Social Dynamics: No Girls Allowed!

by Jamie

Woman Haters Club

A Guys Girl

I have always got along with BOYS. My first best friend was my neighbour in Summerland, BC. His name was Alex, a cute blonde boy with a grin as large as mine; we would run around and play in the dirt all day around his family farm. Just up the road were three other boys who lived on an orchard; we would run around the rows of peach trees with water guns, sling shots, and climb into the tree fort to plan attacks against the rival brothers. I didn’t feel very different from them… we liked the same games, same sports, and I didn’t have any concept of gender separation. I knew I was a girl, and they were boys, but I didn’t create a line between the two of us. We were one in the same.

I grew up with a brother who is 5 years older than I whom I always looked up to. He was older, got to do cooler things than I did, got his first car before I did, first cell phone, always the first experiences of being the older child. I desperately wanted to do things that the older kids always got to do, especially with him. I wanted to be part of everything he was doing, I wanted to keep up and not be left behind. When I was 7 he taught me my first karate moves to ward off any boys or bullies, we would play floor hockey in the garage, and throw around a baseball in the back-yard.

It only makes sense that now as I find myself completely surrounded by men in a company that I admire and love being a part of. It’s not always easy being the only woman because I don’t make it easy on myself. I have higher expectations that I have set on my own, I have this desire to keep up and prove that I have a place among “the boys.” These guys are constantly pushing themselves to grow, which pushes me to level up that much quicker. The growth is exponential, the environment is contagious, and it’s hard not to say that these guys who I have known for only 5 months have quickly become some of my closest friends. We call each other on our excuses, the BS, and we carry each other’s struggles and build each other up when another falls. We are more like a family than a business. You can only imagine the questions I get! I get asked all the time- “Why do you work for Kingpin Social?” “How do you explain to women what Kingpin Social is? or my favorite- “You work for Pick-up Artists!?” 

“Queen”pin Social

Connection

Well- these are all great questions, and I understand the struggle when trying to explain to women what Social Dynamics is- especially if you don’t quite have the grasp on what it is, yourself. Maybe you think you know and you just don’t know how to frame it, or maybe you’re a girl and you are having a hard time understanding how all of this relates to you. Maybe you are holding on to the notion that this is “pick-up” with a different name and that infuriates you (which I can understand, but you’re completely off.) I don’t know where you are at, but I can definitely help lift the fog on what Social Dynamics is and how it’s not a boy’s club- it’s for women too! Hello Queenpin Social! 😉

For all my ladies out there, I’m a self-respecting girl and some-what of a feminist. I wouldn’t take part or advertise a company that is involved with pick-up theories. I understand the benefits of pickup but I also understand its downfalls and where PUA’s (pick-up artists) are missing out when it comes to building long-lasting relationships. Neil Strauss in “The Game” even states at the end of the book that being a PUA didn’t equip him with how to create lasting relationships and found it difficult to hold on to a girlfriend. From my experience I see two things with pickup artists and it all depends on their intention.

Intention #1: They are using it to learn how to get girls to build up their self-esteem. They come from a place where they need external validation, but it doesn’t tackle the internal problems of filling that shallow void. Something is missing and they are looking in the wrong place: trying to find it in other people.

Intention #2: They just want help to become more social. These books are great with helping people who are usually more introverted and need some guidelines or “pick-up lines” in order to generate conversation. So in retrospect that is a very good thing! The basis that it’s strictly for getting girls to sleep with a guy is only one way to look at it and yes, some guys use it strictly for that. But not all.

I’m not saying pick-up artistry is good, but it comes down to the intention of the individual. Kingpin Social doesn’t work with clients that share the same intention that most PUA’s do: getting girls. We aren’t about helping dudes sleep with as many girls possible, we are about creating connections with everyone to better our personal relationships, our careers, and our social circles. We want everyone to live the most optimal, happy, and healthy life. This starts with having a healthy relationship with yourself as well with others.

Boys! Ugh!

