I know, it hurts..
Most of us have been there. You know, eating that tub of Ben & Jerry’s until you’re on a sugar coma. You’ve watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall for the 4th time and it’s already 4am. The black-out-drunk nights. You pull out cash from your pocket as fast as the bartender can pour your triple vodka sodas. You’re heart is numb and grainy kinda like your hand when you sit on it too long. Alcohol does dull the pain and the heartache. Doin’ Just Fine by BoyzIIMen is on replay on your iPod. Retail therapy. Worse of all, the rebound relationships. It’s not ideal but I understand. Who doesn’t miss that warm body on their bed every night?
Oh man, break ups provide a bad cocktail of emotional confusion all around.
I’ve only taken home two girls to my beloved parents. The rest, well, that’s another story all together. Hey, I’m no saint. Haha! I dated my first girlfriend for three years. My second relationship, we we’re together for over two and a half years. Looking back, falling out of love is not always necessarily a bad thing. We both had our reasons to part ways and it’s all good. In the end, both of us were unhappy and have already outgrown each other.
Breaking up, painful as it is, was the best thing to do.
I think it’s sad how some relationships go from luke warm to searing hot then at a snap of a finger, ice cold. You become strangers to the other person you once shared your most intimate self with. There’s no easy way to break someone’s heart but here are a few things I’ve learned to make it just a little bit better.
- Be Honest.
Enough with the it’s-not-you-it’s-me bullshit. Cut the crap ok? Give the other person enough respect and tell them why you’re breaking up. They deserve to know, especially if you dated each other for a significant amount of time. This also gives them an opportunity to become better people. Whatever the reason maybe, swallow your pride and admit it. They might be really hurt initially, but honesty goes a long way.
- Do It In Person.
Keep it classy and be sincere. You hung out and spent a lot of time together right? Have enough balls to meet the other person up and end it in person too. I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand seeing someone cry. Delivering bad news in person isn’t always the easiest thing to do, but I didn’t have to tell you that.
- Help Them Out.
How do you do it? Leave the other person alone for a bit and give them some space. Time really does heal all. Don’t complicate things by sending mixed signals. It won’t help if you keep on texting “I miss you” messages to the other person. Everything said at this point could be easily misinterpreted because of the roller coaster of emotions. From my experience, this caused the relationship to get back together and break up again repeatedly until we we’re both emotionally numb. It’s draining and painful to experience heartache over and over.
- Don’t Talk Shit.
Whatever your reasons are for breaking up, keep it low key. My friend told me one time, “Don’t say anything you’ll regret.”Bite your tounge. Don’t give the other person any reason to say anything bad about you, even if you know you’re right. I’m not telling you to bottle it in. It’s important to get it out of your chest. It’s healthy to talk about what happened but be selective who you do this with. You’re interpretation of the event will always be filtered and biased to your side, which is obviously not accurate. Words travel fast through the grape vines and if you talk shit you’ll get busted eventually. This will only add fuel to the fire and might make things worse. If other people ask about what happened, say “It just didn’t work out.” No need to elaborate. You’re not obligated to explain the whole thing if you don’t want to.
- Wish Each Other The Best.
If the other person is better off being with somebody else, then so be it. Both of you deserve to be happy, even if that means not being together anymore. This one, in my opinion, takes a lot of maturity to do. So give each other a tight hug for the last time, then say “Goodbye and good luck.”
I always put a comma on things, never a period. Someone I knew always said “What ever happens, happens.” It’s so simple, yet so true. Enjoy the experience for what it was. Take the time to reflect on the relationship, and learn from the mistakes. Give yourself enough time to mourn but after that, pick yourself up and move on. Love will find you the moment you start doing what you love.
Hey, maybe somewhere down the road, your paths may cross again right?