Categories
Lifestyle

The Moment of Weakness: How My Friend’s Suicide Changed My Life.

In the comments section of Taking Remembrance Day to the Next Level., Sergey, a student of Kingpin Social shared the inspirational story of his life that happened after his friend committed Suicide in 1992. Life has never been the same for him. I asked Sergey if it would be ok for me to post the story as a blog post for everyone to see, and he happily agreed.

I have left the story raw and unedited. Sergey is from Russia. English is not his first language, but I feel like editing the story would not do it justice. I hope you will enjoy reading it anyways.

The Moment of Weakness

There are plenty of ways to demonstrate an identity. I have chosen to describe the tragic end of my friend, and the feelings that I experienced after his suicide. Even now, after such a long time I am still thinking about his decision to shot himself to death. May be the answer for the question “why I had chosen the topic?” is far simpler than it seems.

This event had a very strong impact on my life. It taught me to be thankful for everything I have, to love my family and to be brave. I believe that people make suicide when they are afraid of tomorrow.
Eugene was a brilliant student. His father was university professor in Moscow State University. However, his parents were divorced and he got the mom’s last name, probably he did not have very good relationships with his father. Possibly, the change of the social status and difficulties of the immigration from Russia to Israel were very stressful. It is hard to know the real motive that pushed him to end up his life, but military service definitely created strong impact on his decision. In the camp he had a problem with one of the unit’s sergeants, but he was too shy to complain. When we went home to the vacation, he looked normal. It was really hard to assume that would happen later.

I still remember that day of September 1992, when the officer of my unit came to us with the notice of his death. He was calm and serious, may be for that reason I did not believe him right away. It was also very hard to imagine that someone, whom you know well, was dead. Just yesterday we laughed, or shared jokes and then that person was just a breathless body. There was no investigation, army wanted only to identify his body. They looked for volunteer from our unit to come to recognize him. I did not really want to go. It was painful to see my friend dead, may be even somehow I believed that he was still alive. Although I did not want to replace the illusion with that horrible reality, I did not judge myself. There was someone else who also knew him. This person was selfish, arrogant, and cynic. He raised his hand first like he was going to see a show and went out very proud of himself. That moment I thought that there were people, who enjoyed other’s pain. Fortunately any group of humans is diverse. I was always surrounded by friendship, love and hate. It is hard to please everyone around. Besides, when I tried to be nice with others, some people saw it as a weakness and tried to take advantage of it.

The funeral was conducted a couple of days later. I will never forget his mom. Because he was the only child, it was even harder for her to lose him. She looked horrible, almost like a living ghost. After looking at her I swore never to do it to my mother. I realised how responsible I was for ones, who loved me. This very moment I felt both love and pain. I realised how close those feelings are. Indeed, most of the times love causes more pain than pleasure.

My life was never easy, but I always knew how to survive. That event taught me always to speak up, to face people. I learned to be more honest and protective. I took care for my mom and my sister as much as I could. I always tried to call my mom every day in order to provide her mental support, especially when she lost her jobs. I helped my sister when she was studying nursing and working at hospital. I never had a problem to make her laundry or to go with her to a concert, because I knew that I am doing it for someone who loved me. I do not believe that it is possible to prevent every tragedy, but positive impact usually makes necessary changes. My actions significantly helped my family to pass bad times in the past.

I believe that even the desire to protect my friends and family helped me to save them from a lot of troubles. After the military service I studied in Ben Gurion University of Negev in Israel for master’s degree in Electrical Engineering. One day I came to the office of the one of my friends and found out that he needed to go to downtown. I had to drive there as well, so I offered him a ride. Apparently it saved him his life. The bus that he wanted to use was exploded by terrorists. There were two suicide bombers on two buses. When the buses came close to each other, they used their explosives. On the way back we saw the police and ambulance going in that direction, but it was hard to guess what is actually happened. Forty four people died in that terror attack, but I was lucky. My friend was alive. That moment I thought that this time I made a change. May be it was not a stunning, heroic act, but for me it made no difference. My friend could breath, smile and play guitar. It is hard to compare those two events of my life, but for my opinion the suicide of Eugenetaught me how to make an impact. Just a simple act of attention saved someone’s life.

Later on, I did good and bad things in my life, but I always was rewarded for a positive impact. I studied to be less judging and more understanding. I try to see people as a whole and do not separate person’s good and bad qualities. People have weaknesses, sometimes they regret about their actions. I know to forgive, but I never forget. I lost faith in perfect human relationship long time ago and started to see the whole picture. There is no perfection in life, but it is important to try to be perfect.

