The Effect of Relationships on Your Energy Levels

by Brian

make someone smileIt was 8:04pm on Tuesday, March 26. My work day was a bit busier than usual. As an entrepreneur-in-training, the end of the month always seems to catch up with me. My fingers scanned my keyboard in a way that inspired a rhythmic chatter. A sound came from the doorway to my left. I looked over my shoulder to see a familiar face walk through the office doors. His aura radiated positivity as he greeted my co-workers with a smile.

“Chris! How’s it going man?” I asked.

“Best day of my life, Brian,” Chris answered, as he walked towards me with open arms and a genuine smile.

My long day behind me, I was thankful for Chris being here. My mentor’s name is Cam, and Chris is his mentor, so this was an interesting opportunity for me to hang out with someone who has impacted Cam so much. His presence brought a good feeling to a stressful day. The 6’4 man sat down next to me and my trusty laptop. I went from writing to socializing as the stories of his day warmed my ears. Instantly my thoughts melted away and I felt myself immersed in the present moment.

The Power of Relationships

I believe in eating healthy, going to the gym and living an active lifestyle. It makes sense to live like this, because you have more energy to get things done. Even with all of those factors in play I’ve found that one of the biggest things that takes away your energy is negative emotion. Stress consumes us in today’s capitalist society. Depression, obesity and the 6 o’clock news add to the filing cabinet of bad things to think about.

Woman Yelling at Man

The number one consumption of our energy levels is negative emotion. In order to maximize the amount of energy you have you must eat your greens, work out 20 minutes a day and have a life full of healthy relationships.

Relationships are based off of an exchange of value. Value is relative to the emotion that you feel about your relationship. Relationships that give you value are healthy relationships; they make you feel good. Relationships that take value away from you are un-healthy; they make you feel a negative emotion.

Relationships = Life


Relationship = Exchange of Value


 (+) (- ) Value =(+) (-) Emotion

There are different types of value that you can give, internal and external. I’m going to talk about some internal value that my friend Chris gave me on March 26th that lead to a 3 hour conversation and a week of inspiration. Before you I tell you the solution, let me elaborate a bit on the problem.

Life Is Full of Problems

Life isn’t easy for anybody. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich and famous, working a 9-5 job, living paycheque to paycheque, a middle class entrepreneur, or living without a home in a 3rd world country. Life is hard for each individual in the world. Having the feeling of the world crashing around you is a common mental pattern for anyone alive today. Taking on life’s challenges alone is always difficult, and a full plate in itself.

My mind has always wandered to the answers to life’s big questions. What is my purpose? Why are we here? Is there something greater than us? Being an entrepreneur is the biggest blessing and biggest curse. On one hand I have all the time in the world to do what I want and love. On the other hand there are times when I’m not motivated or inspired to do what I want and I have more time to be lazy and procrastinate.

How Emotion Effects Energy Levels

I started to notice this phenomenon every second week after my company’s get-together “Ideas Developing Ideas”. Every second Sunday we invite 40-50 people to the house to talk about and develop ideas. We talk about passions, dreams, inspiration, goals, ideas, the stories and lessons we’ve learned throughout the week. It’s a judgement-free zone that people come together to figure out how we can help each other grow. Ideas Developing Ideas is a night focused on enhancing the effect of Win-Win relationships.

ClarityI noticed my energy levels on Monday morning after IDI were always high. My body would get out of bed without my mind’s assistance, I’d find myself singing and dancing around my house, my mind floated with ideas of how to make my life better. I started to record how I felt every Monday after a night of IDI and saw nothing but positive records. I began to think to myself:

“Maybe the conversations I was having were allowing my thoughts to get out of my mind so that I could think about the things that I wanted to with clarity.”

I began to study IDI and see what it was about that night that made me feel so good. I noticed that the conversations varied from week to week but one thing remained consistent: every second Sunday when Ideas Developing Ideas came around, everybody in the room was radiating and expressing extremely positive emotion.

