you live in the moment if you didn’t love what you do? Passion is the cause of love, and if you are passionate, and full of love, why wouldn’t you want to experience this moment? It never ends, and experiencing this moment means that you’re experiencing the love that this moment creates.

The moment is easy to escape, because in the moment exists process. Process is difficult, language is easy.

Unmask the Truth of Language

the big egoLesson # 4 is that the ego exists within the mind, and the ego only exists in language. The ego attaches itself to an identity (in my case, writer) and through language, validates it’s identity through language of memories, telling stories of past writing experience. The past does not exist, beyond the momental recordings of the past, so any story of the past is a story that lacks truth. Any story of the past that validates a current identity is flawed, is a lie, and requires another individual’s approval. The ego that lives in the present moment, validates it’s identity by pointing out the insecurities in others. In my case, I’d make fun of other people to divert the attention off of my flawed self. This is the case with all ego; for even the stand up comedian points out the flaws in others while instilling positive emotion into the people that he speaks of the flaw to. The ego that lives in the future validates it’s identity through language by telling stories of vision, plans for the future, seeking approval from the people that the ego talks to.

Language is a direct result of the mind creating the ego, and slacking on the process of achieving the identity. The healthy ego attaches itself to an identity, and works towards that identity through process. Process and language, they both exist in the moment. One is much more difficult than the other, though, and requires much more focus. The long term benefits are exponential, and are worth every day of the process. The process never ends, like this moment. The moment the process ends, the ego that exists within language begins to surface and validate it’s identity through language. The ego that validates it’s identity through process, an internal method of validation, exists without the need for external validation. External validation is anything outside of the individual that seeks approval; the story from the individual who slacks on the process of becoming their identity.

Become as Big as You Believe

Lesson # 5 of this year is that growth is forever. Growth never ends, and no power on earth can stop the idea of growth. An idea, once created, if great, exists forever. Religion, faith, hope, passion, freedom, these are all ideas that exists forever. Growth is the most important idea that exists, and it never ends. Like the process, and the moment, growth is forever. There are three types of people that live in this world; there are the people who think, there are the people who work for the thinkers, and there are the people who think, and work for themselves. We all have the potential to be the people that think, and work for ourselves. The man who thinks has men working for him, in our capitalist society, and benefits off of the creations of others underneath him who create the vision of the thinker. The man, who works for the man who thinks, trades in his ability to create for an hourly rate; while the man who thinks for himself and works for himself creates his own ideas and lives through them.

This man has unlimited potential, for an idea exists forever.

In order to grow, you must accept that you are not as good as you think that you are right now. This realization is easily clogged by the logical side of your mind, the ego, that justifies reasons based on past experiences, current flaws in others or visions that you have for yourself, reasons that you don’t need to grow. Truth is, everyone needs to grow. CEO of Apple, owner of an Oil Manufacturing Company, Web Designer, Engineer… it doesn’t matter. Everyone needs to grow, because this life is a process. This moment never ends, and any stories of the past, humor in the moment pointing out insecurities and stories of vision are all the ego, and the ego limits the ability to grow based on past experience or current “road blocks”. There is no such thing as failure when you are dedicated to the process, for every “failure” is a lesson to be learned. When one fails, it doesn’t mean that one is inadequate. It means that one isn’t ready yet, and unless the lesson is learned from the failure, one will walk into similar situations repeating the same mistake over and over again.

exponential growth

It’s been an entire year, since my first blog post. October 27,2010. Here I write on October 27, 2011 with an insurmountable, un – describable feeling of appreciation. This year has flown by, and within the next week I’ll move out of the place that has caused the exponential spike in the growth of my passion, my dating life, my emotional life, my social skills, my overall self – esteem. All I can say now is thank you. Thank you for everyone who has helped me grow to this point. Thank you for those who stick by when I lose the trust in myself. Thank you for the Kingpin Social crew, inspiring me to grow past anything I believed to be possible… and thank you to everyone who reads Kingpin Lifestyle. The messages I receive from you inspire me, and encourage me to keep pushing forward. I hope that on my never – ending process of this moment that I can inspire you, the way my environment has eternalized the idea of growth in my mind.

This one is for my friends, my family, and everyone that has helped me in this last year.I love everyone who has become a part of my environment, and influenced my growth in an in-measurable way. I cannot wait to write this same post in one years time, with lessons stemmed from the people who have influenced this post.

Kingpin Social Represent.