I had chosen that topic, because I wanted to go back to that event and analyse it. I also wanted to go with it in public. I did not know how I would feel about presenting that kind of event, but I could guess that it would make me emotionally engaged. While presenting it I felt even more emotional, than I thought I will be. May be it was the grief I did not feel in the funeral. Death of my friend helped me to realise that there are more important things than money or career. It also revealed the importance of forgiveness. I learned to forgive myself and to go forward in every single crisis of my life. He apparently did not. Later on, every time when I saw people of authority, who treated others like garbage, I was furious. It made me to speak out at any price. The only reward for that kind of action is knowledge that possibly I prevented a tragedy. I believe that it was worth it.

The chosen topic shows me as an empathic person. I like to analyse my actions, to go deep down to my conscious. It is important for me to create impact on audience, for that reason I did not want to write something meaningless. Eventually, the tragic end of my friend was one of the most significant events of my life. I decided to use the format as an essay, because I wanted to create deep and complicate image of my personality. There are a lot of different ways for a person to express himself, but I always liked to write, and it was the best way for me to express my identity.

If you or anybody you know is thinking about committing Suicide, please call the Suicide Hotline for help, and choose life instead, today.

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance Relationships

Why Men Should Cry: How Being Emotional Leads To A Better Connection.

Boys CryAfter enjoying an incredible yoga class at my favourite studio, Yoga Santosha, I had the pleasure of sitting down with two amazing ladies who are on the road to self-love and enlightenment. Before I get started talking about embracing the feeling of being vulnerable, I would like to state that I am aware of the audience that I am speaking to. Predominantly Kingpin Social has a lot of single men who have either been in the pick-up, interested in its theories and tactics, or is still a part of the community. This topic is universal, it does not separate men from women, or prejudice in any sense. However, I am talking about accepting emotions- raw, real, and earth shattering emotions that leave us feeling debilitated, scared, and humble. This to many men (even women) is something foreign or maybe even disinteresting. Like c’mon, who wants to feel? Pssh, pansies.  Who wants to talk about their emotions? Most women do, and some men even do as well.

Macho Men versus Emotional Women.

We’ve all heard this idea that men and women are separate in the way we think – men tend to be more logical and women more emotional. This concept shouldn’t be a way for us to separate ourselves because it allows us to lose the idea that we aren’t unified, whole, and one- no one being greater than the other. We are all great, and have the abilities to tap into both logical and emotional state of minds. The difference in our sexual organs and level of hormones shouldn’t allow us to create this division. This disconnection tends to lead to these excuses of why we have difficulties communicating to the opposite sex. “I can’t talk to you, you’re too emotional” or “I can’t talk to you, you’re too logical.” As a world nation we can’t allow ourselves to fall victim to this notion of difference but instead focus on how we connect and are one.

Think about this. We possess the same qualities that we see in others if we choose so- it’s all a choice. If you want to be more athletic you can go out and start running or pick-up a gym membership to work out 5 times a week. If you want to be funny you can study stand-up comedy and surround yourself with funny people. If you want to be more open-minded you can surround yourself with new perspectives or educate yourself in new theories and ideologies to help broaden your mind.

Crying Society has divided us in to two opposing sexes with this general idea that boys shouldn’t cry, and girls are allowed to cry because of their emotional nature. Masculinity versus Femininity. This emotional suffrage that men are exposed to at a young age, in order to have this “masculine” status, has debilitated so many men in finding their inner harmony and connecting with women on a more emotional level. If men allowed themselves to better understand the liberation of emotion, maybe then they would be able to communicate more effectively with women. If women then took the time to assess their emotional state in a logical manner, maybe than they could effectively communicate with men. By tapping in to a place we generally lack in, we allow ourselves the opportunity to grow and evolve. What better way to learn how to communicate with someone by experimenting with learning how they process things.

A lot of men, and yes even women, have no sense of self. They have never allowed themselves to just feel the things they feel. This inner reflection of just feeling and allowing it is a huge move in the right direction to building better connections not just with other people but with the most important relationship of all- with yourself.

In that moment of emotion, whether it be sadness, frustration, or anger- why do we always resort to holding it in? Stifling it? Why do we tell people “Awe, please stop crying?” Why!? Why do we need to bottle up our emotions as if we are saving them up for another day? Why don’t we allow ourselves to embrace the emotions, let them out, and then assess them in order to grow? This time of inner-reflection and release will only aid in creating better and long-lasting relationships. We all have our own crap to work on. If we don’t work on them we can end up projecting them on our partners and sabotaging the relationship. We have all had a hard battle and we all have the scars to prove it. Feelings are like feedback loops about where you are at. If you feel vulnerable and afraid then you know you are probably stuck in a comfort zone and need to push through in order to grow. If you feel sad or don’t like the person you are then you know you need to take the time to delve deeper to find the things you love. You need to assess your greatest qualities and actively do things that make you feel better. If you never learn about yourself, how can you have an authentic relationship with others? If you don’t love yourself, then how can you genuinely love someone else? You would just fill a void that only you can fill, and until you fill it, you will always feel a sense of emptiness and unhappiness.

