Categories
Day Game Lifestyle Mental Performance

The Consequences of Inaction

“Nah, I’m good. I have a lot of other things to do.” I arrogantly told myself.

Up until recently, I’ve came up with every excuse in the book not to join Mikey B and Brian for Social Gym; a social training program where they approach a vast range of random people during the day, at any venue and try to build a real, genuine connection. No lines, no routines and you have to do it sober.

Dun. Dun. Dun.


People don’t take the first step if it seems to big. They get overwhelmed because they don’t know where to start so they end up not doing anything at all.

Over and over again, I fell into that trap.

I’ve been going out for quite some time now and a lot of people already know me. I’ve engineered my social environment so I’m always getting social proof and validation anywhere I go. At any given night, I take comfort in the fact that I’m going to run into someone I know. I felt like I’ve reached a certain level of success in my life at that point. I was socially pampered and I started getting comfortable. My ego was validated by language and it will do everything to protect itself. The I’ve-made-it mentality gave me an unrealistic and inaccurate image of who I was. The process has been neglected because of my fear of having an experience that will not support my current, self-inflated image of myself.

I didn’t want to push my comfort zone. I know if I get destroyed and rejected, my ego is invalidated. I didn’t want the smog of negative and distorted thoughts to pollute my brain. I know if that happens, I’ll have a negative mental snowball of unreasonable self talk.

“I’m such a piece of shit.”

Every time you see an opportunity and choose not to act on it, you’re training your indecisiveness. This is a big lesson that I’m still learning. If I’m just going about my regular day and see someone that I find interesting from my core, I have to act and tell them. Whether it’s an older gentleman with a style that’s on point or an absolutely drop dead gorgeous bombshell and everything in between. Every time I don’t, the wrong muscle is being developed and my decision making muscles are slowly atrophying. This may not happen overnight, but overtime things do add up. Inaction and procrastination can stunt your growth. Much like going to the gym, what you’ve accomplished up to this point is meaningless if you stop taking action. If you don’t keep sparking the flame, eventually the fire will go out.

Your body is built for survival and adaptability, it will only expend energy on things that is being used, and will eliminate and cut off parts that are not. That goes the same for your social skills.

There’s no need to beat yourself up and feel bad. In every moment, you either get better or you don’t. You don’t just coast through life and stay neutral. If you decide to act now then all your previous failures have been negated. Continue acting and you’re developing your social muscles to grow through a variety of interaction, not just exclusive to hot girls. You’ll feel good internally every time you make that decision to act based on logic, despite of how you feel. This is being process oriented opposed to being dependent purely on results. Every decision you make is one more rep in your social workout which brings you one rep closer to being socially fit.

By acting and doing things anyway, you’re creating a new mental anchor on how you filter the world. Now, you’ve attached good feelings to growth and negative feeling to inaction. Rejection is now viewed as feedback. Weigh the pros and cons. Yes, there are risks involved with acting and getting rejected but have you ever considered the risk of inaction? Reflect on all the things that you’re missing out. Not pushing for growth will save your ego for sure, at the same time limiting all your options for the kind of people you meet and everything else in life. We’re creatures of habit and how we do something, is how we do everything.

The only way to keep growing is think of yourself as a student and learn everyday. Keep your ego in check by putting yourself in situations where you could fail. Take that failure as feedback and analyze where you went wrong. Do an honest moral assessment so you can act accordingly next time you’re faced with a situation similar.

Categories
Mental Performance

The Intensity Factor

gokuBeing Intense is a habit I’ve had ever since I can remember. Everything that I have done has revolved around the very idea of just going hard at something whether it is something simple like eating, or something large scare like going out 6 nights a week. Regardless of the application the one thing that I have learned is that my intensity factor is a method of sifting through options.

I feel that most people don’t know how to make a decision because they are either trying to please everyone, or don’t know if they are good enough or whatever. I say that is fucking stupid. If there is one thing that I have learned over my travels is that everyone is cut from the same cloth. I’m not saying that making decisions is an easy task, but what I am saying is that I am just as capable to make that decision as Joe-blow down the road.