“Maybe that means that the emotion you feel has an effect on the energy level that you have.”

Before I accept a theory as true, I apply it to as many areas of life as possible to see whether or not I still come to the same conclusion. Each weekend I teach a new student Social Dynamics. I take my clients out in-field and show them how to meet new people. After coming to the conclusion that the emotion you feel has an effect on the energy level that you have, I applied it to the students that I teach every weekend.

I noticed a consistent pattern.

In-field is an intense part of the Kingpin Social program. The goal is to meet the types of people that my student wants to meet. While meeting strangers I teach each student that people want to be around someone that is able to make them feel good. It’s hard to make someone else feel good when you, yourself don’t feel good.

I experimented with this new idea that emotion has an impact on your energy level. Each weekend for the past two months I have said and done things that make my students feel positive emotions. As my student begins to experience higher levels of positive emotion, his energy levels always raise. As my student’s energy levels raise, he experiences higher levels of positive emotion.

“Sick! How can I use this?”

You re-energize yourself by experiencing positive emotion. This isn’t to say that you should stop dieting and going to the gym. There are proven physical facts that say a healthy eating schedule and workout routine are essential for your well-being. This article proves that there is another factor that’s contributing to your level of energy – your emotion. This is also to say that you can consciously acquire more control over the emotion you feel, and thus, raising your energy levels.

One of the fundamental concepts that we teach at Kingpin Social is that the relationships in your life should always give you value. There are infinite potential possibilities for the value you can be given, but value is only value when it makes you feel good. Value can be internal – someone gives you time and energy and it makes you feel a good emotion. Value can also be external – someone buys you a Starbucks Coffee and you feel good because you enjoy coffee. Internal value lasts a long time, whereas external value is short lived.

Chris came over on March 26th when I was experiencing a negative emotion. The stressful day got to me and I was feeling down on myself. This naturally impacted my energy levels and made me want to procrastinate. Who wants to work when they feel bad? I was tired, groggy and un-motivated. Chris came over and had no gift to give me but his time and his energy. The emotion that he felt was positive. That means he gave me time and energy attached with a positive emotion. His presence made me feel better. His presence gave me value.

Chris coming over not only made me feel better but also gave me more energy.

Build Healthy Relationships

Relationships are one of the biggest contributors to living the happiest lifestyle you can. Even though I always ask myself life’s biggest questions, I have yet to come up with an answer. However, the only thing that remains certain is that we are here. It makes sense that I’m here and I may as well make the most of it. I’m determined to live the happiest life that I possibly can and inspire others along the way to do the same.

The relationships in your life should always give you value. Your relationships should always make you feel good. Not only will you have more energy but you will live a more fulfilled life – a life that will inspire others to feel good. Chris’s presence alone made me feel good because he radiated good emotions. My life’s purpose is to do the same thing. I want to feel the best emotions and allow my presence alone to inspire others to feel better too.

You can do the same. Start building healthier relationships in your life. Build relationships that give you value – make you feel good. The only way to do that is by giving value first without expecting anything in return. Those that give you value back are the ones you build relationships with. You won’t regret it – you’ll experience happier emotions and be consistently vitalized with energy.

About Brian
Brian is a firm believer in living in the present. Brian lives his life by the philosophy “Act for the future, not because of the past.” He is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. Read more about Brian here.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Phil Drolet April 2, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Great post Brian. I’ve absolutely observed the phenomenon you mention there… Positive social interactions have a HUGE influence on energy levels. That’s why I’ve stopped working from home and started going to a co-working space. Negative emotions totally sap our energy that’s for sure.

I’d add that over thinking also drains us. I’ve been listening to “The Power of Now” audiobook lately and teaching myself to think less..and it’s helped a lot. Constant mental chatter takes a lot more out of us than we know.

Keep up the good work!

Will April 2, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Wow! Fantastic article. Great job Brian! An excellent read!

