I recently came back from a trip from beautiful British Columbia where I was running a Kingpin Social Bootcamp in Kelowna. I decided to bring two of Kingpin Social’s interns, Myke and Jamie on the trip with me so they could experience what it’s like to run a program in another city. It’s always nice to get out of Calgary for a weekend, especially with how crazy busy Kingpin Social has been lately; sold out July, August and September.
The trip was awesome and the bootcamp went extremely well. The student ended up e-mailing me saying if I had charged more, he would have paid it without question. Things like this are always nice to hear, and just amplifies my belief that Social Dynamics will change the world.
On the drive home, Jamie and I had a conversation that I thought would make a great topic for todays post in regards to the “in-field” portion of Bootcamp.
During a Bootcamp there are two main components: “in-field” and “discussion”. “In field” is when we literally take students into social situations and watch them interacting with people. No better way to learn where a student needs to improve than literally watching him/her interacting with a ridiculous amount of people. Discussion time is also important, because this gives us the time to sit down, talk about theory, sticking points, and answer any specific questions the student may have. Both components are equally important.
Due to Kelowna being a smaller town, we spent the majority of our time at club Sapphire, and it was here that Jamie became a bit taken back, and bummed out. This became the basis of our conversation on the way home.
Why was Jamie feeling this way?
Over the course of the weekend, She wasn’t approached very much and this made her feel a bit insecure. (Now, let’s not get dramatic here, it wasn’t affecting her a lot, just a little bit.) There could be a million reasons as to why guys weren’t approaching her, and one of the main ones would be that I was standing next to her the majority of the time because she was helping me assist on Bootcamp. Most guys aren’t going to approach a cute girl standing next to another guy.
It’s important to note that it’s a good thing for her to feel what she felt. I’m not saying this to imply that feeling insecure is ever good, but when you are in this situation you have a choice. There are only two paths you can take from here, and thankfully you are the one who gets to make that choice. You can allow these emotions to control how you react OR you can embrace them and feel empowered.
It’s important to embrace these “negative” feelings because it gives you an opportunity to correct your mindset. Whenever I used to feel insecure, anxious, unhappy, and jealous or the like, I would take those emotions on as a belief about myself; even if it couldn’t be further from the truth. Now every time I feel any of those emotions, I embrace it as an opportunity to remind myself what I truly do believe about the situation.
Let’s use an example to explain this better:
So Jamie goes out to the club and doesn’t get approached as frequently as she normally would. She begins to feel insecure, and her mind begins to question herself:
“Am I not good looking? Do I not look approachable? Am I not wanted?”
But deep down in her core, what does Jamie actually believe about herself?
Jamie believes she is beautiful. Deserving. Friendly. Approachable. Compassionate. Jamie knows she is a catch, and the insecurities she felt weren’t her true belief about herself.
So now she can take this opportunity to meditate for a minute and re-set the REAL belief she has about herself. Easy as 1 2 3. Will this automatically stick and be there for good? Fuck no. But that’s ok. Every time these emotions come up, she just needs to do the same thing, and over time this belief will sink in deeper and deeper.
I’ve done this exact same thing when it comes to jealousy. Every time I feel these emotions in my body I take a second, chill the fuck out, and remind myself it’s just a chemical imbalance in my body and the true core belief I have is not that emotion. This technique has helped a lot when it comes to jealousy, which is definitely something that terrorized me for a long time.
Try this out and let me know what you think. This will only work if you have made the decision to live drama free, and remember, drama doesn’t just happen with your friends, but within yourself and your mental energy as well.
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BTW – I will be heading out to Kelowna again in a few weeks for another Kingpin Social Bootcamp, so if you or anybody you know lives in the area, let them know. Tell them to e-mail me or hit me up on Facebook and we can talk about it. This is an opportunity you don’t want them to pass by!