In this video I discuss my extreme and intense tendencies living my life. I go over how they help me and how they hold me back. Overall draw the parallels to your life and see where you are holding yourself back and where you are giving yourself the best opportunity for success.

Make the decisions in your life based on what gives you the most value, not what is the easiest. Do Not Settle.

Categories
Lifestyle Networking

To Approach, or Not To Approach?

school hallwayIt’s the middle of the day. The hallways in your school are scattered with people here and there, all inside their heads thinking about their own little worlds. Knowing about Social Dynamics makes you a bit more aware than the average University Student. You wonder what it would be like to spark up a conversation with any one of these people.

But your fear binds you to your own mind. You’re stuck thinking about the potential outcomes of your conversation starters. You imagine the worst possible outcomes; public humiliation, rejection, even the coldest of shoulders.

Then she walks by you. Your mind races, your heart pounds, the nervous emotion trickles through your veins.

“Hey Man, Real Quick..”

Lately I’ve been thinking about the importance of the present moment. I find that I exist inside of my head throughout the day; walking through my day in a consistent daze. This daze keeps me away from experiencing the joys of life. The present moment is to be embraced and cherished, not pondered aimlessly upon. Thinking about past issues or future obstacles takes away from the beauty of the present moment.

the present momentIf you think about it, in reality, the present moment is the only moment to ever exist. The future is a mental projection of what the present moments to come will look like, and the past is a memory of previous present moments.

In this physical reality, the present moment is the only moment that ever exists.

The present moment is full of opportunity. Too many opportunities, sometimes, for a student of Social Dynamics. My biggest issue is that there are times when I don’t know if I should be just enjoying my day leisurely, or approaching people and starting conversations like a madman.

I came up with a system for myself, and I believe that it will be of help to anyone studying Social Dynamics, or interested in trying the skill set. It’s good to have the conversation skills to talk to anybody; after all, we live in a world of 7 billion people. That means there are 7 billion options. How do you know which options are the right options for you?

Define Your Priorities

Social Dynamics means more than just approaching people. Social Dynamics means that you have a healthy handle on your relationships. In this article I’m going to talk about the relationship with yourself, and the relationship with others.

Defining your priorities when it comes to the kinds of people you want to be meeting is extremely important. Perhaps you’re a DJ, and you want more people to come to your shows. 18 – 30 is your target market, anybody in that demographic is a candidate for conversation. Let’s say you’re interesting in expanding your dating options, and you’re a 25 year old male. Attractive women between 20 – 30 are the kind people that you want to be meeting.meeting new people

Once you’ve decided what kinds of people it is that you want to be meeting, bring your priorities back to your relationship with others. Ask yourself: Will approaching this person affect my relationship with others in any way, shape or form? If you have a girlfriend and you’re approaching girls, your priorities aren’t in order and you’re hurting other relationships. Bad Social Dynamics. Good Social Dynamics is being considerate to your current relationships, taking into account their emotional well being before expanding your network.

How Much Do You Value Yourself?

You need to decide the types of people that you want to be talking to, make sure that by approaching them you’re not hurting any of your current relationships, than make the next step. The next step is focusing on the relationship with yourself. One of the most important elements of the relationship with yourself is integrity; and following through with what your mind knows to be right.

Once you understand what kinds of people you want to be talking to, and you know that you won’t harm anyone by approaching; you must put yourself on the line and open up with your intent. The best part about Social Dynamics is that you’re not always going to make that mind blowing connection, or have every single person have a conversation with you. Social Dynamics is powerful because you have the power to leave every person that you interact with, with a positive emotion.

positive emotions

Once you approach someone, they must decide whether or not talking to you hurts their relationship with others, or the relationship with themselves. Perhaps they’re late for a meeting, or they have a relationship with someone else in their life that would be a conflict of interest with a relationship with you. If not, badabing badaboom! You’ve successfully created a real connection, because you put yourself on the line and gave yourself the opportunity to succeed.

