I was honored to receive an email the other day from a good friend Amanda Timmins. Amanda did an essay for school and mentioned Kingpin Social in the article. Amanda talked about how we study “relationship development,” and in the piece she wasn’t sure what it really was but she knew we were on to something. I took some time to think and look at the Kingpin Lifestyle website and realized that we hadn’t defined relationships yet.
Reading “Up to This Point” will catch you up to where we used to be in the relationship theory, but this article is to clarify the definition of relationship. When I say “relationship” people are quick to assume intimacy, yet think of your mother. You have a relationship with your mother. You have a relationship with your brother. You have a relationship with your roommate.
What is a “Relationship” anyways?
A relationship is an exchange of value between two entities.
There are three types of relationships one can develop. The relationship with yourself, the relationship with others, and the relationship with your environment. Each of these relationships are essential in one’s overall well being. In order to effectively develop these relationships one’s intention must be to give value freely expecting nothing in return. Different things are able to make people feel different emotions, but your actions should always be guided with the intention to give value (emotion) to your relationships.
Value = Emotion
Value is different for each person / thing, but value is always relative to the emotion you make someone feel. Give value = other person feels good, Take Value = other person feels bad.
Every form of “value” that can be given is only as “valuable” as it makes the other person feel. A gift given for Christmas can have thousands of dollars spent on it and still be not of value to the recipient. In order to give value careful thought and consideration must be given to understand someone else’s perception of value.
The Relationship with Yourself
I never used to understand this concept. In fact I spent alot of my time taking value from myself. I would drink, do drugs and eat fast food because it felt good… or so I thought. I would do things that would make me feel good in the short term but when I opened my eyes in the morning that’s when I’d know the status of the relationship with myself. When you open your eyes ask yourself if you’re excited to be awake or if you can’t wait to get back to bed. A healthy relationship with yourself invites you to wake up early because every relationship in your life gives you value.
Value is based on emotion. To build a relationship with yourself you must invest time and energy into things that make you feel good. I’m a writer and I love to bartend in my spare time. I also love physical fitness, and reading books to expand my mind and broaden my perspective. In order to give myself VALUE (a good emotion) I have to give my time and energy to things that I love doing. The more things that I love doing that I include in my schedule, the better the relationship with myself becomes.
The Relationship with Others
This is where people struggle. This is where we’re here to help. In order to develop a relationship with others (based on an exchange of value, and value = emotion) you must understand what makes other people feel good. Not on a mass scale, either. On an individual basis. You must be able to look at someone else and be able to effectively understand their perception of value. Kingpin Social offers a 3 day intensive program where we show you firsthand how to communicate your value to the people that you meet / people you interact with on a daily basis. Whether you’re currently social or shy, Kingpin Social’s focus is to show you our relationship theory and how you can apply it to your life immediately.
The Relationship with Your Environment
The relationship with your environment should be based around the relationship with yourself. You want to build a relationship with an environment that heightens your emotion. That means building a relationship with an environment that gives YOU value (value = emotion). For myself, that would be an environment full of writers because I spend a lot of my time on my keyboard. That would also be a book club because I enjoy digging my nose into an enthralling story. It also includes surrounding myself with people who study Relationship Development because I’ve dedicated my life to Social Dynamics.
The Definition of Relationship
A relationship is an exchange of value between two entities. Value is relative to each entity but is always based on emotion. Even the relationship with your car. How do you have a relationship with your car? Can your car feel emotion? How do YOU feel when you step into your car. When the relationship between two entities is healthy, both parties will feel good. That means when you step into your car you’ll feel good. Have you been giving your car oil changes? Allowing it to run efficiently by taking it to a mechanic? You may not care about the relationship now, but when you’re stuck on the side of the highway because you’ve neglected the relationship things will be different.
Life is built off of relationships. The second you open your eyes you’re interacting with your environment. You interact with yourself every day. Do you feel good when you get out of the bed in the morning? Is your life prospering with healthy relationships that you can be proud of everywhere you go, or are you settling for satisfied in more areas than one? The way that you do something is the way that you do everything. I invite you to take a look at your life and ask yourself about the state of your relationships. Do you have a healthy relationship with yourself? Are you doing something that gives you value, something that makes you feel good? Have you surrounded yourself with people that give you value (make you feel good) or do your friends take value from you (bring you down, fail to support you). Life is meant to be enjoyed, abundantly, with healthy relationships everywhere you go.
Kingpin Social is dedicated to relationship development. Join the Social Dynamics movement and subscribe to the newsletter. There are going to be some big changes to this blog as we’re working on building a better relationship with our outlet for the message of Social D. Join us on our journey and subscribe, homies.