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“Hey babe, can I buy you a drank?”
A lot of girls go out to the bar with the expectation of either getting approached or groped (not that we want to or not)… one of the two. Typically with an approach you end up with a nice little alcoholic beverage in your right hand, and new friend who you can probably rely on for a few drinks throughout the night. Its just part of the whole dating experience-the clubbing experience. A lot of girls have been programmed to expect that every guy who talks to them needs to buy them a drink. You have to buy the ticket to enjoy the show kind of dealio.
We all know that girls don’t go to the bar with a huge money clip to spend on drinks, dudes do. I myself have been that girl who would go to the club with $20 in my bra alongside my ID and end up home pretty gooned without any effort at all. Girls get a lot of stuff for free, especially in the nightclub scene. Free cabs, free drinks, free food, free cover, free coat-check, etc. Guys go out to the bar, they roll up with a huge wad of cash or end up starting a tab for the night. They rack up their credit cards buying girls drinks all night and splurge all their hard earned money on girls who wont even call them back the next day, or didn’t even give them your number. Saweeet. You are such a baller.
Lets Get Real
Guys, you can’t get a quality girl? You keep spending tons of moo-la at the club and don’t leave with any numbers? Who’s to blame? Yourself. You are crazy for thinking that just because you buy a girl a drink she needs to give you her number. You’re the one who offered her the drink willingly and it’s not as if she can read your mind anyways. You can’t buy the girl out to like you, well… not the right kind of girl. We are talking quality over quantity. Start a conversation, you are a really cool guy and you have a lot to offer besides a vodka cran. If you end up having a sweet conversation with a really cool chick, then yeah, by all means buy her a drink and proceed on with the conversation. Get to know her, take her to the dance floor and have a good time. Don’t be walking up to every good looking girl being like “Hey, can I buy you a drank?” Real original Mr. Suave. You sound desperate, and not to mention like you are trying to get the girl drunk in order for you to take her home. Red Flag!
Girls, you are crazy for walking up to a guy and actually asking for him to buy you a drink before you can really even have a conversation. The fact that this happens boggles my mind. After talking to my brother as well as a few other dude-friends, I was really shocked at how many girls will just walk up to a guy and ask for a drink. Don’t treat every dude like he’s your sugar daddy, you instantly look like an easy target and not to mention demanding. Can you say impotent? You can do better than that. The right guy isn’t going to let you walk all over him and be your personal drink daddy all night. He wants to get to know you and see what you are truly like, and if you guys ‘click.’ If he is not coming up to you asking if you would like a drink, I would probably take that as a good sign that he isn’t just trying to get in to your pants, he actually wants to talk. You want romance and deep connections, this is where it starts, and isn’t that what you have been moaning on about wanting to your girlfriends over Monday night Cosmo’s? Be open to it.
This social norm of buying drinks in order to get chicks isn’t the solution to you finding an awesome girl to take home to Mom. And the same goes for the ladies. If you can actually have an authentic conversation and build natural connection than that is far more valuable to you than a glass of gin.
J
cool post, I think this extends to things like buying dinner or other forms of supplements. It’s funny because I was once out with a few female friends and a guy who had a crush on one of the girls asked her out. I don’t know the details of the conversation but at some point after she was leaning on the “no” side, he asked “well what do I have to do here, buy you dinner?” or something to that extent (this was over a year ago and I got the breakdown of the convo from her so I can’t quote for sure. Anyways, it’s interesting how sometimes buying a drink seems to take the form of a magic bullet to leave with a girl…
I think i’m on the other spectrum. I never buy girls a drink because I feel it will automatically indicates i’m desperate. I feel like its a test to see how desperate i am. Is this true at all on a conscious or subconscious level with women?
^^^I mean when a girl asks for a drink I feel its a test
very interesting article! inspired me to write one about when it’s okay, and how to deal with the female “drink hunters”…. ohhh this one’s gonna be good 🙂
Brian – Glad that I could be a form of inspiration… my invoice will be in the mail, that will be $10,000 – thanks!