The Importance of Process

I’ve outlined a three step process for myself to understand who I should be building a connection with. I know that I want to be meeting people to talk about Social Dynamics, I want to be meeting down to earth artists, and I want to network with writers.

I tend to have a mission when I’m out; I’m walking fast to get to a meeting, to the gym, to a friends house. I have to ask myself if by building a connection with this stranger, if I’ll be taking away from my other friend’s time.

Once I know this is the type of person that I want to be talking to, and that I have the spare time to do so, I have to approach. The most important relationship that you develop in this life is the relationship with yourself; meaning that you maintain your personal integrity. It’s good to know what to do, but the difference between success and failure is doing what you know is right; even when it’s uncomfortable.

1. Figure out what types of people you want to be meeting.
2. When you see one of these kinds of people, ask yourself if you’ll be hurting a current relationship by building this new connection.
3. Once you know that this is the kind of person, and that you’ve got the time and room for a new connection, start the conversation.

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Performance Relationships

Strong Women Can Date Too!

I’d Rather Be Wonder Woman Than Cinderella 

Strong Women
Photo Credit: http://www.fournierphotographe.com/
Dating a strong woman is one thing, but to be one in the dating world can sometimes be a challenge. With the strides of equality in woman’s rights, women are now finding positions as CEO’s of major corporations and heck they can even have children without ever finding a man, with invetrofertilization. Not all women want that knight in shining armor to come save them on their white steed of masculinity, flexing their pecks and waving their…er…sword. It’s a tough balance finding a guy who is strong enough to handle the independence of a secure and successful woman without leaving them feel emasculated or worse… deflated.

Society has successfully depicted the ideal woman to be this wafer thin girl who desperately needs a man to save her so she can start her new life as a happy fulfilled woman. Hello glass slipper! Is this what men ACTUALLY desire? Weak and desperate women? Maybe. So how the heck do strong women compete with these girls who are on the verge of tying themselves to train tracks in order to validate a man’s psychological need to protect? It’s a crazy world out there but I honestly think in the end a high quality man wants a high quality woman. Depending on your perspective… I tend to think that a High quality women = a strong woman. 

My definition of a STRONG WOMAN:

  • She’s Independent (insert Destiny Child’s independent woman song here 😉 ) 
  • She’s emotionally secure and doesn’t look for constant validation
  • She’s able to speak her mind and speak up for her beliefs and values
  • She doesn’t tolerate disrespect 
  • She has her own life/friends/obligations/schedule 
  • She is able to be there when he/she needs to lean on her for support 
  • She’s number one in her books always 
  • She knows that showing her emotions isn’t weak and she accepts help when she needs it  

I haven’t always considered myself a strong woman, but in the past couple of years I have worked really hard on myself to become what I call: self-approved, thus on the right path to becoming a strong woman. After a couple of trecherous break-ups I found the strength within myself to find the happiness and fulfillment I was desperately searching for from the men in my life. After this long self-journey, Wam-Bam- the strong woman metamorphism had finally taken its course. It wasn’t always easy on my relationships, in-fact my last relationship I found it difficult making sure the guy I was dating (let’s call him M) feeling like he wasn’t a man. A lot of men view being “a man” with this concept of being a provider, ‘breadwinner,’ or protector. M communicated that he felt like I didn’t need him and thus I would push him away. He had a great desire to provide for me and wanted me to lean on him when I was struggling. Gasp* Me!? He wanted ME to ask for HELP!? But I am a STRONG WOMAN! Who does he think he’s dating… Rapunzel? Being a vegetarian it’s not like I could tell him to shoot a moose and drag it back to our cave as I stand by and clap like the happiest seal at the zoo. “Oh hunny! You’re so strong and mighty!” *Swoon* Uhm, not happening. 

What was I going to do?