Tally ho! Moving Forward

To move forward in your growth by learning how to effectively communicate with the opposite sex, we need to take the time to try on the other shoe. Both men and women need to embrace emotion, and need that logical aspect in order to create actions or to better understand why they feel the way they feel. That sense of awareness will help you move forward and not be trapped in that sense of doom that can come along with unhappiness. You can therefore create actions within your new found wisdom of self to help grow past your self set limitations.

This ability to dig within ourselves and find the courage to share our emotions through our individual stories opens us up to the ability to connect with others on a much deeper level. I believe this, living more vulnerable, is the avenue that we must take to make a better tomorrow and to understand one another on a larger scale. If we can understand one another on a deep level, then we can communicate much more effectively.

Here’s a great video on “Living Vulnerable.” The woman who is speaking on TED.com is a research analyst- very logical, and she shares her findings on how we can build better relationships through this idea of living vulnerably. Tell me what you think! Comment below and don’t forget to subscribe and like the fan page.

In light and love,

J

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

The Key to Unlocking Passion

networking“One thing I love about Kingpin Is that everybody is serious about leveling up.” Mikey B said, as he looked forward at the Shell Gas Station sign. It’s 1:30pm, with time leaking away on my busy schedule. Somehow, with everything in my life that needs to get done today, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be, than sitting here at this gas station talking about how the relationships with others has caused massive amounts of emotional growth in my life.

It is said that those that cannot do, teach. Those that cannot teach, do. Social Dynamics has changed my life, because what I’ve realized is that in Social Dynamics there are no students, and no teachers. There are only students. When a client takes a course with Kingpin Social I am not teaching him how to socialize, I am showing him how to become a student of life. The best part about creating more students out of life, is that we’re all learning different lessons, based on our experiences and perspectives. Social Dynamics says that we grow together, because my experiences can help you grow and your experiences can do the same for me.

Every day is an experience to be had, every experience is a lesson to be learned . You are a result of your relationships, meaning that the relationships that you have in your life shape who you become. The relationship that you have with yourself, the relationship that you have with tools, and the relationship that you have with others are the fundamental building blocks to finding yourself.

I’ve found that lately I’ve been focused on building a solid relationship with myself. Taking myself seriously doesn’t just mean going to the gym and approaching girls; taking myself seriously means facing my fears and organizing all the cluttered areas of my life. Taking myself seriously means that I’m cleaning my house, that I’m developing my passion, that I’m facing the fears that hold me back from the success that I want to achieve. Over the course of the past week I’ve found that the emotion of fear never goes away. The difference between success and failure, though, is being able to face the emotion that you fear.

Relationships are based off of an exchange of value. Value is based on emotion, because emotion is the core of communication. That means the relationship that you build with yourself is based on emotion. Having a healthy relationship with yourself means that you have a positive emotion with your physical body, your current environment, and the types of options that you have (social circle, business, personal). We have a natural tendency to feel our emotion, and embrace our emotion. If we feel sad, we’ll sit at home moping. If we feel angry, we embrace the anger and lash out. If we feel love, we’ll embrace the feeling of the chemicals running through the body.

FEEL EMOTION >> EMBRACE EMOTION

That means if we feel negative, we embrace negative. If we feel positive, we embrace positive.

This past week what we’ve realized at Kingpin is that if you do not like the emotion that you feel, you can change it. You cannot change the emotion that you feel by running from it though, because if you run from a negative emotion, even if you run fast, eventually it’ll catch up. If you do not like the emotion that you feel, you must face your emotion. You must face the element in your life that makes you feel that emotion, and open up; allowing the other person to understand why it is that you feel that emotion.

potential growthFACE EMOTION >> FEEL EMOTION >> EMBRACE EMOTION

Habitually we design comfort zones for ourselves to keep us safe, and secure. I believe that at the core of our humanity, we all desire to be understood. Conversation continues on with head nods, words of agreement to create a real, positive connection. Even conversations where disagreements exist, time and energy is invested into the conversation to get the other person to try to understand your point of view.

When two people don’t understand each other, they cannot have a relationship. In order to understand someone, you must first allow them to understand you. That means when you feel an emotion, positive or negative, you cannot bottle it up. You must feel it. Once you feel it, if this is the emotion that you want to feel, you must embrace it.

If you do not like the emotion that you feel, though, you must face your emotion.

At the core of our being, we all desire to be understood. The stand up comedian desires to be understood, connecting with his audience before going into his routine. The movie script with a storyline everyone can follow desires to be understood by the audience it plays for, the lover desires to be understood by his significant other, the friend desires understanding from his friends.

connectionsThis is why we create comfort zones for ourselves. It’s scary, knowing that you might go out there and meet someone who may not understand you. If someone does not understand you, they will be unable to build a connection with you. If you don’t know how to face your emotions and be genuine while approaching your fears, people will be unable to understand your routines, your approach, your greeting.

