To Approach, or Not To Approach?

by Brian

school hallwayIt’s the middle of the day. The hallways in your school are scattered with people here and there, all inside their heads thinking about their own little worlds. Knowing about Social Dynamics makes you a bit more aware than the average University Student. You wonder what it would be like to spark up a conversation with any one of these people.

But your fear binds you to your own mind. You’re stuck thinking about the potential outcomes of your conversation starters. You imagine the worst possible outcomes; public humiliation, rejection, even the coldest of shoulders.

Then she walks by you. Your mind races, your heart pounds, the nervous emotion trickles through your veins.

“Hey Man, Real Quick..”

Lately I’ve been thinking about the importance of the present moment. I find that I exist inside of my head throughout the day; walking through my day in a consistent daze. This daze keeps me away from experiencing the joys of life. The present moment is to be embraced and cherished, not pondered aimlessly upon. Thinking about past issues or future obstacles takes away from the beauty of the present moment.

the present momentIf you think about it, in reality, the present moment is the only moment to ever exist. The future is a mental projection of what the present moments to come will look like, and the past is a memory of previous present moments.

In this physical reality, the present moment is the only moment that ever exists.

The present moment is full of opportunity. Too many opportunities, sometimes, for a student of Social Dynamics. My biggest issue is that there are times when I don’t know if I should be just enjoying my day leisurely, or approaching people and starting conversations like a madman.

I came up with a system for myself, and I believe that it will be of help to anyone studying Social Dynamics, or interested in trying the skill set. It’s good to have the conversation skills to talk to anybody; after all, we live in a world of 7 billion people. That means there are 7 billion options. How do you know which options are the right options for you?

Define Your Priorities

Social Dynamics means more than just approaching people. Social Dynamics means that you have a healthy handle on your relationships. In this article I’m going to talk about the relationship with yourself, and the relationship with others.

Defining your priorities when it comes to the kinds of people you want to be meeting is extremely important. Perhaps you’re a DJ, and you want more people to come to your shows. 18 – 30 is your target market, anybody in that demographic is a candidate for conversation. Let’s say you’re interesting in expanding your dating options, and you’re a 25 year old male. Attractive women between 20 – 30 are the kind people that you want to be meeting.meeting new people

Once you’ve decided what kinds of people it is that you want to be meeting, bring your priorities back to your relationship with others. Ask yourself: Will approaching this person affect my relationship with others in any way, shape or form? If you have a girlfriend and you’re approaching girls, your priorities aren’t in order and you’re hurting other relationships. Bad Social Dynamics. Good Social Dynamics is being considerate to your current relationships, taking into account their emotional well being before expanding your network.

How Much Do You Value Yourself?

You need to decide the types of people that you want to be talking to, make sure that by approaching them you’re not hurting any of your current relationships, than make the next step. The next step is focusing on the relationship with yourself. One of the most important elements of the relationship with yourself is integrity; and following through with what your mind knows to be right.

Once you understand what kinds of people you want to be talking to, and you know that you won’t harm anyone by approaching; you must put yourself on the line and open up with your intent. The best part about Social Dynamics is that you’re not always going to make that mind blowing connection, or have every single person have a conversation with you. Social Dynamics is powerful because you have the power to leave every person that you interact with, with a positive emotion.

positive emotions

Once you approach someone, they must decide whether or not talking to you hurts their relationship with others, or the relationship with themselves. Perhaps they’re late for a meeting, or they have a relationship with someone else in their life that would be a conflict of interest with a relationship with you. If not, badabing badaboom! You’ve successfully created a real connection, because you put yourself on the line and gave yourself the opportunity to succeed.

The Importance of Process

I’ve outlined a three step process for myself to understand who I should be building a connection with. I know that I want to be meeting people to talk about Social Dynamics, I want to be meeting down to earth artists, and I want to network with writers.

I tend to have a mission when I’m out; I’m walking fast to get to a meeting, to the gym, to a friends house. I have to ask myself if by building a connection with this stranger, if I’ll be taking away from my other friend’s time.

Once I know this is the type of person that I want to be talking to, and that I have the spare time to do so, I have to approach. The most important relationship that you develop in this life is the relationship with yourself; meaning that you maintain your personal integrity. It’s good to know what to do, but the difference between success and failure is doing what you know is right; even when it’s uncomfortable.

1. Figure out what types of people you want to be meeting.
2. When you see one of these kinds of people, ask yourself if you’ll be hurting a current relationship by building this new connection.
3. Once you know that this is the kind of person, and that you’ve got the time and room for a new connection, start the conversation.

About Brian
Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Myke Macapinlac November 27, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I saw this live today and I loved it! Social Gym rocks and Brian Mark is the coolest half black guy I know with 2 first names <3

Brian November 29, 2011 at 12:58 am

Myke Macapinlac say whaaaa!?!?

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