Don’t we all want this in some aspect? Relationships aren’t just about wanting to share life experiences with a certain somebody but also to fill this desire we all have within ourselves to be needed and adored by another person. We all want to be desired, and we all want deep loving connections otherwise why does our world revolve around finding a soul mate? Isn’t dating the fundamental grounds to finding someone with the goal of matrimony? Isn’t that what ‘going steady’ was all about? How do we keep our independence in-tact when we need to show the object of our affection that in some way we need them? Or better yet- want them?

Wonder Woman

Hey- Wonder Woman Wants To Get Laid Too

How are we able to balance between being independent and making our men feel wanted? Or feel masculine? How can we keep our independence while still being desirable to a quality man? By being Wonder Woman! Well- not ACTUALLY- but think about this Marvel Character. She’s strong, beautiful and still considered feminine yet desirable no matter how buff she is and how much ass she has kicked. She will put you in a head-lock, and tie you up in her lasso. She stands for justice. She sticks to her values and fights for the greater good. Yeah she’s depicted as this incredible hour glass shape figure but what is REALLY attractive is her strong personality with the balance of how much of a woman she really is.

Success in being a strong woman AND dating comes down to embracing your feminine nature while making sure you allow the guy you are with to express his masculine nature in ways that he needs to. Communication is key! This doesn’t mean you drop your values and what you believe in if he needs something that you don’t agree with. In that circumstance you just don’t [ fit ] as a couple. But by dropping your shield and allowing him to help in some way may be what he needs in order to feel like he is contributing to your relationship as a man.

Here are some examples: If you typically pick the bill up on your dates (who knows maybe  your the ‘breadwinner’) or like to pick up groceries for dinner and he desires to be a provider than you need to allow him to express that by paying every once and awhile. If you go to the theater and you’re cold and he offers you his jacket- accept it. He wants to take care of you in these small gestures and in the end it doesn’t make you seem weak or incapable. You are allowing him to express himself and this creating a stronger connection with him.

I think the biggest struggle for women who fight to be seen as independent and strong is acceptance. You need to accept the small gestures that men like to express by setting aside your need to be seen capable. Accepting help or needing someone to lean on can be hard for a woman who wants to be taken seriously or not seen as weak. Just know that it truly doesn’t make you less of a woman or less of a person to be taken care of. Being a strong woman means letting go of the need to control. The strongest of women know how to balance their partners needs with their own and allow the men in their life to be men when they need to be. It’s a balancing act, and it can be done. In the end if you are seeing a guy who wants to treat you like a damsel in distress to fill his extreme need of masculine validation- dump him. Your happiness comes first, be self-approved and you will find a strong enough guy who can accept you for the great qualities you possess. There will always be those guys who prefer ‘weak’ women and those who prefer strong women. It’s just about getting out there and finding them. 😉

If you have any questions or comments regarding this post- please feel free to comment below! I love the feedback! As for all the strong women out there- what has helped you to find that balance?

J  

 

Categories
Lifestyle Social Gym

Is Your Environment Helping You Win or Helping You Fail?

networkAs you think about the long history of the human race on this planet, you can’t help but wonder which ways we can improve ourselves. Many theories revolve around this very topic.

Evolution is a topic that I love to talk about and how the mechanics of evolution actually work. Just thinking of the relationships that all of the different animals in the world have with every single one of their environments really amazes me.

What stifles me even further is that human beings also follow the same footsteps to evolving from their environment. There is one fundamental difference; human beings are the only living organisms on the planet that can truly be in control of their environment. Not only their physical environment, but even more importantly, their social environment.

Being in control of your environment is a fundamental key to go, or stay wherever you desire. You are in control of your environment.

Categories
Social Gym

Social Gym XX

gymA few months (which feels like years) back Brian and I started a program to tone up our social skills the same way we have kept our bodies fit by occupying a workout program. We never thought that Social Gym would evolve this far from where it started. After plenty of talk and a lot of development from the team we have come up with a facelift for Social Gym. Were calling it Social Gym XX, and I truly believe that this is the solution for anyone including myself to be improving and maintaining your social skills at whatever area of life we are in.

