Why Men Should Cry: How Being Emotional Leads To A Better Connection.

by Jamie

Boys CryAfter enjoying an incredible yoga class at my favourite studio, Yoga Santosha, I had the pleasure of sitting down with two amazing ladies who are on the road to self-love and enlightenment. Before I get started talking about embracing the feeling of being vulnerable, I would like to state that I am aware of the audience that I am speaking to. Predominantly Kingpin Social has a lot of single men who have either been in the pick-up, interested in its theories and tactics, or is still a part of the community. This topic is universal, it does not separate men from women, or prejudice in any sense. However, I am talking about accepting emotions- raw, real, and earth shattering emotions that leave us feeling debilitated, scared, and humble. This to many men (even women) is something foreign or maybe even disinteresting. Like c’mon, who wants to feel? Pssh, pansies.  Who wants to talk about their emotions? Most women do, and some men even do as well.

Macho Men versus Emotional Women.

We’ve all heard this idea that men and women are separate in the way we think – men tend to be more logical and women more emotional. This concept shouldn’t be a way for us to separate ourselves because it allows us to lose the idea that we aren’t unified, whole, and one- no one being greater than the other. We are all great, and have the abilities to tap into both logical and emotional state of minds. The difference in our sexual organs and level of hormones shouldn’t allow us to create this division. This disconnection tends to lead to these excuses of why we have difficulties communicating to the opposite sex. “I can’t talk to you, you’re too emotional” or “I can’t talk to you, you’re too logical.” As a world nation we can’t allow ourselves to fall victim to this notion of difference but instead focus on how we connect and are one.

Think about this. We possess the same qualities that we see in others if we choose so- it’s all a choice. If you want to be more athletic you can go out and start running or pick-up a gym membership to work out 5 times a week. If you want to be funny you can study stand-up comedy and surround yourself with funny people. If you want to be more open-minded you can surround yourself with new perspectives or educate yourself in new theories and ideologies to help broaden your mind.

Crying Society has divided us in to two opposing sexes with this general idea that boys shouldn’t cry, and girls are allowed to cry because of their emotional nature. Masculinity versus Femininity. This emotional suffrage that men are exposed to at a young age, in order to have this “masculine” status, has debilitated so many men in finding their inner harmony and connecting with women on a more emotional level. If men allowed themselves to better understand the liberation of emotion, maybe then they would be able to communicate more effectively with women. If women then took the time to assess their emotional state in a logical manner, maybe than they could effectively communicate with men. By tapping in to a place we generally lack in, we allow ourselves the opportunity to grow and evolve. What better way to learn how to communicate with someone by experimenting with learning how they process things.

A lot of men, and yes even women, have no sense of self. They have never allowed themselves to just feel the things they feel. This inner reflection of just feeling and allowing it is a huge move in the right direction to building better connections not just with other people but with the most important relationship of all- with yourself.

In that moment of emotion, whether it be sadness, frustration, or anger- why do we always resort to holding it in? Stifling it? Why do we tell people “Awe, please stop crying?” Why!? Why do we need to bottle up our emotions as if we are saving them up for another day? Why don’t we allow ourselves to embrace the emotions, let them out, and then assess them in order to grow? This time of inner-reflection and release will only aid in creating better and long-lasting relationships. We all have our own crap to work on. If we don’t work on them we can end up projecting them on our partners and sabotaging the relationship. We have all had a hard battle and we all have the scars to prove it. Feelings are like feedback loops about where you are at. If you feel vulnerable and afraid then you know you are probably stuck in a comfort zone and need to push through in order to grow. If you feel sad or don’t like the person you are then you know you need to take the time to delve deeper to find the things you love. You need to assess your greatest qualities and actively do things that make you feel better. If you never learn about yourself, how can you have an authentic relationship with others? If you don’t love yourself, then how can you genuinely love someone else? You would just fill a void that only you can fill, and until you fill it, you will always feel a sense of emptiness and unhappiness.