Connecting the female perspective dots

How do I explain to women what Social Dynamics is? Exactly the same way I explain it to men! Social Dynamics solves the question of “Why can’t we all just get along?” Life = Relationships and Social Dynamics teaches you how to build long lasting relationships with anyone and everyone. This isn’t just about dating but dating is important for everyone as we all desire love. We love companionship, so of course we all want to learn how to create better relationships with the opposite sex, it only makes sense. Men are terrified of women, and a lot of women are afraid of men- we are all afraid of each other. Through Social Dynamics you can learn how to create a great relationship with anyone, and allow it to benefit you as well as the other person. We always want to create a win-win situation for everyone involved.

“But you are going out to bars and talking to girls?” This is only half true. Of course we want guys to talk to girls, but we also want them to make connections with other guys, bartenders, the bouncers, the manager, etc. If a guy can talk to a girl he finds attractive than it will be easier for him to talk to the less daunting people like the management, or another guy at the bar grabbing drinks. If you do the thing you are most uncomfortable with, you will grow and be more comfortable in that situation. You need to learn how to communicate effectively with everyone and come from an authentic place. If men and women can generate momentum in one area of life such as dating that gives them an anchor to build off to generate more momentum in other areas of your life too, like your career. This is what we do at Kingpin Social. We don’t arm you with pick-ups lines to take a girl home; we give you the tools that allow you to talk to anyone so you can become the social butterfly you have always wanted to be and live a life you love with dope people to boot.

Is Social Dynamics for men only? Of course not! I wouldn’t be writing this article if that was the case. Social Dynamics is for everyone under the sun. If you want to explain to the women in your life what Social Dynamics is without coming off the wrong way, then send them this article. It’s sometimes better coming from another woman, as it can be hard to get over the stigma that this all started from a company that derived originally from men wanting to meet and date more women. If you have any questions or would like to sit down with me then email me. I would be more than happy to help or ask any probing questions. ALSO! I will be launching a womans program in the new year and would love to hear your suggestions or feedback. What kind of program would you be interested in?

Making Connections

Social Dynamics is NOT Pick-up

The founders, Cam and Kevin, started out with the same intention of wanting to meet more people. They weren’t in it to meet and sleep with girls. The only methods out there at the time were within the methodology of pick-up, so at first they attempted to use those concepts to meet new people – men and women – but after time they both realized it was a flawed method. It was taking value from the people they were interacting with as well within themselves. It’s hard to hold up a long lasting relationship when you’re not being your authentic self- thus spawned a real pursuit to find the fundamentals of healthy relationships across all social relationships; Social Dynamics!

Social Dynamics isn’t about being someone you aren’t, it’s about building a relationship with yourself so you can ultimately “be yourself” and learning how to make a connection with anyone you want. That could be your neighborhood barista, your mom, your neighbour, the cute guy/girl who lives two floors above you, the chess community, or your boss. If you want to connect with someone for personal reasons or for business opportunities- Social Dynamics can help you. This is why I am part of the Kingpin Social team, because I know that it works for everyone and it has worked for me.

Lastly I need to say that I hate the fact that there is even a parallel between Pick-up and Social Dynamics. It doesn’t give justice to the incredible tools that Kingpin Social has to offer everyone in building a bad ass life. It shouldn’t even be part of the equation or even discussed in my mind, as they are two completely different ideologies and have different intentions overall. From woman to woman- I stand behind Social Dynamics because of choice and was welcomed with open arms into the team because I asked to be there. I wouldn’t be part of something that works against my morals or values, and I sure wouldn’t be writing this article unless I wanted this view to be shifted. Social Dynamics isn’t Pick-Up, so don’t even try to correlate the two. I would love to extend an invitation to any women who wants to be part of the movement of Social Dynamics to message me or any of the team members to get involved and see what this company is all about. It will blow your mind.

In light and love,

J

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About Jamie
Jamie is an enthusiastic goal-getter and photographer. Aspiring life-coach and author. Yogi extraordinaire and an honest voice to those who seek it. She blogs over at Devoted Shift.