The way you do something is the way you do everything. By destroying our biggest comfort zones that we create for ourselves, our social circles, that ability to face our fears trickles into every other area of life. Following your passion has always been scary, but if you face the fear that you feel, you’ll be able to feel the love of passion and embrace it. Unless you face your fears though, you’ll be stuck feeling that fear and embracing it.

What are you afraid of? Face your fears and invest into Social Dynamics, and start figuring out how to develop relationships in your life. The biggest problem that I’ve come to in my life is thinking that I’m “good enough” already. Truth is, everyone needs to grow. Some choose to be limited by their ego; validating through language that they’re already good enough, and most choose to make the decision to grow. You are a result of your relationships. If you want to grow, you must build relationships with people that are dedicated to growth. If this is something that interests you, shoot us a message here.

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance

Do You Really Need That?

After I’ve packed up all my personal belongings and moved out of my parent’s house back in the day, I was shocked to see how much excess things I bought that I don’t even use anymore.

There it was, in my parent’s basement collecting dust. Boxes, after boxes. Pile, after pile. I shook my head in disbelief.

pile of clothes
“What a waste of money!” I said to myself in disappointment. Looking back now, I could’ve used all that money for something else.

You name it, I had it. I owned designer jeans by the dozens. I had a lot of overpriced bags, expensive shirts and other crap that I thought would make me cool. Don’t get me wrong, it definitely worked.

You know that feeling you get when you buy something new and you can’t wait to wear it? The moment you put it on, you feel like a brand new person. You naturally pull your shoulders back, puff up your chest with a knowing smile on your face. You have a swagger in your step and you feel extra fly. You feel different and you behave in a confident way that generates a positive response from others. It’s a quick fix and all you needed was some free time and a credit card.

“Holy shit, this is awesome!” your self-esteem recognizes that compliment and feels rewarded.

Subconsciously, your brain associates wearing new clothes with confidence. To the internally naive individual, this is a pit fall. It’s dangerous, and quite expensive, to rely on external things for validation. It’s true, shopping definitely has a therapeutic feel to it. The only problem is, the results are temporary and hard to sustain. When the novelty of the clothing piece wears off, there goes your self-esteem because your personal satisfaction is short lived.

I’m the first to admit, I like having nice things. I do enjoy them, just as much as the next brand whore. I still buy them and love wearing them. Except now, I have a different view on spending my hard earned money.

I use it to complement who I am and represent my personality, not make up for my shortcomings.

“Buy once, buy right.”

Nowadays, I would rather own a few timeless items that I really love than have a bunch of shitty ones I really don’t care for. I invested on a few pairs of well made shoes, high quality jeans, well fitting shirts and jackets. That’s it. Anything more than that is excessive. Things add up fast and by being efficient with how you spend your money with clothes, you can spend it on things that actually matter more.

Building relationships and giving value is always in style. Using your money to make someone’s day has a more rewarding feel to it than buying material crap. Great dinner with friends, creating experiences with your family, going to places you’ve never been to or even seminars to better yourself are some examples. Those memories will last you a life time because the exchange of value was a lot deeper. The experienced shared is more meaningful than something extremely shallow and superficial. You’ll find yourself happier and feel more fulfilled by doing this. The best investment you can make is with people and relationships.

So next time you stumble upon some extra cash and you’re itching to hit up the mall for some fresh threads, take a quick sec bro.

Think twice and ask yourself, “Do you really need that?”

Categories
Lifestyle

Taking Remembrance Day to the Next Level.

remembrance day vietnam memorial wall

Happy Remembrance Day Everybody!

Every Remembrance Day I like to take the opportunity to thank those relationships that shape my environment, and make me who I am today, while also remembering those that have sacrificed to make it possible.

To celebrate Remembrance Day, I thought I’d shoot a video blog. Enjoy:

Categories
Entrepreneurship Lifestyle

The Game of Life

video gamesThese past 10 days have been hectic, but I’m starting to feel centered again. It’s been a week of expression, new relationships and settling  in.

This week Michael Casanova and I were talking about life, about where we came from and about where we want to go. Mike and I are both extremely driven, I plan to retire by the time I’m 25 and Michael has big dreams of travelling to the States to explore the world. Michael and I were talking about how hard growth is.

Then we started talking about skill sets, and video games.

“Life is like a video game,” one of us said to the other. “But some people don’t choose to play.” If you think about it, in this life you can develop any skill set that you want. Skill set development starts with you becoming interested, you invest in the skill set, you work on the process of developing the skill set, you get value out of the skill set until it becomes a passion.