What makes it so good is the way in which I can relate to it so easily. This is something that has been effecting me recently with a girl that I like. If one day, I talk to her and we get on well, with us both smiling and laughing, the rest of the day goes like a charm. I am extremely active, going for runs and such. If however, we do not get on so well, she is busy or in a hurry and the conversation goes badly, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth for the rest of the day, which in turn leads to a bad day.

As you were stating in your article, I am going to begin to focus more on bringing value to her (as well as the rest of my colleagues), even if I do not expect it in return, to see how my relationships develop.

Once again, great piece of writing. Great job!

Brian April 2, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Phil — Absolutely bro. A catalyst to my work day is a daily meeting with the Kingpin Social crew to get on the same page with both our thoughts and emotions.

And I would completely agree that over-thinking has the power to zap our energy. Audiobook eh? Smart! Saves time and you still learn. I haven’t looked into audiobooks. Thanks for the support bro!

Will — Much appreciated love my friend! Thank you for taking the time to comment.

I go through the same mental process. When I’m talking to my girl and my things are good, I notice my energy levels are always high. When I spend time and energy thinking about how to make it better / how to fix it, my energy levels drop.


I think that what’s actually happening is your emotion affects your thoughts, because when you feel a negative emotion you consistently think about it / the person that caused it which drains your energy. What do you guys think?

Will April 2, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Brian – I completely agree with you with your last statement.

Today when chatting to the girl on Facebook, she had to ‘go and work’. Although this was probably true, it go me thinking: Am I not giving her enough value in order for her to want to spend time chatting with me? I mean, if she really did like me, would she not rather chat with me then go and work…? After this occurrence, for the whole day I have been on a downhill negative slope. I did not do my planned run this afternoon. I did not work as efficiently etc.

I think what makes it worse though, is that when I am not speaking/typing to her, I am wishing that I could be. So when I eventually do, my mood shoots up, like a ‘kick’, and then when she suddenly has to go, the thing that I had been hoping for all day vanishes. This causes a drain of energy because I no longer look forward to anything that really excites me. It is kinda of hard to explain.

Those are my thoughts on the situation.

Kaleigh April 2, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Awesome article B!
The power of the mind can do extraordinary things, both positive and negative. The more opportunities we provide ourselves and others with positive thoughts, we leave less room for negative emotions to intrude. Positive thinking provides positive rewards.
Have a wonderful evening everyone.

Live, Love, Inspire

Brian April 3, 2012 at 1:30 am


I feel your pain brother. That was something that I experienced for a long time. I learned the trick to overcoming those situations where you feel negative because of something you did or didn’t say.

One thing that helped me with my dating process is building a better relationship with myself. Then at the peaks of my good emotion (heading home from the gym, just finished writing a blog article, just finished teaching a bootcamp) I’d call my relationship interest and allow her to experience that good emotion with me.

Kaleigh! I definitely agree. The power of your mind is astounding. You can use it for extraordinary things and at the same time it can also be the cause of your self-destruction. Positive thinking reaps positive rewards!

Mikey B April 3, 2012 at 9:42 am

Wow this was a great read Brian. I have to say this is probably one of the most enjoyable reads that you have put out so far. I believe that your writing skill has obviously “leveled up.” Great job best friend!

Brian April 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Thank you very much Michael Broadfoot! I appreciate the love and support =)

Paige April 14, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Well first off, I feel a little intimidated leaving a comment after reading a couple of the other comments. However, I couldn’t agree more with them. I’d have to say this article was quite impressive. You have a real gift for writing, and Im glad that your one of those people that works with it, rather then playing it safe and getting a drone job. Good read =)

Erika May 24, 2013 at 5:23 pm

Thank you for this…. I’d really like to read more on this topic. I’m 25 and struggling a lot in this area and I’m afraid my life is going to be run this way for years to come. Any advice on where to read up more on this talk about relationships, emotions, energy and value?
Thank you

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