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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Brian December 14, 2011 at 4:55 pm

BOOM! killed this article <3

Myke Macapinlac December 14, 2011 at 5:54 pm

Jamie this really hit home with me! Coming from the other side of the spectrum, I could definitely relate to all the examples you mentioned here about pick up. The external validation that I got was short lived and unsustainable which in the end left me worse than before I started. Reading this article felt like a comforting hug and a soothing voice that’s telling me I’m right where I’m supposed to be. So for that, I thank you! 🙂

Jamie December 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm

<3 Glad you guys liked it! :)

Myke- You're right where you're suppose to be! With the Kingpin crew- changing peoples lives and making this world a better place by educating people on how to build connections and bring value.

It's time more girls joined the Social Dynamics movement so we can be one step closer to a more united world.

Anwar December 14, 2011 at 7:07 pm

I have had this conversation with some many people in the last few weeks.

“With great power comes great responsibility”

Thing is that the majority of women know how to be social. I just think its the transition from being a loner to being a socialite that’s tough for most people. Think about it, as a former loner myself I lived inside my head all day… constantly thinking this and that and never embracing the life in front of me and when I became social I wanted to act more outside of my head because I know that’s where life is.

Do you guys think teaching women would be harder than men?

Cam December 14, 2011 at 7:16 pm

One of the best posts on the blog for sure. Thanks for sharing your insight, J.

Jamie December 15, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Thanks Cam! 🙂

Anwar- I don’t think teaching women will be harder than men, I’m a woman so I think I can understand them and know how to talk to them 😉 I think the program will be VERY different than the men’s Boot-camp for sure. Men and women approach things differently, and internalize things on different levels. Thanks for commenting!

Anwar December 15, 2011 at 2:50 pm

No, Thanks for writing Jamie!!

Matt William December 15, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Excellent post Jamie!!!

I liked the way that you’ve began to tackle the “Social Dynamics is just a fancy name for Pick-Up” Topic. Its important to realize the differences, and I think that this is a vital point of introducing women to the program. To understand that this is a process of developing and honing your internal social skills, not lining your bedsheets is exactly what is needed – good for you on approaching such a controversial and misconstrued topic with knowledge, integrity and class!
Bravo,
M

Jamie December 15, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Thanks Matt! 🙂 Excited to see you in #YYC soon!

Simon December 16, 2011 at 12:17 am

“A real pursuit to find the fundamentals of healthy relationships across all social relationships; Social Dynamics.”

Nicely defined. Instead of explaining Social Dynamics to girls in the future, I’ll just carry a print-out of this post and hand it over, quietly shuffling off to give them a few minutes.

Definitely the answer to the question I had posed to you several times, “How do you explain Social Dynamics to girls without going into a 4 hour conversation about pick-up, the evolution to Social Dynamics, the intent of the entire philosophy and how to applies to everyone.

Loved it.

Krista December 16, 2011 at 1:11 pm

J,

I think that you are going to absolutely kill it with the women’s program. This article was insightful. I especially love how you frame this article. The beginning speaks about gender equality, yet it outlines our differences; both of which are so vital to our respective strenghths, and weaknesses. Furthermore, when you go on to say how your women’s boot camp is going to be very different, it continues on with your recognition of that. Social Dynamics is for everyone, but men and women do approach and internalize things very differently: I’m so exicted to see what that motivating spirit of yours comes up with!

Cam December 16, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Krista. I completely agree with everything you’ve said. Social Dynamics IS for everyone, but just like each individual person learns differently, it must be catered to those needs.

Thanks for commenting. Hope to see you comment more often. You offer valuable insight and we’d all love for you to share it! 🙂

Brian Mark December 16, 2011 at 2:12 pm

jamie, why do you rock?

Cam December 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Brian, that is simple: She hangs out with me a lot.

Jamie December 16, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Holy moly! Much love and gratitude to you all! <3

Simon- I'm super glad you got a lot out of this article as you really inspired me to write it 🙂

Krista- Thanks so much for taking the time to read my article, and the incredible feedback! I really appreciate it. I'm really excited to share the woman's program and put my ideas in to motion.

Cam- Irrelevant.

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