Enjoy the first Social Gym XX Vblog coming at you from our local Kingpin Social Library!

Go break a social sweat!

Categories
Mental Performance

How to Unlock Your Potential

discipline“What is the definition of willpower?” is the question that circulated my brain the other day. I was thinking about how complex our brains are when we begin to give ourselves access to them, and see beyond the ego. This means coming to terms with you’re not as good as you think you are, and that there’s always room for improvement.

I was talking with a man about my physical health today. I approached him in the gym to talk about his diet; he was extremely fit and looked like he knew what kinds of foods to eat if I was going to start taking my diet seriously.

Hansen: What are your goals, man?

Brian: Honestly dude, I just want to be healthy overall. I’ve had a big ego these past 3 years, only working out and never eating properly. I figure if I’m going to strive for health, I may as well go hard with my diet as well.

Hansen: That’s the biggest problem these days, too many people think they’re good enough already so they don’t bother asking for help. Truth is, we all need help. It’s like Martial Arts, as soon as you think you’re the man someone’s going to come along and show you better. You must be in a teachable mindset, once you become the student you’ll be able to reach the next level.

What is Willpower?

motivation Why are some driven to succeed, and some are not? Why are some motivated to be something greater than their comfort zones, and some sabotage themselves from any chance at success? Habitually we create comfort zones for ourselves. We do this because it’s always easier to feel safe and secure, than to put yourself on the line and risk failure.

Why are there those who are driven, and those who are not? If willpower cannot be measured, why are some people naturally self – motivated, and some are comfortable with complacency?

Willpower cannot be scientifically measured, nor can motivation.

It is the driving force behind willpower, and motivation, decides whether or not you succeed or fail. There are those who refuse to leave their comfort zones, because they don’t want to risk failure. The ones that leave their comfort zones, though, are not risking failure. They are striving for success.

The Risking Failure Mentality

Our minds are our most powerful weapon, and our biggest enemy. The mind has the ability to create whatever we think about; we want more options so we read a blog. We want to go on a date, so we think about calling a girl. We want Tim Horton’s, so we think about it then act out the thoughts inside of our mind. Whatever we think about, if we act, we bring about that thought.

Think about the idea of risking failure. If you think about risking failure, and you act, you will risk failure, and will likely fail. Whatever you think about, you bring about. Your words become your thoughts, your thoughts become your actions. There are those who are driven, and consistently risk failure.

The definition of driven; driven means that you’re willing to go outside of what is comfortable for you and work towards a purpose. In order to be driven you must have a purpose.

You can either be driven by fear, or motivated by love.

Being driven by fear means that you’re running from something you do not want to become.

Being driven by love means that you’re motivated by the person that you want to become.

They seem like the same thing, but they are polar opposites. The man driven by fear goes to the gym to get big, neglecting his health along the way. The gym is one part of health, there’s also yoga, meditation, eating properly, getting the right amount of sleep. The man driven by love has an ideal vision of what he would like to be, based on a healthy relationship with himself, and he’s motivated by working towards that vision.

Being driven by fear means that your mind exists in the past, unable to get over a circumstance in your life that causes you to fear reverting to an old state. Examples of this would be the fat kid converted to the steroid – body builder, driven by the fear of becoming fat again. This man is extremely driven, but the fact that he hasn’t taken his relationship with himself into consideration means that he’s driven by fear.

hiding from pain

Relating to relationships; about the people you know that get into relationships one after the other. These people are driven by the fear of being alone. These people may have healthy relationships, but in the end they will sabotage any potential they have at a chance for love because they are not motivated by love, but driven by fear.

The man driven by fear works at a job he doesn’t like to make the money he needs to survive; afraid that if he leaves his job he won’t be able to make ends meet. The man driven by love spends his whole life finding a way to spend his time on the things he’s passionate about; whether or not it makes it money.

The smart man driven by love spends his life finding a way that he can make ends meet while expressing his passion, and spending time doing the things that he loves to do.

The Striving for Success Mentality

Comfort zones are safe, and secure. They are also complacent, and mediocre.