Tally ho! Moving Forward

To move forward in your growth by learning how to effectively communicate with the opposite sex, we need to take the time to try on the other shoe. Both men and women need to embrace emotion, and need that logical aspect in order to create actions or to better understand why they feel the way they feel. That sense of awareness will help you move forward and not be trapped in that sense of doom that can come along with unhappiness. You can therefore create actions within your new found wisdom of self to help grow past your self set limitations.

This ability to dig within ourselves and find the courage to share our emotions through our individual stories opens us up to the ability to connect with others on a much deeper level. I believe this, living more vulnerable, is the avenue that we must take to make a better tomorrow and to understand one another on a larger scale. If we can understand one another on a deep level, then we can communicate much more effectively.

Here’s a great video on “Living Vulnerable.” The woman who is speaking on TED.com is a research analyst- very logical, and she shares her findings on how we can build better relationships through this idea of living vulnerably. Tell me what you think! Comment below and don’t forget to subscribe and like the fan page.

In light and love,

J

About Jamie
Jamie is an enthusiastic goal-getter and photographer. Aspiring life-coach and author. Yogi extraordinaire and an honest voice to those who seek it. She blogs over at Devoted Shift.

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Lauren November 17, 2011 at 10:44 am

Wonderful article Jamie 🙂 I’ve seen that video before, but it was good to watch it again! I’ve got another TED talk here that really compliments this topic, especially in relation to men. It talks about the “Man Box”.

Enjoy:

http://www.ted.com/talks/tony_porter_a_call_to_men.html

Cam November 17, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Thanks for coming by Lauren. You’re my favorite female commenter! 😀

Kingston November 21, 2011 at 10:45 am

I really really enjoyed this article. The more I read about self improvement, the more I realize that the starting place is accepting yourself for who you are and loving yourself unconditionally. It feels very difficult to do sometimes, especially when you have this front of someone you’re actually not. I am not perfect, I am vulnerable… shit everyone is. I will make mistakes, people won’t like me, I will get shot down… but that’s ok because when I can accept myself and show people who I am without worrying about rejection, I’ll create better, longer lasting connections.
^^^ I learn better when I write things down 🙂
Thanks for the article Jamie, time to go out into the the real world with these mindsets.

Jamie November 21, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Thanks for the comment Kingston! I’m really glad a male reader enjoyed this article 🙂

It all starts with yourself, and embracing that vulnerability in order to be 100% authentic to grow past the limitations you set. So many people hide behind their ego so they don’t look “bad.” This just limits them. When you learn to accept fear and the possibility of looking “bad” in a situation you allow yourself to learn and grow. Its ok to fuck up, and to make mistakes cause some times that is the only way for people to learn…through experiences!

Thanks for sharing 🙂 I would love to hear more about your experiences when you go out in the world with your new perspective! Keep us posted!

J

Max November 29, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Good article Jamie. I tend to assume I’ve done something bad and everyone looking at me like an idiot.

Growing by experience is the best way you can put it.

David Fredric September 5, 2012 at 5:10 am

Thank you. An inspiring read and something that I have been thinking about a lot lately

Cam September 5, 2012 at 9:44 am

Hey David, thanks for commenting. I definitely agree, I think this post is great! Jamie’s an amazing writer. The TED talk she linked is also one of the most amazing talks of all time.

David Fredric September 6, 2012 at 2:09 am

Brene Brown’s talks and subsequently a book I bought of hers the “Gifts of imperfection” (I highly recommend it to anyone) have had such a profound and healing impact on my life. Gaining the courage to be vulnerable and put myself out there after living in an emotional shell and feeling isolated for a long time has deepened my connections with people I interact with and put me onto the path of better relationships and feeling happier just being me. It has also helped me find the courage to examine my life and deal with things I never dealt with.

Cam September 6, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I should definitely pickup that book, it sounds great! Thank you for the suggestion. Courage is a trait I’m working on as well. I want to become fearless.

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