INTEREST >> INVEST >> PROCESS >> VALUE >> PASSION

Think about school, for example. You’re interested in taking Engineering, so you invest in the skill set. You put your tuition fees down, and once you’re invested you work on the process of getting the work done for Engineering. After years of dedicating yourself to the process, you start to get the value out of Engineering, getting good grades until eventually you get your degree. Over the course of the process, if you developed a love for your work, Engineering becomes a job and a passion.

investment
Let’s take that same concept and apply it to playing guitar. You’re interested in playing guitar, so you invest in the skill set. You buy your first guitar, and you purchase guitar lessons. After years of process you start to get the value out of guitar, writing your own guitar songs and eventually joining a band, playing in front of people. Over the course of your skill set process, if you developed a love for guitar, it becomes your passion and you make it to the big show.

The missing piece of the puzzle that 95% of people mess up on is the process. The process is what makes or breaks your success with any skill set. It’s easy to be interested in a skill set, it’s easy to invest in a skill set. Setting aside the hours it takes to develop a skill set is a lot more difficult than the interest it takes to develop it. This life is a game, but this life is also a movie. The people who play the game of life are dedicated to the process, the people who watch the movie of life spectate other people’s process.

A sports fan is a spectator of someone else’s process, someone who watches TV regularly is a spectator of the Actor’s process, someone who finds themselves glued to Video Games is a spectator of the game character’s process. Video Games are fun though, because you get to control the game character’s process.

degreeAhh, this is with real life too. Like in a video game, you can develop any skill set that you want to. Wood working, going hunting, playing guitar, playing a sport, any skill set that you want to develop, you can. The way that we’ve been raised though, is to believe that school is the only skill set that you can develop. I know this has been brought up before, so I’ll clarify and say that school is not a bad option, if the skill set that you want to develop requires school. However, any skill set can be developed, instead of spectated.

A lot of people haven’t experienced enough things to find a skill set that they are interested enough in, to invest in. That’s okay, because the best part about Social Dynamics, is that you might meet someone along the way that can introduce you to a skill set that you want to develop.

You want to become a break dancer? If you’re interested, you must invest in the skill set. Without the investment, you won’t take it seriously. Then once you’re invested, you must dedicate yourself to the process of developing that skill set; refusing to allow failure to be an option. Stick to the process long enough and you’ll become a great dancer. Get enough value from your skill set of dance, and you’ll fall in love with it, performing in front of millions, showcasing the ultimate expression of your hard work.

How will you ever become that person you’ve always wanted to be without investing in your skill set? Every day you’re alive, you’re developing a skill set. Every time you sit down and watch the TV, you’re developing the skill set of watching TV; by investing your time and energy into the television and working on the process of sitting on the couch.

Every time you play video games, you’re developing the skill set of playing video games; by investing your time and energy into the video game and working on the process of becoming better at that game.

Every time you go out to drink and socialize, you’re developing the skill set of drunk socializing, investing your time and money into a consumable asset, working on the process of releasing your sober thoughts with the ability to blame it on the alcohol.

networking

Or, you can choose to develop the skill set of playing the game of life. Choose to play the game, instead of watching the movie. Choose to develop the skill set of Social Dynamics, giving value freely and understanding how to be assertive in meeting the people that will help you develop any skill set you desire. Life is a game, and life is a movie.

Are you playing the game, or are you watching the movie?

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance Social Dynamics Social Gym

Where Social Dynamics Needs to Start

Starts with YOUToday I sat down at my laptop with the intention of writing another post that explains the difference between men and women in the realm of dating. Specifically on why men love to say they are going on a “date” and women like to say they are going to “hang out.” A very broad topic choice, however, the inspiration wasn’t there. As the only female writer on this site it allows me to have a voice for all the women in my life, it has been a great avenue to express those opinions to a male dominated audience but somewhere on my soap box with my megaphone, I lost my own voice.

Cam wanted me to write for Kingpin Lifestyle after reading my blog posts from my personal blog Devoted Shift. It’s a blog where I delve in to my own mind, goals, motivation and the struggles of writing or being an artist in general. I write about my frustrations and my celebrations while helping others do the same. By sharing my story, I help others to share their own struggles and through that self-journey they find inspiration and guidance. I came to this site wanting to help people, but most of all I really want to heal people of their painful pasts and to bring them in to the light of what is to come in their future. The future holds beautiful things if you choose to let go of the past and create the future you desire. We are all creators, that is our divine gift. Your future starts with yourself and how you communicate with your environment and the people with in it, this is where Social Dynamics ties in so beautifully. This is why I am a contributor and that voice got somewhere lost in the transition from being a writer for a woman dominated audience to a male one.

Since I am a very internalized woman, who has always struggled with executing, teaming up with Kingpin Social was a great way to keep myself accountable to facing the fear of taking ACTION. This is something I have now realized is a strong suit. I have the ability to help readers of Kingpin Lifestyle to be best in both of these specified arenas. If you have internal awareness as well as knowing how to execute effectively through Social Dynamics, you will be set up for success. So this is what you can expect from me moving forward.

Social Dynamics & Meditating

What Social Dynamics teaches us is that Life = Relationships. I think the biggest missing puzzle that it isn’t always communicated is that the relationship with yourself is the most important one for you to be successful in all relationships.