Gunder- I can’t speak for all women but I have never used it as a test. I think women who are blatantly asking for a drink are just using men and this ‘societal norm’ to their advantage. Some women may use it as a tactic, but I think in general its just a way to get drunk for free 😛 OR to have a reason to be a bit slutty (for all the non self-approved insecure women out there looking for validation on their desirability)
Bor- Thanks for the comment 🙂 Glad you liked the article and it resonated with you on some level. I think on some level a girl wants to know that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get her to go out with you. Girls like to be chased and cared for. What girl doesn’t want a nice meal with a cool guy? Some girls like I said above may use it as a tactic to see if you are a cheap ass…but I see that group being very minimal. I think guys just have been conditioned to think that they need to buy a girl something in order to get anywhere with them. It comes down to being more creative and not letting her walk all over you. Women like guys with a back-bone and know that they have more to offer than a drink or dinner 🙂
Great article Jamie. I definitely agree that a lot of girls do it just because they can; working smart not hard, but if you hold yourself to a higher standard you’ll reap those same higher standard benefits in return. 🙂
I ran into to this thru Cam’s facebook page. The idea of guys buying girls a drink because they are pretty is notorious. Guys have to stand themselves up to a higher standard and use they’re value not money to get a quality girl.
Thanks for taking the time to comment Anwar!
Anwar!
It is a pretty notorious social norm, unfortunately. I totally agree that men need to realize that what they can offer as an individual is far more valuable to a woman than what they can purchase with the right amount of cash.
Thanks for the comment and also for sharing it via Facebook! 🙂 By sharing this post you are allowing more men to come to the realization that this isn’t the way to find THE GIRL. We are one step closer educating others to gain more awareness, thus one step closer to getting rid of this concept!
J
Jamie!
With you saying that it looks like there is actually quite a few women that really want men to go back and start being men again.
Oh definitely, without question.
When and why did they stop?
But that also brings in to question your perception of what a man is and my perception of what a man is 😛
True.
Just the strength of a man’s character like, Protector, Leader of men, Sure minded and confident. I don’t feel like explaining lol. I’m soooo tired.
HAha Anwar!
Great damn post Jamie!!
Buying girls drinks at clubs and bars is definitely not the way to go.
And I’m shocked that a girl would be saying this.
I actually wrote 2 articles on this same drink issues yesterday.
Great advice you posted in here.
I hope men take heed and change their strategy.
@Cam-Thanks for the twitter link to this post.
Hey Kenny. Happy to see you check out this post.
Usually if I guy asks to buy me a drink I will say no just because I dont want them bugging me all night. If I do say yes its only because I enjoyed talking to him in the first place and wouldnt mind him bugging me all night. If I do like a guy and he doesnt offer to buy me drink just as a courtesy (because I certainly will counter offer) then there is aboslutely NO chance I would ever date him, just because it’s not chivalrous. Call me old fashioned.
Though I agree with u on some points I feel its a bit bias. If u r going to offer advice on both sexes at least try to be more neutral….
In ur very last paragraph merely tell guys off, but offer constructive advice towards women …. I think u should target women’s advice and tailor it towards men. Most men don’t know what women want…
“the RIGHT guy isn’t.going to let u walk all over him” …. Guys don’t know what the RIGHT guy is….. U should write “The CONFIDENT guy isn’t going to let u walk all over him” The essence of this article is mainly tailored more for women!
Women love sex just as much as men do…r u really looking for marriage in the club? It’s ok for men to want sex, it’s our nature…one of the reasons why so many men are not men but simply males!
What’s ironic…one of ur first comments is from a guy which u demand $10,000 (as a joke) but I see what u really did there… And yet ur article is about not buying drinks as a ticket going to a show
…also there is way too much focus on empowerment of women and hardly any geared towards men today. It’s a good article but not a great one! A great one is where both sexes can benefit from it. This could have been that article had it had shown more support towards men and it represents the general society in a way.
If men today had more empowerment a lot of women would be finding the so called “RIGHT” guy
Food for thought for your future articles. You are welcome!