Everything that you want in life is outside of your comfort zone, otherwise you would already have it. Comfort zones are hard to “destroy” because truth is, you can never “destroy” all of your comfort zones. All you can do is live in the present moment, realize your comfort zone by the unsettling feeling in your stomach, leave them for a moment, and experience the feeling. The feeling that you have when you leave your comfort zone will register in your mind, and you will either associate a positive feeling with leaving your comfort zones, or a negative feeling.

If you leave your comfort zone and you’re in a Risking Failure mindset, the feeling you have afterward will be negative (unless you achieve success). This is outcome dependency; you’re only happy if you get the results that you’re looking for instantly. This ties in with Short Term Pleasure = Long Term Pain. In the moment, risking failure seems like the right option while you’re leaving your comfort zone, however Risking Failure is only good when you achieve success.

Striving for Success, on the other hand, is a continuously winning mindset. When you are striving for success, you can only succeed. Failure is not failure, failure is a lesson that will take you that much closer to success. Striving for success means that you’re process dependant.

achievement

When you leave your comfort zone, striving for success, you understand that every failure along the way simply means that you weren’t ready for the success that you want to achieve. The smart individual learns the lesson of their failure, and moves forward towards success becoming more aware of how to get what they want when they leave their comfort zones.

If Thomas Edison had a Risking Failure mindset when he attempted to invent the light bulb, do you think he would have tried 1000 times? Thomas Edison was striving for success, learning a lesson each time he came to an obstacle, making him that much closer to the vision, the thought that he had in his mind, of creating light with a simple flick of the finger.

The light bulb was a thought in one mans mind, that he took with a Striving for Success mentality and implemented into one of the biggest ideas this world has ever seen. When you’re striving for success, you’re driven by love. You’re no longer destroying your comfort zones, you’re unleashing your potential.

INTEREST >> INVEST >> PROCESS >> VALUE >> PASSION

 

If you’re driven by fear, you can still develop skill sets. You can be interested in a skill set, invest in a skill set, work on the process of developing it, get the value out of it, but you will be unable to achieve passion.

Passion = Love, over a long period of time. The reason for my self – destructive tendencies over the course of the past 20 years of my life, is that I was consistently driven by fear. I was running from someone who I was afraid of becoming, instead of running towards someone that I wanted to become. Now that I’ve shifted my focus, my direction, I’ve leveled up past the self – sabotage that I caused myself for 20 years.

passionateThe only difference, now, is that I’m driven by love. Because I’m motivated by love, I’m able to get the value and make Social Dynamics my passion. Social Dynamics has changed my life, from negative to positive. Social Dynamics has changed my Self – View, from Hate to Love. Social Dynamics will change the world, by showing the world love.

Ask yourself; are you driven by fear, or motivated by love?

Categories
Day Game Lifestyle Night Game

Why You Should Try Going Out Solo.

“What’s the cab number, bro?” I asked my friend after I’ve gathered all my luggage from the car.

We just drove over 8 hours to another city for work, and I guess a little bit of vacation. I didn’t know where I was exactly and I definitely didn’t know anyone. I knew I was only going to be there for 4 days, I might as well make the most out of it. I was feeling adventurous so I asked my friends, “Hey, let’s go out.”

They shook their heads. “Nah dude, we’re tired” they replied.

“That’s cool.” I said nonchalantly.

I’m sure going out is the last thing in their minds after a long ass road trip. Fair enough.

The cab finally came. I ran outside, solo.

guy

I got in the cab and I’m not gonna lie, I was a little bit terrified.

Why?

I do fear the unknown and I’m by myself.

I still experience approach anxiety, just like everybody else. We’re all cut from the same cloth and I’m definitely not a special snow flake. The only difference is, I have better awareness and understanding of how my feelings affect my decisions.

I know how to deal with the emotion of resistance.