Meditating

Social Dynamics starts with YOU. You need to work internally as much as you need to practice talking to people every day, learning perceptions of value, and to push yourself in all areas of growth by making goals that will take you there. If you don’t like the person that you are then how can you communicate authentically to a desirable man or woman how awesome you are? To your boss? To your family? You start by asking yourself specific questions that will help you find your self-defeating limitations and creating actionable goals to get you to where you want to be.

I see a lot of guys in the Pick-Up Community that have no self-esteem or sense of self-worth, you see it in women too, a lot of us think that by ‘acting’ you will ‘become’. You pretend to be confident and secure, but when it comes down to it if you aren’t confident and secure it will surely come out in your actions and body language. Typically you can end up in relationships that have no meaning since you aren’t capable of trusting or feeling whole. In order to be good at communicating and attracting ‘high quality’ people, you need to have that self-realization that you are a dope person. By being someone you are not than you are being inauthentic. Inauthentic means you aren’t congruent with your true self and it leads to unhappiness. Unhappiness leads to unfulfillment and disappointment within yourself and how do you build relationships with that mind set? You can try and fake it till you make it but until you are able to find the source of why you have self-defeating thoughts and where they originate from, than you will never be able to work past them. You need to balance between your internal awareness and taking action to push your comfort zones. Just because you aren’t confident doesn’t mean you can’t take actions that can lead you to becoming confident. Just remember that you need to delve deep in to your self to find why you think they way you do so you can overcome it and grow. Otherwise you just avoid the issue and never work past it.

All these articles on Kingpin Lifestyle have amazing lessons and great wisdom for you to meditate on, but most importantly they are there for you to take ACTION, to take that information and to challenge yourself with what you have learnt. This is something that we all need to work towards daily, even the guys at Kingpin Social, and yes including myself. The team and I always wake up every day to our ‘Order Of Operations” – the things we need to get done in the day to stay accountable to not only ourselves  but to others to. We all have to practice what we preach, we have to push our social fears, and we have to level ourselves up and the people around us consistently. The reason why we get better every day is because we stretch that muscle every day. This is why we have Social Gym. Just like you would dedicate time to work out, you have to put time aside to work on yourself and to the things you have learnt.

Take Action

Think of it this way. Lets say on Wednesdays you work on your upper body at the gym, this means you have it already mapped out in your mind that you will need to work on your biceps, traps, forearms, lats, chest, back and torso. You know what repetitions, weight, and exercises that will help you pinpoint those specific muscles to make them stronger. By taking that analogy you start to realize that you can take that kind of preparation and dedication in to every aspect of your life in order to build not only your physical self but your social and mental ones as well.

This is where men and women typically differentiate. Women tend to want to internalize things and understand things at its root before acting out on them, where as men typically want to act then to internalize afterwards. How do we find the balance? How do we not allow the excuse for women to never to take action because they always need to meditate on it first? How do we encourage men to meditate on things more to understand things at a deeper sub-conscious level? By having awareness that as a woman we need to focus on learning how to take action to balance both the ability to self-internalize but not allowing it to hinder the ability to follow through. Men can work more on taking time to meditate and asking themselves important questions to learn more about their internal self while they have the strong suit of taking action. It’s all about balance and covering all bases to be the most successful.

Action Quote Buddha{ *Please note that this is a generalized view and doesn’t mean that all women have problems with not taking action, and not all men have problems with self-reflection. It can always work vice-versa. Men have problems taking action but have a great sense of self and women who have troubles with delving deeper in to internal awareness  but are great at taking action. It’s about pin-pointing your area of opportunity and working past it. *  }

Actionable Goals

Today I want you to smile at one person. Anyone! Make eye contact and just smile. Say ‘Good Afternoon’ or ‘Good Evening’ to a passing stranger or start up a conversation with someone in line while you are grabbing your coffee. Make someones day. That is your goal!

After doing that assess how you feel.

Do you feel different? Are you happier? How did you feel before? Were you scared? Are you still fearful? How can uplifting others through small actionable goals like these help you build a stronger internal value for yourself?

This is a great way to balance an action with taking the time to see how it affects you internally.

Other questions you should ask yourself: “Did you talk about yourself the entire time? Were you seeking validation? Were you listening and being present? What kind of questions did you ask? What did that person teach you?” After you do this today I would love for you to post in the comment box below!

Answer the questions I just stated, and allow yourself to internalize your actions. As you build more awareness of your external environment it is important to take time to delve deeper in to your internal awareness to expand your mindsets and to learn more about yourself and others.