It’s easy to feel like the fuckin’ man if I go out with all my cool and jacked friends at a venue where everyone knew me. I had massive social proof and I didn’t feel the need to put myself out there as much. Familiarity builds comfort. I knew the staff and the bouncers therefore the whole night club was a giant comfort zone. I knew that if I get rejected or blown out, I had the social safety net of my friends and bar staff to back me up.

That said, I felt a lot of emotional resistance going out that night by myself. My ego was trying to protect it’s identity. It didn’t want to get hurt. What if I’m not the man that I thought I was?

All the more I wanted to go out and do it because I wanted to know.

Cam would always say, “Accept the feeling of resistance for what it is, remain unreactive and choose to act regardless.”

“I’m scared. Oh well, I’m going to do it anyway.” I said to myself. I took a deep breath, and started taking small, positive action. I was in the cab, might as well chat up the cab driver. I was socially warming up. I knew I had to keep doing it until I’ve built positive momentum. I understand that if I go through the fundamentals, I’m guaranteed to have a good time.

I made a decision to have fun that night, and I was going to do it regardless of how I felt.

Going out solo made me an independent person. I became someone that rolls to his own beat. I called my own shots instead of being lead all the time. I learned how to be aware of my surroundings and be assertive at taking action. Showing up at a club by myself left me with two options: I can have a great night or a lame one, plain and simple. I can man up and proactively meet new people or I can be a wall flower and sit by myself at the corner of the bar nursing my drink. I’m responsible for how great my night will be and the quality of connections I can have with people that I interact with.

Nowadays, I’ll make plans and invite people along the way. Whether they show up or not, it really wouldn’t matter. That wasn’t the case back in the day, I’ll tell you that much. If my friends didn’t want to go out on a Friday night, I’m screwed. Uncontrollable things happen so they call last minute and say “Sorry dude, I just don’t feel like it.” Do you know how many times I’ve stayed home because of that? I didn’t know how to take responsibility so I didn’t have a lot of choice.

Ever had that happen to you?

Going out by yourself feels liberating. It’s a good measure to see where you’re at and what you’re made of. Having the ability to connect with others definitely creates options. It also taught me to develop a relationship with myself. I genuinely think I’m a cool guy and everyone should meet me. I’ve learned to quiet that voice in my head that says “I’m not good enough.” If you like yourself, then you’ll have no problem going out on your own. Your goal should always be to learn and get better. The mere fact that you’re taking more action than the average person means that what they think of you shouldn’t matter.

 

Categories
Mental Performance Social Dynamics

Overcoming the Pain – Pleasure Contrast

downtown condoOver the course of this past year, my growth has seen some steady inclines, as well as some massive declines. Sometimes I wonder where my life would have been, had I chosen to stay inside of my comfort zone of my house in Whitehorn. On October 13th, 2010, I chose to move in with Cam Adair of Kingpin Social. This move was way outside of my comfort zone, I was paying $300.00 a month in my Northeast Calgary home.

Cam sent me a message on Facebook two weeks after meeting me, asking me to move in to a condo with him Downtown. At first I was nervous, facing your fears isn’t always the easiest decision. I decided to take myself seriously though, and after a week of contemplation I decided to leap outside of my comfort zone and say yes to Cam. This would mean leaving my current roommates, opting out of my lease and moving into a condo downtown that I had no way of affording.

Talk about uncomfortable.

I used to like comfort zones, I think everybody does. I don’t think anybody minds feeling safe and secure, accepted. What about when the day comes that you realize that you want more for yourself? That day when you look at your life, and you realize that you’re not happy with where you’ve come. When that day comes, how comfortable will your comfort zone be?

Everything that you want in this life is outside of your comfort zone, otherwise you would already have it.

This past year has seen some major ups and downs for me. See, with a comfort zone, there is little chance for failure. You feel safe, secure, and understood in your comfort zone. It is yours, you are comfortable. However, as soon as you know that there’s potential for growth in your life, and you’re not taking the leap, your comfort zone doesn’t feel like home anymore.