J

Categories
Mental Performance

Life and Lessons of Joe Frazier, RIP

Diagnosed with liver cancer in September 2011, former Olympic Gold Medalist and Undisputed World Heavyweight Boxing Champion “Smokin’ Joe” Frazier passed away on November 7th, 2011. Rated among the greatest heavyweights of all time by the International Boxing Research Organization (IBRO), Frazier was a bull in and out of the ring.

joe frazier 1971Gifted with a relentlessness rarely seen, Joe Frazier embraced a philosophy “that one must absorb punishment before one can properly distribute it.” This philosophy shaped Joe Frazier’s fighting style, one of all out aggression and relentless pressure that would allow him to win 32 of 37 career fights. Well, that and his signature left hook.

“Joe Frazier would come out smoking. If you hit him, he liked it. If you knocked him down, you only made him mad.” -George Foreman

When it comes to Joe Frazier, nothing inspires me more than his heart and determination. One of the best stories to showcase his heart happened when he won the USA’s only Olympic boxing gold medal at the 1964 Summer Olympics in Tokyo, Japan. Taken from his Wikipedia page:

“At the boxing event, Joe knocked out George Oywello of Uganda in the first round, then knocked out Athol McQueen of Australia 40 seconds into the third round. He was then into the semi-final, as the only American boxer left, facing the 6 foot 4, 230 lb Russian Vadim Yemelyanov.

My left hook was a heat-seeking missile, careening off his face and body time and again. Twice in the second round I knocked him to the canvas. But as I pounded away, I felt a jolt of pain shoot through my left arm. Oh damn, the thumb.” Joe would say. Joe knew immediately the thumb of his left hand was damaged, though he wasn’t sure as to the extent. “In the midst of the fight, with your adrenaline pumping, it’s hard to gauge such things. My mind was on more important matters. Like how I was going to deal with Yemelyanov for the rest of the fight.” Fortunately, there was no rest of the fight. The Russian’s handlers decided their man had no chance, and threw in the towel. At 1:49 in the second round, the referee raised Joe’s injured hand in victory.

Now that Joe was into the final, he didn’t mention his broken thumb to anyone. He went back to his room and soaked his thumb in hot water and Epsom salts. “Pain or not, Joe Frazier of Beaufort, South Carolina, was going for gold.” Joe proclaimed. Joe would fight a 30-year-old German mechanic named Hans Huber, who failed to make it on the German Olympic wrestling team. By now Joe was used to fighting bigger guys, but he was not used to doing it with a damaged left hand. When the opening bell sounded on fight night, Joe came out and started winging punches; he threw his right hand more than usual that night. Every so often he’d used his left hook, but nothing landed with the kind of impact he managed in previous bouts. Under Olympic rules, 5 judges judge a bout, and that night three voted for Joe.

Its no surprise Joe Frazier won that medal with a broken left thumb. His dream wasn’t to win an Olympic gold medal though. That was just a stepping-stone along the way. Joe Frazier’s dream was to be Boxing’s Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World. A year after winning the gold medal in Tokyo’s Summer Olympics, Joe Frazier turned pro in 1965 despite learning he had cataracts in his left eye, causing him to be visually impaired. As his broken left thumb would not hold him back in the Olympics, he would not allow his lack of vision to stand in the way of his ultimate dream either. After turning pro he subsequently won his next 24 fights to see his dream come true, winning the WBA Heavyweight Championship Belt by defeating then Champion Jimmy Ellis in 1970.

The win was not without controversy, however.

There’s a famous saying that states: “In order to be the champion, you have to beat the champion”, and few believed Jimmy Ellis was the true champion. This occurred because Jimmy Ellis had not beaten the previous champion, Muhammad Ali. Ellis won the belt during the WBA elimination tournament, a tournament formed to determine whom the new champion would be after the belt was vacated by Muhammad Ali in 1967 when Ali was stripped of his belt for refusing to be inducted into the military during the Vietnam War. It was during this tournament that Ellis would win the belt, and eventually lose it to Joe Frazier. Many still thought of Ali as the true champion, so a fight between Frazier and Ali was imminent.

joe frazier muhammad aliTouted as “The Fight of the Century”, the two finally met inside the ring on March 8th, 1971 at the legendary Madison Square Garden Arena in New York City. Frazier would go on to win a unanimous decision handing Ali the first defeat of his career. The too would fight two more times, with the last being on October 1st, 1975 in the “Thrilla in Manila.” The fight would go on to become known as arguably the greatest heavyweight bout in boxing history, both fighters near death by the end. Ali would go on to be victorious.

Joe Frazier would retire two fights later.

So what can we learn from Joe Frazier?

We can learn to follow our dreams. We can learn to become relentless in that pursuit. We can learn to develop a bull-like stubbornness, and not let irrelevant obstacles stand in our way of seeing these dreams come true. As Joe Frazier has shown, you can still win the Olympic gold medal in boxing with a broken thumb, or the heavyweight championship of the world while visually impaired. Things we perceive as obstacles are rarely that, and more so merely obstacles created in our mind to hold us back out of fear.

We can learn to develop our heart and determination. We can learn to persevere through adversity. “Every path has its puddles.” We can learn that “nobody can escape death, but everybody can live life.”