We all need to grow, we all have room to grow, we should all be on the road to self development. Our minds are unlimited, science cannot map out will – power, potential, drive. We can take any skill set and develop it to an unlimited level, if we dedicate ourselves to the process of improvement and refuse to allow failure to be an option.

Pleasure, though, isn’t easy. In fact, it’s painful. It’s because pain and pleasure, like love and hate, are the same thing. They are just polarities of the same emotion.

What? Pain = Pleasure?

Pain = Pleasure. This is why 1% of the population owns 99% of the money, hello Occupy Calgary. Not everyone can be successful, because part of becoming successful is facing an insurmountable amount of pain. The 99% of people don’t understand the pain part of the pleasure, because there are two types of pain, thus, two types of pleasure.

SHORT TERM PLEASURE = LONG TERM PAIN

smoking weedThis one should be easy, shouldn’t it? I think everybody smokes marijuana, to a degree. In the moment, marijuana seems like a good move. You get high, you feel good, you’re loving life. Think to 5 years down the road, though. If you continue smoking marijuana every single day, for 5 years straight, is it going to have positive long term benefits or negative long term benefits?

This is marijuana, but this applies to all drugs, alcohol, fast food, laziness. If you drink tonight, it’ll feel good, but over the course of 5 years is it going to have positive long term benefits, or negative long term benefits? What about smoking. In the moment, it’s pleasurable. You’re stressed, you puff on a cigar and that smoke that fills your lungs almost feels good as it eats away at your throat. Over the course of 5 years, is it going to have positive long term benefits, or negative long term benefits?

You can even tie this into relationships, and hook ups. In the moment, the hook up seems like a good idea. You get sex, I get sex, we both win. Over the course of the next 5 years…

You get the idea.

“Why does it matter, if I’m only going to do it this once?”

The way you do something, is the way you do everything. If you cannot make the decision to grow today, it’s likely that you’re going to wake up tomorrow and make the decision to do it “once more”. If you want to get better, you must dedicate yourself to the positive kind of pain.

SHORT TERM PAIN = LONG TERM PLEASURE

I have an adoration for fitness enthusiasts. The people who can go to the gym every single day of their lives and dedicate their time and energy to something greater than the short term pleasure. The people who dedicate themselves to short term pain and continue to reap the benefits of long term pleasure.

body builder

Think about running on the treadmill. In the moment, it sucks ass. I know, I hate running on the treadmill. Over the course of 5 years, if you run on the treadmill for 3 days a week, 20 minutes a day, is it going to have positive long term benefits, or negative long term benefits?

What about doing your homework, instead of going out to the club with your friends. In the moment it seems like an extremely shitty decision. You really want to go out. You choose to stay home though, and miss out on a fun night. Over the course of 5 years, if you skip out on two nights a week clubbing to stay in to do homework, is that in the moment decision going to have positive long term benefits, or negative long term benefits?

roller coasterAlright. Let’s talk about Social Dynamics. I’ve met with a lot of clients lately, and they’ve all been telling me about how they want to change their life. In the moment, though, they want to keep their money to do other things with. They need money to go drinking on Friday nights, to spend tastelessly on clothing they don’t know how to use to their advantage.

Short Term Pleasure = Long Term Pain

Get Serious. Change Your Life.

Then there are the smart clients, that choose to invest into Social Dynamics. The two fundamentals of Social Dynamics are assertiveness and awareness. This blog is to bring awareness, our awareness comes as a result of our assertiveness. This blog makes sense to everybody, and makes people aware, but this blog cannot train your assertiveness. I can make you aware of how to train your assertiveness, and this is the key:

social dynamicsINTEREST >> INVEST >> PROCESS >> VALUE >> PASSION

You can be interested in the skill set all you want, but unless you invest in the skill set you will not take it seriously. I can want to get bigger all I want, but unless I buy a gym membership I won’t take the gym seriously. I can want to eat healthy all I want, but unless I buy healthy foods I’ll be stopping by McDonalds.

The way you do something, is the way that you do everything. Make the smart decision for your life.

Short Term Pain = Long Term Pleasure