But if there’s one lesson that stands above all, it is this:

“The biggest lesson that we can learn from death is to truly live. Fall in love with your time on earth.”

joe frazier muhammad ali

RIP Joe Frazier (January 12, 1944 – November 7, 2011)

Categories
Lifestyle

The Two Fundamentals of Social Dynamics

social intelligenceManipulation vs. understanding, a question that has passed through my mind over the past couple of days. Manipulation, I see to be, influencing situations for a desired outcome. Understanding is being aware of the situations, but lacking on the influence part.

We’re all manipulators, in different shapes and forms. Go to a job interview and you’re manipulating (influencing) the interviewee to hire you. The salesman manipulates (influences) his clients to believe that his product is the best product. The Social Dynamics student influences situations to engineer the best possible outcome for both parties.

Social Dynamics is based around social influence, however Social Dynamics is also based around creating Win – Win relationships. This sense of the ability to be symbiotic leaves people who interact with students who study Social Dynamics with a positive emotion, because this is our intention. We want to leave the world better than we found it, we want to infect, influence and spread positivity in this world, all on our way to becoming successful.

Win – Win.

The two fundamentals of Social Dynamics are assertiveness and awareness.

What is Awareness?

Awareness is being able to logically understand the situation, person, or environment. Awareness is what this blog is about. Social Dynamics trains your assertiveness and awareness, so the more that we go out the more aware and assertive we become. This blog is to share the awareness that we see in the world, based on our perspective. Our awareness is not always the right answer, although for the most part it points in the right direction. Our awareness is based on logic, and is starting to encompass emotion.

increased awareness

Becoming more aware gives you the ability to approach situations knowing how to calibrate best to the situation. Increased awareness allows you to see other people’s emotional states, and be able to communicate with that person for the best potential Win – Win situation. Increased awareness improves your dating life, because you’re able to be aware of the best places and situations to create the strongest connections. Being aware improves your career life, because you’re able to understand your co – workers and build the best Win – Win relationship, regardless of your natural chemistry. Being aware improves your overall life, because you start to notice things in your own life that are holding you back from your unlimited potential.

This blog is about increasing your awareness, and your comments and feedback help to increase our awareness. This blog is a product of Social Dynamics, and is a Win – Win situation.

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is the ability to take action towards getting what you want. Assertiveness from the aware individual is a great ability, for the man who is aware of situations, people and places and is assertive in getting what he wants, can get whatever he wants. With great power comes great responsibility, so training assertiveness isn’t something that is the best move for everyone, at this point.

assertivenessAssertiveness improves your dating life, because you’re able to take the first step; or as many as you’re assertive enough to take. With great power comes great responsibility, and there are some who use their assertiveness and awareness to lie and influence people into doing what they want, leaving them damaged at the completion of the task. Win – Lose situation, when assertiveness is used without being aware and considerate of other people, places and things.

Assertiveness improves the business area of your life, because knowing what you want (being aware) and going after it (being assertive) is potential unlocked, when one is dedicated to the process of getting better.

Assertiveness improves your overall lifestyle. Being assertive on the awareness that you have means that you’re taking steps to eliminate the negative habits in your life that hold you back, your comfort zones, and you’re working towards success. Going after what you want is a quality that any employer looks for, that any dating option looks for, that any individual looks for. A person who knows what he wants, and is assertive in going after it, refusing to let failure be an obstacle but learning the lessons of his failures, is a person who gets anything he wants out of this life.

How Do You Train Assertiveness?

The fundamentals of Social Dynamics are assertiveness and awareness. How do you train assertiveness? I’ll tell you, but me telling you is only making you aware of how you can become assertive. This is the process.

Approach one stranger during the day, every day this week. Approaching people is the best way to train your assertiveness, because although driving a car is much more dangerous, most people would rather drive a car than approach someone that they aren’t comfortable talking to. Approaching people, sober, during the day, is one of the most scary things we can do on a regular basis without paying $200.00 (SKYDIVING!)

Training your assertiveness means that you’re training your ability to act despite your emotion. This life is hard, it throws consistent challenges at us to see if we’re ready for them. Often times, we aren’t ready for the challenge, and we fail. The emotion that one feels when they fail is often negative, so to avoid feeling that negative emotion they stop trying. Becoming dedicated to the process isn’t as easy as it sounds on this blog, because this blog only makes you aware of the process. You must make the choice to be assertive and dedicate yourself to the process.

Success isn’t defined as natural skill. Success is defined as preparation meeting opportunity. Part of preparation is failure, but you must be assertive in acting towards success despite the failures, and aware of how to overcome the emotion that you feel when you don’t want to act.

dedicated to process

For more information on training your assertiveness, the most important skill set that you can carry with you, shoot us a message. We’re here to help hombre, but this blog is only able to train your awareness. If you want to train your assertiveness, you’ve got to be assertive in sending us a message and asking us how.